I would like to see Ed Yourdon take a lead from Jeff Foxworthy of "You might be a redneck if...." fame, by writing a humorous account of "You might be a Y2K survivalist if...".

It might go something like this:

You might be a Y2K survivalist if....

you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

you think spam and rice are two of the major foodgroups.

you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

you've ever torn apart a beanie babie to see if real beans are inside.

you've bought a tub of spackling compound just for the bucket.

you have no hubcaps on your car because you're saving them for plates.

you've gotten a official letter of recognition from Walton Foods.

you've ever siphoned gas from your truck to put in your generator.

your christmas stocking is full of ammo.

you have more than one recipe for cooking Spam.

all the employees at Sam's know you by your first name.

for the first time in your life you've given your opinion of a 60 Minutes broadcast in a public forum.

MVI

-- MVI (vtoc@aol.com), November 29, 1998

Answers

Great idea, but I can't keep up with this barrage of clever humor. Just about everything on the various lists and contributions does look familiar, though. I do indeed have more than one recipe for cooking Spam; when I was a little kid, my parents were going through college on the GI bill, and Spam was a frequent, staple item on the menu...

Ed

-- Ed Yourdon (ed@yourdon.com), November 30, 1998.

Well done, MVI! Laughter is good for the soul!!

-- Bob Walton (waltonb@kdsi.net), November 29, 1998.

... your beanbag chairs are stuffed with real beans

you want to receive a fruitcake for christmas

the chairs you sit on are 5 gallon buckets with cushions on top

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), November 29, 1998.

You only bathe yearly.

Your're already feeding your worthless relatives.

You LIKE possum meat.

Telephones annoy you.

The mailman annoys you.

-- Alive in 2001 (sarmstro@seidata.com), November 29, 1998.

- you find yourself classifying casual acquaintances as GI, DGI, or DWGI...

- you know at least two kids who can explain why the correct term is 'suppressor' and not 'silencer'.

- you've actually laid awake at night wondering whether the tradeoff between more ammo and food, and an upgrade in Night Vision Gear is worth it or not.

-- Arlin H. Adams (ahadams@ix.netcom.com), November 29, 1998.

...you know by heart the email addresses and bio's of Ed Yourdon, Paul Milne, Ed Yardeni, and Cory Hamasaki...

...your attic is insulated with toilet paper.

...you invite your friends over for a "no electricity" party.

...the time you spend on this forum now exceeds your combined total for work and sleep.

...you are beginning to look at roadkill in a whole new way...

-- Elbow Grease (Elbow_Grease@AutoShop.com), November 29, 1998.

You argue with yourself about the best response to a limerick...

You'd give up your right toe for a spell checker...

You start the browser before you get your first cup of coffee.

Your're still trying to figure out the anagram for Uncle Deedah.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 29, 1998.

....you've told Paul Milne to kiss your gun toting, rice storing, ex-programmer ass.

MVI

-- MVI (vtoc@aol.com), November 29, 1998.

You think survival is for the self only.

You think surviving comes in a 50 lb rice bag with bunker attacthed.

You think you've survived if hardly anyone else does.

You think like Paul, who DESERVES his kind of lone survival.

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), November 30, 1998.

You wonder what your dogs food taste like...

You wonder what your dog taste like...

You no longer wonder..........!

-- Rocky (rharp1@webtv.net), November 30, 1998.

You've survived, but the people living with you wonder if they really wanted to...

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), November 30, 1998.

You think #10 cans make great Xmas gifts.

Your porch collapses because your were storing more than 3 55-gal water drums on it.

You've ever been in a custody fight over a diesel generator.

You think the hand-crank radio is the greatest invention of all time.

The directions to your house include "you'll need to bring wire cutters and a compass".

Dinty Moore makes your list of "most admired people".

-- Nathan (nospam@all.com), November 30, 1998.

You and your spouse plan to exchange Super pails of wheat for Christmas.

-- KLH (silly@y2k.com), November 30, 1998.

zYou sell your half million dollar house and move your family into a trailer on a y2k co-op with forty other families.

You contemplate alternate uses of a SPAM can after it's been opened.

You make plans to keep your pet safe from hungry bands of "Mad Max" bandits with names like "Rocky" who might view your cat as a food source

Your new "conspiracy theory" is that the Monicagate scandal is a plot to oust Clinton, then go after Gore and oust him so that the Republican Speaker will take control by the Year 2000. After all, there wont be elections

You consider buying a book of lymericks as reference material

Your relatives whisper and point as you walk into a room... oh, nevermind... they always did that.

You hope and pray for an alien invasion that will come and help save the human race with their advanced technology... opps, that was suppose to be on the "You might be a New Age Survivialist" thread

sorry

-- Michael Taylor (mtdesign3@aol.com), November 30, 1998.