Me and my cousin are both 16 years old. He lives at home with just his mum and recently he has been having a lot of problems at home. His mum treats him like a five year old and so his dad asked him if he would like to go live with him. My cousin jumped at the offer and began to prepare to go and live with his dad and his stepmum. His mum wasn`t very happy but accepted the fact that he was leaving. Just as everything was being sorted my cousin did something to upset his dad. His dad lost his temper with my cousin. Now his dad refuses to have him go live with him. Even though they have tried to talk his dad still refuses to have him. His mum also refuses to have him because she feels as though she cannot love him after what he has done to her. My cousin feels very down and has talked seriously about running away. I feel sorry for my cousin and I want to help him but I don’t know how.

Muddled

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2002

Answers

Dear Muddled, Thank you for writing to me. You seem to be quite worried about your cousin and eager to help him, though you are not sure how. I imagine that he must be feeling rather rejected, unwanted and unloved by his mum and dad at the moment and I wonder where he is staying right now. I really hope that he knows how concerned you are about him.

I understand, as you wrote, that you are 16 old, and unfortunately, that makes it quite hard for me to become engaged in a counselling relationship with you since I currently do not offer a counselling service to people under 18 years of age. However, I would like to suggest that you make contact with , an online web site which offers directly online counselling to children and young people.

I am also including further information below, sites that are devoted to young people in particular, which I hope you may find useful to explore perhaps. SOME WEBSITES FOR YOUNG PEOPLE : http://www.youth2youth.co.uk (for up to 19 years old- The telephone, email & online chat helpline run by young people for young people, with library, links etc.) www.at-ease.nsf.org.uk (mental health resource for young people under stress) www.pupiline.org (click on 'Issues & Advice') www.thesiteorg.uk (by Youthnet) http://www.teentalk.com (need to register) www.nspcc.org.uk/homepage2/ www.childline.org/welcome/kids.htm www.mentalhealth.org.uk/peer/cyplinks.htm www.ohn.gov.uk/gateway/people/population/young.htm

I am sorry I am not in a position to be of any further help to you. I hope you will find the help and support that you feel you need at this difficult time soon. With best wishes Christina

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2002

...I noticed that towards the end of my second paragraph, the site was not transferred on submission (!?). In any case the site was : http://www.childpsychotherapists.com/

Christina

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2002

Dear Muddled

I understand your confusion and your concern over you cousins plight I don't usually counsel 16 year olds over the net but I am happy to offer you some advice.My advice would be to suggest to him to go to a social service agency that look after young people, like your cousin ,who have no accommodation at the moment I would also suggest that if he is still at school he could go to his guidance counsellor for help and support. you can be of help by listening to him and encouraging him to get ptactical support in the way of accommodation. Do you rhink your parents can get involved? Keep yoor spirits up ,you are on the right tract,don't forget to get some support yourself.

-- Anonymous, November 25, 2002

Dear Muddled, Thank you for writing. It must be really hard for you at the moment with your cousin in such a predicament and it sounds as if his relationships with his Mum and Dad are very strainned. Having upset his dad to such an extent that he can't go to live there and his mum being upset because he had chosen to leave her, he must feel as if his opitions are very limited. I am wondering how she might respond if he were to speak to her saying how sorry he was for upsetting her and try to make his peace with her again. Perhaps she might let him stay for a while until the situation is resolved and who knows, maybe she will be able to forgive him after a while. I guess that your friendship is a support to him at this time and if you would like to write again then I would be pleased to hear from you. All the best for now Rosemary

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2002

Dear Muddled

Thank you for getting in touch with me. How helpless you must be feeling just now. Your cousin must be feeling very much on his own without having either of his parents to turn to for help. I am glad he has you during this very difficult time for him, even though it might be quite upsetting on you too. I wonder, as he is a family memeber, if there is any way in which your parents may be able to help at all? Have you been able to talk to them about any of this yourself? I wonder if your cousin might be able to talk to his Mum, appologise about how things have turned out and also about how he feels about being treated like so young a child at the age of sixteen. By explaining to others how we are feeling about things helps them to see a way forward. His needs are every bit as important as hers are, and perhaps she has not seen that he has now become a young man. Please feel free to contact me again should you feel you would like to. I am sending you details of how I work and the commitments we will both need to make if you should decide to do so. Sandy

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2002