Hi Folks,

The title pretty much says it all. so far we're approaching this from the perspective that we're both in our 40's and don't need the toaster and the glass candlesticks and the rice cooker and the, and the...well you get the idea...none the less any creative ways of getting the idea of y2k compliant gifts across to DGI friends and relatives would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Arlin

-- Arlin H. Adams (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), April 22, 1999

Answers

How about a pantry shower?

-- (mybit@cyber.space), April 22, 1999.

Arlin,

Congratulations that you have this problem,

Best wishes from NZ.

-- Bob Barbour (r.barbour@waikato.ac.nz), April 22, 1999.

Tell them for your honeymoon you are going to a remote cabin with no refrigerator or microwave, and you plan to do nothing but eat and have sex for a couple of weeks. Suggest that they provide you some food or camping gear you can use during that time. :-)

P.S. And congratulations.

PJ in TX

-- PJ Gaenir (fire@firedocs.com), April 22, 1999.

In answer to the title question: You can't, politely. Registering for Y2k-compliant gifts of your choice and letting your guests know where you are registered (L.L.Bean, Lehmer's, ...) in response to their inquiries comes close.

-- Miss Manners (judith_martin@miss_manners.com), April 22, 1999.

How about collecting lamps (forget the oil) or antique items?

-- tim daniels (timdaniels@commonsense.com), April 22, 1999.

It is to be hoped that those who will be giving gifts know you. And by this thinking would know of your interests such as camping, as PJ put it.

If they know you and your intended, and your way of life, you may not have to even think about it.

Perhaps Miss Manners would allow you to pontificate [just a little] on your plans for your future together in such a way that folks could 'get a hint.'

Congratulations!

-- J (jart5@bellsouth.net), April 22, 1999.

If our guests really *know* us, they will automatically give us the things we want/need. NOT! Our situation epitomizes the chasm of GI/DGI -- even our closest family members and friends (except for two of them) are ALL DGI. My sister already gave me an electric handmixer. I am thinking we should register at Sear's. That way anything we need to exchange can be traded in for Craftsman tools.

-- Arlin's fiancee (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), April 22, 1999.

Why not register at a survival/sporting goods type of store? Just a thought.

-- (cannot-say@this.time), April 22, 1999.

Hi Folks,

first thanks to all for the congratulations! Thanks also for the good suggestions - and to Miss Manners for the correct way to approach these sorts of things. Yes we've considered registering at a hardware store (we seem to have found the one REAL hardware store in the Metro area), though that still doesn't deal with the relatives who you just know are going to give us crystal brickabrack or some such...

and yes, that really was my fiancee' who really does read TB2K and keeps up on the y2k related news...

now if we can just survive all of the wedding preps AND the fact that the premarriage class consists of two other couples who are also in their 40's plus what seems like 438 YUPPIE 20 SOMETHINGS WHO ARE CLUELESS I TELL YOU! CLUELESS!!! oops, sigh, sorry...

Arlin

PJ I have to admit that was one alternative we had NOT considered as an approach

-- Arlin H. Adams (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), April 22, 1999.

Hey Arlin, Why not register at REI, Wallmart, Jerry Surplus, The Farm Coop and The place you plan to buy the bulk of your foodstuffs? Also invite all your GI friends.....Also, just expect to have to return some stuff to the store for cash, and expect that some of those gifts will not be returnable. I even got a couple gifts with the previous wedding gift cards INSIDE the box-- they were recycled wedding gifts!

nobody

-- (nobody@nowhere.com), April 22, 1999.

Bug-out theme? Bug-out parties, showers, registries, rehearsals, receptions, lists, everything? A campaign!
"Happy Campers" theme for the DGIs  ;^)

Congrats & happy bugging out to Arlin & fiancee!
PSDon't forget the rat traps  ;-D

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), April 22, 1999.

While sighing over your all-too-common situation, I forgot to state the simple universal rule: There is no polite way to ask for gifts. Period.

Gifts are assumed to be given out of spontaneous generosity on the part of the giver. To ask for a particular category of, or place a restriction on, gifts implies that the givers have a duty to fill your coffers, not the sort of impression *you* want to "give" to *them*.

Be assured, however, that your mannered guests who wish to express their generosity will politely inquire whether you are registered at a convenient retailer or two.

As for the others, fete 'em and forget 'em.

-- Miss Manners (judith_martin@miss_manners.com), April 22, 1999.

Arlin, got to agree with Miss Manners, you can't tell people what to buy you, just not done. Best way to handle, I think is via the shower method. You know, instead of the kitchen shower, the bath shower, have a "hurricane supplies" shower. Also, obviously, camping supplies, hardware--and why not a Y2K shower?

The only other alternative is to save unwanted gifts for barter.

Sweetie and I had a similar problem, we had two of everything (except one iron--Sweetie's, not mine). So we took the money we would have spent on a big wedding and eloped to Edinburgh (the real one) from New Orleans. Came back a month later. Great trip, we STILL talk about it. We still got crystal, china, linens, and such but not that much.

So when is the actual date?

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), April 22, 1999.

To Arlin and the Fiance,

My most sincere congratulations!!!

Seems I'm late to the party but I wanted to give my support to the wedding shower "theme" idea and registering at Sears. Although, years ago, I asked for a Sears bachelor party and I ended up with a toolbox of cheapo tools, a whole lot of beer and 2 strippers so you might be surprised by what you get : )

Also, if you're printing invitations, you might want to think about printing a panel card which briefly explains your concern about Y2k and your concern for your guests. Along with this concern you could put where you're registered or ask that your guests please consider your concern when purchasing a gift. Maybe some of the DGIs will become GIs while on their shopping adventure?

Or...you'll either end up with a lot of cash gifts or a gift certificate to mind doctor.

Mike ===============================================================

-- Michael Taylor (mtdesign3@aol.com), April 22, 1999.

"Dear Friends, hopefully you can be with us on this special day. We have all the appliances, knick-knacks, souveniers and object d'art that we could ever want or use, if you feel you MUST give us a gift, please give cash"

or

"The theme for our wedding is 'Italian weddings from the movies', in these weddings, the bride and groom do not receive store-bought gifts, they receive envelopes. The fatter the envelope, the more thoughtful the gift."

-- Isetta (do_not_reply_@hotmail.com), April 22, 1999.

Arlin, I'm very happy for you and your bride-to-be. Rejoice in what you do have and don't fret about what kinds of gifts others may decide to give. Miss Manners has the right of it, I believe.

I would suggest turning the issue around. If you are planning to give each guest a small gift or momento of the occasion, as is sometimes done, there are inexpensive, pretty glass candle holders (in dollar stores or other places) which could be packaged with a nicely colored/scented candle (or pack of candles). A note saying something like, "Thank you for helping us celebrate the beginning of our future together. Please accept this small gift to help light your own path." Then you would be contributing to preparation efforts, if only in a small way. When you get that extra toaster, you'll still be able to feel good about giving. (smile)

All best wishes to you both.

-- Bonnie Camp (bonniec@mail.odyssey.net), April 22, 1999.

Mike, you better watch out, or Miss Manners might call you on the carpet.

While the inclusion of a card indicating where the couple is registered is done in some invitations, it seems a bit tactless to me. Personally, I would discreetly inquire about any registration once I received the invitation or announcement.

As I understand it, the idea of giving gifts, while not mandatory, is steeped in custom from long ago.

I still think a few well placed hints in conversation couldn't hurt....

Again, Congratulations! May the future be bright for you both!

-- J (jart5@bellsouth.net), April 22, 1999.

OK Arlin, here's another idea. Write a sappy poem or "prose" (the sillier the better) and enclose it with the invitations. Give yourself a theme party (as someone mentioned above). Or even make it into haiku form. I'll try one:

As you see: Madness!
Tornado of love got us!
Hope you can attend.

Date, time: enclosed here.
Your presence is the best gift.
But if you're buying...

Flowers are fragrant
But we have those already.
We ask a favor?

Emergency things:
Camping; safety; candles bright.
To plan our future.

Just in case that same
Tornado of love strikes our
House next time around.

(And if it doesn't,
Maybe we'll go camping soon:
Candlelight romance.

PJ in TX

-- PJ Gaenir (fire@firedocs.com), April 22, 1999.

you know, one thing about y2k GI types is that they are creative sorts! [btw PJ my fiancee' thought the haiku was great but then she's the English and communications major...].

thankyou all for your wonderful suggestions and I guess we'll go with registering at Sears and a couple of other places...and pray a lot (which we do anyway).

God Bless you all! Arlin

-- Arlin H. Adams (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), April 22, 1999.

Sir Arlin (and bride-to-be) - Congratulations to you both!

Good idea - register (yes it seems crude, but it is expected) at Sears, Home Depot, and Lowes (or other such hardware store). That will "focus" attention gradually away from fru-fru's, and at least towards more productive gifts.

Keep the "recommendations" and "hints" light-hearted. As you discuss things before, that is. Camping is a good lead-in.

What about: We're trying to declare a "plug-free gift zone".

"We're most interested in reliablility and long-lasting thoughtful hand-operated things. When we use them later, that will remind us of you."

"If it plugs in or turns on, well, we'd actually, rather turn each other on."

Blankets, sleeping bags, gloves and foot warmers. Hand tools, kitchen and household stuff. Candles, oil lamps, fire extinguishers, ...

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), April 22, 1999.