The names have been changed to protect the.........

POST:Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

ANSWERS:

To get to the other side.--KINDERGARTEN TEACHER

For the greater good.--PLATO

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.--ARISTOTLE

It was a historical inevitability.--KARL MARX Because that's the only trip the establishment wouldlet it take.--TIMOTHY LEARY

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.--SADDAM HUSSEIN I forget.--RONALD REAGAN

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.--CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:

Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.--HIPPOCRATES

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. LBNL, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM),LBNL helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. LBNL convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with LBNL consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. LBNL helped the chicken change to become more successful.--ERNEST ORLANDO LAWRENCE BERKELEY NATIONAL LABORATORY

The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.--LOUIS FARRAKHAN I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.-- MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.-- MOSES

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?--FOX MULDER

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.--RICHARD M. NIXON Let me make this clear. I DID NOT have sex with this chicken. I did not give this chicken any gifts. This chicken, if it did cross the road, must have had legitimate business on the other side of the road. I have eaten chicken in the past, but Hilary and I have worked through those issues.--BILL CLINTON

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.--MACHIAVELLI

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone everthink to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place,anyway?"--JERRY SEINFELD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.--FREUD

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book.--BILL GATES

The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"--OLIVER STONE

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.--DARWIN

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.--EINSTEIN

Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.--BUDDHA

The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.--RALPH WALDO EMERSON

To die. In the rain.--ERNEST HEMINGWAY

I missed one?--COLONEL SANDERS

-- shellie (shellie01@hotmail.com), April 07, 1999

Answers

The question as to it's perpendicularity and transversing said path should be worded as follows: "Chicken X, beinlocated on an external side of two coplanar parallel lines AB and CD(the road edges) attempts to create the shortest transversal possible intersecting line AB at P and CD at Q. If APQ and CQP are supplementary, prove that BPQ and DQP form right angles. Prove Corollary A: Path PQ is the shortest possible distance between lines AB and CD"... Archimedes

-- Robert H. Croff (bob_croff@scio.k12.or.us), April 07, 1999.

I'm still trying to figure out how this has anything whatsoever to do with the Y2K situation. I mean, there isn't even a Y2K chicken reference. Nothing. I don't get it. This is a Y2K forum.

Please, please, please! I'm down on my chicken knees begging, don't post this kind of stuff here. True, this is a diverse community, and we all appreciate humor. But the internet is a big place, and there are plenty of other places to have fun that has nothing to do with Y2K. We're getting on the order of 50-60 new threads a day, it's tough enough to keep up.

Please, keep it relevant. Thank you.

-- (no@chicken.zone), April 07, 1999.

well I am sorry if I offended you in some way. But I will give my reasons for posting something so stupid.

1. we all need some humor during stressful times like these.

2. I was trying to let the newbies know that no matter how straight forward your questions are you will receive alot of different responses. Some will be just what you were looking for. Some will be way off track. Some will insult you and some will comfort you. The point is that when you post a question do not expect all the posters to agree with you and expect many different opions and you need to be able to accept that.

3. In general this BB is an excellant place to come for debates and general disscussion about Y2K, however, do your own research and come here for support. There are alot of good, down-to-earth, educated people here. But as for getting all your answers here should not be the case.

The post really had nothing to do with a chicken. Sorry. Bad example I guess.

-- shellie (shellie01@hotmail.com), April 08, 1999.

shellie, I loved it!! And I saw all the reasons as I read the post. Thanks for the uplift and humor, I agree with you.

-- winna (??@??.com), April 08, 1999.

Shellie - Your post wasn't offensive, and I didn't mean to imply that it was. It was just another off-topic new thread in a sea of new threads. The signal to noise ratio here is already pretty bad, and it just makes sense for participants here to try to restrain themselves. There's nothing wrong with a little humor, and you don't need to be defensive. It's not a big deal, it's just that lots of little not big deals add up to those of us who come here in search of relevant information needing to spend extra time and energy wading through lots of little no big deals. Please, this isn't meant as a chastizement, but as a plea.

(BTW - the chicken thing is REALLY old, several lifetimes in internet years.)

-- (no@chicken.zone), April 08, 1999.

Ask not what this chicken can do for you, but rather, what you can do for this chicken-JOHN F. KENNEDY

-- anita (hillsidefarm@drbs.com), April 08, 1999.

"For Viewers Like YOU"------PBS(.org)

-- Chickie Dee (Shake@bake.net), April 08, 1999.

But on the other hand, did you notice NOBODY completed a full-up integrated systems test to determine whether the chicken SUCCESSFULLY crossed the road or not? Robert A. Cook, PE

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (Cook.R@csaatl.com), April 08, 1999.

It is my belief that the chicken crossed the road to get out of the non-Y2K compliant No-Chicken Zone (NCZ), to seek his free-range country cousins who have long lived a happy, computer-free, all- natural life style, where the impact of Y2K will be limited to the inevitable onslaught of NCZ refugees.

-- Arewyn (nordic@northnet.net), April 09, 1999.