Time to rewrite etiquette rules (humor)

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At Diane's suggestion, I'd like to write an article about Y2K etiquette--humorous of course. Please let me have your suggestions. Here's mine:

It is the duty of the host or hostess to provide epazote (preferably fresh), to guests, especially when serving a menu consisting of: appetizer of Homestead Hummus, soup course of (what else?) Bunker Hill Chili, fish course of Timebomb 2000 Tuna (in bean sauce), main course of New World Orleans Red Beans and Rice with TVP "sausage", and dessert of Sen. Bennett Brownies (made with chickpea flour).

Pot-luck dinners must be carefully planned so that am assortment of bean varieties are included. It is prudent to determine in advance if any participants object to roadkill or other heretofore unconventional protein.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), May 23, 1999


We all get to share partions of Humble Pie..............

-- Real (inthe@Know.facts), May 24, 1999.

I would love to be able to eat a slice of 'Humble Pie'! Will the host provide champagne with that?

Guest ettiquette should encompass what NOT to say to another dinner of rice and beans, beans and rice, or beans and beans! Guests should appreciate any extra protein from rice and bean storage. (Qualifier - As long as it is not still moving about) Guests should be required to bring their own TP if the evening stretches to entertainment.

For hosts - not a good idea to invite others to dine until one has learned to cook beans and rice until tender (crunchy is tabu!)

-- Dian (bdp@accessunited.com), May 24, 1999.

Road kill is good, got some in freezer. Not cheap meat,body shop go me good. Last fall Yankee Mag. had a stste by state list for North East, who get's the meat. But at what price.

-- && (&&@&&.&), May 24, 1999.

All potable drinks assumed truly potable, but the host drinks first.

Guests wash whatever touches food, but not more than absolutely needed - elbows and anything above the wrists may remain dirty.


Body shop kill to date: three deer, two rabbit, several birds, two dogs, probables on a couple of squirrels, another dog, and several frogs, and several "swerves" around oppussums and various armadillos who might have inadverdantly bumped their heads. No turtles, no skunks - though several skunks have been observed at close range.

The kids claim I don't need a hunting license.....

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 24, 1999.

Tennessee recently passed a law legalizing eating of road kill. You run over it, it's yours. (I don't know if that includes humans or not.)

A local writer in eastern Oregon self-published a (humourous) road-kill recipe book a few years ago.

I'm wondering, which makes a better sauce, antifreeze or brake fluid?

-- A (A@AisA.com), May 24, 1999.

For posting:

If you don't have verifiable information (names, articles, URL's whatever), please keep it to yourself...hearsay doesn't count.

The level of outright lies that have been posted to this forum in the past few weeks has gotten quite ridiculous.

It's tough enough to wade through all the contradicting 'factual' reports without having to deal with spurious fluff.

-- Chicken Little (panic@forthebirds.net), May 24, 1999.

Those guests who "Want to have cake AND eat it too" are considered social outcasts and will not be invited back.

-- Real (inthe@Know.facts), May 24, 1999.

If Chicken Little was run over by a car would it be road kill or pressed chicken?

Inquiring drivers want to know...-)

-- Colonel (Sanders@kfc.extracrispy), May 24, 1999.

Those guests that are present and display a sour face, words (or general disposition ) will be served only Rubharb sticks (with no seasoning) to accomodate the choice they made - (they insist that sourness is so much the way to be, they must spend what could be sweet moments spreading the sourness around fo all to share)

-- Real (inthe@Know.facts), May 24, 1999.

Well, he'd then be a very "little" left chicken, wouldn't he? (Or maybe he's a little more right? Wrong?)

Anyho, epazote? Whatzzat?

The polite hostess, would offer her guests drops from with a treasured stash of beano, and provide fresh leaves at the outhouse.


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 24, 1999.

If you happen to need roadkill (and other wild foods) recipes, let me suggest a friend's cookbook, available from Loompanics. Tom does this tongue in cheek, but he's serious about wild foods and expert at gathering and preparing them. I know- I've been 'grazing' with him.

THE WILD AND FREE COOKBOOK with a Special Roadkill Section by Tom Squier

Why pay top dollar for grocery-store food, when you can dine at no cost by foraging and hunting? Wild game, free of the steroids and additives found in commercial meat, is better for you, and many weeds and wild plants are more nutritious than the domestic fruits and vegetables found in the supermarket. Authored by a former Special Forces survival school instructor, this cookbook is chockfull of easy- to-read recipes that will enable you to turn wild and free food (including roadkill!) into gourmet meals. 1996, 7< x 11=, 306 pp, illustrated, indexed, soft cover. ISBN 1-55950-128-6 Order Number 14178 $19.95

-- Lee (lplapin@hotmail.com), May 24, 1999.

Oops- left out the contact info. Loompanics' webpage is at http://www.loompanics.com/shop/ or you can call them at 800-380-2230. Usual disclaimer applies: I have no financial interest in the book or the company.

-- Lee (lplapin@hotmail.com), May 24, 1999.

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