CHINA PAINTS TITANIC RED {President Jiang Zemin backs film's Communist values}

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CHINA PAINTS TITANIC RED

Suggesting that the movie Titanic evinces Communist values, providing "vivid descriptions of the relationship between money and love, rich and poor," China's president Jiang Zemin has given his unqualified backing to the film, which opened in Beijing last Thursday. Jiang's endorsement appears on a poster in front of the theater showing it, today's (Wednesday) Wall Street Journal reported. (Documents that went on display at the British Public Record Office in London last week indicated that the film's scenes showing third-class passengers being prevented from boarding lifeboats had no basis in fact.) The newspaper also said that the film's extraordinary special effects have spurred the government to invest $3 million in technological upgrades at its studios.

-- Dan Draghici (ddraghic@sprint.ca), April 15, 1998

Answers

Shhhh! Don't anybody tell the Chi-comms that the film cost $200 million to make, and has taken in over $1.6 billion worldwide. And don't tell them that Jim Cameron is looking to make something over $50 million (after the studios give back some of his points). And don't tell them that Leo is asking around $20 million for his next film. Let 'em think there's no money involved, that it was all a socialist labor of love.

Workers of the world, unite (in front of your local video store, when the video goes on sale)!

Cheers!

-- Kip Henry (kip-henry@ouhsc.edu), April 16, 1998.


Also, shhhhh! Don't tell the commies that one of the strongest themes in 'Titanic' is the importance of personal, individual values. Rose learns to live and fight for the value of ***her*** life, rather than simply live as she is expected or told to. Not exactly good proletarian, collectivist values, eh?

-- Thomas Shoebotham (cathytom@ix.netcom.com), April 17, 1998.

The Chi-comms might also want to edit out the part where Jack urges Rose to "have lots of babies" since forced abortion in China limits couples to only one child.

-- Dan Dalton (DDalton2@prodigy.net), April 18, 1998.

Yeah, Dan, but as a true communist, Rose ends up having only one. (Unless Titanic2, for which I'm sure you're crafting dialogue as we speak, reveals she had more..)

-- Bob Gregorio (rgregorio@ibm.net), April 18, 1998.

Bob, I remember in his brief and tactful synopsis of Rose's life as she's flying in on the helicopter, Bodine says something like:

" ... Then she marries this guy named Calvert, moves to Cedar Rapids and punches out a couple of kids. Now Calvert's dead and from what I've heard Cedar Rapids is dead..."

This puts her one child (at least) over China's legal limit. And yes, I am working on the sequel. It will be hilarious.

-- Dan Dalton (DDalton2@prodigy.net), April 20, 1998.



Dan, stop denying the fact that Rose is the communist ideal, morphing from a selfish, materialistic capitalist to a happy-go-lucky, caring-for-all maiden. Titanimaniacs of the world, unite! I'm actually embarrassed to have forgotten that line you cited, having seen the film so many times.

-- BobG (rgregorio@ibm.net), April 20, 1998.

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