Two Digits for a Date (to the tune of "Gilligan's Island," more or less)

Author Unknown

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date.

Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four digits are extravagant, So let's get by with two. So let's get by with two."

"This works through 1999," The programmers did say. "Unless we rewrite before that It all will go away. It all will go away."

But Management had not a clue: "It works fine now, you bet! A rewrite is a straight expense; We won't do it just yet. We won't do it just yet."

Now when 2000 rolls around It all goes straight to @#%&, For zero's less than ninety-nine, As anyone can tell. As anyone can tell.

The mail won't bring your pension check It won't be sent to you When you're no longer sixty-eight, But minus thirty-two. But minus thirty-two.

The problems we're about to face Are frightening, for sure. And reading every line of code's The only certain cure. The only certain cure.

(key change, big finish)

There's not much time, There's too much code. (And Cobol-coders, few) When the century is finished with, We may be finished, too. We may be finished, too.

Eight thousand years from now I hope That things weren't left too late, And people aren't then lamenting Four digits for a date. Four digits for a date.

Y2K CONVERSION by Jeffrey A. Rice

To the tune of "HOTEL CALIFORNIA", with apologies to The Eagles.

In a lofty corporation, cool chill up my spine, reading estimations, of a buck or more per line.

Up ahead in the future, though the budget's been tight, we must convert the programs, where legacy code saved 2 bytes.

Desperately needing people, I met the contractor from Hell, and I was thinking to myself, "He could overcharge us and do quite well."

Then we surveyed the system, and it ruined my day. I get E-mail more and more; they would mostly say:

"Welcome to the Y2K conversion. Every companies fate, to find an invalid date.

Welcome to the Y2K Conversion. Every program we fear, contains a 2 digit year."

Our annual budget got twisted. We don't have MVS/ESA. We got a bunch of slow programs, that run all day.

As they talk in the meetings, Some tempers hot, Some things are remembered. Most things are forgot.

So I call up the vendor, "Please fix our online". He says "We won't be compliant here, till 1999."

And still our clients are calling, from far away. Wake me up in the middle of the night just to hear them say:

"Welcome to the Y2K conversion. Every companies fate, to find an invalid date.

Welcome to the Y2K Conversion. Every program we fear, contains a 2 digit year."

I don't manage Systems, They wouldn't take my advice. We are all just prisoners here, of a slow device.

To complicate our problems, our analysts look like fools. Instead of careful research, they argue leap year rules.

One thing to remember, when your programmers want paid more, They can get a big offer, from that high tech firm next door.

"Good Lord!" said our founder, "Am I to perceive, all this work with no improvements? This I can't believe!"

Code On By Jeffrey A. Rice To the tune of "Dream On" with apologies to Aerosmith

Every time I program I fear all these lines and that date getting nearer It never ends I run tests, I fix abends Isn't that the way everybody's got to get through Y2K

Yeah, I know nobody knows the results of those zeros I know no one's laughin' when the abject terror, sets in

Half our lib's have loads without source code Seems quite clear the team's gone to crunch mode You know it's true All this work comes down to you

Scan for the day, scan for the year Scan for the month, and 19's my dear Scan with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow recruiter might take you away

Yeah, Scan for the day, scan for the year Scan for the month, and 19's my dear Scan with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow recruiter might take you away

Code On Code On Code On Code until compliance come true Code On Code On Code On Code until compliance comes through Code On Code On Code On

Code On Code On Code On Code On

Scan for the day, scan for the year Scan for the month, and 19's my dear Scan with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow recruiter might take you away Scan for the day, scan for the year Scan for the month, and 19's my dear Scan with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow recruiter might take you away.....

-- a (a@a.a), January 14, 1999

Answers

...and don't forget the monthly contest for the stupidest thing said about y2k:

Duh-2000

-- a (a@a.a), January 14, 1999.

I got this one in the mail today

>Press release to General Public > > >Date: January 13, 1999 > >REDMOND, WA (API) --- MICROSOFT (MSFT) announced today that the >official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" >will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

-- Ibe Lurker (phantom@y2kusernet.com), January 14, 1999.

From Gary's discussion group:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3501/first_amendment.html

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), January 14, 1999.

HEEEEY!

You stole that from the ART BELL Show!! That's OK, I forgive you. Thanks, it's pretty funny and I always wanted to see the words!

-- (@@@.@), January 14, 1999.