FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Austin Powers and Light announced today that it is ready for the Year 2000. "Yeah, baby, yeah...it's going to be shagadelic!" Exclaimed the former CEO whose company bears his name. Because of deregulation concerns, AP&L was purchased by Virtucon, presently controlled by Dr. Evil.

When asked how he can claim readiness, Dr. Evil became insolent and replied, "We've been working on this for three frickin' years...ok?" Dr. Evil was also cryptic about the amount of money spent to make AP&L ready: "Why spend millions, when you can spend only billions??"

Refusing until now to share any Y2k status with anyone, Dr. Evil had NERC liquidated and formed his own council, NEERC: The North American Evil Electric Reliability Council.

Specific details of their readiness were sketchy, but here is some data provided:

--The time machine does not recognize leap day 2000. Don't go there, girlfriend.

--Mini-me has been found to have no date sensitivity, but the cloning device will need to be completely replaced. Upon hearing the news, Mini-me exclaimed, "EEEEEEEEEE!!"

--A whole new series of Fembots will be deployed, called Fembots2000. Earlier this year, Virtucon tested an older version of a Fembot, Vanessa, when her head exploded, causing thousands of dollars of damage to a hotel room. "Honestly! What do I pay you people for?!" Dr. Evil was quoted as saying, when surveying the damage.

--The homing device tested ok for Y2k, but the hand-held locator will need an upgrade. And the Carrot Top Movie, distributed by Virtucon, will work "As long as you use it in a Y2k compliant VCR," said Evil.

--Y2k has had an impact on the company, as it will not be able to offer sharks with lasers on their heads until well into 2001.

"Y2k doesn't scare me," concluded Powers. "Only two things scare me, and one of them is nuclear war." When asked what the other thing is, Austin replied, "Carnies...you know, circus folk...small hands...smell like cabbage."

Happy Independence Day Everyone!!

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

Answers

Dan !! Better check your internal machinery; another one of your gears is stripped . BTW , if you have a family (pity !), stay away from "comedy" . You'll ALL starve !!! Eagle

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

gosh... i kinda liked it, ya know... but then again, i enjoy reading gary north.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999