What happens when the ringmaster runs away?

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Dear Magnificent and Colossal Yourdon Y2K Circus performers,

I offer my apologies for running away for a week. The elphunt exhaust problems, (rampant in the world), Lon's absense, and my sense of weltschmerz, world-weariness, led me to bolt!

Are we ready to hit the road? The rails? Are you still there? Goddess knows I need a circus. :-)

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), March 29, 1999


Make room for many clowns Donna. The "Gary North Is A Big Fat Idiot" site is closing May 15, and we expect to be invaded! <:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), March 29, 1999.

Thank you, from the warm part of my heart all who responded to my cry for help in public and private messages. As I have found, support and time heals many things.

Now, I've got a hankering for spam-on-a-stick...where's the concessionaire?

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), March 29, 1999.

Rah rah rah! Siss boom bah!

Time to celebrate!! All missing circus performers accounted for!


-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 29, 1999.

Dearest Ringmistress Donna, Boy, we really missed you. We have tried to hold things together, as best we could, till you returned. Hope you can hold off till the weekend, as I must work, to make money for the TuTu's. You can count on the Krap sisters! Yolanda and Talulah

-- Marcy (YCRAM410@aol.com), March 29, 1999.

When the midway goes dark, the barker slides softly into the shadows, and gets tripped by one of the goils who races him to the floor, and the rest is ..... ...... for a less family oriented forum.

Where was I:






-- Chuck, a night driver (reinzoo@en.com), March 29, 1999.

WOW! Greybear's gonna get naked? This I gotta see!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 30, 1999.

'. . .only your mother can get you out'? I always assumed it was more like 'you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.'

-- Cowardly Lion (cl0001@hotmail.com), March 30, 1999.

I'd like to come back too. Can't spend a lot of time here, though. Am trying to train the other cats to wake us up, like Nelson did, when we forget to set the alarm. Not easy. They can't seem to get the hang of it. Have overslept a couple of times in the last week. Tricia the Canuck--you know cats, got any tips?

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), March 30, 1999.

Alright, the votes are tallied,...we're heading out Saturday, April 3, 1999! The conductor will call "All Aboard!" at 9am Pacific Standard Time,...

Now, where the heck did I put that tour schedule? I need a secretary, and a Xanex!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), March 31, 1999.

Now wait a minute. Just because my modem has been down for nearly a week and I've had to let you people take care of the concessions doesn't mean that I'm gonna start gettin buck neckid out in public.

Although the last time that happened it WAS rather profitable. The neighbors raised $8.13 cash and gave it to me if I promised I would NEVER do that again. Maybe people WILL pay - to avoid having to see me neckid.

Lets's get this show on the road.

--Greybear, whos dad always said "Never buy doughnuts from a naked man"

- Got...you bags packed?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), April 01, 1999.

WooWoo, Grey Bear, Daddy,...I should not be seeing this! (covering my daughter bear eyes). This should learn you to never let your modem go out...modems are directly corelated to neckidness...All you other clowns be forewarned,...double-knot your shoes!

Ah-hem...our Uncle has returned (albeit without his clown shoes,...shame on you, Uncle. What's this with all the elder statesmen of the circus and exhibitionism????) so I, (the semi-scatter-brained, and neurotic clown mistress of The Magnificent and Colossal Yourdon Y2K Circus, AKA: The MCYY2K Circus),...I declare that our the kickoff place for our world tour....departing Saturday, April 3, 1999 at 9am is:

Uncle Deedah's Front Yard. The train siding is all reserved, just down the road a piece....we'll meet at Uncle's house, thrill the neighborhood and load up the train.

What say you all????? Oh, by the way, I finally got my most recent publicity photos back from the shop. Whatd'ya think? Think fast,...we gotta get there by Saturday morning....

C'est Moi!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 01, 1999.

What a cutie! Would like a date with you.

-- lurker (from@way.back), April 01, 1999.

Aw, gee thanks, lurker,...(shucks! She toes the ground cutely) But my significant other-clown, Mr. Keys, might object if I start dating....Could we be good friends?

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 01, 1999.


Now you know that your cyber dad loves you. But we need to talk.

Now you look just fine and normal in the nice picture, but....

IF you're going to be a clown you need to try to use some clown like make up and maybe even get a wig. I know it's a lot of trouble but that is what it takes to be a clown - OK?

We all love you but you gotta do your part.

Front yard at Unlce's it is. Let's go. You can practice your make up on the train.


If you see a bunch of strangers lurking aroung this week and up to Saturday - PLEASE don't open fire. IT's just us. Please have 83 gallons of coffee ready by 5 am Saturday morning. We promise we'll clean up any er...deposits..left by the pack-o-derns.

Lastest news in treats. We've been working on a chocklate covered spam-on-a-stick. We've tried duck tape to try to get the chocklate bars to stay on but no success so far. Well, actually we were sucessful in geting the bars to stay on - you just couldn't bite anything off of the dam thing. More research needed.

Another report: Our research committee has spent days and daze now trying to devise what we want to call Circus Popers these are kinda like jalapeno popers but differ thus: we have attempted to take a vienna sausage and insert a jalepeno inside.

It does not work. I personally have had to eat the results of 847 fialed attempts. Now I like jalapens just as much as the next guy but this is to much to ask even for as worth a cause as our circus.

The only way I can describe the outcome and have you understand what it's like is to ask you to call 800 776-7967. We call this the Jalapeno Hotline. Then you will understand the results of this inhumane condition. DO NOT try eating this many jalapenos EVER.

The members of the food committee will continue (after a short break for healing) to research new and exciting ideas for out midway.

See ya Saturday.


-Anybody got any extra Pepto?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), April 01, 1999.

Gotcha, Daddy Bear. Makeup = Too understated.

Clowns, animal trainers, barkers, stevedores, and balloon pilots, everyone...hang onto your polka-dotted bloomers,...we're on for Deedah's yard for the world debut of The MCYY2K Circus!!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 02, 1999.

Me thinks you're thinking too small, and need to reverse the problem to come up with the appropriate solution:

Start with a bigger jalepeno and a smaller Vienna sausage - then try putting the Vienna sausage inside the jalepeno.

-- Robert A Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (Cook.R@csaatl.com), April 02, 1999.

Ladeees, Gentlemen, children of all ages, The Magnificent and Colossal Yourdon Y2K Circus has embarked upon the 1999-2000 continental tour. We are coming to your town! We are coming to your neighborhood! We are coming to YOUR front yard. (This means you Uncle Deedah) Today's the day!!!!!

Tickets available at most ticket outlets, Family, Senior and Group discounts available.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 03, 1999.

Is that coffee brewed yet? Robert, don't get any of that hot weiner on your tutu. There's no time to wash and press it again after a mudfight. Has the chief clown locked and hid the jiggle juice? Where's the marching band?

-- foot stompin (roaring@to.go), April 03, 1999.

Did somebody say foot stompin??? I'm ready to go too!! Deedah, you better warn the Mrs.!!!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), April 03, 1999.

Sorry I'm late, I've been helping the Mrs. pack those last two boxes into the U-Haul. We are going to live on the boat, and are ready to fire up the Evenrude as soon as the dogs have the "hang your ass over the edge" trick perfected. Just in case you don't see this post, there will be a note on the door.

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), April 03, 1999.

But, but, but,...(sounds a bit like an Evenrude, I know),...but, Uncle, we are coming JUST to see you!

:-( <---- notice the quivering lower lip, the tear just now dropping upon my cute little clown face.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 03, 1999.

By the way, Circus Lovelies,... we had a small incident at the train just down the road from Uncle's place. The engineer and I handled it, but I'm wondering if this incident is a portend of things to come. Here's what happened:

As I was standing with the engineer discussing the first leg of our tour, we were approached by a toga-wearing, scruffy-looking ruffian,...looked like some guy AWOL from the Roman army. He had no weapon, but said in clear Latin, (so's anybody could understand), "Capultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam ornnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam." My Latin's a bit rusty, but this is a rough translation: "I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head." Needless to say, when I explained to him that we were using elphunt compostables for currency he quickly withdrew. This tactic may work in the future and is a technique I would like all of you to learn. Could save our noggins, ya never know. Or in the fine tradition of the FRL, we could form projectiles from the lovely stuff, and acquire our own catapult.

Speaking of the FRL,...is our liason around? Could be time to arrange for our air escorts.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 03, 1999.

Donna, for quick catapulting is there some way to rig the cannon with elephant ammo? Fodder for Fodor?

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), April 03, 1999.

We could,...hmmmm,...we'd have to ask Dieter if he'd mind though...since he's the uh, Human Cannonball. Maybe if we get one of those hanging plastic evergreen trees that folks hang from their rearview mirrors it would help with the pungent elphunt aroma. Dieter? Whatdya think?

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 03, 1999.

Thank goodness that at least we had someone who could speal Latin. When the gut said "Capultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam ornnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam" I thought he was saing:

Captain Hobo, This peculiar ornament has a devil in it. If you will put a cap on your saxophone you will be imune to it.

I went out and bought caps for all the saxophones in the band and enough for all the members of the troupe just to be on the safe side.. Then Donna stoped me from actually putting them on the insturments.

It was a near miss to a tragedy. I thought even though Donna was kind enough not to mention this that I should confess. Since y'all would have wondered where all the new caps came from anyway.

Just goes to show you that it never hurts to have someone handy who can speak Latin.

-Greybear, Quis Custoidit ipso Custodit

Right this way folks - get you Circus Caps, on special today.

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), April 04, 1999.

Well gang, I made an executive decision that we'll do a three-day gig at Uncle Deedah's front yard,...(that stinker can't stay away for ever). Pretty nice neighborhood, roaming Romans notwithstanding.

I thought I got a glimpse of Rob in the crowd yesterday. Welcome back, Rob. I was worried we'd left you behind. Now quit hiding behind the bass drum, and call up the FRL folks. I'd like to have our escort lined up before we head out from DeedahLand.

Daddy Bear,...how were yesterday's concession sales?

All in all I thought the opening was great gang! Not too much bird poop on the customers, the fleas didn't run away, Dieter behaved himself, and the band sounded great, once I took the caps off the saxophones. I need to run a roll call,...there's a few performers unaccounted for. Last but not least, what do you all think of making Deedah's yard our permanent home base. We can easily reach all venues from here by rail? 'Course I have to check with Uncle, but I can't imagine he will object.

Credo quia absurdum est. The MCYY2K Circus is the Greatest Show On Earth!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 04, 1999.

Memo to MCYY2K Circus People:

We have so much work to do,..what with our performance and administrative duties we still need to make sure the information tent is manned constantly...we are going to places where the only thing they've ever heard is: "We're from the government, we're here to help, and that Y2K thingy is for nut cases." So...our work is cut out for us on multiple levels. Good thing we are all little multi-tasking computing beings...

As incentive, I'm asking Grey Bear to provide us with some of those nifty jalepeno and sausage snacks, a buffet, for our late night work session. You are responsible for your own Maalox, and beverage. Bring your pencils, tutus and hoops!

Sincerely,...Donna, Adminstrative Clown

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 04, 1999.

Hi Donna: Rob reporting for duty. The FRL will provide the usual contingent of fruitcake tossing SEALS for internal security escorts to the Circus. In addition, we plan on having the groundhogs available for any under cover, or under ground, or under anything work that is needed. A squadron of stealth geese can also be deployed on an emergency basis to provide for high attitude air cover since they are arrayed to engage and prosecute targets at long range. Hope this sounds reasonable. Let me know, Rob - FRL Liason to this here Circus.

Uh, did I see that there's some jiggle juice hid on this here thread?

-- Rob FRL Liason (sonofdust@com.net), April 04, 1999.

Officially, the jiggle juice has been stashed away, HOWEVER, I have a personal supply that I would be willing to share.

Donna, the clown-boss, juggling and jiggling.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 04, 1999.

Donna: I better lay off that stuff or I will be PWI again :)

Besides, remember what happened with the sheets. Thanks anyway for the off er, or on er, or sharing. As long as I don't see it I should be ok. Anyway, do the security derangements sound good?

-- Rob FRL Liason (sonofdust@com.net), April 04, 1999.

Ummmm, Leska,

Mrs Driver and I have a solution for you. Make sure that the lil' ones go to bed, not exactly hungry, but without full bowls. Then, as soon as the alarm goes off, SPRINT to the food dishes and fill them. You will need to do this for, oh, about a week, and they will NEVER let you oversleep again. (assuming that you continue to feed them immediately upon getting up, that is)

Our 3 are fully alarm clock trained, and take only about 3 days to adjust for daylight savings time.

The only drawback might be if one of the kids is unusually smart and decides to either sit on the alarm clock until it makes noise (if it resets on top) or throws it off the stand or headboard because "Daddy ALWAYS feeds me when this thing makes noise..." thus getting you up in the middle of the night!

Chuck, who also only pays rent for the real residents! MIAOW! Mousey dung! Mousey tongue!

Wacka wacka wacka!!

Love it when they bark at the bird!!!

-- Chuck, a night driver (reinzoo@en.com), April 04, 1999.

Memo to the Lovelies

Chuck...we are in sore need of your barker expertise...This crowd at Deedah's is a tough sell....get your bod over here.

Rob...sounds good...I was wondering if some of the groundhogs might want to try a stint with some of the other animal acts...it would be a knock-out,...an act not seen elsewhere. (Uh, the sheets,..yes, how could I forget? I'm blushing as I type! Do you think the episode compromised our working relationship?)

Other cast and adminstrators....there have been a few sightings of rag-tag Roman soldiers...remember: There is no money...only elphunt compostables. This could get your happy clown butts out of a serious jam....

Uncle Deedah,...we know you are hiding inside the house...come out and join the fun! Bring the Mrs....we won't embarass you. We are quite civilized buffoons!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 04, 1999.


-- here ya go (jiggle@juice.for you), April 04, 1999.

Donna: The groundhogs must remain in the ground, or under ground, or under covers or even under sheets - for security reasons. I don't think our working relationship has been - uh, what's that I see - Hmmm - I thought this was a dry thread but now there is what looks like some yummy jiggle bubbly - OOOOooooooo. How can I resist. Two glasses too, or is it too glasses two. Heh Heh. OK, someone obliviously wants me to enjoy a bit of jiggle bubbly so how can I refuse - wouldn't be right now would it - why, it would be down right un-neighborly and not polite now wouldn't it. Lets start out with just one.

Mmmmmm. This here jiggle doubly is wonnerful. I peel friity gud. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Hikup. Ha. Y do i still peel thirty? Maybee shoud i have nother grass. Now whereis it? Oh - heee heee - I pee it over dere! Ha ha Hikup heeeeeeeeee. Tastee yum yum jiggly bubbly doubly. Oooooo. Spinnnnnin roundand round. I bitter go sleepnowHickup.

-- (sonfodstu@for.git), April 04, 1999.

Oh, noooooooooo...Rob...!!!! You're gonna have to take the cure, dear friend...

Daddy Bear, Chuck.....DiEtER....? Help...Rob's on another bender!!!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 04, 1999.

I not Bender im Wob! now wherze my wubber car- i peel lik drviling. hikpucup.

-- (soonfodtus@wan.mykar), April 04, 1999.

TeeHeeheehee, Chuck, you pulled a Robism and mistook me for Old Git.
Ashton & I do not have any cats, or dogs, or kids, or goats, or elephants, or even any plants. Our life is geared to jump and run on a couple hours' notice to a patient's home and pull 24/7. We're taking a whittle break for dis Czarcust, to see it off right good.
But dat jiggled imbiber underchucking the undertakings is gonna need more than an alarm clock to get up in dee morning.
Somebody is going to have to eMail Diane zee Seeress to get her to foretell the most auspicious time to actuate activations of geese. We talked to her today and she is taking a Y2K breather -- lure her back with Circus aromas ;-)

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), April 05, 1999.

Rob, you can't have the car,...I'm using it for my, uh, negotiations, ya..that's it,..negotiations with the roaming Roman hordes...

You need to hit the sack and sober up, my friend! I'll help you through the shakes. Where in the heck are the faithful when you need 'em? Rob,...I will NOT let you have the keys. This baby's leased,...I mighta been born at night, but it wasn't LAST night.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 05, 1999.

Now just quit it with the car will ya, Rob...you are not gonna get the keys...not now, not ever......NEVER!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 05, 1999.

Lezksa u hurtmi peelings. ihavnot confuzd enybodi in wery lung tim. robism inddeed. i deman an aplotogeez to klear my nam.

Donnna sayzno kar two. o wellll Zzzzz hikup zzzzz i waana goto slepe Zzzzzz any Zzzzzzz wayy.

-- (gud@nite.bye), April 05, 1999.

Old Git, I apologize for being so slow to respond, but you got the same advice I would have given. The best (only) way to train cats is to want them to do what they do and encourage it. So, get up and feed them right away and they will start getting you up - ever hear of Pavlov's dogs? I know cats hate to admit it, but they too can be trained to salivate on cue.

I'm glad the birds did well while I remained on break. I hate to add to the confusion. Speaking of which, is Rob going to be comatose for long? I need to speak to him about the advisability of getting the geese to teach our seal escort how to goose step. I think that might make them even more formidable.

O, and about the type of currency in use here, do we really want people to pay in That?? I thought we had so much of it that we planned to sell it to farmers for ecologically friendly soil improvement. Besides, I think it's kinda rare outside the circus. That catapult idea has its benefits, though. I have one to use for my fruitcakes, but I don't think I want it's dual fuel compliant.

Gotta go, cats are calling...

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ne), April 05, 1999.

Found the Y2K bug.
now squash it

-- Mr. Kennedy (found@the.bug), April 05, 1999.

Its the bug...
Mr. K

-- Mr. Kennedy (ooop@s.iee), April 05, 1999.

Memo to Uncle: Wanting your wry irascibility to input to the circus tour planning. We have snacks and libations, we have tutus, fleas, cats, birds, clowns, elphunts and hoops. At one point we even had DiETEr in a cannon. All that's missing? You. Come out, come out!


Donna, the clown

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), April 06, 1999.

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