In a recent thread ("Is Y2k Activism Dying?", I believe it was), I made a comment and Rob (Sonofdust) commented. My question was concerning the inevitable role reversal within families that will take place if the 'parental' figure who is a DGI or DWGI becomes dependant on the GI offspring. I brought this up because we have this potentially sticky situation on our hands. We've started talking about it, but haven't come up with a concrete solution.

My F-I-L and his wife are true DWGI's. Surprising to both me and spouse, as both "Dad" and his wife went through the Depression and some lean times after that. Dad has made a very good living for them, and I suspect it's not so much a matter of "not" getting it, as it is "not WANTING" to get it. We've talked with them, both casually and pretty directly, and their belief is that "the government won't let this happen. Big business has too much to lose". Yadda, yadda, etc. Classic denial. Our other parents, to varying degrees, all are GI's, thank goodness.

Dad recently had his hip replaced. His wife doesn't drive, and is totally dependant on him for errands, shopping, etc. I had hoped that this personal experience of BOTH of them being very dependant on others for shopping, etc. might make them think a little about what could be in store and perhaps change their minds. Nope, didn't happen. I had offered to do a "food run" for them, and help them stock a month or two worth of food & everyday supplies so they wouldn't have to worry about getting out to the store. Neither wanted to put away more than 2 weeks worth - and they felt 'extravagant' in doing *that much*. Yesterday we took him for his last follow up appointment, and he mentioned he needed to stop at the grocery store on the way home. Out he came with a small jar of peanut butter, 1 tomato, 1 loaf of bread, and a two-bar package of soap. We both just looked at each other and shook our heads. It's clear to both of us that if TSHTF, they'll be with us.....

Which brings me to my point (finally!)...Dad has always been the 'patriarch' in the family... How is he going to act when he's dependant on US? How are we going to act towards them being dependant on US? (Especially since they just wouldn't listen or talk about any possibility of this happening?) At what point do you step in and say, "You are coming over here with us because you'll freeze/starve if you don't"? (Which in our case, we can easily see happening because Dad is very stubborn and probably wouldn't *ask* to come over). How do you handle things then??

It's obvious we need some ground rules...Where should we start?

-- Wilferd (WilferdW@aol.com), June 05, 1999

Answers

This is a true minefield of Y2K that most people (me included) don't like to tread on.

Would the following be possible in this particular situation? Do you have the finacial wherewithall to purchase the needed 1-2 months of food on your own? If so, do your PIL have the ability to live independantly if these 1-2 months of food are available to them? (Ie., are shleter, water, heat, lighting ok? You didn't state location north-south, rural-urban, etc.) I truely hate the idea of last minute slapdash solutions, but there is going to be a lot of that happening.

I don't think there are any ground rules other than you can attract more bees with honey than you can with vinager.

-- Ken Seger (kenseger@earthlink.net), June 05, 1999.

well,when my dgi father comes to me he'll hear that bit of wisdom he raised me with;"If you're living under my roof you'll follow my rules"it's tough but it's fair.Also,he'll learn to eat what's put before him.oroborus.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), June 05, 1999.

We have been making provisions for the 'worst case' scenario to include up to 4 more of our extended families living with us, if need be. We all live within 20 miles of one another in a fairly large, MidWestern city; we live on the semi-outskirts and are just by nature pretty self sufficient. They have no fireplace and live in an area we feel might be more 'challenged', shall we say, than where we live. We've talked about boxing up some extra things for them that we can take over to them later on in the year, just so they'll have something, but that doesn't address the heat problem. It can get really really cold here in January and February.

-- Wilferd (WilferdW@aol.com), June 05, 1999.

Dear Wilferd, Does your father really understand how far computerisation has gone ? Maybe not.I certainly didn't until I joined this forum.

As to getting them over..be sneaky.Invite them over to stay for a visit as soon as it becomes clear to you that they are going to be pushed.Think of some excuse for your Dad ..like you need his help.

If you can get them to stay,know in advance how you are going to deal with a patriarchal attitude.I suspect that a shift will occur anyway because of the difference in physical abilities (y2K is going to be a physical experience) & the fact that it is your home.Maybe you could find an area of responsibility for him to exercise that will not cause conflict. Sorry to be vague but only you know which buttons to push.

-- Chris (griffen@globalnet.co.uk), June 05, 1999.

Along the same lines, yet at the other end of the scale, our worse case plans involves moving to my parents home with as much as we can pack. My mother is a DWGI and my dad is in a new category-GIBDRTGI- or gets it but doesn't realize they get it. He is a massive packrat by nature and a shopping fool. So they are well stocked, have an earth-contact home, dad gardens and cans, have a well for water, live on a well stocked lake, etc. Dad has resp. problems & is on a LOT of medication and keeps oxygen in the house. I've tried to convince mom to get as many meds as they can now, to no avail. When explaining our bugout to them, dad is very positive(if he could get all of us to move down there he'd be in heaven), mom got a look on her face like I had just lost my mind. God forbid she might have to move around some furniture or change her decor. Yet, out of five grown siblings, I am the only one REALLY preparing, and my mother would never have the chutzpah to tell us not to come. So do I hand over all our preps at their door ( for the common good ) or do I try to maintain some control in organizing restructured family living? They both grew up on farms so they lived most of what I've learned in the last several months, and I have no problem deferring to their experience and knowledge. But I have no desire to revert to a child again. Any ideas?

-- wink (lvzinser@hotmail.com), June 05, 1999.

Both of my parents are strong, proud and independent people. Over many months of discussion along the same lines that Wilferd describes here....I finally broke through when I announced how terribly sad it could be for my family and myself, not to have access to THEIR wealth of knowledge. They truely are walking volumes. My mother has quite a history of medical background and my father recently became a retired Veterinarian. This is not going to be easy ALONE. This is a matter of teamwork, you watch my back, I'll watch yours. Circle the wagons, if you will. It worked. Get creative and try using some phsycology. Continue to prepare to have them....if they see the Stock Market DIVE, or who knows what, they MAY be calling you! --grin--

-- Will continue (farming@home.com), June 05, 1999.

Wink and Will: A pulling together for the common good is exactly what I am hoping will happen. My in-laws can really contribute to the welfare of the whole, and in turn, we (along with the rest of the family) can help them. Communal living at its finest, eh? Well, think about it - for many, many years, families *did* live together for the 'greater common good'. The approach we're going to take is one of quiet understanding on our part that the in-laws *will* at some point be with us, and that 'somehow' they *will* adapt to the change. Neither I nor my spouse have any unrequieted desire to say "I *told* you so!". Hopefully, if it does end up that they're living with us, they will realize that it's because they *need* to, and they will be terrifically proud of themselves for raising such a 'forward thinking' child that looked ahead and did the right thing.

-- Wilferd (WilferdW@aol.com), June 05, 1999.