FROM: laocoon@doomgloom.edu

TO: Trojan Army Listserv < Trojans-L@troy.org

RE: WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS!

Hey Hector,

This was forwarded to me by Cassandra--it looks legit. Please distribute to Priam, Hecuba, and your 99 siblings.

Thanks,

Laocoon

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!

The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall.

It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned.

DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town, and kill your women and children. If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.

FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

Poseidon

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FROM: hector@studmuffin.com

TO: laocoon@doomgloom.edu

RE: Greeks bearing gifts

Laocoon,

I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I've seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the "Midas Touch.

"Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap. If it were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell anyone to post it to the Phonecians, Sumerians, and Cretans?

2) Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.

3) It's signed "from Poseidon." Granted he's had his problems with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the lack of a real header with a detailed address makes me suspicious.

4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal, after all.

Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the block a couple times you'll realize how annoying this kind of stuff is.

Bye now,

Hector

-- Hallyx (Hallyx@aol.com), March 17, 1999

Answers

....although large wooden rabbits are generally harmless as they tend to arrive empty.

-- Deborah (Monty@Python.silly), March 17, 1999.

I think this is undoubtedly just an 'Urban Myth.' I have never heard of a horse containing Greek soldiers before, therefore, I don't believe it exists. Besides, the public relations director for the Trojan mayor's office has assured us that the horse has been tested and is certified Greek-free.

But even if it does contain Greeks, surely this will just be a 'Bump in the Road' for Troy. Troy is a mighty and prosperous city, how could it be threatened by a few dozen scrawny Greeks? It might even be a good opportunity to Open Up a Dialogue with them. Yes, that's what it is --an opportunity for Troy to enhance its diversity.

We will probably find that the Greeks are just like us. It's time to stop listening to these doom and gloomers --they will only end up hurting sales down at the marketplace in Troy, and most of us have a great deal at stake in continuing the current positive business climate.

-- Tom Knepper (thomas_knepper@intuit.com), March 17, 1999.

Opah! What are you saying???! The authorities on Mount Olympus will no doubt fix the problem before it gets out of hand.

Yiannis Koskininos, messenger of the gods, has proclaimed that there is no cause for alarm... in fact, ALARM is the problem, he says.

He should know. he's in contact with the gods and godesses who look out for us.

This Golden Age will never end... take it from Yiannis.

-- Sara Nealy (keithn@ptd.net), March 19, 1999.