Since Aimless is no longer with us I am now the new main dominant answerer. I shall be top dog until Aimles returns (if he returns, I hope he does) since he has gone this forum has gone dull and become littered with Albanian nonsense HURRY BACK AIMLESS I'LL NEED YOUR HELP CLEANING IT UP!

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2004

Answers

My trip to Greece

Last year, I had decided to go to Greece to see the island of Malakias, I booked the tickets with my three cousins; John Suckapenis, Con Phuckakarkis and Michael Ortripa. We boarded the Olympic flight at Melbourne (Australia) and were instantly amazed at how many mixed nationalities were taking the flight to the great islands of Greece. In the boarding seats behind us were two Japanese businessmen; Soogamoto Makisakisoo and Gamoto Soysoo. They were nice men selling a new brand of soy sauce called Gamo and they kept to themselves for most of the flight.

We sat in our seats in the centre of the cabin, and were pleased to find a cute girl sitting next to me her name was Faye Skata. On the other side of the isle sat her brother Troy Skata. I told Troy that he looked familiar and he said he used to play soccer for Ellas. I asked him if he knew another soccer player from one of the other teams that I knew of, named Troy Mooney and his sister Fahey Pootso but he said he did not know of them.

Our plane was delayed by the three mafia bosses who decided to arrive late and when they finally boarded they sat in front of us. Their bodyguards introduced them as Don Malaka, Don Poostie and the Great Don Illithio. Our pilot introduced himself as Captain Morae Gamisete and said that we were now taking off. During the flight the airhostess came to us and asked if we would like a drink. Her nametag read A-nna Hathis, I told her she had a beautiful name. She said thankyou and that it was shortened for work reasons. Her real name was Anna Pana-Gamithis.

Soon after another hostess came with the meal trolley, her name was Kathy Kee. The in-flight movie started and it starred Dolly Parton and Charlton Heston. It was called Parton ke Heston. It also starred Arthur Classi, Arthur Hesso and Dora Togamao. It wasn't all that bad. We arrived in Greece and were met at the airport by John's cousin; Anita Suckapenis and her Arab female friend Ali Gamiem. Ali took an instant liking to me and asked me my name. I told her I was called Aris Spyronikolapapahatziharambosdimitropoulakis. She said I had a very nice name and that it was easy to remember. She asked what part of Melbourne I was from and I said Reservoir. She told me she had a friend from Reservoir called Sue Benny and wondered if I knew her. I said no the only Sue I knew of was Sue Vgenny and that was it.

That night, we all went to a Greek baraki called Club Gyros with Don Maxilari. The group was huge. There was Othelo Moonee and his mate Lou Louthi, the two Kim's; Kim Ismeno and Kim Ismeny, Tom Poosti and Yanis Papatrechas. I mingled with the crowd until I came upon two Swedish girls; Ivana Hump-yu and Ivanat Yor-kok. They were very boring so I started speaking with a German guy at the bar; Achtong Hostong and his friend Achponi Vgalsong. The barman was Russian and he said his name was Yuri Tsoglani. In the end I found true love with a girl I met there at the club she was also from Melbourne. Her name was Ima Malaka, she said that she was married before but she is now divorced. She was wed to an Indonesian man and her married name was Ima Pootana. We knew we were in love and after the holiday in Greece we came back to Australia together. She told me her father had fought in Gallipoli and I was amazed because my father had battled in Travapoli. We had so much in common that we knew we would be together forever.

One year has passed and we are now married. At our wedding John Suckapenis was the best man and Ima's friend Dora Tothelo was Matron of Honour, Tia Thelis and Dina Sekano were the bridesmaids. Father Parkyorkarkis married us at Ayios Vlamenos and her new name is Ima Spyronikolapapahatziharambosdimitropoulakis and we are very happy together.

IT'S GOOD TO BE GREEK!!!

-- Anonymous, October 07, 2004

ATHENS 2004 Update

Despite rumours, Greece has announced they will be ready for the 2004 Olympics.

However, some events have been changed Athens, Greece - Official Events for Olympics 2004

Cigarrette chain smoking marathon First person to cough up a lung wins!

Gathering olives from trees The Spaniards reckon they can take the Greeks on this one.

Long distance spitting Ftou!

Nastiest armpit smell This event takes place on any Bus in central Athens

Thickest moustaki! Females are welcome to compete too Goat herders' relay Bulgaria were disqualified last year because they lost their bell.

Tavli Ask for Kostaki at the kafeneio and don't eat the sporia

Komboloi (worry beads) toss Both distance and accuracy count for points, double points if you get it stuck in the klimataria

Longest duration wearing the same piece of clothing. Qualfiers for this event go straight into the final round for event 4

Papaki (small motorbike) race to the beach 10 bonus points if you knock over a German backpacker

The evil eye stare-down competition Free xematiasma for anybody who arrives before 10pm

Diloti/Xeri playing Bonus points if you slam the cards down so hard you knock over the bowl of xerous karpous.

Frappé drinking Bonus points available if you can still look tough and macho with a frappé in your hand.

-- Anonymous, October 07, 2004

Thankyou aimless, but remember i cant do this grueling task alone so I really need your help.

-- Anonymous, October 05, 2004

Alexander the GREAT! was obviously from GREAT! Britain The evidence: he worked tirelessly for a "united kingdom"! got awfully frustrated with his greek teacher.was an ardent supporter of the library system. had thick foppish lionine reddish blonde hair and buggered young beautiful men like some Etonian brideshead revisited crumpet lover; so was convinced that the entire globe should go pink! would travel to the ends of the earth for an Indian but could only be bothered with a Thai or Chinease if they delivered. he loved his muvva dearly; and she thought he was gods gift. intense passion for man united with other men. behaved irrationally whilst intoxicated , not listening to the wise words of aristotle: "calm down we've all had a drink!" roaming around afganistan and iraq kicking seven bells of crap out of the local inhabitants used a copy of the sun as a shield and a flag

-- Anonymous, October 04, 2004

It's a deal!

Let the word go forth from this day forward, that the torch has passed to a new Forum Daddy, who will pay any cost, bear any burden to see that the Alexander the Great Q&A Forum shall not be overrun by Albanians posing as Illyrians, or Serbs posing as Macedoninans, or Greeks bearing gifts that ring strangely hollow when you thump their wooden sides. As our new Daddy, Bill Clay promises to send any and all such posters to the surface of the moon and return them safely - possibly before the end of the decade, if he feels generous.

-- Anonymous, October 04, 2004

ORIGIN OF SHIT Ever wonder where the word shit comes from? Well here it is. Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was years ago) by ship. In dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the sailors to "Ship High In Transit." In other words, high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

-- Anonymous, October 04, 2004