I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by...

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day....Tomorrow's not looking good either.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through Peanut Butter!

Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with brie.

and finally,

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), March 05, 1999

Answers

from ET on csy2k:

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Now that the new year is here, we must be aware of the impending computer issues coming in the year 2000.

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.

We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find> that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS.

Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all > information associated with the business. As you begin using the program,feel free to put anything you want in MYASS.

As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS!."

It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, "Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS."

...................................................................

-- PHM (cubicle@grey.com), March 05, 1999.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

And your point is...

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), March 06, 1999.