Searing Anti-NWO
Canadian Editorial Scores
Clinton And War On Yugoslavia
By Michael Harris
Ottawa Bureau - The Toronto Sun
http://www.canoe.ca/TorontoSun/columnist.html
5-23-99
OTTAWA -- As one who is sick of NATO's half-truths, lies and bloody murder in the Balkans, some thoughts on the New World Order.
Not Bill Clinton's airborne Hell's Angels, Vadar-esque heirs to the turf evacuated by the Evil Empire.
I offer the iconoclast's version, based on what Woodrow Wilson said back in 1915: "No nation is fit to sit in judgment on any other nation."
In my New World Order, Bill Clinton makes porno flicks in Hollywood, not foreign policy. How can this decadent hypocrite, this masher of women, ooze paternal sympathy over high-school shootings in America, while blowing away children in Yugoslavia?
One of my readers, Dan Le Drew of Hamilton, said it better: "Bill Clinton is nothing more or less than a premature ejaculating mommy's boy ... He's raging inside because, like any spoiled brat, he couldn't get his own way. So he's taking it out on the Balkans."
Pre-empt the bimbo news at all costs, wag that dog.
In my New World Order, Jean Chretien becomes a loanshark specializing in hotel financing in Shawinigan. He doesn't look all that good in dog-tags and an American army helmet anyway. The PM's new career would allow us to get away from the pepper-spray mentality writ large.
In my New World Order, Canada makes peace, not corpses. That means that under no circumstances should we involve ourselves in a land invasion of Yugoslavia, the bloody enterprise that the Choir Boy/Butcher Boy who currently runs Britain is so anxious to pursue. Tony Blair may think that this is a job for the Bengal Lancers. The rest of the world is waking up to the fact that it's a job for the International Tribunal of Justice at the Hague.
Personally, I am not so sure.
Despite her recent musings on the subject in Fredericton, Judge Louise Arbour is not the person for the job. I don't think she is about to investigate the Little Bomber from Shawinigan. After all, he may shortly be putting her on the Supreme Court of Canada. Her preliminary assessment of NATO's part in this atrocity is manifestly underwhelming.
Why am I so hard on the pin-up girl of the flabby Left? I guess it was something about her comment about it being "wildly premature" and "pure political polemic" to suggest that NATO leaders be held accountable for the open-air death dispensary they are operating over Yugoslavia.
Funny, that.
The War Crimes Tribunal doesn't mind engaging in wild speculation and pure political polemic when it comes to the alleged crimes of the Serbs. All those rapes, all those mass graves, backed up by hearsay and fake photographs. Besides, the Nuremburg Trials didn't shy away from holding the civilian and military leadership of Germany responsible for their atrocities. Arbour is well aware that this war is flatly illegal, under both the UN charter and NATO's constitution.
Judge Arbour thinks that NATO "may" have violated the esoteric "principle of proportionality." Think of that as using a low-yield nuclear weapon to stop a barroom brawl. Only a lawyer could reach that conclusion with such a straight face and such crooked logic. No one should be surprised. In law, the truth is always academic. Behind every judge there is as much political patronage as scholarship.
In the real world of lives violently taken, the truth is a funeral with someone crying real tears. What we have here is crimes against humanity, plain and simple. What else do you call an outlaw military adventure that blows up hospital patients, journalists, refugees, diplomats and just plain folks and then says it's sorry as it drops a new load of bombs?
In my New World Order, all the war criminals would face justice, not just the ones on the losing side. Which is to say, not just the ones who bomb Coventry, but the ones who level Dresden or vapourize Nagasaki as well. Milosevic, by all means. But Clinton and his bumboys too. No one associated with NATO's civilian leadership, including Louise Arbour, should have any part of the justice process. I think that a tribunal of uninvolved countries, led by Russian and Chinese jurists, should conduct the search for impartial justice.
I can hear Gen. Wesley Clark swallowing his chewing tobacco at such a notion, but so what? Does anyone really believe that NATO will be brought to justice by a judge hailing from a member-country of the alliance, who also happens to be angling for the highest judicial posting in her own land?
In my New World Order, NATO would play no part in policing the peace it has so egregiously shattered in Yugoslavia. There is only one reason that NATO has insisted on overseeing the graveyard it has created; so that it can produce the post-game show. That way, NATO will be in charge of filtering the information in the next stage of this monumental propaganda exercise.
That's the phase where face and ass will be saved simultaneously, where NATO spokesman Jamie Shea will make all his announcements on Larry King, which is just Jerry Springer without the fist fights these days. CNN will be cranking out the documentaries, and the misinformation, until every Serb has horns and a long tail, and every NATO killer gets a medal. Evidence of NATO's atrocities would be buried with the civilian dead, while Yugoslavia's every war crime would be amplified and distributed around the world.
Everything about this war has been a lie, so don't expect the peace to be any different. NATO has created a refugee crisis of mammoth proportions. NATO has alienated Russia and China. NATO has de-stabilized an entire region. NATO has blown up the very refugees it purported to save with its humanitarian bombs. And as Svend Robinson recently observed, NATO has killed off the fragile democracy movement in Yugoslavia.
When Nancy E. Soderberg, a UN Security Council delegate and a member of the U.S. National Security Council, recently told an audience at Princeton University that the Rambouillet talks never called for stationing NATO troops in any part of Yugoslavia other than Kosovo, that was a lie. A necessary lie to make it look like Slobodan Milosevic was an unreasonable tyrant that left the West no alternative but F-18s. Really?
Here is what Appendix B of the Feb. 23, 1999 peace accord for Kosovo says:
"NATO personnel shall enjoy, together with their vehicles, vessels, aircraft, and equipment, free and unrestricted passage and unimpeded access throughout the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, including associated airspace and territorial waters. This shall include, but not be limited to, the right of bivouac, manoeuvre, billet, and utilization of any areas or facilities as required for support, training, and operations."
That is an army of occupation. That is subjugation. No leader, not even a bad one like Milosevic, could sign such an accord.
Still, some people are buying the bull from the boys. As Don Legere, a reader from Hamilton advised me about my take on Yugoslavia: "All you need to do now is sit on top of a Serb tank and you can become Canada's Jane Fonda."
Donny, I've been called worse.
Michael Harris can be e-mailed at
-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), May 24, 1999
THE END TIMES
-- YOUR STEPPING STONE TO PROSPERITY
Foolish doomsayers claim that the sky is falling. It's not, of
course; however, THE EARTH IS CAVING IN. The pesticides Grandpa used
are leaving their brands on the new babies' genes. The kids get
better drugs in grade school now than you did in college. There are
cities of 30 million each all over the world, full of people who are
starting to want back what they think YOU TOOK, and yet you have to
work like a dog just to keep what you think you have. On top of all
that, the Russians have a cocked and loaded gun pointed at your head
right now -- but don't feel bad, you've got one at somebody's head
over there, too!
THERE IS A HELL, alright -- and YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT!
Of course, this is merely the TOP FLOOR of Hell, the easy part... the
Hell where you don't even know you're in Hell. The part where you
think you're in "Real Life." HA!
Now, it doesn't always feel like Hell. Some of the time you have
Slack -- sort of -- and other times it's drawn up tight. But it keeps
getting tighter and TIGHTER , no matter how much partying you do, no
matter how much "fun" you buy, no matter how much money you SPEND. So
now there's this internal perpetual motion machine of slight
disquiet...like something's missing,like something was amputated but
you don't know what...OH YEAH, you realize... THAT Slack!
Right -- that Slack. The Conspiracy's got YOUR SLACK, and you're in
HELL NOW, and you don't even KNOW it, becauselife on Earth is Hell,
without "Bob."
But it could be worse. You could suddenly be crawling out from
underneath radioactive rubble with your fingers falling off! You
could, suddenly, be attacked and tortured by a mad slasher! You could
be head-on-ed by a drunk driver tomorrow on the freeway -- but not be
completely killed. So you should console yourself, through everything
that befalls you, with the thought that things could always be MUCH,
MUCH WORSE than they are now. Don't kill yourself yet; wait and see
what worse fate awaits you!
Besides, in the meantime, They'll make sure you have plenty of Their
FALSE Slack -- false work, false money, false sex, false love, false
TRUTH! (THESE -- are Slack Abuse !! -- and should be handled ONLY by
Church Hierarchy. They are POISON for you -- POISON!!)
Most Slack Abuse comes from the system buckling under the weight of
its own normalcy, and taking you with it. Something's got to give --
and YOU are that something! You'll HAVE to go crazy, to stay sane!
You'll be forced to stop being normal. But, in return for saving the
world, the world OWES YOU A LIVING. YES -- IT'S TRUE!
The True SubGenii, the Chosen Ones, the High Unpredictables, shall be
rewarded in the great Rupture of 1998, X-DAY, when the Men from
Planet X will come; and we shall be LIFTED UP, in Power and Glory, to
the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses, fleeing the cataclysms on
Earth while being TRANSFORMED into OverMen and UberFemmes, SUPERIOR
MUTANTS who will lead a NEW RACE (the MASTER RACE, because it comes
in ALL COLORS) to the PROMISED LAND, the Pleasure Dimension of
ETERNAL SLACK AND CYTORSPASMIC OOZQUIRT.
Of course, the more timid of the Saved may choose to stay and weather
the destruction of civilization as we knew it -- for who can truly
guess what other fates may lie in store, once "back aboard"
that "wondrous craft?" AIEEEE we must KNOW! We MUST KNOW our
Destiny!!
In the meantime, never forget: compared to those PINKS, you're
already an OverMan or an
Wait. Wait. They're watching. Act like you aren't reading this, like
you just found this tract... get ready to throw it away like you
aren't interested... ah, whew, it's okay. They're gone for now.
Where might it END? Dobbs' Prescriptures tell us that The Angelic
Host from Planet X -- the "Xists" -- are themselves merely "tweezers"
used by higher beings who might as well be observing us through a
microscope. Beyond our pitiful earthly vale of illusion are vast,
bodiless POWERS of Dark and Light, locked in a constant struggle --
and WE are THEIR WEAPONS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER in the APOCALYPTIC SHIT-
STORMS OF THE NEXT 400 YEARS!!
Will you let yourself be manipulated like a puppet by the vile,
demonic ELDER GODS into freeing them from their aeons-old banishment,
to RULE this planet in their SIZELESS GRIP, or will you CLEAVE
to "BOB" and be manipulated like a puppet by his Master, JEHOVAH-1
(aka WOTAN and RA, Destroyer of the Unclean), and His
galactic "sidekicks,"the REBEL GODS: They Whom men call ERIS
DISCORDIA (ISIS, Kali -- the mad pagan goddess of giggling CHAOS),
the inutterably ancient SEX GODDESSES, NUNU and NARNINI, or
G'BROAGFRAN , the Unpronounceable, or BANONO, the vindictive
goddemoness who delights in cruelly dashing the plans of fools??? And
what of NHEE GHEE???
What of NHEE GHEE???
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Will you join the Conspiracy's mindless atheistic unknowing servitude
to the "Elder Bankers of the Universe" and their MINIONS in some
hideous One-World Government, or will you GET SLACK and FIGHT FOR
FREEDOM as a zeal-crazed Priest-Warrior for ODIN and the TRUE
ORIGINAL FERTILITY CULTS that will someday instigate an eye-
wateringly orgasmic One-World RELIGION of endless, delerious
pleasures?? EH?? EH??
What you decide may not matter. If you are a true SubGenius, if
through your veins courses the blood of the Yeti, then IT -- JEHOVAH-
1 -- The Stark Fist of Removal -- will get you SOONER OR LATER no
matter how GODLESS you try to be!!
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WILL YOU BE READY??
WILL YOU HAVE AN "OUT" WHEN THE WHOLE THING BLOWS??
Join the Church and DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY.
"Turn yourself in" to the the Throne Office of DOBBS for metapsychic
emaculatory trance processing, computerized Blemish Reading analysis,
and divinely inspired psycholiterary interpretation of your
tridigital Anality Trait Answerraire read-out. Journey to our
glamorous "New Jerusalem," DOBBSTOWN, in the jungles of Malaysia, for
your "Initiation." There, the Doctors for "Bob" and their Tibetan
advisors will 'whiffread' your Psy-Stench AuraAmbience with secret
devices invented by the Child "Bob" at age 6. With the Bionebulizer
you can "loop" into your Code-Self, as well as those of others! Ever
wanted to triple your sales ability by watching the collective
unconscious like a TV show? Sure you have. NOW IT CAN BE DONE. And
once properly "tagged," your various souls will actually shine off
into outer space like a beacon, making a better target for the "All
Seeing Eye" above to zero in on! Just sign the coupon at the back of
this booklet. You don't even have to mail it in. Just hold it near a
mailbox, touch your genitals and think Dallas -- and "Bob" will
answer your prayer.
YOU'LL BE WAVING TO THOSE PINKS FROM THE X-SHIP, ON YOUR WAY TO
PARADISE WHILE THEY COOK BELOW IN A HELL OF THEIR OWN MAKING!!
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WHY NORMALS DON'T CARE
"None are so blind as those who have no eyes."
-- Dr. Philo Drummond,0 1^o
What's really "abnormal" and "unnatural" is NORMALITY. The terrifying
thing is that whereas the Normals cannot become like us, we can all
too easily become like them. It is literally the next easiest thing
in the world to become Normal... partly because it pays better, and
partly because the SubGenius race is being further mongrelized with
each generation by mating with Pinks and other "beasts of the field."
DON'T MARRY A HUMAN!! Use the Normals, yes -- even be friends with
some of them, in order to learn their weaknesses -- but do not cross-
fertilize with them!
"Bob" is breeding new "humans"; that are more like the oldest breed --
humans with instincts. The flattening of the personality that comes
with the average Conspiracy "life"style has suppressed instincts down
through the centuries, which is exactly why so many people injure or
kill their own children, or customers, or constituents; it's why
marriages don't work half the time and "the family" has gotten a bad
name. It's why you do stupid things to yourself! 'Civilization,' for
all its fancy trimmings, is still just a rickety shack made by
stooges without a blueprint,a shack that could collapse at any
minute. The foundation was okay, but there has been very sloppy
workmanship.
Of course, to a certain extent it's natural for our society always to
be "fucked up;" after all, we're Earth creatures. "If WOTAN didn't
have a sense of humor, there wouldn't be people."
(Slackmasterclevians 6:14). But... not this fucked up.
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The Pavement of Hell Road
Most people are "good," or would be, and try to do noble things every
day -- but because the fabric of their reality is built on ignorance
and mangled instincts, the sum total of all their actions, taken
together, just perpetuates the vicious circle of "dog- indirectly-
eat -dog."
In "Bob's" Promised Kingdom, all will come to recognize and value
their own stupidity and eccentricity, and to respect that of others
for its alien hilariousness. Hideous, exciting games like WAR and
CONQUEST will be just that: GAMES, played with even MORE fervor and
bloodlust, but enacted on imaginary battlefields of richly textured
but entirely fraudulent construction. Humiliation at not being as
original as the next guy will the the cost of losing, not death.
SubGenii, shattered idealists that they are, are ready for that now,
but we'll be lucky if the humans figure it out within the next 10,000
years.
This may sound like KOOK TALK, but 30 years from now your KIDS' MINDS
will be OURS. You'd better hope it's still "US" by then!! Conspiracy
agents are even now infiltrating the Church Itself. As the years go
by The Con will be able to operate more and more openly, and once
it's already too late, it'll finally become obvious that "1984"
already HAPPENED way back in 1953!! ONE HAND has been jerking MANY
PUPPETS; America, in some ways, is becoming hardly any different from
Russia. In Russia, you have to do what They want. In America, as long
as you're white and not poor, you can do whatever you want -- you
just have to want what They want.
But you really want what "Bob" wants. And "Bob's" logic, like his
Pils, is irrefutable... because of "Bob."
But...
WHAT IF...?
WHAT IF one day you got this weird pamphlet that you started reading
for lack of anything better to do and suddenly you couldn't stop
because it was insane yet... absorbing...about a religion that let
you believe whatever the hell you wanted to believe, and the next
thing you knew it had you all wrapped up in it like IT, the pamphlet,
was some kind of 'power object' that could somehow implant a kind of
hypnotic command in you that would lure you into this little secret
fringe society, an "underground world," an unspoken "rebel alliance"
of people who were really decent citizens but at the same time were
in a vague, unsaid agreement as to just how MUCH shit The Conspiracy
could foist over on us before we'd... well...
...people who were relatively, oh, "normal" on the surface but still
had this anti-establishment "thing" of theirs, on stand-by, just in
CASE... just in CASE our continent got to be one of those places
where you couldn't SPEAK and ACT the way you FELT just because some
unseen "presence," or some force of sheeplike behavior patterning,
was making you TOW THE LINE and ACT STRAIGHT and WEAR THAT SMILE and
MAKE THAT SALE and WATCH THAT SHOW and eventually THINK THAT THOUGHT
and so on... just in CASE there were people in charge who really
didn't care what might be left of the planet after they got through
with it. Not that things have GOTTEN like that or anything, you
understand, but just in CASE... and this pamphlet you were reading,
it didn't exactly tell you where to go for secret meetings, because
these mysterious characters were too slacked out and/or harried by
the Conspiracy to be even that organized; it simply let you know that
there WERE WEIRDOS LIKE YOU that you could maybe even TRUST. Because
if the AWFUL CRAP DOES COME DOWN, the ASSHOLES will gang up to ferret
out the 'abnormals,' who tend to want to just fend for themselves. We
still have major 'witch hunts' in this country every 20 years or
so...
But WHAT IF this little secret society, that was secret because it
didn't want to become a society, was REAL-- even if, most of the
time, it only existed as an endless spew of propaganda and odd public
behavior that always popped up in the strangest places? WOULDN'T IT
HAVE TO DISGUISE ITSELF AS A JOKE?? Because it isn't that you want to
JOIN something, the last thing you need is another damn political
fringe group, and besides, it isn't politics but thinking styles, a
whole new mind set... Wouldn't it have to be pretty ambiguous, and
never quite let you get a grip on whether they were, like, a sick
joke, or if they were serious, or WHAT? (The very fact that THEY
raised the question first could itself be interpreted as "part of the
act" or as an indication of their sincerity!)
YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL -- SO NEITHER WOULD THE CONSPIRACY.
You'd get to thinking, "Could this thing be for real? Is there REALLY
something like this going on that I just didn't know about? Or maybe
I've heard about this "Bob" crap somewhere but it sounded like just
a "take off" on cults and totalitarian societies and Sales Gurus with
mysterious powers of LUCK, that had something to do with this SLACK
shit? With getting enough SLACK? The Slack I FORGOT ABOUT because of
the CONSPIRACY? The Conspiracy that didn't even KNOW it was a
Conspiracy, because it was mainly composed of people who thought they
were doing the right thing, the Conspiracy that's a self-perpetuating
ROBOT with an ENGINE fueled by HUMAN DOCILITY, and there's plenty
enough of THAT to go around; the Conspiracy that just KEEPS GOING,
KEEPS POUNDING ALONG, FLATTENING EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH, because it
IS NORMAL, because it's composed of NORMALITY ITSELF, a Conspiracy
that couldn't possibly know what it was about to DO TO ITSELF...
... but that could somehow be HALTED, or SCREWED UP, KNOCKED WOBBLY
by some "bug " in it, some little unruly ball of abnormality that
could gum up the motor just before the damn thing rolled over the
edge of the cliff -- SAVED by a monkey wrench in the works!
Now...
"Bob" is dead. That's right -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs was shot and killed
by The Conspiracy on January 21, 1984. That little bug isn't in that
Conspiracy machine anymore... and it'll roll over YOU unless YOU TAKE
UP WHERE "BOB" LEFT OFF.
WILL YOU BE THE LAST "BOB"?
WAIT -- just act normal. They're coming, again. Hide this pamphlet.
If they find it on you, tell them you just found it and haven't read
it yet and maybe they'll let you go...
Ahh, whew, They're gone... for a minute, anyway. (Hell, for all we
know that could have been one of US in disguise!) But it won't be
long before the next one comes along.
You may have to look normal... even act normal. But don't be normal!
Don't backslide! "Bob" Dobbs could be back at any moment! On that day
of reckoning, you don't want to find out you drifted over to the
wrong side of the battle line without even knowing it!!!
Who Killed Gerry Reith?
BIZARRE TRADE IN HUMAN BEINGS!
You may be suffering under many potentially dangerous misconceptions
about The Church of the SubGenius. This isn't some small-time mail-
order comedy publisher working on a miniscule budget out of an
anonymous garret, but a powerful conglomerate of talented, wealthy
professional abnormals with state-of-the-art equipment, living it up
in a downtown Dallas skyscraper.
And that's only The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. Our publications are
merely the TIP of a ROGUE ICEBERG of real-world activism by thousands
of uncontrollable "Zombies for "Bob". It's way too late for us to
stop them now... The World SubGenius Church relentlessly replicates
itself in loathsome tenements, in basements and attics, in mansions
and igloos, everywhere, but grows like a cancer best right in the
wholesome breadbasket of America. Packs of untamed SubGenii run amok
in sick "Gut Blowout" party/rituals; "Bob" rises leering over a lurid
post-1984 landscape like a transcendent, mutated Alfred E. Newman,
the "New Man," his Face stencilled on overpasses, the nameless cry of
the rebel forces -- "SLACK!" -- scrawled across abandoned 7-11s...
Finally the masses will learn what they need.
At this writing there are many thousands of $30 ordained, subscribing
ministers of the church, and easily ten times that many less affluent
but still valiant Warrior-Brainwashers for "Bob." Weekly SubGenius
radio ministries infect many cities, and the Media Barrage Tapes are
heard on hundreds of independent and pirate stations around the
world.
There are stupid; and Conspiracy manufacturers illegally selling
bootlegged "Bob" T-shirts and buttons. We've held successful (and
lucrative!) revivals at the hepper nightclubs, "dives," junkyards and
art museums around the country, some of which have erupted into near-
riots of hilarioreligious ecstacy; Church-affiliated bands carry the
message to the lost souls of the younger generation -- someday, "DRS.
FOR 'BOB'" will be bigger than the Beatles. Many yearly conventions
and secret Conclaves of The Elect have been perpetrated (and
documented by numberless uncomprehending media parasites); McGraw-
Hill published (then suppressed!) our huge "HORROR BIBLE," THE BOOK
OF THE SUBGENIUS; we have been investigated by The Secret Service,
the Dept. of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the FBI and the CIA, and
probably the Men In Black (FUCK YOU, ALIEN SHIT-MONKEYS!).
There are many specialty Clenches and offshoots: gay, Black, even
feminist and Christian! The Clergy includes many famous rock stars,
artists, outlaws, freaks of nature, plus untold thousands of obscure
burn-outs , old folks, street bums, prisoners, nobodies, and "NICE
FAMILIES".
This is the World's First Industrial Church: NOT TAX EMEMPT --
because "Bob" is a patriot, and doesn't believe that taxpayers should
have to subsidize religions they might not happen to believe in.
There are ENTIRE BUSINESSES devoted to Dobbs, bars and children named
after him, jobs quit for him; his face is tatooed on the butts of
hookers and the puds of bikers; tiny ads for the Church are stuck to
bar restroom mirrors and bus station phone booths everywhere... hints
of Dobbs have shown up airburshed into album covers, on MTV, on
Saturday Night Live (though not on David Letterman, who seems to
fear "Bob"). Members have formed great business and 'adult' networks,
and are privileged to unusual and suppressed information and products
listed in the Church Journal, THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL. The mail
that the Church recieves is indescribable. Countless are the
witnessings for Dobbs' supernatural Slack Magic; "Bob" does indeed
SAVE the MUTANTS!
To some minds afraid to accept the truth, the Church is merely the
biggest collective art project, or put-on, since the Pyramids. Others
hate us, fear us, call us the "Mockers that shall come in the End
Times." If we are those Mockers, then they should THANK US for
helping to FULFILL BIBLICAL PROPHECY. The Church has given a lot of
jerks an excuse to be even more obnoxious; but it has also given many
CRUCIAL INDIVIDUALS the excuse to KEEP LIVING.
If the Church is just a big game, it's a game that has crossed over
the border of imagination and become, perhaps, all too real... HELL,
FOR ALL WE KNOW, THIS MAY BE THE MONSTROUS ONE-WORLD RELIGION
PROPHESIED IN THE BIBLE!!! And, in fact, if The Conspiracy were ever
to take it over, it COULD HAPPEN! The time will come when the TRUE
Church will once again have to disappear and change disguises,
because it must always crop up where they least expect it...
Like YOU, the Church is a chameleon -- it will disguise itself as
ANYTHING in order to survive, fuck, and propagate more little
Churches. Yes, of course that means this Church is built on a great
sandy beach of hypocrisy, changing with each wave that comes in...
but where would any religion be, without its fair measure of
hypocrisy??
The Conspiracy calls it "humor" because no one can take the full
truth. If this Church is a joke, it is the JOKE you can BELIEVE IN.
And if it is merely a FAD, merely the "latest thing," then it is the
ONLY "latest thing" that lasts FOREVER.
The Church IS a MYSTERY -- here to remind some that the mysteries
still exist, and to remind others that they are wrong to think they
can understand the mysteries. BE DAMNED GLAD YOU CAN'T!!
Laughter and pain are two sides of the same big stick. Some people
can be saved from pure paralyzing horror by being gradually lured,
through propaganda disguised as entertainment, to the realization
that it isn't their fault: that there really is a Conspiracy.
Everyone is intrigued by SCARY SHIT, and those feelings, those
yearnings/repulsions are tied to religious feelings of Something
Bigger running or not running things, depending on how bad your mood
is... we honestly don't want you jumping for the most obvious
Something Bigger that comes along because there ARE some Things
Bigger, and some of them are BAD NEWS FOR MORTALS.
Why do we do this? Not for 'art'... certainly not out of any sense of
duty to mankind... we do it for the money! ...and for THE SLACK, OF
COURSE! And so, whatever it takes to bear "Bob's" word of Slack to
the Slackless, let us do it. No matter how much money must be lost or
blood spilled in our noble quest for greatness, no matter how stupid
we must look, or even be, WE MUST CONTINUE. For our holy war, our
jihad, is for the glory, not of ourselves, NAY, but of That
Man "Bob:" that great Fingerhead of Knowledge who leads us,
beckoning, winking, grinning, ever onward... to a future we cannot
know. Ahhh, YES!! SMELL THAT CHURCH AIR!! This is a wonderful life
we've been born into, an action-packed century! We'll live to see The
End of the World! -- and then some.
So -- send in that $20 -- get your ordainment papers and big stack of
STARK FIST magazines ... smoke a Fropstick, jack up your footgland,
lean back and ENJOY! Because even as you read this now, atoms in your
mind are being rearranged... for better or for worse, for good or
evil, these we cannot say; these are value judgements peculiar only
to this pathetic race of bipeds. There ARE others, however. The
Dobbsdrome signal, even on these very pages, IS LOCKED NOW ONTO YOUR
IMMORTAL SOUL -- AND YOU ARE HENCEFORTH UNDER THE PROTECTION/
SUPERVISION OF THE DOBBS. This may be why you suddenly
feel 'different.' You have taken your first step towards your
Destiny.
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-- ! (!@!.!), May 24, 1999.