no text, no way

-- RecentDad (kind_of@a_loss.com), March 14, 1999

Answers

Could turn out to be a long-term relationship, Dad.

-- Vic (Roadrunner@compliant.com), March 14, 1999.

No, but the time after the birth of a baby is always extremely stressful. That and the terrible twos. Good luck to you.

-- Amy (leoneamy@aol.com), March 14, 1999.

Dad,

My apologies for the insensitive trying-for-humor remark above. I hope the two of you can work it out. If Y2K turns out to be as bad as some believe, it could actually help your relationship as circumstances combine to force the two of you to work together, communicate and pull in harness for the good of your child. Good luck.

-- Vic (Roadrunner@compliant.com), March 14, 1999.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, and join the other millions of people who have failed marriages.

-- zinger (zinger@zinger.com), March 14, 1999.

A marriage is to create happyness between male and female. If after many years of trying you cannot accomplish happyness, get out of the marriage! Life is too short to be in misery for many years!

I have been married to my third wife for almost 14 years. It has been the best years of our life! My wife calls it marital bliss! We have never had a fight and have never raised our voice against each other! We say "I love you" several times a day!

She is behind me 100% in preparing for Y2K! I asked her what we can do for entertainment, while electricity is off during Y2K. Her answer was "We can do a lot of fooling around!" It's fantastic to finally achieved happyness in our marriage!

-- Freddie the Freeloader (freddie@aol.com), March 14, 1999.

Who wanted the kid?
IF she did and you didn't -- dump her
If you did -- gotta deal with it for awhile.

-- A (A@AisA.com), March 14, 1999.

Freddie:

Does your wife happen to have a single sister just like her? Perhaps a single girlfriend? Good gals like yours seem to be very difficult to locate. Nice to know you've found each other. Congrats! :)

[Just a bit of wishful thinking out loud .... back to work.... {sigh}...]

Dan

-- Dan (DanTCC@Yahoo.com), March 14, 1999.

Sorry, Recent Dad,these things are hard even in the best of times. My first thought was the same as Vic's. Does she realize that this may not be a couple of month thing but could go on for years? It is a possibility and she may then change her mind. A long strained relationship is not good for you or the child. Your first responsibility tho is to do the best you can for your child.

I don't know your problems but maybe she or both of you could try counseling now to see if there is a salvageable marriage and if there is, it will grow back together and stronger thru the working together in this. Whatever the outcome, I pray for you and wish you luck.

-- sue (deco100@aol.com), March 15, 1999.

You didn't say how old the baby is. It takes over six months for the mother's body and hormones to get back to normal. Post partum blues/depression is very common and might be the cause of her frustration with you. It's very hard for a new mother to adjust to her new roles and life. Be loving and supportive and give it some time. Getting councelling now is a wise idea too. It's wise anytime there is problems in the marriage, often times the problems are simply due to miscommunication that snowball.

I'm speaking as an experienced mother of 3 kids and a 20 year marriage that had its own bumps and hills.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), March 15, 1999.

Thanks for your support, prayer, advice and, yes, humor. I need it all.

Stubborn, middle-aged, nonconformist people. Second marriage for me. Her first. That's a discrepancy, because I think lots of modern people think they've got "one to burn" before they really have to face the hard work of marriage. I know how much you lose in divorce, on the other hand. How many years recovering and preparing oneself for another try.

Our child is 2, wanted by both, and she went through those changes post-birth. I know couples who've taken 10 years to "rediscover" each other after that birth. Both deeply committed to the child, but they lost each other for a long period of time.

I've also known too many (dated some in former times) divorced moms with 2-year old kids. How did that happen, I wondered? Now I'm on the other end of it.

I've known couples like some of you who talk about the hard times and "bumps in the road" 20 years back in their marrigage. Hopefully, this is one of those times.

Actually, I'm grateful for y2k to challenge us and possibly bring out the best in us, giving us a good chance for that rediscovery. Get us out of ruts. I'm ready to drop the B.S. that has separated us, and we are both going to have to discover some forgiveness in us.

What's best for our child comes first. She is a joy that makes it possible to put up with a lot. My patience grows incredibly stronger from that fact.

Again, thanks to you. I'll let you know how it comes out. Meanwhile, we're just getting the garden started.

-- RecentDad (kind_of@a_loss.com), March 15, 1999.