Scared less at home and want to say a BIG thank you to......greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
I wanted to say thank you Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, Diane J. Squire, Sysman, Deborah, A, nope, Kevin, David, Name withheld, gilda jessie, Anonymous 99, pshannon, Ken Seger, Robert A. Cook, P.E., Sharon in Texas, Arnie Rimmer, Craig, Chris, mabel, Shimrod, Greybear, Why2k, Lea, fly, Not Again!, and, of course, Mr. Yourdon for providing this forum.
After I posted my original post I had a very restless night giving a lot of thought to the situation. I think just getting it out into words for other people to read helped.
The following morning before my husband went to work I confronted him and told him that I realised WE had problems that were there before this issue that we need to deal with. However, that for right now I didn't think that I can afford to waste too much time arguing with him about it. I said that I had the children to think about and that I felt strongly enough that I needed to get a little extra food and water. I explained that I wasn't going to go hog wild and that any food and water that I got would get used anyway and that it wouldn't be money down the drain. Anyway I have some of my own money that I can spend. He didn't argue with me and said that if that's what I felt necessary fine. He needed to go to work (understandably). He went to work and I set about making some lists. I have spent the past few days reading and shopping. I went and bought 'Time Bomb 2000' and have read that and my husband has promised to take a look at it.
We went out to dinner last night and I made a special effort not to mention Y2K. Funnily enough he brought it up. We had a couple sat at a table next to us talking about the stock-market. He started talking out of the blue about how they might be in for a shock next year. We had a bit of a discussion about it and I think I realised how difficult this must be for him to understand. It has been me doing all the reading and researching and it's not the same as just being told about it and having bits and pieces read out to you when you really aren't taking any notice. Even though I have spent a little bit of time reading about it it is still difficult for me to understand. Also, he goes into an atmosphere at work every day where there doesn't appear to be a problem and the Y2K issue is regarded as just hype.
Also, yesterday he ended up helping me sort out our basement a little to make room for some of the preps that I had bought. He didn't seem to mind too much although I could tell he wasn't overjoyed. It has helped me to feel less scared just to know that I have started to prepare.
Also, on Friday when I arrived home with another load of preps a neighbor of ours that was driving by stopped to speak to me like he usually does if I'm out and about if he is passing by. He's an elderly man that tragically lost his wife suddenly last year to cancer. We have lived in this neighborhood for the past 15 years and had grown to know them both very well. They had both been there for us through times of hardship and vice versa. Anyhow he noticed all the bags and asked if I had been to the grocery store. I said, "yes". He said, "I hope your getting a little extra to put away for next year." We then got talking about Y2K and I was surprised to learn that he thought it was serious. It was such a revelation to discover that this person who I thought very highly of felt that this was a bonafide issue and serious enough to prepare for. I mentioned to him that my ???? (my husband) didn't think it was very serious and that we just argue about it, etc. He said that if I wanted he would talk to him about it because he felt it was serious. I said that if the opportunity arose it might be a good idea, but I wasn't really sure if it would help. They both went off to a coffee shop yesterday morning and it was after that when my husband came home that he started helping me with the basement clear out. He never said anything. I haven't spoken to the neighbor, but feel sure that they must have discussed it. It was also a sudden decision to be going out to dinner that same night.
Now today this same neighbor and my husband have gone off to 'Sam's' We don't belong but our neighbor does. My husband asked for my list of preps and I gave it to him. We had a brief discussion about what was on it and I said that if he felt that anything needed altering or anything else getting he could use his own judgement. He left about an hour ago with list in hand.
I am seizing this opportunity of little relief to fire up the computer and let you in on what has transpired since I last posted my desperate plea into the abyss of the net. I received quite a shock at all the responses to my post. I thank you all and hope that you get to read this. It took me a while to find the other post and I debated whether to post a thank you there or not. I decided to post a current thread in the hopes that you might notice that all your responses haven't gone unheeded. I thank you all and it has given me much comfort to know that some people read my piece and took the time to respond with such kindness.
I also wanted to let you know that I am lucky in the sense that no I don't get beaten. We don't have those sort of problems. I think we have a terrible communication problem amongst other things.
I think I must read that book about men from Mars and women from Venus that several of you mentioned and that I have heard about. Perhaps it shall shed some light on our relationship and maybe my husband shall read it too.
I also, want to say a BIG THANK YOU to Edward Yourdon & Jennifer Yourdon for their book 'TIME BOMB 2000'. Reading their book has helped me put things into a better perspective.
-- Scared (Less@home.com), February 21, 1999
Scared, I am delighted for you. It isn't easy to do all the prep by yourself. But I think your husband is on the right track now, and as time goes by, I bet he'll becomes more involved. Just know that I, and everyone on this forum, are with you in spirit, and wish you the best.
-- gilda jessie (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
That's how "Get It's" are often born. Slowly, and one step at a time. Consider yourself lucky, Scared Less. Your husband is now "ahead of the curve."
Good luck, and best wishes...
-- pshannon (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
DO YOU KnOW THAT YoUR PoST has kinDled a faInt spark oF WARMtH IN DIEtERS COLD EmpTY HEART???? DiETER IS HAPpy FOR yOU!!!! YOUrDONViLLe is MOStLY GoOD NON-FOoLiSH PEople, is That not tRUe???? DiETER wiLL TrY TO LImIt fooliShness HeaR!!!!GOoD MOrNING???
-- Dieter (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
I read every word of your post and I am happy for you.
-- Not Again! (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
This is what this form is all about. I read your first posting and really hoped things would work out. Glad they seem to be on the right track. This is a devisive issue as well as an emotional one. Make no mistake, people will die. My goal is to survive..and to help where I can.
-- Mike Lang (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
Scared Less, congratulations! Sounds like you've got some help now ;-) Don't be surprised if your husband goes back & forth in his willingness to consider Y2K ramifications. It's a schizoid razor balancing act. Make sure you gently praise whatever he does to help, and show him your love in considerate supportive non-Y2K ways every chance you get. This prep for changes takes an emotional toll and a loving, strong helpmate is an invaluable asset.
Here's a suggestion for you & your GI neighbor friend & your husband if he understands some of the geek concepts Mr. Yourdon has been writing about in his essays. [ The script writer *must* have read Ed's right-on expositions about programmer issues ]
Go see "Office Space," a dumb geeky clever movie which is actually all about Y2K, in such a way as to probably go completely over the heads of the uninitiated. "Office Space" -- The whole movie is actually about Y2K! No hint of it in the review. We were just sitting there saying "This can't be happening ..." We went to totally blob and escape everything -- and there's the obsessions hitting us from the screen ;-D
The movie is sophomoric, stupid, funny, not quite a release because it shows exactly why Y2K is going to throw us all in the garbage bin. Toast. Flaming toast. Don't think it was meant to turn out that way but the writer included all the points the geeks have been warning Yourdynamites about, in a goofy visual fluff movie. Wonder how many casual viewers will see it? The audience was laughing more than we were. Go see the movie for laughs and a certain insider certainty of doom when you leave the theater.
If your husband sees it before reading Mr. Yourdon's essays, then when he does read them the lights will click on very quickly. It's a easy some-guffaws way to introduce ppl to a very serious topic.
Good luck! Keep us updated.
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx
-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
Thats really wonderful Scared! Thank you for the update.
You both are on your way now! Just expect the ups and downs, in emotions, communications and preparations, as Leska mentioned.
Best of luck and come back often.
-- Diane J. Squire (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
Scared, blessings to you. If there is one thing I hear more than any other it is that when this gets hard, it helps to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Here is a great quote to keep you heartened!:Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. The whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
- W. H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition
-- Debbie Spence (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
Thanks for taking the time to post an update, especially now you're so busy with Y2K, an' all! There were so many helpful and caring replies to your initial post,it really did me good to see something like that. I can't imagine what my life would be like if my spouse didn't Get It. It's absolutely wonderful--and such a relief--that your husband has tried to understand your point of view, even better that your Elder Statesman-type neighbor is a GI! What strikes me is that your neighbor must be awfully empty since losing his wife, and you guys can really help fill his life, just as much as he can help you with wisdom and practical advice. What a great mutual bargain y'all have there! Thanks for injecting such an uplifting note into a sometimes gloomy forum. Come back often and let us know what's going--you express yourself so well and we need the boost.
-- Old Git (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
Scared Less, this is wonderful news, thanks for coming back to let us know! Your post is the kind that keeps rekindling my faith in this forum and keeps me coming back. Reading one like yours erases 300 flaming/trolling ones.
Keep your courage. Communication between you and your husband is on the right track. And do read that Venus/Mars book, even if your hubby doesn't read it, it will make you understand what's going on between you both and give you patience to deal with it.
-- Chris (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
Scared, thank you for both your original posting and this one. You've done a valuable deed for not only yourselves but also many others.
-- No Spam Please (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
If your basement is prone to leakage, make certain you store your provisions off the floor. No need to have your hard work dampened by soggy surprises. :)
-- dinosaur (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
Wonderful news! My husband also was a 'hard case' in the beginning...and pretty much as you described, it took a I don't care whether you choose to ignore this or not -- I'm taking action! attitude to get him to wake up and listen. Once he got on board though, except for a few swerves in the road now and again, he has never gone backwards. His support has increased and it does make an enormous difference. As I told him, this is hard for everyone. If your husband is like mine and like all of us for that matter, we look at our lives and the plans we had made for our futures and suddenly there is nothing certain anymore...just a big gapping hole and that hugh sucking sound of all our ambitions and work going down the drain. If we are very lucky and the big guys are really working as hard as they claim and things are further along than we think, then maybe we can have a big Easter reunion with all of those hopes and plans for the future.
In the meantime, enjoy the new possiblity for improved communications you have just opened up with your husband. I think a lot of people are so terribly bored with their jobs and the status quo that usually has them doing the job of four and not seeing an equal return for their efforts that when something strange out of the usual and dangerous like Y2K comes along there is a renewed interest in the simple everyday things of life like family.
-- Shelia (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 21, 1999.
Scared, I'm so happy for you, that things are working out better. Just remember two things:
1) We can't change people, and they tend to get offended and defensive when we try (that's why, I think, your husband was much more open when you told him that you were going to prepare whether he was interested or not); and 2) You have a much greater chance of getting through this mess with fewer difficulties if you have a partner. In some instances that don't take much imagination to conjure up, NOT having a partner could mean the difference between life and death. Though I do not know the particulars of your communication problems, and I hope you won't think me presumptuous for saying this, I believe the potential for great calamity that y2k affords us should be of far higher priority than any disagreements we have on a daily basis.
-- jhollander (email@example.com), February 21, 1999.
This is good news Scared. Remind hubby this is not a waste. Even if nothing happens, your supplies can still be used. In fact, you're beating inflation! Keep in close contact with your neighbor, and maybe get a feel for others in the 'hood. The more GIs we have out there, the better off we'll all be. Glad to see this forum helped you. Has your other half been here yet?
-- Sysman (firstname.lastname@example.org), February 22, 1999.
Great News! I am so glad to hear of your progress. Even taking small steps in the right direction are going to give you a measure of control over your circumstances. Take care and God Bless!
-- Sharon in Texas (Sking@drought-ridden.com), February 22, 1999.
Thank you for the update!
Well, at this point in the thread almost everything has already been said. I am truly HAPPY to hear things look better @ home for you, I had been wondering.
This is a line from a song that came to mind as I read your post:
one million miles, it starts with a step or two...(snip)
you're on the road, thinking you're far from here, and suddenly find, you're very near.
--Michael W. Smith
Life is funny like that. Some days great, some days not so great. One step at a time.
It sounds like you're taking great steps!
-- Deborah (email@example.com), February 22, 1999.