Religious (?) Humor (?) : LUSENET : Friday Friends : One Thread

Although it can get you fired from the Drummer, I still maintain that good-humored religious humor is the best way to treat a multi-faith church like UU is supposed to be! How 'bout posting your favorite example?! Here's one for starters (more available on request):

From Rodney & Cathy's Joke List Submitted by: Diana Zawacki

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, knelt and said, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...."

-- Carl Arendt (, January 20, 1999


OK, here's another. Anyone else got some to share?

Modern Day Prayer

**Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am PST

**God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

**God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

**God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!

**Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

**God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

**God give me patience, and I mean right NOW!

**Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

**God, help me to finish everything I sta

**God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look, a bird -- ing at a time.

**God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?

**Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

**Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

**Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

**Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.


-- Carl Arendt (, May 27, 1999.

OK, folks...let's try one more!

Good Question

Moses made a third pilgrimage to Mount Sinai. After much climbing he arrived at the burning bush and removed his sandals.

Kneeling down, he said a prayer of entreaty:

"Oh mighty God, your people have sent me back to ask you a question about the Ten Commandments."

"What question do they have?" roared the deity above.

"They want to know, are they listed by priority?"

-- Carl Arendt (, January 16, 2000.

Moderation questions? read the FAQ