I'm sure I am not alone in the personal and familial angst brought about by Y2K. However, I don't see much written about it here or elsewhere. My wife no longer wants to hear me talk about it, leaving me very frustrated and angry, as there aren't a lot of others in my area who "get it" and in whom I can confide. And we AGREE about most things regarding Y2K; it's just that she needs "relief" from it. I have been working on a Y2K project and doing exhaustive research on it for over 6 months now--it's always on my mind. "Relief" for me is possible only through sleep and the start of the NFL season.

Most of the people I do try to talk to are still in denial. I have to resist the "Messiah Complex"--those that don't "get it", I choose to ignore. I know that speaking the truth frightens most people, and they choose to dismiss me along with my "message".

I have spoken loudly to those I care about, and many of my cherished family relationships have been strained. Yet, just as I am convinced by all the evidence of doom, others are just as convinced based on rationalizations, etc., that everything will continue pretty much as it always has.

I realize this isn't newsworthy. I'm just curious as to what kinds of experiences others have been going through. I feel like I'm the only one going through this, yet I know this isn't true. Any responses would be appreciated.

-- Steve Hartsman (hartsman@ticon.net), September 02, 1998

Answers

Steve

Remember that old commercial that began Whats the matter Bunky, lifes got you down?

You are in good company and are far from alone in your feelings. I too have been derided and faced scorn from people I care about. It is absolutely amazing to me the reactions Ive received from those that I have cared enough about to try and warn, mostly disinterest, but sometimes I see the uncomfortable eyes of someone who feels they have confronted a lunatic. In fact it has been suggested that my wife and I seek help (psychological) because we are all upset over nothing. That sentiment came from former good friends, who we see little of these days despite the fact that they live next door. People will hang on to their delusions at any cost. It is in our nature as humans to avoid pain in the short term, even at the risk of increased pain in the long run.

And yes even my wife, who I love dearly and who agrees with me regarding the severity of the problems that we face, gives me grief from time to time. I live my daily life as best as possible, but there is no returning to a non-aware state of mind. Combine that awareness with a somewhat obsessive personality and I know that I am a bear to live with sometimes. There are times when that strain erupts into an argument, (Deedah, are you sitting in front of that computer again?) which is regrettable while perhaps inevitable (insert theme from Married with Children) considering that two strong willed people share one abode. Oh well (sigh) such is life in the face of worldwide disaster.

Keep the faith and stay strong, you will need both in the days ahead. But remember as you go that others tread there too.

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), September 03, 1998.

I have a couple sites to suggest. Townchat has a forum called Emotionally Coping With Y2K...great place.... the URL is: http://townchat.com/y2k/bbs/

just select Emotionally Coping from main menu.

Then there is our new Beyond 2000 Discussion Group for those who want to get out of bunker mentality to brainstorm on what we do after the smoke clears....click on the hyperlink to go there....below:

Beyond 2000

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), September 03, 1998.

Been there, done that... My wife decided I had gone nuts and left me and went to live with her parents. She took the kids (boy and girl aged 12, twins) and 60 percent of the sale price of our home in Sydney. I have now bought a relatively safe retreat in Queensland, but my kids are with mum and the in-laws in a different state, New South Wales. All I can do is get on preparing the place I have bought and hope they eventually see sense in time to GOOD (get out of Dodge) and join me; but it is a 1,000 kms journey (about 700 miles). The MORAL of this story is to shut the mouth and quietly do what you can to prepare on your own. If I have been more sensible and not kept trying to prove to her and her folks that Y2K is a real problem, maybe, just maybe, we would still be working as a team and I might not have alienated her. My wife and her parents are computer illiterate and cannot understand why this could be a bad problem. They are also fiercrely in denial and can find other friends who say Y2K is nothing to be worried about. TREAD SOFTLY, friend. But be aware you may have to do all the heavy work and planning yourself. Maybe there is a gap here for other "orphaned?" dads and husbands to help each other?

-- David Harvey (vk2dmh@hotmail.com), September 03, 1998.

You are suffering from "Y2K Syndrome." I came to the conclusion a long time ago that you cannot be all things to all people. Your life does not depend on informing others, nor is it your responsibility to inform others. Maybe what we really fear is having our cushy lives disrupted, and living day by day not knowing the extent of how our lives in the future will be played out. Do you wake up each morning wondering if this is the day your going to die? Probably not, you would go totally insane if you did. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your just one spoke in the wheel doing what you can do to survive. If your marriage is strong, adversity will make it stronger. I no longer tell people about Y2K. My survival is not dependent on what others think. By the way, I have a sister who 6 months ago told me I was crazy, and it was dangerous for me to think the way I think. I haven't communicated with her for a while. Out of the blue I get an e-mail from her telling me I was right and is telling me what to do to get ready!!!! I told her she was crazy! HA!

-- Bardou (bardou@baloney.com), September 03, 1998.

Well, my husbands attitude towards Year 2k can be summed up as "This Year 2000 thing is all a bunch of crapola dreamed up by fear-mongers. Any elementary school student can tell you that computer operated machinery isn't date dependent". This coming from the guy who flunked trigonometry. So I squirrel away supplies in hidden corners and pretend to have forgotten all about it. Of course, if nothing happens, or if he finds my supplies before something happens, I'm in big trouble. Almost as big trouble as I'd be in if I couldn't feed my kids. You can't win! But you should know that by now.

-- Amy Leone (aleone@amp.com), September 03, 1998.

Steve, just one woman's perspective:

I was made aware of Y2k this past July & it scared me to death! I immediately bombarded my husband & mother with my panic. Hubby gave me the "yeah right" look, mom didn't really want to hear about it because it sounded to terriable to think about. Her words "thanks alot now I won't be able to sleep at night!" So as hard as it was, I kept my mouth shut, did some more research so I would have some facts to back up what I was saying. Sent mom some information recently for her to read, approached hubby with "I really need to sit down with you and talk to you seriously about the information I've come across, this is so important I feel to the welfare of our family." So he listened, he's still a little skeptical, but can see the potential for some serious problems, and I've kinda left it at that & just give his bits and pieces at a time. Meanwhile, I've quietly made a food storage plan & begun to stock up. We live on the Texas coast and thought that Earl might pay us a visit, so went & bought a camp stove & a couple of extra lanterns. I joked that these would come in handy in case Y2k was a problem (of course you & I know it will be!) I've kinda approached the whole thing like preparing for a hurricane, something that those of us who live along the Gulf know the importance of being prepared for. Sorry this is kinda long, but maybe in our "panic" & heightened state of awareness to share what we know, we inadvertently push those we love away. I for one am trying very hard to remain calm & think & plan carefully (hard to do because this always on my mind & something that I want to talk about!!) Fortunately I have a couple of friends that also feel the way I do, so we can "hash" it all out among each other. And of course I'm always searching for new information & am so glad this board is available for sharing information & ideas. Thanks for "listening". Donna

-- Donna Buchholz (Dd0143@aol.com), September 03, 1998.

Reading all the responses here, I feel extremely lucky! My husband shares my concerns and we are planning and preparing together. We have each other to express our fears to and make plans with. Only my husband has a living family (outside our nuclear family). His family is open to disucssions about y2k and are making plans themselves. The only place I have encountered resistance is in the workplace. I have attempted to discuss the subject a few times....I'm either dismissied and ignored or told "don't worry, everything will be fine. There won't be any major problems". So, I simply stopped trying . Good luck to all!

-- Gina (gngdecker@ckt.net), September 03, 1998.

We all seem to be sharing the same experiences. Maybe it is us and not them. Since I have become y2k aware, my feelings are less fear and panic, but a sort of calm. In the face of the catasthrophic events soon to visit us, everything else becomes trivial. In a very short time, who will care about the Monica and Clinton Circus, or who will be in the Rose Bowl? Truth is, I am not much fun to be around with anymore. This business of preparing for TEOTWAWKI is serious stuff. It is hard to put it aside and join in the mundane activities of the ignorant. I don't feel superior, just busy.

-- Bill Solorzano (notaclue@webtv.net), September 03, 1998.

Printing out this particular thread and showing it to those you are trying to convince might help. You can lead a horse to water......

-- Tom (2scully@concentric.net), September 03, 1998.

Personal to David: Tough break guy. Get yourself ready, plus what they will need (wife and kids, plus her parents.) We might get out of this in some sort of order, but be ready to help them (assuming they can travel the 1000 km -- don't know your territory, so I don't know if they can make it through. Certainly: the interior has more self-reliant people than anywhere elso on earth save Antartica. But the coasts have more places to get help (give hurt(?) if civilization hiccups.

Treat it like the vet's did in WWII (WWI): they were separated for several years form family, but they did it for their families. Look to the long turn and keep your head up. (No: Keep Head Down .. you guys down under keep confusing me.)

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (cook.r@csaatl.com), September 03, 1998.

I'm beginning to get some backlash from my extended family. I am the only one doing any real preparation now; they have prepared for a week or so without power(!). They claim that "if North and Yourdon had any credibility, the mainstream news (CNN, Larry King)would be echoing their ideas by now." They have their heads in the sand and are snidely suggesting I'm under the spell of paranoids and "those militia and survivalist people." They are complete infants, seeing only what is most comfortable for them to see. My solution: continue to prepare, and charge them dearly for every mouthful of food they get from my stores when TSHTF, and treat them like the infants they are. I'm sure as hell not going to be insulted for warning them, and then have them turn around and suddenly start giving me advice when they wake up, like Bardou's sister. I had high hopes of a cooperative, familial situation. Now it will be completely patriarchal, on my terms or not at all. And there will be a lot of potential "family" members around, more respectful, and more in touch with reality, for them to compete with. You have to put your spare energy and resources where it will pay off for yourself and the community, not just be bled to death because you somehow "owe it" to people for being genetically related to you. There's just too much at stake.

E.

-- E. Coli (nunayo@beeswax.com), September 03, 1998.

I am really struggling with some of the things that E. mentioned. My husband is a programmer (EDS) and knows what is coming. My problem is my extended family- mom & dad, 3 sisters and their families. They have listened to me, (tolerated perhaps), and mostly feel like I am "extreme". They are not preparing. What upsets me is that I know exactly where they will come when they are hungry. I don't feel like I will owe them anything at that point, but I can't let them starve, either. I am storing up extra, but how much is enough? We have 2 teenagers (always hungry!) and they come FIRST! It would be a humiliating experience for my family if they had to come ask for food after I had warned them, but then they would be mad at me because I had so much more than they do. It just seems like a no-win situation. DIYD,DIYD I am thankful for this forum and for all of you who have shared your own thoughts. It really does help me feel like I am not alone. :'''-(

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), September 03, 1998.

Well of course they will come to you if TSHTF. "Family is that place that when you get there, they have to take you in..." can't remeber who said that. As for being all insulted and planning to rule with an Iron fist, forget it (they won't let you - remember these are the folks that fed you clothed you and changed your poopy diapers for YEARS! If you are a parent you know what I mean when I say keeping a little bugger alive is a full time job for about 4 years) Just do what you think is best and try to get along. Besides, if TSHTF in a serious way, you'll have to pull together to avoid the hungry cold hordes.

-- Aunt Carolyn (privacy@please.net), September 03, 1998.

Like I said, you can't win. I figure, my brother-in-laws have guns (something I refuse to buy) and they can chop wood. My sisters can operate the grain mill. If they show up, I can find a use for them. I couldn't ever be happy again if my family all died anyway, so might as well go down together. They were grateful that I bought them Ed's book.

-- Amy Leone (aleone@amp.com), September 04, 1998.

I'll keep this short...yesterday I read the "Letter from Tom" suggest in North's site. I was in tears during a few parts of it...If I let myself constantly believe that it WILL be this bad, I can't live each day.

So, I have good days (when I don't think too much) and bad ones. On the bad ones I go out and buy some more food, portable showers, more sterno, etc.

I am completely worried about my husbands parents (mine are dead). They won't believe us even if I do tell them, so for now, I won't. I will wait until it gets a little more mainstream, or until Jan 1999, whichever comes first.

I know that my husband and myself can survive the winter up here in NE okay, but like others, I don't know how much extra supplies to buy for the in-laws (which also includes 2 brother-in-laws and 3 children amongst them).

So, I just keep buying.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to the thought that nothing will ever be the same again. I can't imagine it. I watch movies like THE POSTMAN and wonder if that will be the U.S. in a few short months. I'm scared to think it will be.

So...I just keep buying stuff, saving wood and making lists, and then pretend that none of this will really happen...

(And if it doesn't, you are going to see 2 people party like you have never seen before...sigh...hope springs eternal....)

Thanks for these boards...they really help

Okum...

-- Okum K Lindsby (ws000@aol.com), September 04, 1998.

Let me write a few lines of encouragement (I hope it will be) to you all. For the last four months, I have been talking to whoever would listen, writing a biweekly Y2K newsletter and sending information I would find on the net to friends and family. For three and a half of those months I got nothing, nada, zip, zero back from them. I got nothing but dead silence in return. I often thought why am I wasting my time doing this?

It has all broken loose in the last two weeks. Five families have contacted me to thank me and wanting to know what they should be doing before the millennial tidal wave hits. And everyone of these has begun working with their family and friends.

And because these people have been talking, our sleepy little community seems to be waking up to the problem.

Some may pity you as a lunatic now, and despise you as a hoarder later, but some might hear enough of what you say to save their lives.

The full ramifications of Y2K are an enormous shock to people. It shakes up everything many people believe is unshakable. You have to be gracious and go very, very slowly with most.

Timothy Rebman

-- Timothy Rebman (trebman@megavision.com), September 04, 1998.