I don't mind the collapse of civilization, BUT ...

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

... can we live without the World Wide Web ??

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), March 30, 1999


I heard on the Radio that all of AT&T's internet access is down nation wide... I can't find any info on the wires.... Maybe some of us are learning to do with out the net already.....

-- helium (heliumavid@yahoo.com), March 30, 1999.


You wrote: "I don't mind the collapse of civilization.


-- Get Real (get@real.pal), March 30, 1999.

Gawd, can't you see that tongue in cheek? Look, there's a lump, just to the left of the corner of BH's mouth.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), March 30, 1999.

I just think is it so cool how we rely on the web to voice, deepen, and disseminate our computer anxieties. Reminds of all the ecological conferences where the eco-celebrities fly in on 747s, rent cars, stay in a 5-star hotel, to present their papers on 'Deep Ecology' ...

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), March 30, 1999.

I don't mind the collapse of what the human race refers to as "civilization." In reality animals are more civilized than we are.

-- @ (@@@.@), March 30, 1999.

We were down for about 2 hours at work today. Our ISP is in our building and runs many DS3 lines. I didn't see any of the guys today, but I'll try and remember to ask them tomorrow what was up with them and AT&T. <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), March 30, 1999.

@, have you read the book "ISHMAEL"? It was mentioned on this BB a couple months ago. It is about why we are so messed up as a world culture. You are right about the animals. ISHMAEL is by Daniel Quinn, I found it to be a great book. It changed my outlook on civilization.

-- monique (me@home.here), March 30, 1999.


Right on girl!!! Yes, I read that book and it was a joy to see that someone else feels the same way I do. The fact that so many people liked that book tells me that maybe we really aren't crazy, just stupid.


Thanks for reminding me Monique, and have a good evening!

-- @ (@@@.@), March 30, 1999.

Shift Happens.

Flow with it.

Got depth-of-character, great books and fascinating neighbors?


-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), March 30, 1999.


I think you may have just hit the nail on the head - does the suburban talking-head-video-game-SFX generation have the capacity to communicate and the depth of thought required to generate something worth communicating about?


-- Arlin H. Adams (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), March 30, 1999.

Civilized animals? Have you been living in an apartment so long that you have never seen a cat torture a mouse before eating it? Granted, it is necessary for the survival of the cat: the act of torture builds up vitamins in the mouse's liver that a pure carnivore like a cat needs in order to survive; but, civilized? Hardly!

How about the "vegetarian" monkeys that, for no apparent reason, hunt down and eat other monkeys, ALIVE (for a time). Civilized? Hardly! (Yes, I keep a wary eye on the "vegetarians" in my neighborhood. I may be a meat-eater, but at least I'm honest about it. I damn sure make no apoligies).

How about Polar Bears? Those nightmares consider any critter that isn't as mean as them (ie: non-Polar Bears, at least not BIGGER Polar Bears) to be a food source! Civilized? Hardly!

Animals live in an "eat or be eaten" world. I am not aware of a human society that exists under the same "living" conditions.

Animals are NOT as civilized as mankind. They are too STUPID to care! Survival and reproduction are the only things that critters "think" about! Civilized? Not Hardly!

Get a grip!

P.S. I love cats. Cats love me. We're cool.

-- Scott (duhelmet@aol.com), March 30, 1999.

Blue Himalayan:

I'll certainly miss having access to the Internet and a perky PC, but I've recently accumulated many books which need to be perused. Reading any computer books would cause anguished longing.

But--- if our electrical civilization shorts out completely, I'll probably be spending much time outside in the fresh air and sunshine... digging, hoeing, weeding, watering, sweating... and the time to read books will be a luxury by lamplight.

Old Git:

Could that lump in BH's cheek be pride or gum or gummy pride or a pride of gummi lions? :)

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), March 30, 1999.


And what is going on in Kosovo is more civilized than a cat eating a mouse? Yeah, right.

-- @ (@@@.@), March 30, 1999.

Dear @@@@@@@@@, or whatever your name is. As I said before, at least I'm honest. Mine is not a fake email address.

Compare Kosovo with Rwanda, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Sierra Leone, Tibet, etc.

We're talking matchstick vs nuke. Why mess with a few thousand people being killed up there, when there are easily 10 times more people being killed down south and east. Easily. Why make the distinction?

I believe that the original question was "can we live without the World Wide Web". It would be best to get back on topic. If it was I that dragged this thread off, and that appears to be rather clear, I apologize to all concerned, right now.

My answer is to the original question is "Yes". But if it all goes down and we do survive this, I honestly don't think that anyone will care much about the WWW. In that case, the answer is still "Yes".

It will certainly be different. I don't think that it will be at all fun. If it happens, well, it will be...well...


-- Scott (duhelmet@aol.com), March 30, 1999.

Hey, Dino, if BH is from NC then it's probably a gummi tobacco plug! Ask Puddintame!

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), March 31, 1999.

@@@@.@ I agree with you completely. Monique, I loved Ishmael so much that I'm rereading it again before I begin his second book. You are probably both familiar with this poem by Whitman, but just in case you're not, this one's to you.


I think I could turn an dlive with animals, they are so placid and self-contain'd, I stand and look at them long and long. They do not sweat and whine about their condition, They do not lie awake in the dar and weep for their sins, They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God, Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things, Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago, Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth. Whitman (from The Song of Myself)

Scotty, cats are cool--smart too. They've got you fooled into thinking they're stupid. We're not more civilized than animals at all, just bigger hypocrits. We do our killing for "humanitarian reasons," God, natural resources and corporate expansion.

Miss the web? Yes, a little. Miss TV? NO!! Miss books? I have to make myself put down that book and check web news, which is quick and free of blatherng commercials. Not to worry, I have over 5000 books.

-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), March 31, 1999.

Gilda: did it ever occur to you that animals live IN the will of the Creator? And that man is so goofed up because of rebellion from the will of the Creator? Imagine animals waking up to alarm clocks, putting on clothes, driving pell-mell to 'work,' sucking up for money...laughable, isn't it? Utterly unthinkable. Why does man do it? In my ever-so-humble opinion, it's because we rejected life in Eden by following our human will, and rejecting the Divine Will. I'm sure you categorically reject any concept of sin, but to me, animals are incapable of sin, since they do not possess a free will, as we do. We are free to choose the Creator, or reject him. Even if you're a stone cold atheist, try an experiment: ask to be shown the Divine Will one morning, and see what happens. At worst, you're just talking to yourself. (Do this in the privacy of your own heart). At best? Try it and see. Shantih.

-- Spidey (in@jam.com), March 31, 1999.

Won't have to live without WWW, at least not indefinitely. IMO, restoring the Net, if it goes down, will be next to util in importance for governments and corporations. Post-recovery, I believe Net's importance will acclerate even beyond its current curve as replacement for systems that remain down or inefficient (USPS?). Islanding, yes, but the Net routes around outages very well. We can probably expect a return to hideous bandwidth and lots of text-only sites for a few years. Like this one.

-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), March 31, 1999.

Spidey, I did not address that post to you. I did not ask you for a sermon. IMHO, if you feel the need to preach, be my guest, but do it in the privacy of your own heart.

-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), March 31, 1999.

Well, aren't you going to miss the Animal Planet channel?

-- doomslayer (1@2.3), March 31, 1999.


Lest we forget -- this is an open, unmoderated forum. Spidey's post contains nothing insulting, abusive or vulgar, and certainly nothing that would force you to do anything against your will.

In the words of the prophet, if you don't like what you read, read something else.


A closer acquaintance with animals might show you that they are anything but stupid.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), March 31, 1999.

The ability to detect irony is a good predictor of intelligence.

Mr. Decker

-- Mr. Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), March 31, 1999.

Esteemed Mr. Decker:

That would be "indicator", not predictor.

I love your demeanor.... the most rareified pollyanna hence invasion.

-- Lisa (while@we're.being_pompous_here), March 31, 1999.

Just wait, Lisa, Decker hasn't been attacked much yet. He'll either turn into a troll or give up if the doomers have their way. Many a reasonable moderate has left this place.

-- Doomslayer (1@2.3), March 31, 1999.

See I'm basically kind of sympathetic to the Unabomber, in the sense that industrial civilization has gotten out of hand and all that. I'm a believer. BUT there is something incredibly cool about the web, despite it being a fragile Ming teacup set on a charred balsa tea table balanced on a bent and rusted gider projecting from radioactive rubble representing the ruin and utter devastation of most natural life on this planet, it is COOL, it is mesmerizing. You can learn almost anything you want, instantly, over the web. If technology is Taker-Thunderbolt bad, which I kind of accept, whence cometh this cool property of the web ? Gotta go, volcano heating up out there...

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), March 31, 1999.

Spidey, similar wavelength, ever read PY? Shanti :^)

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), March 31, 1999.

Leska: I give up--what's PY? (also, I left you a note about Medjugorje at the end of one of the Yugowar threads last week; hope you got it.) Gilda: don't be so doctrinaire. Leave that to us nuts. Blue H: you have volcanos going off in Iceland? Seems incongruous.

-- Spidey (in@jam.com), March 31, 1999.


I feel indicator (L. indicatus; to be a sign, symptom, or index of) might be too strong for a working hypothesis. I am not aware of a published scientific experiment measuring correlation between "irony detection" and intelligence as tested by an accepted instrument. As such, "indicator" seemed a bit presumptive.

Predict (L. praedictus; to declare in advance) had a more speculative quality. Of course, I am out of my element. Perhaps you have access to information that I do not. If the correlation has been clearly established, your language is certainly more precise.


Mr. Decker

-- Mr. Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), March 31, 1999.


Yes, there are lots of volcanoes in Iceland. So many in fact, that no one pays for hot water or heat! (at least not when I was there)

Of all the places on this earth where I would pick to be if Y2K is a major event, Iceland would be close to the top of the list.

When I was there last, about 5 hours out of 24 were daylight. I shall never forget the sight of huge outdoor public bathing pools filled with volcanically heated water and people of all ages, under mercury vapor lights and surrounded by immense piles of snow!

Icelandic wool (from goats, as I recall) is the warmest natural stuff I've ever seen so keeping warm outdoors is not much of a problem.

All told, I prefer Iceland over any other part of Scandanavia.

-- Hardliner (searcher@internet.com), March 31, 1999.

Do we have volcanoes in Iceland ?

Cows ? In Berkeley ? MOOOOOoooo...

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), March 31, 1999.

Tom, yes this is an open, unmoderated forum. I did not say that Spidey's post was abusive or vulgar. But I did address the post to two specific people, that I thought might like it. If anyone reading it didn't care for my view they could pass by; if they wanted, they could read it. Instead I got a sermon, specifically addressed to me, although it's obvious I'm not into religion. I'm sick of getting sermons. Is that so difficult to understand?

My post was not about religion. My post about animals, their great good sense, and whether I would miss the web. And I found it insulting for Spidey to say, "Gilda:did it ever occur to you that animals live IN the will of the Creator?" And then I got a proseltizing sermon about "the creator, rejected life in Eden, Divine will, sin, and finally the call to "ask to be shown the Divine Will." This is one of the main reasons that, although I was raised in the Christian religion, that I rejected it from an early age. I was sick of people constantly shoving religion at me whether I asked for it or not.

You said if I didn't like it, read something else. Fine then don't specifically address sermons and lectures to me, Spidey and Tom. I certainly didn't address my first post specifically to you. I think at age sixty I know my own mind without any help from you.

On this forum if you disagree about Y2K you're a troll. If you don't have access to a computer, or the Internet, and haven't heard of Y2K, then you're DGI sheeple. If you post good news, or optimism, you're a Pollyanna. If you don't fall into the conservative, doomer Clinton bashing, brilliant computer geek, religious right God Squad, or old gurard category, you're irrelevant or toast.

As Doomslayer said, "Many a reasonable moderate has left this place."

-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), March 31, 1999.

Gilda, I'm touched. Quoting a "troll" might get you in trouble though.


-- Doomslayer (1@2.3), March 31, 1999.

Always enjoy your comments, Blue. I've got that bi-polar feeling of technology... I see what's cooking everyday at Japan's "Silicon Valley." Sometimes the stew of the future looks pretty tasty ,but sometimes it lacks the flavor to add anything constructive to society. Some days I love playing with my technology toys and other days I don't.

For me, as a stranger in a strange land, the web is important. I'd foresake all my other technology toys to keep the web. It's become more than a toy. Stay warm!

-- PNG (png@gol.com), March 31, 1999.

"I don't mind the collapse of civilization..." Period. Civilization has come to mean a relatively high level of cultural and technological development. (From CIVITAS: Latin for city.) A resultant of sedentary agriculture, it is merely the lifestyle adaptation we've chosen to live for the last 7000 years or so---not very long in meta-historical terms. As an experiment in social organisation, it has yet to prove itself sustainable in the long run. And, from the looks of it so far, it may well not.

Gilda, (loved your Whitman quote)I was struck by the similarity between Spidey saying, "that animals live IN the will of the Creator?" and Daniel Quinn's "hand's of the gods." That's just the way that Christians talk. From previous posts, I know that Spidey understands that Y2K, even the devolution of civilation, is not the worst thing that could happen to the planet...or to old Homo Sap. Proceeding in our current paradigm---living our current story, as Quinn would say---would or will, over time, be far more detrimental to all critters, regardless of leg-count.

Decker, you're more of a fussbudget than even I. Your saying, "I am not aware of a published scientific experiment measuring correlation between 'irony detection' and intelligence as tested by an accepted instrument," indicates a shallow and perfunctory awareness of the "paths of knowledge." I suggest you dust off your epistemology text. "God is an iron," according to Spider Robunson.


"With man gone, will there be hope for gorilla?"---Ishmael (Daniel Quinn)

-- Hallyx (Hallyx@aol.com), March 31, 1999.


You are just another first class fucking idiot, and a perfect example of why I would prefer the collapse of what humans consider their "civilized" society, because it permits inadequate specimens like you to survive. Ok, so you want me to answer the original stupid question, can we live without the web - duuuuuhhhhh, gee let me see, maybe, yes? Wow, that makes for a real good conversation, doesn't it? So I guess it is against the rules of your civilization to answer anything except the original question, and how dare me venture off into a more intellectual discussion which was brought up by another person in the first few responses. What do you want to do now, send me to jail for discussing something else? If you had half a brain in your frickin head you would notice that when I said I wouldn't mind the collapse of "civilization" that pretty much answers the original trivial question doesn't it, Einstein? If our society would quit trying to cheat evolution we might be able to live and grow in the way that nature intended, and idiots like you would never have lasted this long. Get a clue!

-- @ (@@@.@), March 31, 1999.

HEY ! YOU ! YEAH, YOU I'M TALKIN TO YOU ! NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR, CALLING MY QUESTION 'STUPID'. Oh well, at least you recognized it was 'original'. Ha! Get a Blue man !

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), March 31, 1999.

I'm glad you liked Whitman's poem, Hallyx. That was all my post was meant to be, a poem, and a tribute to the great good sense animals.

Hallyx, I have no problem with anybody's belief in the "Divine Will, or God, gods, little people, or a little pile of burning chicken feathers, if that's what they believe in. But when they start in on sin, Eden and their particular brand of religion, with the intent of telling me to "ask to be shown the Divine Will one morning, and see what happens," it's nothing more than the usual Chritians dogma of "we must witness and convert as many people as possible, for we are the only true religion." I rebelled at that coercion when I was young, and I still rebel.

This is not to say that I dont believe in what I call a "higher power," for I do. I just don't buy the idea of "we are the only true religion." I think this is the greatest insult to civilization ever perpetrated by the human race. I have no idea what the "higher power" is. Perhaps it's a higher level of consciousness, or an alien, or a more humane and compassionate god, than that of the Christian religion. I don't know. But I do know that we have taken this lovely planet and exploited it, and I damn well don't think it had anything to do with "rejecting life in Eden by following our human will, and rejecting the Divine Will." If that were the case, all Christians would be on the rampage against destroying this planet, for they would see that it was a Divine Gift from God, who they claim created it, and they would lead a crusade to protect God's gift. They could do it, as they are so numerous. But their first concern is to save their souls, to insure being whisked off to heaven, and second, to bring as many people as possible into the fold for the great shepherd. (Talk about memes, Christians are a prime example of meme's success.)

But Christians follow the "dominion" over the earth Bible passage which includes "manifest destiny," a phrase also coined by Whitman, meaning, burn, rape, conquer, destroy, and exploit everything bright and beautiful. Most did not interpret "dominion" as caretaker.

I may not win any personality contests, (not that I give a shit) but I will say, that in my sixty years, I've seen the most devout Christians, those walking in his steps and living in his Divine Will, do the most atrocious acts, things I would never do. But they are perfectly within their rights because they did not commit any crime under man made law, and God's law is all that matters to them.

Why did Spidey assume that I needed the Divine Will? I would never make such an arrogant assumption about anyone. The most unhappy period in my life was when I attempted to give in to the Mafia tactics of the Christian religion, which means, believe in me, give up your own will, become one of the sheep in my flock, or you'll never get to heaven and be accepted by GOD. Believe or die, sinner. Well no thank you, I will not be blackmailed by anyone on this earth, or in the heavenly firmament.

Spidey said "Try it and see." I tried that route long ago and I felt like a traitor. I felt I'd be selling out my integrity for a cushy berth in heaven. When I finally quit trying to buy, as Ishmael said, that particular "story;" it was like a great weight of guilt was lifted from my heart and shoulders. I felt happy and I knew I'd done the right thing. As an old lady I knew once said, "I rejected religion, because I wanted to live on a higher plane."

And that's why I love Whitman's poem. And that's why I don't kill, eat or mistreat any living thing. And that's why Voice of the Planet, by Michael Tobias, Ishmael, by Quinn, A Gift Upon the Shore, by M. K. Wren and Letters From Earth by Mark Twain are my favorite books.

All I ask is freedom from religion, and for people to realize that one can be spiritual without embracing religion.

-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), April 01, 1999.


I agree with you about religion. Spirituality and religion are two very different things. Look how many people are killed worldwide in the name of religion.

There is information out there about spirituality and life in harmony if we choose to place ourselves in the path.

-- monique (me@home.here), April 01, 1999.

Religion is for people who fear hell.

Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

-- Max Dixon (Ogden, Utah USA) (mcdixon@konnections.com), April 01, 1999.

This is off topic (just me waving hello!) but what the heck.

gilda, I really loved "Voice of The Planet". I think I'll reread it, it's been years. Have you read Heinlein's "Job: A Comedy of Justice" or Robert Frost's "Masque of Reason"? I highly recommend them. Wow, about 20 other titles just popped into my head. Restraint, Donna old girl,...LOL

Max, Sweetie! I think of you fondly every time I fire up the ICQ...(((Max)))

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 01, 1999.

Monique, Max and Donna, Thanks for your recent posts; they meant a lot to me. I'm so often attacked for my lack of religion, that I'm touched to the quick when people understand. Monique, "the many people killed worldwide in the name of religion" is one of my reasons for rejecting it. Religious wars, inquisitions, ethnic cleansing, genocide, and dogmatic preaching are abhorrent to me and many spiritual people.

Max, I liked what you wrote. I've added it to my little book of quotes. Thanks. It's very true.

Donna, I've read Job, by Heinlein, but not Frost's Masque of Reason, but I will now. Books are my great love, and I like personal recommendations. Please wave one more time, and tell me the the titles of those other 20 books that popped into your head. I also forgot to mention Arthur Clarke's Childhood's End. Or as a friend once said, "The book about aliens that taught us to be humane," and Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters.

Emily Dickinson was one of the most spiritual poets I've read, she believed in a "higher power," but would not join a traditional religion. Many of her poems reflect her conflict between religion and spirituality. In a scornful letter about Christian preachers she wrote: "He preached upon "Breadth" until it argued him narrow--"

And the following is paraphrased, and inaccurate, but I can't find the poem. It's one of my favorites. Some keep the sabbath going to church, I keep it staying at home, with a Robin for a chorister and an orchard for a dome. A must have book is Emily Dickinson by Cynthia Griffin Wolff, one of the Radcliffe Biography Series.

My apologies from wandering from the topic.

-- gilda jessie (jess@listbot.com), April 01, 1999.


Fussbudget? (chuckles). From you, I consider it a compliment. When I read your retort I thought of Churchill. A woman once told him, "If you were my husband, Winston, I'd poison your coffee." He replied, "If I were your husband, madam, I would drink it."

Mr. Decker

-- Mr. Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), April 01, 1999.

A question for Decker, for which, I'm sure, he knows the answer: Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?


"I have found you an argument; I am not obliged to find you an understanding."---Samuel Johnson

-- Hallyx (Hallyx@aol.com), April 01, 1999.

Egads, Boswell! I respond with the modern day Johnson... Bart Simpson.

7G02 I will not waste chalk 7G03 I will not skateboard in the halls 7G04 I will not burp in class 7G06 I will not instigate revolution 7G09 I will not draw naked ladies in class 7G07 I did not see Elvis 7G10 I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" 7G13 Garlic gum is not funny 7G12 They are laughing at me, not with me 7G01 I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom 7F03 I will not encourage others to fly 7F03x I will not fake my way through life 7F02 Tar is not a play thing 7F01 I will not Xerox my butt 7F01* It's potato, not potatoe (This was used for the second airing, a reference to Dan Quayle's gaffe while visiting a school) 7F05 I will not trade pants with others 7F08* I am not a 32 year old woman (To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy) 7F07 I will not do that thing with my tongue 7F06 I will not drive the principal's car 7F09 I will not pledge allegiance to Bart 7F10* I will not sell school property (Also used in 7F14 - the only episode so far to use a "repeated" blackboard opening in its first showing) 7F11* I will not cut corners (It actually looks like this: I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS " " " " " " " " " " " ") 7F12 I will not get very far with this attitude 7F13 I will not make flatulent noises in class 7F15 I will not belch the National Anthem 7F16 I will not sell land in Florida 7F17 I will not grease the monkey bars 7F18 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 7F20 I will not do anything bad ever again 7F21* I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"- style font) 7F22 I will not sleep through my education 7F24 I am not a dentist 8F01 Spitwads are not free speech 7F23 Nobody likes sunburn slappers 8F03 High explosives and school don't mix 8F03x I will not bribe Principal Skinner 8F04* I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this) 8F05* I will finish what I star (This appears on one line; the rest is blank) 8F06 "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender 8F08 Underwear should be worn on the inside 8F09 The Christmas Pageant does not stink 8F10 I will not torment the emotionally frail 8F11 I will not carve gods 8F14 I will not spank others 8F13 I will not aim for the head 8F15* I will not barf unless I'm sick (Lisa has a blackboard punishment of sorts during the episode; she has to clap erasers) 8F15x I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty 8F17 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge 8F19 I will not conduct my own fire drills 8F20 Funny noises are not funny 8F22 I will not snap bras 8F23 I will not fake seizures 8F24 This punishment is not boring and pointless 8F18 My name is not Dr. Death 9F01* I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!") 9F02 I will not prescribe medication 9F03* I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge wrote "I will try to raise a better child") 9F05 I will not teach others to fly 9F06 I will not bring sheep to class 9F07 A burp is not an answer 9F08 Teacher is not a leper 9F09* Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl) 9F10 I will not eat things for money 9F11 I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call 9F12 The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee 9F13 I will not call the principal "spud head" 9F14 Goldfish don't bounce 9F15 Mud is not one of the 4 food groups 9F17 No one is interested in my underpants 9F16 I will not sell miracle cures 9F18 I will return the seeing-eye dog 9F20 I do not have diplomatic immunity 9F19 I will not charge admission to the bathroom 9F21* I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after 1992- 93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past) 9F22 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy 1F07* All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (This was not written "line by line" like the others) 1F08 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause 1F09 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers 1F11* My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (A reference to "The Fugitive") 1F10 I will not go near the kindergarten turtle 1F14 I am not deliciously saucy 1F15 Organ transplants are best left to the professionals 1F16 The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan 1F18* I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first used for the 100th new episode) 1F19 There are plenty of businesses like show business 1F21 I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball 1F20 Five days is not too long to wait for a gun 1F22 Beans are neither fruit nor musical.

List compiled by...

Gerard McCann

Please write if you need assistance on where to place your hyphen.

Mr. Decker

-- Mr. Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), April 02, 1999.

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