There was a recent post from Helena talking about not taking people for granted, specifically spouses. It touched my heart. After reading some of the current posts I got to thinking about this forum. Just a short while ago, everyone was in a tizzy about Countryside Magazine deciding to stop their affiliation with this forum. Many were afraid the forum would go away, but alas it did not. For a couple of short weeks all posts were friendly, little or no back biting, judgemental comments, etc. I think maybe we were just all glad it was still around, but as humans as time has evolved, old habits have begun to surface again. I guess you could say a few take this forum for granted.

I have tried not to feed into very many of the fires, in fact I observe more than I participate. When I first started watching this forum a year and a half ago, I soon recognized that if one wasn't careful, one could stir up an ugly pot, very innocently, such as Bluebird just did. She posted an innocent and helpful post, but almost got scared away. Paul very graciously explained his response and all is well, but it is just an example. Not everyone has been as gracious as he was. (my hat is off to you, Paul). I personally am afraid to post a question for this very reason. Isn't that sad? Because the one thing I also have observed is that there is a wealth of knowledge and good people out there that are ready to respond. 99% of all of you are great people, quick to help, quick to pray, quick to share a laugh, etc. There are a few, however, that really have spoiled some great threads. Please I urge you, and you know who you are, please go play somewhere else and let us enjoy one another. Let this forum be what it was intended for, a source of information and a source of support. My mom always told me, "if you have nothing good to say, just don't say anything." Let us all count to ten before we respond. Let's not take this forum for granted.

P.S. For all that don't want to play fair, be warned, there are several prayer warriors out in this forum who are probably praying for you! And I know just from a few of the responses, you sure won't like that.

-- jean from ky. (dandrea @duo-county.com), April 03, 2002

Answers

'"A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one" --Sam Rayburn (1882-1961)

-- B. Lackie - Zone3 (cwrench@hotmail.com), April 03, 2002.

I for one really appreciate this forum. Knowing that so many helpful people are out there is such a blessing. The few times that I have written in for advice I've gotten so many kind replies, helpful advice, and encouragement. I am amazed sometimes how heated the discussions can get. I, too, try to stay clear of getting involved in those "hot" threads. I think it's a shame that even over the internet some people just can't seem to get along. The old saying "live and let live" seems to come to mind.

-- cindy palmer (jandcpalmer@sierratel.com), April 03, 2002.

Amen (so be it)! Thank you Jean!!! Cara

-- Cara Dailey (daileyd@agalis.net), April 03, 2002.

I don't understand why you are afraid of asking a question. Seems to me that one of the problems today is that individuals are afraid say when something is wrong or question what they are being told. Stand up and state your mind. As in everything else, not everyone will agree or give the answer you want to hear. If you don't want to post a question that's fine; just don't post a complaint about the "possible" responses you "may" receive (this one included:-).

-- mike (uyk7@hotmail.com), April 03, 2002.

Don't be afraid to post a question or comment. It's nice to agree to disagree at times. Don't think there is anything wrong with a little debating on certain topic either. We just need to remember to be kind and understanding with others. Some of us don't think things through before posting and that's OK. Just be patient with each other. I would hate to think where I would be today if people hadn't been understanding and patient with me. I shudder...now...at the things that I said and did in the past. Just didn't know any better at the time but always considerate of others. Afterall....a family even our Countryside Family will understand. Have a Great Day !!

-- Helena (windyacs@npacc.net), April 03, 2002.

I have been thinking about this very topic. So this is the time I guess. One of the things that makes this forum so valuable is that when you ask for advice or post your opinion of something and want to find out what other people would do or what they think, is this. You are going get, unfiltered, un prejiduced AND undiluted opinions. What I mean by that is that if you ask a good friend or a member of your family something a bit "heavy" they are sometimes limited in thier responses by the fact that they know you, they will try not to hurt your feelings or many other things colored by the fact that in one way or the other, they are close to you. If I want to bring up a topic on this forum that might be politically touchy(Lets banish all those useless Gyms in our Schools!") or Socially tender(Rosie O'donell is a liberal twit!)I know I am going to get some responses that are untarnished by any one's feelings out there for me personally because they and I ,are anonymous. and I am going to get opinions from a broad spectrum of political and religious beliefs. This interaction has a lot of value. I can answer a post like that by responding "Oh please, Rush Limbaugh is a war monger!" and not soften it with lot of platitudes or couch it in a lot of camouflauge so I won't hurt the feelings of the person I am responding to. Because we don't know each other, we are able to interact and be much more forthright and "up front" with our responses. Interaction without close emotional ties is very valuable and we can indulge in it here. It only gets dangerous if you are in close "physical proximity" with the other person you are interacting with and not using any "couth" and road rage is a prime example. Of course if everyone who drove a car had two brain cells to rub together we wouldn't have that ridiculous stuff either! So, once in a while there is "forum rage". OK, we can handle that. I for one love the idea that I can ask for opinions and get them, honest ones, not "correct", not always "nice" and not a bunch of Pablum. when I hear some of youse guys saying "be nice, be nice" I wish you spent some time in the US Senate observing the behaviour of the Senators when they finish some of those heated debates. They go out and have lunch together, play golf whatever. We can agree to disagree too,, we don't need censorship! LQ

-- Little Quacker (carouselxing@juno.com), April 03, 2002.

You make many good points. I've been coming here for several years and have met alot of good folks I wouldn't have met otherwise. The instant access you get to the collective experience and knowledge this group has is great but people are different, tho most of them/us, well meaning. Each of us has their own set of hot button issues and things we're more sensitive to than others, so when candid, honest opinions are presented that are contrary to what we believe its inevitable that someone is liable to get upset about it. Thats usually when things heat up and thats OK too as long as we remain civil and respectful.

I sometimes think that if we were to all actually meet out there in the real world, or even if we were actually neighbors, I wonder if we'd "talk" as much as we do here. I kinda doubt it.

-- john (natlivent@pcpros.net), April 03, 2002.

Little Quacker, you're right on as far as the undiluted, unmitigated responses go. But that can be acomplished with far less invective and inflammatory rhetoric than some members of this forum are prone to. Disagreeing without being disagreeable is perfectly acceptable.

I've been lurking around this forum for a year or two now and frequently see posts that make me see livid red. And some of the responses aren't much better. I don't think it is productive to fuel bad feeling with more of the same.

We all know what opinions are like; it's just too bad some folks feel the need to act like one. That said, Note that I find this forum very informative, enlightening and overall very friendly -- almost to the point of being gushy. But that's MY problem. ;o)

-- Jake de MA (ringelman5@yahoo.com), April 04, 2002.

I for one really appreciate all the posters here. Even if we don't agree or will argue about philosophical differences, there is much to be learned from the variety of people to be found here and from all our collective experiences.

-- Lav, Central Maryland` (lavenderbluedilly@hotmail.com), April 04, 2002.

I know you all don't know me but I think you are forgetting the people that fought these same wars to give you this forum. Forget Countryside: it was never their forum to begin with. You should remember names like Greenbeanman, Gerbil, Doreen, Vicki and even yours truly. Without us there would be no forum for you to hisss in.

Be kind to one another as far as possible. John was correct( and John is an oldie but goodie around here)in his above post. If you lack backbone than you'll grow one and if your a jackass than you'll get kicked a few times. Kinda like real life ain't it ? But always remember the past and those who went before you. For if you do not--- you will repeat it

-- Joel Rosen (JoelnBecky@webtv.net), April 04, 2002.

That was nice Joel.

Little Quacker, the only time you see me yelling "fowl" is when new folks come on the board, or fake email address folks come on the board with posts that are only worded to inflame.

Jean like all things the forum ebbs and flows. Your post is very similar to my thoughts on how the actions of a few on this board were in a sense censoring it for alot of folks. Good families I know would only lurk here, because they didn't want to be attacked. And you are right, it is sad. Vicki

-- Vicki McGaugh TX (Nubians) (vickilonesomedoe@hotmail.com), April 05, 2002.