There is more to life than P/D wars! Thanks cpr!greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
Caught this on debunk site. ROFLOL
BREAK TIME FOR GPS Thursday, 13-May-1999 18:29:48 18.104.22.168 writes:
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. >The tech asked her if she was running it under 3Windows.2 The woman >responded,2No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. >The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his >printer >is working fine.2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >TECH SUPPORT: 3O.K. Bob, let9s press the control and escape keys at >the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. >Now type the letter 3P2 to bring up the Program Manager.2 >CUSTOMER: 3I don9t have a P93. >TECH SUPPORT: 3On your keyboard, Bob.2 >CUSTOMER: 3What do you mean?2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3P9 on your keyboard, Bob.2 >CUSTOMER: 3I9m not going to do that!2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >Overheard in a computer shop: >CUSTOMER: 3I9d like a mouse mat, please.2 >SALESPERSON: 3Certainly, Sir. We9ve got a large variety.2 >CUSTOMER: 3But will they be compatible with my computer?2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document >back to the sender when I finished with it, because he needed to keep >it. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >CUSTOMER: 3Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start >something like this: CUSTOMER: 3Hi, Is this the Internet?2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >CUSTOMER: 3So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Yeah.2 >CUSTOMER: 3And that9s the latest version of the Internet, right?2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Uhh.. uh... uh... yeah.2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to >3The Internet.2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >TECH SUPPORT: 3All right, now double-click on the File Manager icon.2 >CUSTOMER: 3That9s why I hate this Window - because of icons. I9m a >Protestant, and I don9t believe in icons.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Well, that9s just an industry term, Sir. I don9t >believe it was meant to...2 >CUSTOMER: 3I don9t care about any Industry terms9. I don9t believe >in icons.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Well... why don9t you click on the little picture9 of >a file cabinet. Is little picture9 ok?2 >CUSTOMER: (click) >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >CUSTOMER: 3My computer crashed!2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3It crashed?2 >CUSTOMER: 3Yeah, and it won9t let me play my game.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.2 >CUSTOMER: 3No, it didn9t crash - it crashed.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Huh?2 >CUSTOMER: 3I crashed my game. That9s what I said before. I crashed >my spaceship and now it doesn9t work.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3Click on file9, then New Game.93 >CUSTOMER: (pause) 3Wow! How9d you learn how to do that?2 > >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >CUSTOMER: 3Your computer9s sound card is defective and I want a new >one.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3What seems to be the problem?2 >CUSTOMER: 3The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out >of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out of the left. >It9s defective.2 >TECH SUPPORT: 3You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to >the right side of the machine and vice-versa.2 >CUSTOMER: (sputter)... (click). >TECH SUPPORT: (snicker...) > >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >I got a call from a woman who said her laser printer was having >problems. The bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out >blurry. It seemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom >half. >I walked her through the basics, then came over and printed out a test >sheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet herself. So she sent >a >print job to the printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked >it out and showed it to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out >on its own. >Problem solved. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard9s DeskJet division >for about a month when I had a customer with a problem I just couldn9t >solve. >She could not print yellow. All the colors would print fine, which >truly, baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and >yellow. >For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed >fine. Every color in the rainbow printed except for yellow. I had the >customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and >reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; >they >offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was >about to >tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked >quietly, 3Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of >this yellow construction paper?2 Sometimes the user can teach us a thing >or >two about tech support. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer9s tech >support number, complaining about the error message: 3Can9t find the >printer.2 On the phone the man said he held the printer up in front of >the screen but the computer still couldn9t find it. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >Another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the >opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also >complained about how hard it was to hit the buttons. She was quite >embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed >away from her. >- - - - - - - - - - - - >This guy calls in to complain that he gets 3access denied2 message >every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and >password in capital letters. >TECH SUPPORT: 3O.K., let9s try once more, but use lower case letters.2 >CUSTOMER: 3Oh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.2 >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone >and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the >class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers >and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started >typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the >teacher over and explained that no matter what was typed, nothing would >happen. >The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor >and quaking, red-faced. I started to type... 3Leave me alone!2 They both >jumped back, silenced. 3What the...2 the teacher said. I typed, 3I >said leave me alone!2 The kid got upset. 3I didn9t do anything to it, I >swear!2 It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The >conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five >minutes. >ME: 3Don9t touch me!2 >HER: 3I9m sorry, I didn9t mean to hit your keys that hard.2 >ME: 3Who do you think you are, anyway?2 ... Etc... Finally I couldn9t >contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After >they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I >never got more than a 3C-2 in that class. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >I have a friend who just bought a computer and was instructed to load a >program by typing 3A:2 and then the name of the program. My friend >told me it would not work because his keyboard was no good. He said he >couldn9t type the 3dot over dot thingie2 and that every time he tried to >type >the 3dot over dot thingie2 he got the 3dot over comma thingie2 no matter >how careful he was to press only the very top of the key. When I told him >about the shift key he thought I was a genius. >- - - - - - - - - - - - - >My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He >noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the work stations with >her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about >15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she >was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she >replied, 3It9s about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes >ago!2 > >
-- R. Wright (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 14, 1999
Thanks for the chuckles - amazing huh? Can't help but compare the last one (F1) to what some will do when/if problems occur with Y2k. Thanks again!
-- Kristi (securx@Succeed.Net), May 14, 1999.
I tutor computers at a local college, and can relate to all of those! Thanks for the uplift. Greatly needed these days ;-D
-- winna (??@??.com), May 14, 1999.