WHO IS "BILL CLINTON?"greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
Y2k's primary significance is A) the opportunity for unconstitutional Emergency Orders and Presidential Decision Directives to be fully enacted, and B) the opportunity for hostile foreign powers and terrorist states to seize territory surrounding them - WITH THE COOPERATION OF THEIR PAID AGENTS AT THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF OUR GOVERNMENT:
Chi-com Clinton Donor Behind Threat to Nuke L.A.
NewsMax.com Tuesday May 25, 12:02 AM
Not for commercial use. Solely to be used for the educational purposes of research and open discussion.
Three years ago reports emerged of a then-unidentified Chinese official who warned that Los Angeles would be nuked if the U.S. interfered with China's plans to "reunify" with Taiwan. Two months later China lobbed an unarmed nuclear capable M-9 missile over Taiwan's capital, Taipei.
Almost three weeks ago bigtime Democrat donor Johnny Chung told congressional investigators that General Ji Shengde, head of Chinese military intelligence, had given him $300,000 to donate to President Clinton's re-election campaign. Gen. Ji told Chung, "We like your president."
Now Jennifer Hickey, reporting in the June 7 issue of Insight Magazine, has noticed a startling connection between the two events after combing through Chung's testimony before the House Government Reform and Oversight Committee. The generous Gen. Ji, who likes our president, was the very same Chinese official who threatened L.A. with nuclear incineration in 1996.
In 1998 the Washington Post interviewed the person to whom China's nuke threat was delivered. Chas. W. Freeman Jr. was a China specialist who served as President Nixon's interpreter for his breakthrough 1972 China trip. More recently Freeman was assistant secretary of defense.
In January 1995, Freeman informed then-National Security Advisor Anthony Lake about a heated discussion he had with Chinese officials in Beijing that had taken a decidedly ugly turn:
"I said you'll get a military reaction from the United States" if China attacks Taiwan, Freeman recalled. "And they said, 'No you won't. We've watched you in Somalia, Haiti and Bosnia, and you don't have the will.' "
Then, according to Freeman, one senior Chinese officer added: "In the 1950's, you three times threatened nuclear strikes on China, and you could do that because we couldn't hit back. Now we can. So you are not going to threaten us again because, in the end, you care a lot more about Los Angeles than Taipei." (The Washington Post -- June 21, 1998)
Freeman would not give the Post the identity of the Chinese officer who made the nuclear threat three years ago. But earlier this month in sworn congressional testimony, Johnny Chung fingered General Ji Shengde.
Chung says he met General Ji at a Hong Kong eatery, where Chung was introduced as "a good friend of President Clinton" by Liu Chaoying, vice president of China Aerospace Corp.
Chung said Ji told him, "We like your president. I will give you $300,000 U.S. dollars. You can give it to the president and the Democratic Party. We hope he will be re-elected."
While Gen. Ji was busy placing his bets on Clinton, U.S. security officials took up Freeman's report about Ji's nuclear threat with Liu Huaqiu, a senior Chinese national security official. "(Nuclear blackmail) is not our policy," Huaqiu responded.
But comments from other Chinese officials are not always so reassuring:
The same year Gen. Ji threatened L.A., the Vice Commandant of Beijing's Academy of Military Sciences offered this ominous assessment of Sino-U.S. relations:
"For a relatively long time, it will be absolutely necessary that we quietly nurse our sense of vengeance.....We must conceal our abilities and bide our time." (The New York Post -- April 5, 1997)
In September 1997, a Pentagon study of Chinese military writings was disclosed to the Senate Intelligence Committee. Defense Department China expert Michael Pillsbury told Senators that Chinese military planning had a common theme:
"America is proclaimed to be a declining power with but two or three decades of primacy left. U.S. military forces, while dangerous at present, are vulnerable, even deeply flawed, and can be defeated with the right strategy." (Associated Press -- Sept. 19, 1997)
One senior U.S official, speaking to the Washington Post on condition of anonymity, described the uncomfortable months of early 1996 after Gen. Ji's January threat to nuke Los Angeles was followed in March by missile volleys over Taiwan:
"It was very tense. We were up all night for weeks. We prepared the war plans, the options. It was horrible."
The Post addded, "At camp H.M. Smith in Honolulu, Adm. Joseph Prueher ordered his U.S. Pacific command to form a 'crisis action team' to coordinate air-and-sea operations around the clock. Chinese public rhetoric became as warlike as any heard in decades, including vows to 'bury' the Americans if it came to a fight."
Bury America? In 1961, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev banged his shoe on a U.N. podium while bellowing a similar threat. Imagine if one of his generals was caught greasing the palms of a White House fundraiser with hundreds of thousands of dollars while uttering the words, "We like your president. We hope he will be re-elected"?
-- Thorn (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 25, 1999
I just got through watching some of the coverage after the Cox committee finished up.
What was strange was that while the report details incredible failure in security and the loss of highly classified military secrets both Cox and the ranking democratic member were still saying that China should receive WTO status.
Where is the logic? These people STOLE our vital military secrets. We should be kicking their "diplomats" out asap.
Or, could it be that our whole government (which then means our whole country) is being coerced into giving China anything it wants? There is no doubt that China is far stronger than most average Americans really understand.
When I read, "We like your President. We hope he will be re-elected," I get a sense that what they really mean is that they view Clinton as weak and easily manipulated more than that he is working as an agent on their behalf. Why wouldn't they make contributions to the Dems to work toward keeping the status quo?
This article makes me think that maybe our "leaders" have their hands tied by circumstances and threats we haven't been fully informed about. As someone that lives in LA I kinda feel angry and grateful at the same time.
"America is proclaimed to be a declining power with but two or three decades of primacy left. U.S. military forces, while dangerous at present, are vulnerable, even deeply flawed, and can be defeated with the right strategy." Talk about a qoute that can send shivers up and down the spine...
Niki, Hardliner... I'd love to get your perspective.
-- Michael Taylor (email@example.com), May 25, 1999.
opps, forgot two things.
Thank you Thorn.
and Andy, where ever you are, I would LOVE to get your perspective : )
-- Michael Taylor (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 25, 1999.
Global politics is a different kind of game. Spying has been a normal part of foreign countries obtaining our technology, not that it's acceptable but that we've been dealing with it for a long time. I recall that we didn't do much with Iran hostages either; dealing with diplomacy is more difficult than dealing with criminals.
Mike said, "When I read, "We like your President. We hope he will be re-elected," I get a sense that what they really mean is that they view Clinton as weak and easily manipulated more than that he is working as an agent on their behalf"
No I don't think that's the case. They view this arkansas politician as really naive, not savvy in dealing with foreign matters. I don't see Clinton as weak or easily manipulated but on the contrary very cunning and out to get what he wants (recall Andy's thread on "if only 1/4 of this is true" about George's book). And they also know Clinton cut US military to the bone and wish to continue in that direction. Their objective is to have a weak US military no matter which prez gives it to them.
Well, Clinton will be gone soon, now let's hope that Gore doesn't get in. That tree hugger will annihilate what's left of our military.
-- Maria (email@example.com), May 25, 1999.
And not only that, but geopoliticas has changed the rules in the last 6-12 months. It is no longer "Who is going to get a larger piece of thepie" it is now "Whose piece is going to be shrunken more?" as we move from a period of world wide economic growth. Military answers are going to make more sense to people than they used to.
PLUS, the chinese, as a VERY OLD society tend to take the LONG view.
For an interesting explanation of the LONG view go talk to a vintner, or a bourbon brewer. (or read FM Busby's novels of Bran Tregare, and Zeld'e M'tana. and the Hulzeins)
The cahnge in geopolitical rules is explained MUCH BETTER than I can on the Princeton Economic site (www.pei.???)
-- Chuck, a night driver (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 25, 1999.
Type much, Chuck????
I swear I'm gonna start rereading posts before hitting the darn button!! C
-- Chuck, a night driver (email@example.com), May 25, 1999.
Let's see now ---
1) Hollywood loves Clinton.
2) Clinton loves Chinese.
3) Chinese are going to nuke Hollywood.
This will be interesting!!!
-- HAWTHORNE (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 25, 1999.
Clinton sold America so Hollywood WOULDN'T get nuked. Do you think that was a good trade-off?
Those identical Mao jackets will be a hard sell on Rodeo Drive, though. Maybe with a few rhinestones, some glitter...
-- Thorn (email@example.com), May 25, 1999.
Gee Thorn, honestly, I don't know. Since Hollywood is about 14 miles away from me I...uh...have mixed feelings about it.
-- Michael Taylor (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 26, 1999.
THE END TIMES -- YOUR STEPPING STONE TO PROSPERITY Foolish doomsayers claim that the sky is falling. It's not, of course; however, THE EARTH IS CAVING IN. The pesticides Grandpa used are leaving their brands on the new babies' genes. The kids get better drugs in grade school now than you did in college. There are cities of 30 million each all over the world, full of people who are starting to want back what they think YOU TOOK, and yet you have to work like a dog just to keep what you think you have. On top of all that, the Russians have a cocked and loaded gun pointed at your head right now -- but don't feel bad, you've got one at somebody's head over there, too!
THERE IS A HELL, alright -- and YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT! Of course, this is merely the TOP FLOOR of Hell, the easy part... the Hell where you don't even know you're in Hell. The part where you think you're in "Real Life." HA!
Now, it doesn't always feel like Hell. Some of the time you have Slack -- sort of -- and other times it's drawn up tight. But it keeps getting tighter and TIGHTER , no matter how much partying you do, no matter how much "fun" you buy, no matter how much money you SPEND. So now there's this internal perpetual motion machine of slight disquiet...like something's missing,like something was amputated but you don't know what...OH YEAH, you realize... THAT Slack!
Right -- that Slack. The Conspiracy's got YOUR SLACK, and you're in HELL NOW, and you don't even KNOW it, becauselife on Earth is Hell, without "Bob."
But it could be worse. You could suddenly be crawling out from underneath radioactive rubble with your fingers falling off! You could, suddenly, be attacked and tortured by a mad slasher! You could be head-on-ed by a drunk driver tomorrow on the freeway -- but not be completely killed. So you should console yourself, through everything that befalls you, with the thought that things could always be MUCH, MUCH WORSE than they are now. Don't kill yourself yet; wait and see what worse fate awaits you!
Besides, in the meantime, They'll make sure you have plenty of Their FALSE Slack -- false work, false money, false sex, false love, false TRUTH! (THESE -- are Slack Abuse !! -- and should be handled ONLY by Church Hierarchy. They are POISON for you -- POISON!!)
Most Slack Abuse comes from the system buckling under the weight of its own normalcy, and taking you with it. Something's got to give -- and YOU are that something! You'll HAVE to go crazy, to stay sane! You'll be forced to stop being normal. But, in return for saving the world, the world OWES YOU A LIVING. YES -- IT'S TRUE!
The True SubGenii, the Chosen Ones, the High Unpredictables, shall be rewarded in the great Rupture of 1998, X-DAY, when the Men from Planet X will come; and we shall be LIFTED UP, in Power and Glory, to the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses, fleeing the cataclysms on Earth while being TRANSFORMED into OverMen and UberFemmes, SUPERIOR MUTANTS who will lead a NEW RACE (the MASTER RACE, because it comes in ALL COLORS) to the PROMISED LAND, the Pleasure Dimension of ETERNAL SLACK AND CYTORSPASMIC OOZQUIRT.
Of course, the more timid of the Saved may choose to stay and weather the destruction of civilization as we knew it -- for who can truly guess what other fates may lie in store, once "back aboard" that "wondrous craft?" AIEEEE we must KNOW! We MUST KNOW our Destiny!!
In the meantime, never forget: compared to those PINKS, you're already an OverMan or an
Wait. Wait. They're watching. Act like you aren't reading this, like you just found this tract... get ready to throw it away like you aren't interested... ah, whew, it's okay. They're gone for now.
Where might it END? Dobbs' Prescriptures tell us that The Angelic Host from Planet X -- the "Xists" -- are themselves merely "tweezers" used by higher beings who might as well be observing us through a microscope. Beyond our pitiful earthly vale of illusion are vast, bodiless POWERS of Dark and Light, locked in a constant struggle -- and WE are THEIR WEAPONS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER in the APOCALYPTIC SHIT- STORMS OF THE NEXT 400 YEARS!!
Will you let yourself be manipulated like a puppet by the vile, demonic ELDER GODS into freeing them from their aeons-old banishment, to RULE this planet in their SIZELESS GRIP, or will you CLEAVE to "BOB" and be manipulated like a puppet by his Master, JEHOVAH-1 (aka WOTAN and RA, Destroyer of the Unclean), and His galactic "sidekicks,"the REBEL GODS: They Whom men call ERIS DISCORDIA (ISIS, Kali -- the mad pagan goddess of giggling CHAOS), the inutterably ancient SEX GODDESSES, NUNU and NARNINI, or G'BROAGFRAN , the Unpronounceable, or BANONO, the vindictive goddemoness who delights in cruelly dashing the plans of fools??? And what of NHEE GHEE???
What of NHEE GHEE???
Will you join the Conspiracy's mindless atheistic unknowing servitude to the "Elder Bankers of the Universe" and their MINIONS in some hideous One-World Government, or will you GET SLACK and FIGHT FOR FREEDOM as a zeal-crazed Priest-Warrior for ODIN and the TRUE ORIGINAL FERTILITY CULTS that will someday instigate an eye- wateringly orgasmic One-World RELIGION of endless, delerious pleasures?? EH?? EH??
What you decide may not matter. If you are a true SubGenius, if through your veins courses the blood of the Yeti, then IT -- JEHOVAH- 1 -- The Stark Fist of Removal -- will get you SOONER OR LATER no matter how GODLESS you try to be!!
WILL YOU BE READY??
WILL YOU HAVE AN "OUT" WHEN THE WHOLE THING BLOWS??
Join the Church and DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY. "Turn yourself in" to the the Throne Office of DOBBS for metapsychic emaculatory trance processing, computerized Blemish Reading analysis, and divinely inspired psycholiterary interpretation of your tridigital Anality Trait Answerraire read-out. Journey to our glamorous "New Jerusalem," DOBBSTOWN, in the jungles of Malaysia, for your "Initiation." There, the Doctors for "Bob" and their Tibetan advisors will 'whiffread' your Psy-Stench AuraAmbience with secret devices invented by the Child "Bob" at age 6. With the Bionebulizer you can "loop" into your Code-Self, as well as those of others! Ever wanted to triple your sales ability by watching the collective unconscious like a TV show? Sure you have. NOW IT CAN BE DONE. And once properly "tagged," your various souls will actually shine off into outer space like a beacon, making a better target for the "All Seeing Eye" above to zero in on! Just sign the coupon at the back of this booklet. You don't even have to mail it in. Just hold it near a mailbox, touch your genitals and think Dallas -- and "Bob" will answer your prayer.
YOU'LL BE WAVING TO THOSE PINKS FROM THE X-SHIP, ON YOUR WAY TO PARADISE WHILE THEY COOK BELOW IN A HELL OF THEIR OWN MAKING!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- WHY NORMALS DON'T CARE "None are so blind as those who have no eyes." -- Dr. Philo Drummond,0 1^o What's really "abnormal" and "unnatural" is NORMALITY. The terrifying thing is that whereas the Normals cannot become like us, we can all too easily become like them. It is literally the next easiest thing in the world to become Normal... partly because it pays better, and partly because the SubGenius race is being further mongrelized with each generation by mating with Pinks and other "beasts of the field." DON'T MARRY A HUMAN!! Use the Normals, yes -- even be friends with some of them, in order to learn their weaknesses -- but do not cross- fertilize with them!
"Bob" is breeding new "humans"; that are more like the oldest breed -- humans with instincts. The flattening of the personality that comes with the average Conspiracy "life"style has suppressed instincts down through the centuries, which is exactly why so many people injure or kill their own children, or customers, or constituents; it's why marriages don't work half the time and "the family" has gotten a bad name. It's why you do stupid things to yourself! 'Civilization,' for all its fancy trimmings, is still just a rickety shack made by stooges without a blueprint,a shack that could collapse at any minute. The foundation was okay, but there has been very sloppy workmanship.
Of course, to a certain extent it's natural for our society always to be "fucked up;" after all, we're Earth creatures. "If WOTAN didn't have a sense of humor, there wouldn't be people." (Slackmasterclevians 6:14). But... not this fucked up.
The Pavement of Hell Road Most people are "good," or would be, and try to do noble things every day -- but because the fabric of their reality is built on ignorance and mangled instincts, the sum total of all their actions, taken together, just perpetuates the vicious circle of "dog- indirectly-eat -dog."
In "Bob's" Promised Kingdom, all will come to recognize and value their own stupidity and eccentricity, and to respect that of others for its alien hilariousness. Hideous, exciting games like WAR and CONQUEST will be just that: GAMES, played with even MORE fervor and bloodlust, but enacted on imaginary battlefields of richly textured but entirely fraudulent construction. Humiliation at not being as original as the next guy will the the cost of losing, not death. SubGenii, shattered idealists that they are, are ready for that now, but we'll be lucky if the humans figure it out within the next 10,000 years.
This may sound like KOOK TALK, but 30 years from now your KIDS' MINDS will be OURS. You'd better hope it's still "US" by then!! Conspiracy agents are even now infiltrating the Church Itself. As the years go by The Con will be able to operate more and more openly, and once it's already too late, it'll finally become obvious that "1984" already HAPPENED way back in 1953!! ONE HAND has been jerking MANY PUPPETS; America, in some ways, is becoming hardly any different from Russia. In Russia, you have to do what They want. In America, as long as you're white and not poor, you can do whatever you want -- you just have to want what They want.
But you really want what "Bob" wants. And "Bob's" logic, like his Pils, is irrefutable... because of "Bob."
WHAT IF...? WHAT IF one day you got this weird pamphlet that you started reading for lack of anything better to do and suddenly you couldn't stop because it was insane yet... absorbing...about a religion that let you believe whatever the hell you wanted to believe, and the next thing you knew it had you all wrapped up in it like IT, the pamphlet, was some kind of 'power object' that could somehow implant a kind of hypnotic command in you that would lure you into this little secret fringe society, an "underground world," an unspoken "rebel alliance" of people who were really decent citizens but at the same time were in a vague, unsaid agreement as to just how MUCH shit The Conspiracy could foist over on us before we'd... well...
...people who were relatively, oh, "normal" on the surface but still had this anti-establishment "thing" of theirs, on stand-by, just in CASE... just in CASE our continent got to be one of those places where you couldn't SPEAK and ACT the way you FELT just because some unseen "presence," or some force of sheeplike behavior patterning, was making you TOW THE LINE and ACT STRAIGHT and WEAR THAT SMILE and MAKE THAT SALE and WATCH THAT SHOW and eventually THINK THAT THOUGHT and so on... just in CASE there were people in charge who really didn't care what might be left of the planet after they got through with it. Not that things have GOTTEN like that or anything, you understand, but just in CASE... and this pamphlet you were reading, it didn't exactly tell you where to go for secret meetings, because these mysterious characters were too slacked out and/or harried by the Conspiracy to be even that organized; it simply let you know that there WERE WEIRDOS LIKE YOU that you could maybe even TRUST. Because if the AWFUL CRAP DOES COME DOWN, the ASSHOLES will gang up to ferret out the 'abnormals,' who tend to want to just fend for themselves. We still have major 'witch hunts' in this country every 20 years or so...
But WHAT IF this little secret society, that was secret because it didn't want to become a society, was REAL-- even if, most of the time, it only existed as an endless spew of propaganda and odd public behavior that always popped up in the strangest places? WOULDN'T IT HAVE TO DISGUISE ITSELF AS A JOKE?? Because it isn't that you want to JOIN something, the last thing you need is another damn political fringe group, and besides, it isn't politics but thinking styles, a whole new mind set... Wouldn't it have to be pretty ambiguous, and never quite let you get a grip on whether they were, like, a sick joke, or if they were serious, or WHAT? (The very fact that THEY raised the question first could itself be interpreted as "part of the act" or as an indication of their sincerity!)
YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL -- SO NEITHER WOULD THE CONSPIRACY.
You'd get to thinking, "Could this thing be for real? Is there REALLY something like this going on that I just didn't know about? Or maybe I've heard about this "Bob" crap somewhere but it sounded like just a "take off" on cults and totalitarian societies and Sales Gurus with mysterious powers of LUCK, that had something to do with this SLACK shit? With getting enough SLACK? The Slack I FORGOT ABOUT because of the CONSPIRACY? The Conspiracy that didn't even KNOW it was a Conspiracy, because it was mainly composed of people who thought they were doing the right thing, the Conspiracy that's a self-perpetuating ROBOT with an ENGINE fueled by HUMAN DOCILITY, and there's plenty enough of THAT to go around; the Conspiracy that just KEEPS GOING, KEEPS POUNDING ALONG, FLATTENING EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH, because it IS NORMAL, because it's composed of NORMALITY ITSELF, a Conspiracy that couldn't possibly know what it was about to DO TO ITSELF...
... but that could somehow be HALTED, or SCREWED UP, KNOCKED WOBBLY by some "bug " in it, some little unruly ball of abnormality that could gum up the motor just before the damn thing rolled over the edge of the cliff -- SAVED by a monkey wrench in the works!
"Bob" is dead. That's right -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs was shot and killed by The Conspiracy on January 21, 1984. That little bug isn't in that Conspiracy machine anymore... and it'll roll over YOU unless YOU TAKE UP WHERE "BOB" LEFT OFF.
WILL YOU BE THE LAST "BOB"? WAIT -- just act normal. They're coming, again. Hide this pamphlet. If they find it on you, tell them you just found it and haven't read it yet and maybe they'll let you go...
Ahh, whew, They're gone... for a minute, anyway. (Hell, for all we know that could have been one of US in disguise!) But it won't be long before the next one comes along.
You may have to look normal... even act normal. But don't be normal! Don't backslide! "Bob" Dobbs could be back at any moment! On that day of reckoning, you don't want to find out you drifted over to the wrong side of the battle line without even knowing it!!!
Who Killed Gerry Reith? BIZARRE TRADE IN HUMAN BEINGS! You may be suffering under many potentially dangerous misconceptions about The Church of the SubGenius. This isn't some small-time mail- order comedy publisher working on a miniscule budget out of an anonymous garret, but a powerful conglomerate of talented, wealthy professional abnormals with state-of-the-art equipment, living it up in a downtown Dallas skyscraper.
And that's only The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. Our publications are merely the TIP of a ROGUE ICEBERG of real-world activism by thousands of uncontrollable "Zombies for "Bob". It's way too late for us to stop them now... The World SubGenius Church relentlessly replicates itself in loathsome tenements, in basements and attics, in mansions and igloos, everywhere, but grows like a cancer best right in the wholesome breadbasket of America. Packs of untamed SubGenii run amok in sick "Gut Blowout" party/rituals; "Bob" rises leering over a lurid post-1984 landscape like a transcendent, mutated Alfred E. Newman, the "New Man," his Face stencilled on overpasses, the nameless cry of the rebel forces -- "SLACK!" -- scrawled across abandoned 7-11s...
Finally the masses will learn what they need. At this writing there are many thousands of $30 ordained, subscribing ministers of the church, and easily ten times that many less affluent but still valiant Warrior-Brainwashers for "Bob." Weekly SubGenius radio ministries infect many cities, and the Media Barrage Tapes are heard on hundreds of independent and pirate stations around the world.
There are stupid; and Conspiracy manufacturers illegally selling bootlegged "Bob" T-shirts and buttons. We've held successful (and lucrative!) revivals at the hepper nightclubs, "dives," junkyards and art museums around the country, some of which have erupted into near- riots of hilarioreligious ecstacy; Church-affiliated bands carry the message to the lost souls of the younger generation -- someday, "DRS. FOR 'BOB'" will be bigger than the Beatles. Many yearly conventions and secret Conclaves of The Elect have been perpetrated (and documented by numberless uncomprehending media parasites); McGraw- Hill published (then suppressed!) our huge "HORROR BIBLE," THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS; we have been investigated by The Secret Service, the Dept. of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the FBI and the CIA, and probably the Men In Black (FUCK YOU, ALIEN SHIT-MONKEYS!).
There are many specialty Clenches and offshoots: gay, Black, even feminist and Christian! The Clergy includes many famous rock stars, artists, outlaws, freaks of nature, plus untold thousands of obscure burn-outs , old folks, street bums, prisoners, nobodies, and "NICE FAMILIES".
This is the World's First Industrial Church: NOT TAX EMEMPT -- because "Bob" is a patriot, and doesn't believe that taxpayers should have to subsidize religions they might not happen to believe in.
There are ENTIRE BUSINESSES devoted to Dobbs, bars and children named after him, jobs quit for him; his face is tatooed on the butts of hookers and the puds of bikers; tiny ads for the Church are stuck to bar restroom mirrors and bus station phone booths everywhere... hints of Dobbs have shown up airburshed into album covers, on MTV, on Saturday Night Live (though not on David Letterman, who seems to fear "Bob"). Members have formed great business and 'adult' networks, and are privileged to unusual and suppressed information and products listed in the Church Journal, THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL. The mail that the Church recieves is indescribable. Countless are the witnessings for Dobbs' supernatural Slack Magic; "Bob" does indeed SAVE the MUTANTS!
To some minds afraid to accept the truth, the Church is merely the biggest collective art project, or put-on, since the Pyramids. Others hate us, fear us, call us the "Mockers that shall come in the End Times." If we are those Mockers, then they should THANK US for helping to FULFILL BIBLICAL PROPHECY. The Church has given a lot of jerks an excuse to be even more obnoxious; but it has also given many CRUCIAL INDIVIDUALS the excuse to KEEP LIVING.
If the Church is just a big game, it's a game that has crossed over the border of imagination and become, perhaps, all too real... HELL, FOR ALL WE KNOW, THIS MAY BE THE MONSTROUS ONE-WORLD RELIGION PROPHESIED IN THE BIBLE!!! And, in fact, if The Conspiracy were ever to take it over, it COULD HAPPEN! The time will come when the TRUE Church will once again have to disappear and change disguises, because it must always crop up where they least expect it...
Like YOU, the Church is a chameleon -- it will disguise itself as ANYTHING in order to survive, fuck, and propagate more little Churches. Yes, of course that means this Church is built on a great sandy beach of hypocrisy, changing with each wave that comes in... but where would any religion be, without its fair measure of hypocrisy??
The Conspiracy calls it "humor" because no one can take the full truth. If this Church is a joke, it is the JOKE you can BELIEVE IN. And if it is merely a FAD, merely the "latest thing," then it is the ONLY "latest thing" that lasts FOREVER.
The Church IS a MYSTERY -- here to remind some that the mysteries still exist, and to remind others that they are wrong to think they can understand the mysteries. BE DAMNED GLAD YOU CAN'T!!
Laughter and pain are two sides of the same big stick. Some people can be saved from pure paralyzing horror by being gradually lured, through propaganda disguised as entertainment, to the realization that it isn't their fault: that there really is a Conspiracy. Everyone is intrigued by SCARY SHIT, and those feelings, those yearnings/repulsions are tied to religious feelings of Something Bigger running or not running things, depending on how bad your mood is... we honestly don't want you jumping for the most obvious Something Bigger that comes along because there ARE some Things Bigger, and some of them are BAD NEWS FOR MORTALS.
Why do we do this? Not for 'art'... certainly not out of any sense of duty to mankind... we do it for the money! ...and for THE SLACK, OF COURSE! And so, whatever it takes to bear "Bob's" word of Slack to the Slackless, let us do it. No matter how much money must be lost or blood spilled in our noble quest for greatness, no matter how stupid we must look, or even be, WE MUST CONTINUE. For our holy war, our jihad, is for the glory, not of ourselves, NAY, but of That Man "Bob:" that great Fingerhead of Knowledge who leads us, beckoning, winking, grinning, ever onward... to a future we cannot know. Ahhh, YES!! SMELL THAT CHURCH AIR!! This is a wonderful life we've been born into, an action-packed century! We'll live to see The End of the World! -- and then some.
So -- send in that $20 -- get your ordainment papers and big stack of STARK FIST magazines ... smoke a Fropstick, jack up your footgland, lean back and ENJOY! Because even as you read this now, atoms in your mind are being rearranged... for better or for worse, for good or evil, these we cannot say; these are value judgements peculiar only to this pathetic race of bipeds. There ARE others, however. The Dobbsdrome signal, even on these very pages, IS LOCKED NOW ONTO YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL -- AND YOU ARE HENCEFORTH UNDER THE PROTECTION/ SUPERVISION OF THE DOBBS. This may be why you suddenly feel 'different.' You have taken your first step towards your Destiny.
-- ! (!@!.!), May 27, 1999.