Thw Ant and Grasshopper revisited - From Hyatts site.greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
posted April 08, 1999 01:16 PM - From psycho13 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER CLASSIC VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with "green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green." Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's."
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act". Retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when there are no talk shows scheduled.
The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.
Thought this was rather appropriate... and could be even more so in the near future.
-- Jon Jonson (email@example.com), May 10, 1999
You opened up a can of worms with this one. Maybe the ant is a Fire Ant and he's able to call on other fireants and defend his hill.
-- Johnny (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 10, 1999.
Here's some more in the same vein. . .
********************************* TOM SMITH AND HIS INCREDIBLE BREAD MACHINE BY R.W. GRANT 1966 This is a legend of success and plunder And a man, Tom Smith, who squelched world hunger, Now, Smith, an inventor, had specialized In toys. So, people were surprised. When they found that he instead Of making toys, was BAKING BREAD! The way to make bread he'd conceived Cost less than people could believe. And not just make it! This device Could, in addition, wrap and slice! The price per loaf, one loaf or many: The miniscule sum of under a penny. Can you imagine what this meant? Can you comprehend the consequent? The first time yet the world well fed! And all because of Tom Smith's bread. A citation from the President For Smith's amazing bread. This and other honors too Were heaped upon his head. But isn't it a wondrous thing How quickly fame is flown? Smith, the hero of today -- Tomorrow, scarely known. Yes, the fickle years passed by; Smith was a millionaire, But Smith himself was now forgot -- Though bread was everywhere. People, asked from where it came, Would very seldom know. They would simply eat and ask, "Was not it always so?" However, Smith cared not a bit, For millions ate his bread, And "Everything is fine,"a thought he, "I am rich and they are fed!" Everything was fine, he thought? He reckoned not with fate. Note the sequence of events Starting on the date On with the business tax went up. Then, to a slight extent, The price on every load rose too: Up to one full cent! "What's going on?" the public cried, "He's guilty of pure plunder. He has not right to get so rich On other people's hunger!" (A prize cartoon depicted Smith With fat and drooping jowls Snatching bread from hungry babes Indifferent to their howls!) Well, since the Public does come first, It could not be denied That in matters such as this, The Public must decide. So, antitrust now took a hand. Of course, it was appalled At what it found was going on. The "bread trust," it was called. Now this was getting serious. So Smith felt that he must Have a friendly interview With the men in antitrust. So, hat in hand, he went to them. They'd surely been misled; No rule of law had he defied. But then their lawyer said: "The rule of law, in complex times, Has proved itself deficient. We much prefer the rule of men! It's vastly more efficient. Now, let me state the present rules," The lawyer then went on, "These very simple guidelines You can rely upon: You're gouging on your prices if You charge more that the rest. But it's unfair competition If you think you can charge less. "A second point that we would make To help avoid confusion: Don't try to charge the same amount: That would be collusion! You must compete. But not too much, For if you do, you see, Then the market would be yours -- And that's monopoly!" Price too high? Or price too low? Now, which charge did they make? Well, they weren't loath to charging both With Public Good at stake! In fact, they went one better -- They charged "monopoly!" No muss, no fuss, oh woe is us, Egad, they charged all three! "Five years in jail," the judge then said. "You're lucky it's not worse. Robber Barons must be taught Society Comes First!" Now bread is baked by government. An as might be expected, Everything is well controlled; The public well protected. True, loaves cost a dollar each. But our leaders do their best. The selling price is half of cent. (Taxes pay the rest!)
-- Hardliner (email@example.com), May 10, 1999.
This is MinnesotaSmith, the author of the Y2K-preparatory website http://y2ksafeminnesota.hypermart.net. Here is another version of the original "The Grasshopper and the Ants" story. --------------------------------------------- The Grasshopper and The Ants (Aesop's Fable)
The grasshopper danced, ta ra, ta ra, There in the summer sun. The grasshopper played his violin And had a world of fun. The ants, meanwhile, were working hard, And storing food away; Puffing and panting day and night, Laboring night and day. "Foolish drones!" the grasshopper called, Turning it into a song. "Can't you see? There's food enough To eat the whole day long, Ta ra," he sang, "Ta ra," he danced, "To eat the whole day long."
The grasshopper fiddled his way through June; He fiddled through July. He sang and danced all of August away; September went swiftly by, Till one cold morning the grasshopper's song Was heard in the grass no more. "I don't recall," the grasshopper said, "Ever being so hungry before. I say, Mister Ant, it's cold out here," The shivering grasshopper said. He smiled and chirped, "I don't suppose That you could spare some bread?" "That's quite correct," the ant replied. "It's not that we don't care, But just as you so rightly guessed, We have no bread to spare.
You laughed at us this summer past, You called us foolish drones; But now your songs have died away, And all we hear are groans. We worked and saved, we saved and worked, And now we're snug and warm, While you may sing and you may dance All through the winter's storm."
Remember, please, the clever ants: First we labor; then we dance.
-- MinnesotaSmith (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 10, 1999.
Hardliner,that was excellent!!!!! Will print it now,Thanks.Tony
-- Tony C. (email@example.com), May 10, 1999.