Here is the latest. If you have not read the previous few chapters then scroll down and hopefully someone more skilled than I will have posted the links.

Y2k Chronicles - Chapter 4 - bang bang

Helen called off the dogs and they come running to her feet. Greg heaved himself up and pointed his gun at Fiji. He was badly hurt - bitten and battered all over and his left arm sagged in an unnatural way. Whether he realized or not that Fiji was standing directly in front of Marly was hard to tell. All Helen saw was a gun pointed at her daughter and in a move as swift as it was instinctive Helen shot Greg in the chest with her 12 gauge.

Then all was surreal. Silent. All of them were too stunned to speak. Helen looked at her own hands holding the rifle as if they were somebody else's.

It took a few hours for Helen and Cedric to dig a grave. Lisa seemed catatonic and just walked around the camp packing things away. Marly sat with her back to them between the two dogs and stroked them quietly. Helen did not know where to put her own mind. Could not look at her own hands. She didn't understand how people could talk about killing so easily. Cedric, who had become somewhat desensitized to death, did most of the work handling Greg's body but Helen had to help him push it into the grave. It was not until they started shoveling dirt on top of him that Lisa began to cry.

How did they do this in the movies? thought Helen. Bang bang your dead  NEXT! Helen replayed the same 10 seconds in her mind over and over again. She could not talk to Lisa. Could not even look at her. Could not look at anyone. She felt no victory, no relief. Just a deep hole inside her and the feeling that she had lost something priceless.

The sun was starting to come up now so they picked up camp wordlessly and hiked for three or four hours. Then they just dropped all the gear to the ground and lay on top of it. Marly fell asleep. Helen stared into the trees and Cedric spoke to Lisa in a low voice.

Eventually Cedric came up to Helen and sat down. For a while he didn't say anything. Finally he spoke up. "Hel, we have to decide what to do." Helen looked at him and nodded. Cedric went on, "I've been talking to Lisa. I think we should take her home." Helen nodded again. Cedric told her Lisa's story. She and Greg had been together about 5 years. He had not always been so crazy. His eldest son (by his first wife) had died in January when so many others had. Chemical plant had released chlorine gas into his son's town. Killing everyone within 20 miles. Greg had not been the same since.

They had belonged to a Christian Y2k campground and she still had many family and friends there. She wanted to go back. They had left because of Greg's increasingly irrational behavior although he was never asked to leave. He just couldn't seem to sit still and finally they just up and went. Lisa had no desire for revenge she just wanted to get home as soon as she could.

They set up camp and Cedric did most of the work of cooking. He even kept Marly busy by having her feed small twigs into the fire. Somehow they made it through the next 3 days. They trekked slowly north and east. Eventually they came to a ridge which encircled a small valley. You could see small farms and puffing chimney stacks. They offered to go the rest of the way but Lisa told them no. It would be better if they didn't. She said fears were running high and rather than upset everyone she would just say Greg had fell down a mountain side. She gave Cedric Greg's pack and gave him a brief hug. She glanced at Marly in sorrow and avoided Helen's gaze completely. Shouldering her pack she wandered slowly down the hill. Helen and Cedric had watched her through the binoculars for over 45 minutes when they saw a horse and rider come out and meet her.

Turning around they hiked back into the woods.

--------------------- To be continued ------------------------

-- Story Teller (anonymos@for.now), June 17, 1999

Answers

The others in the series

Y2k chronicals - chapter1 - The Horde 
Y2k Chronicals - Chapter 2 - Hel and gone
 Y2k Chronicles - Chapter 3 - The Service

-- Brian (imager@home.com), June 17, 1999.

Hmmm, Lisa seemed to take the death of her "hubby" pretty well. A little too well in fact. You ever wonder what someone would look like after getting a full 12 gauge shotgun spread to the chest from point blank? Ugh... nasty. I doubt that Lisa would have been just casually packing things away as her buddy lay on the ground with a gaping, cavernous hole in his chest. Something about that just doesn't jive. In my mind's eye she would have been running for the hills in fear of her own life.

Story Teller, while I admire your sense of literay skills, it might be better to stick to things you know about. The story is pretty good so far but your losing me. I think you need to have a common thread in all the parts... like "escape", or "reciprocity", just to keep the readers interested. At this point Helen and Co. could pretty much disappear into the woods today and I'd never really wonder what happened to them. You know what I mean? I like the story, don't get me wrong... but it's kind of hard to follow the characters when there isn't a whole lot of character to them.

Oh and Greg really didn't have time to develop into a suitable "villian" so it's not really that upseting that he was killed. But anyway, keep up the good work. In Hollywood terms you might want to "cut to the chase"... hope you don't mind me saying that.

Thanks for the read, looking forwards to another installment!

-- (oldyeller@sanfran.com), June 17, 1999.

Thanks Brian!

Ack just saw a serious grammatical error. I know I know. I wrote "she would just say Greg had fell down a mountain side." instead of "she would just say Greg had fallen down a mountain side."

Oh well, this is writing in the raw. Hope you guys don't mind the rough edges. Normally I would sit on a piece for a few hours before cutting it loose on an unsuspecting public.

-- Story Teller (anonymous@for.now), June 17, 1999.

I confess: I am "hooked"! Keep 'em coming!!!

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.com), June 17, 1999.

Story Teller, we guessed wrong! It seemed a good fit, too ;^)
Hhhmm. Bet Lisa's life improves now. Yes, keep going!

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 17, 1999.

ST, Don't sweat the "fell" thing, your doing fine. Published material is scrutinized by proof readers or others before it's bound and delivered. Do you have a rough idea about how this will end or are you "flying by the seat..." so to speak? BTW, Oldyeller made a good piont about the development of the characters. Enjoying the read, keep it up if you have the time.

-- Mike (midwestmike_@hotmail.com), June 17, 1999.

First, I am enjoying the series, keep 'em coming.

But, I have a small quibble: Reference:

...in the chest with her 12 gauge.

... holding the rifle as if they were somebody else's.

A 12 gauge would be a shotgun, not a rifle. While both are long guns, internally they are quite different. For the purposes of your story either a rifle (in a suitable caliber) or a shotgun would work.

-- reading (agun@guy.reading), June 17, 1999.

Caught the story on another board. Really have been enjoying them. How often do you post a chapter?

-- iceman (icemanltd@webtv.net), June 17, 1999.

As far as being blasted with a 12GA at the ranges hinted at in the story, the rule of thumb for pattern spread of a no choked shotgun is one inch of pattern spread per yard of shot column travel. With this in mind if Greg, the wife thumper with the bible(notice I didn't call him the bible thumper with the wife), had been 15 feet away, Helen would have had to aim at him and the impact site would have been about 5 inches across. So in real life if you have to shoot a bad guy with a shotgun, AIM for the third button on the shirt.I really hope it doesn't come to that but we live in "interesting times".

-- nine (nine_fingers@hotmail.com), June 18, 1999.

I thought the "fell" was just standard white trash idiom, the native bray of the heartland, and all that. I was saddened to see Greg offed so quickly: we hardly knew ye. And he was so...outre. Next, I would like to see this merry band of tatterdemalions run into a desperate group of ex-leisure suit salesmen, trying to eke out an existence with only polyester, pluck and cravats.

-- Spidey (in@jam.com), June 18, 1999.

Agree with Oldyeller that the characters need more depth but know that is hard to do since this is not a full novel(book size). Disagree about Lisa. She might have run to him as soon as he was killed but after that going into her own catatonic state seems like a very possible reaction (to me at least!)

Keep them coming!

-- sue (deco100@aol.com), June 18, 1999.

Gawd, Spidey! I've read your postings before, but you got me ROTF on an early Sat. AM (no coffee, yet) wakeup. I want to read more of YOU!

(Encouragement to the novelist, also...)

-- jor-el (jor-el@krypton.uni), June 19, 1999.

Story Teller,

Regardless of the specific advice any of us may offer regarding your characters, I encourage you to remember that human behavior is as widely varied as the total number of humans that exist. Whether or not any particular reader finds your characters believable is a function of that reader's life experience and as such you have only limited (if any) control over that perception. Obviously, your characters must be believable to you, and in the last analysis, your own evaluation is all that you can use before the fact.

Go for it! Keep on keepin' on! You're doing great.

-- Hardliner (searcher@internet.com), June 19, 1999.

Thanks all!

I too look forward to the charachters developing more depth and bandwidth as the story progresses. Those who write know how a character begins to take on a life of its own the more you write about him or her. Normally I would go back to the beginning and add things to round the charachters out once I had gotten to know them better. The immeadiacy of this medium doesn't allow for such luxuries. I am confident that Helen and co will get more interesting as individuals through time. I can definitely promise the delivery of many many bizarre and fascinating folks they will meet along the way

Hardliner - very kind. The most enjoyable thing about this project is learning what other people would do (or at least think they would do) in the same situation. Thanks for your support.

I will see you all again next week (tues or weds). Have a great weekend!!!

-- Story Teller (anonymous@for.now), June 19, 1999.