a friend e-mailed me this-Humor

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without

sponges. 10. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 11. Remember half the people you know are below average. 12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular

it remains? 13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. 14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 15. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet

engines. 18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse

gets the cheese. 19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 20. I intend to live forever---so far so good. 21. Borrow money from a pessimist---they don't expect it back. 22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 23. Mind is like a steel trap--rusty and illegal in 37 states. 24. Quantum mechanics. The dreams stuff is made of. 25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 26. Support bacteria--they're the only culture some people

have. 27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong

lane and going the wrong way. 28. If at first you don't succeed,destroy all evidence that you

tried. 29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of

thinking. 30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 31. For every action there is an equal and opposite

criticism. 32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 34. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full

view. 36. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is

required on it. 37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the

softness of the bread. 38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to

the ability to reach it. 39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal

from many is research. 40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your

principles. 41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. 42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to

drive. 43. Two wrongs are only the beginning. 44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. 46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. 48. Get a new car for your spouse---it'll be a great trade. 49. Plan to be spontaneous---tomorrow. 50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! 51. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.... 52. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you

-- Johnny (JLJTM@BELLSOUTH.NET), May 27, 1999


53. You must be tired after a whole day of jumping to conclusions and dodging responsibilty.

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), May 27, 1999.

54. Opinions resemble pins in onions.

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), May 28, 1999.

54b. It's easier to find a pin in an opinion than a needle in a haystack.

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), May 28, 1999.

Thanks for the update!

-- Dilbert (the@cube.man), May 28, 1999.

55. My child was inmate of the month at the county jail.

-- Wallflower (y2kwallflr@aol.com), May 28, 1999.

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