Jokes, funny stories, etc.greenspun.com : LUSENET : Buechler Family : One Thread
Here's an old one worth repeating
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Wait and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
-- Barbara Lueck (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 07, 1999
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates get killed in a plane crash. Up in heaven, God asked Clinton: "Who are you?" "I'm Bill Clinton, the president of the most important country in the world." God says: "Very good, you come sit here at my right side." Clinton goes and sits next to God. Then he asks: "and who are you?", and Yeltsin says: "I'm Boris Yeltsin, the president of the second most important country in the world." So God says: "Very good, you come sit here at my left side." Yeltsin goes and sits on God's left. Finally God turns to Bill Gate and says: "and who are you?" Bill Gates replies: I'm Bill Gates, and you're sitting in my $%^&*@#! chair!"
-- Joe Buechler (email@example.com), July 07, 1999.
This is really funny...try some!!!
THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. 4) 5) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 6) in the elevator. 7) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. 10) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 11) Ask, "Did you feel that?" 12) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 13) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?" 14) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 15) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 16) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on." 17) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
-- Erin Parks (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 13, 1999.
------------------------------------------- One morning a blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out how to start it,"
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it `s a tiger,"
The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!"
-- Barb (email@example.com), July 13, 1999.
What do you get when you cross a parakeet with a tiger>?
Neither do I but I sure listen when it talks!!
(compliments of Tony Rando)
-- Jeanne Rando (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 28, 1999.