Are you a good movie goer? We tend to be rather rambuncious before the film, which tends to get everyone talking and excited, but we never talk during a film (unless it's really REALLY bad).

Are you one to get shushed, or do you do all of the shushing?

What's your favorite part about seeing a movie in a crowded room?

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

Answers

Whether at the theater or at home, I HATE it when people talk during a movie. You can talk trash during the trailers and that's cool, ya know the "In a world, where nothing is at it seems (voice in audience (Damn, that's a f****'ed up world)" everyone gets a chuckle.

Ya know also, if I catch the little punk with the laser pointer he/she is a dead man/woman.

The best thing about the audience is validation.

Before Episode 1 was released I went to see The Mummy, it was so cool when the trailer came on. Everyone was silent, and this is no joke, when the trailer was over, they standing o'd. That was so cool, because I didn't feel like the biggest geek in the world then. I knew there were other just as if not more (standing o on a trailer? Sheesh!) excited about the release of that film.

Ya know, even if the movie is REALLY bad, I am one of those people who have to watch it to the end. I feel that since I have already invested the time into this much of the movie, I have to ride it out to the end.

I actually rented (can't believe I am admitting this) Ringmaster. You know, the Jerry Springer movie. This is absolutely the worst movie I have ever seen. It is really really bad, but no matter how bad, I sat through just hoping that their might be one redeeming moment. One good joke or something that would bring it out of the hole in the end, which of course never happened.

I am still glad that I watched the whole thing. It would have been like giving up. The movie would have beaten me. I should have a t- shirt that says "I survived this movie".

Captain Tal

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

Not only am I a shusher, but I'm a glarer. I glare at kids who won't shut up during the movie. I always try to go to the movies during matinees and other unpopular times, so there won't be any noisy kids in the theater, but somehow, I always pick the wrong times, so I have to glare at people.

When I go see movies with my brother, we always have to say, "Ah hear this movie's more excitin' than Jaaaaames Bond!" and "That Big Bird ain't nothin' but poooornography!" because we once heard people saying those things in theaters.

But once the lights go down, I shut up. Movie watching is hard work, and I have to concentrate.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

...i too, glare....i don't have to the 'ovaries' to shush, but i'm working on it....

...my biggest pet peeve is when someone loudly exclaims after a 'big moment' in an action flick or horror picture, "OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT?!!"....no, moron, obviously you were the only one; the rest of us paid 8.50 to watch you....

...kudos on getting to see 'the project'...i was not so lucky; san francisco can be a cruel mistress....

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

I usually go to movies by myself, by choice. I'm interested in watching a film; if you want to schmooze with your friends, you can do that in your living room, without disturbing others.

My favorite part is actually the time spent before the film starts. Sitting there reading a book, in a nice, dimly-lit, climate controlled room, with a bit of soft music playing in the background... I've often maintained that I'd be willing to pay the $8.50 if I could get two hours of that.

Perhaps not in the same room as you guys, though. :-)

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

"Sitting there reading a book, in a nice, dimly-lit, climate controlled room, with a bit of soft music playing in the background... "

I thought I was the only person on the planet who could be sooooo geeky that they would bring a book to a movie theater. Not that you're a geek Shmul, but I am.

It's funny, I thought this entry was by Jette/Anhedonia when I read it.

How come no one ever signs their name to their answer? C'mon people...I wanna know who's talking here!

MellieBee

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

I always bring a book when I go to the movies, mostly because I don't have anyone to go to the movies with. *sob*

But I digress. I would be a glarer, but I'm usually stuck in front of the obnoxious people, and I'm much more comfortable with boring holes in the back of their heads with my eyes than I am with turning around and giving them the ole' stink-eye.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

I can appreciate a great one-liner like anyone else. I've my MST3k moments too. But if you're too loud? Or, worse, if you suck at trying to be funny?

Like, my wife and I saw "Eyes Wide Shut" and absolutely hated it (despite having the greatest respect for Kubrick and being a fan of some of his better films). So did the numbskulls behind us. There were so many points where something biting and clever and elitistly- obscure could have been said, but instead I had to endure nearly three hours -- THREE HOURS! -- of "Ho, shit man, check out her tits!"

I'm worse than a shusher. I'm a cranky wise-ass snapper, which I'm certain is going to get me killed one day. When the yapping is loud enough for me to actually hear the conversation, I get into a fuming George Castanza-esque plotting fit, just waiting for the right inane comment, then turn right around and shoot off a gooey ball of annoyed sarcasm that basically takes whatever they're noisily disgusting and shoots it down in a shameful mess.

Seriously. My wife thinks I'm insane. I've been hurried out of theaters to the chant, "He's gonna kick your ass, he's gonna kick your ass..."

I can't begin to rank what things annoy me most. Way up at the top of the list would be people who READ ALOUD ANY TEXT THAT APPEARS ON SCREEN. (They most frequently prompt the outbursts described above.) Ooooh that makes me mad. And they usually sound so proud of themselves. "Two years later... heh heh heh..."

Laser pointers. I just _wish_ lasers-as-weapons existed already. I'd go up to the front of the theater, triangulate the dimwits location, then burn a hole straight through his head with my Sony Phaser IIsi.

People who put their feet up on the chairs in front of them. I don't care if the row is empty, dammit, that smell carries, and besides, what's with that hair? Of course I've had to chill on this a little, 'cause my wife's an incurable chair-footer. At least before the movie starts.

Oh. And ane time a little kid was kicking my chair, and after several turns-and-stares, I just reached back and pinched his toes. He was so mortified he didn't know what to do... and I think his mother saw and actually smirked.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 1999

Hey, MellieB! I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. I think I'm just amused. Actually I *do* bring books to those classic movies at the Paramount because often they're double features and have a long intermission between them. Also I usually need to get there early because of the parking. I don't go to recent releases alone as often as I should, because I have trouble remembering to fit them in my schedule. If I go with other people, I have a definite time and place to show up.

There are some movies I prefer to see alone, because I don't think other people will appreciate them or I suspect I'll want to keep my reactions private. On the other hand, there are some movies I wish I could attend with other people because they look like they'll be fun to see in a group (Muppet movies are a prime example) or because I've seen them before and I want to share. Hey, this is turning into the entry I wanted to write for tomorrow. I better stop now.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

In general I try to be as courteous to others as possible, but it pisses me off that most other people don't seem to be this way, and movies are a prime example of that sometimes Oddly enough, I was able to see the Blair Witch Project today. Just one of the weird things was the number of parents who brought their kids. There was a 7 year old in front of us! And someone actually brought a baby! So say you don't mind the ample swearing, but in case you didn't hear, this is a really scary movie. I guess some people want to scar their kids the way they were when the Exorcist came out. I do the same thing before the movie as Pamie; chatting, making jokes, getting to know the folks around you (or more accurately, letting them know that my friends and I are really funny and that they wish they were with our group). During the movie, however, is a different story. We were lucky enough to have 3 kids tripping two rows behind us. Now, in my younger days I may have tried something like this, but a packed theatre in which a very scary movie is about to play is the wrong place and time. So before the movie I hear, "Dude, I don't know if this was such a good idea. I think we should go back to your apartment." "No, this will be cool." "No really, I don't think I can sit here for like 2 hours." "It's only an hour and a half." "Yeah well even if it's 30 minutes--there are too many people here. I was having the best day of my life and now we're in some dark theatre-" "Quit embarrassing me. Just be cool!" This witty dialogue went on until the nervous one got up and left a few minutes after the movie started. I guess he got scared outside though, because he came back about 15 minutes later, to the laughter of his friends. Then the daytrippers took turns leaving and coming back, with each one requiring an explanation everytime they got back, and some of the dimmer members of their party needing them more frequently. Finally, I turned around with my best joker face and said "I'd be quiet if I were you!", through an unnaturally large smile. I guess it freaked them out enough to shut up, because I only heard a few hushed murmurs of "Dude, did you see that!" On the other side of the coin, I saw a free screening of Carrie 2, a god-awful piece of crap, where the guy next to me kept shushing people for laughing. Maybe it's just me, but laughter is okay. It's a natural reaction, especially to something this bad. When my girlfriend made fun of one particularly bad moment, the guy shot her a glare. Now I try not to be the over-protective macho boyfriend, so I just said "What, are you afraid you'll miss the brilliant dialogue?" To which he replied, "What?" and inhaled deeply to puff up his chest like a blowfish with bad taste in movies. "I said, are you afraid that our witty comments will drown out the after-school special dialogue?" Furrows appeared in his low brow as he mulled over this last statement. After that, I voiced every sarcastic, mocking and ,if I may say so, hilarious thought I had just to piss him off. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it, though. Basically, if the movie sucks beyond all reason, it can only help to turn the theater into your own episode of MST3K. But if you find yourself being the only one talking and everyone around you is shooting looks that could kill, chances are you've become "that asshole" and everyone else thinks its good. Sorry for the long post, but this one sticks in my craw.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

I hate it when people try to guess what is going to happen. I don't care how predictable it may be, just let me live in the illusion. I had to make myself autistic during "The Usual Suspects" so I wouldn't hear everyone guessing who Sose was.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

This is the last time I'm telling this story. Somebody e-mailed me and told me that I had to tell it here; so this is the retiring telling. That makes a whole lot of sense, but you understand right?

I am a fanatic movie goer and I don't like my experience tarnished by anything. I like my suspension of disbelief to be complete. Stupid kids are the usual source of my irritation. Especially kids in a R rated movie. The laser pointer has been mentioned, and this incident is the culmination of my laser pointer frustration.

I really don't remember the movie. It was obviously forgettable among all the others. I don't mind pre-movie fun. It is good to get relaxed and in a good mood to enjoy the complete zen movie veiwing experience. So as we are sitting there making fun of the lame pre- movie advertisements slide show I see the inevitable laser pointer. Now the theater is really empty. Maybe 20 people. It wasn't hard to find the little maggot. After about five minutes of sporadic screen flashing I could not take it; pre-movie or not. He wasn't far away so I pointed at him and said, "stop that now". oooh..ohhh, you say. Well, that was the nice first warning, and it worked temporarily. You see I am 6'3" tall and 300 pounds of lumberjack scariness to most of these little scrawny zit poppers. So that is usually all that is needed, thankfully. Not this time. Ten minutes into the movie he was at it again. Quick and away, quick and away. He started getting bolder as he thought I was blind, or stupid or something. What he didn't know is that my kind hearted wife was restraining me. An hour of this was too much. I turned to the little punk and said, "If you don't quit that right now I am going to kick you out of here myself". To the delight of my adrenaline soaked brain the little weasel just sneered at me and shined it in my eyes. My wife tells me I about jerked her out of her seat as I jumped up and she was gripping my arm..I think she made that part up. The kid froze up in terror I guess. Like a deer in headlights. I grabbed him by his arms and basically dragged his limp butt out. He never struggled. Kinda whimpered. I held him in front of the snack counter for a second to see if he would stand. Everybody around just stared. I dropped him and he just crumpled. For about a ten beat he lay there, and then he jumped up and ran out the door. Everybody was just staring so I shrugged and went back into the movie.

After the movie was over and we were walking out my wife said that after I dragged the punk out everybody clapped. She was sure that a theater employee would come get her to bail me out of jail or something. So thats it...don't even think about bringing your little laser pointer to the movies. GRRRRRR!....heh!

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

You know, I must be really lucky, because I've never seen anyone have a laser pointer at a movie theatre. In fact, I thought they made that up for the Seinfeld episode where someone was taking all of George's jokes.

Why would you do that?

The worst I've seen is people throwing Gummi Bears at the screen. With a little spit, they stick.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

As long as there are sweets to be eaten I'm a good movie-goer. I hate with a passion anyone who talks DURING a film, but I'll yarn away with anybody handy before the beginning.

I've never known anyone to use a laser pointer or throw food around. The English must be a breed of exceptionally well-behaved movie-goers.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

"Hey, MellieB! I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. I think I'm just amused. Actually I *do* bring books "

I did NOT mean to imply that you are a geek - I'M the geek here, ok? I thought I was a total dork for going to movies with a book and sitting there reading before the show starts. I thought for sure the little teenyboppers and ganbangers were looking at me and thinking 'Yeah, she's a geek, let's jump her'. I'm glad that I'm not alone here...makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

By the way, Shmulie, what's your URL? The phrase of the 90's..hehe.. In the 80's it was "What's your sign", now it's "What's your URL".

Anyway, I am one of those people you all would hate. I should really see movies with a chatty bud and NO ONE ELSE in the theater. I yak, I comment, I boo, I cheer, I laugh at really ODD moments, and I cry very very loudly and very very easily. I'm a complete ass when I watch movies. If you want to experience a MST3k or 2k or whatever the number is, go with me, I'll be making smart cracks the whole time. If you want peace, stay FAR away from the little blonde with the big mouth.

Oh, and MR. Lumberjack sir, if we happen to be in a theater together, please don't kill me. Thanks, MellieBee

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

I'm one of those people who are bad video watchers. At home I yell at the screen and ask questions like, "Who's that?" when someone enters a scene even though the people with me haven't seen it yet, either.

In the theater, I am very quiet. I might joke around a little and, when I saw Blair Witch, I whooped and clapped when "Artisan" came up on screen just before the movie (I did this at Episode I too.. I'm a fan, what can I say?). Otherwise, I'm silent at a movie.

I am violent, though. If you sit next to me and the movie is frightening, I will grab your arm or hand or something and claw at it.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

I am a good person as far as watching movies. I'm very quiet, I don't wiggled, and make lots of noise. My fiancee, on the other hand, can get on your nerves. The first movie I ever saw with him was The Matrix, and by the time the movie was over, we had to surgicaly remove Bill's hand from my arm, and restart the blood flow. During the pod race scene of Episode 1, he kept muttering "c'mon! C'mon!" And just kept getting louder, 'till I told him to be quiet.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

Don't worry MellieBee, I didn't take ya seriously. :)

What I really hate in a movie theater is the person next to me nudging me every ten seconds and whispering, "What'd he say?" "What was that?" "What'd I miss?" This is particularly annoying because it's always someone I know, or someone who knows a friend of mine who is with us, and I can't be the megabitch that I really want to be. Sometimes I just try to ignore them, sometimes I just shrug, or whatever. I don't have the world's best hearing myself, but geeeez, if you miss a line, ask later or let it ride. This is especially problematic in movies where people have British accents.

I also get really cranky when friends, etc. start to whisper all of the continuity errors to me during a movie I'm obviously enjoying. I swear, someone I know does this just to spoil the pleasure the rest of us are getting from a movie she doesn't like.

On the other hand, if someone near me wants to share a witty comment, I don't generally mind, particularly if the movie is not absorbing every fiber of my attention. In fact, I've been known to do this myself. Antonio Banderas is onscreen mumble-drawling "I know naaaathing of God or the Devil" and I can't help but mutter to my friend next to me, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." The people who kept doing The Whistle during a recent revival of "Fistful of Dollars" were pretty funny, too. Guess it depends on the film in question ... so if I think people are going to make jokes about actors or movies I adore, that's when I have to go alone.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

Oh. I'm so excited about this topic.

Last week, my friend Christine and I went to see "Shakespeare in Love" at the dollar theater. These two older women sitting in the back of the theater kept everyone informed of what had just happened on the screen throughout the duration of the movie. Loudly.

Scene I: Men crash through the doors of the playhouse where Shakespeare is directing a practice run of the swordfight in Romeo and Juliet. One goes up to Shakespeare and challenges him to a duel. Shakespeare grabs a sword and they begin their little fencing-dance thing. When Shakespeare stabs the guy in the chest, the sword bends. Everyone realizes that it was a mock sword used for the play.

Women in the back row:

((gasp)) "It's a fake sword!"

"It is!!"


Scene II: The queen's guards come out to arrest Gwyneth Paltrow's character because she is acting on stage, something that is not permitted. When they say, "We arrest you in the name of her Majesty, the Queen", the Queen herself stands up from the audience.

Women in the back row:

((gasp)) "Her Majesty is there!!"

"She is!!"


Scene III: It is the end of the movie. Gwenyth is walking down a beach toward the sunset. The credits begin rolling.

Women in the back row:

"That's it!"

"It is?"

"That's the end!"

At one point, Christine turned around and said, "Ma'am! Could you shut up, please?" They didn't really listen -- they were still too busy marveling that the "man" that Shakespeare was kissing was really Gwyneth.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999