Filing a restraining order against a 13 year old

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10 yr.old boy - 13 yr old girl. She did not like it when his mother emailed her and told her that he was too young to be serious and was more into friendship. And for her to stop saying she loved him and save it for when she is older and knows what it means. She has been writing insulting emails, calling the mother a B**** and her mother has sent emails saying that she approved the emails her daughter sent. Her daughter also threatened the boy. She is going to get him the next time he goes to the skating rink. Can a restraining order be filed against the girl and her mother to keep them away from the skating rink when the boy is there? Can the emails they sent be evidence to get a restraining order?

-- Vanessa Hayes (tvhayes@earthlink.net), March 25, 2002

Answers

Sorry for your situation. I think you need to get a consultation with a lawyer. Emails are considered legal documents in the business world, so I would imagine they can help you, if you save them all.

I reccomend not responding to any of them, avoiding her, and hopefully, she'll find someone else to avert her attention to. If they go to school together, you may want to mention something to them, if you think it may be something that could turn violent.

Good luck!

-- Wendy A (phillips-anteswe@pendleton.usmc.mil), March 25, 2002.


Go for it. What do you have to lose?

-- lynne (notatthis@time.com), March 25, 2002.

One short term, and possibly a long term solution would be to change your e-mail addy. Or, depending on your e-mail client, you could set it to block e-mails.

Also (this would depened on how you get e-mail service), you could inform you ISP and provide them details of the problem (they may ask you to forward the e-mails to them). They could take action such as blocking them, or even arrange for them to lose their e-mail ability. Again, I'm not privy to your (or their) ISP arrangement, but there are laws to protect you from unwanted e-mails. Also, the ISP may be faced with some liabilities if they don't address the issue.

Regardless, do not reply to them directly, and don't ever delete their e-mails. If the issue needs to be escalated (law enforcement or court) you'll need as much information as possible. Although you can't see it, there are details in the e-mail that provides proof of source (retreived in a special way) which you would not have via a regular printed copy. Also, by responding your puting yourself in the same boat as them. Doing so could cause you to lose some credability.

As far as at the skating rink. Let the operators know of the problem. Show them the e-mail if they (the 13yo, or her mother) were follish enough to put it in writing. The last thing the ring operators want are problem patrons, so they may at least keep an eye out. If they see a problem, they will take care of it. Again, don't you or your son repond/retaliate. You could face the same consequence.

I would do these things before contacting a lawyer (they cost money and IMO make more money if the problem can't be easily resolved) and going to court.

If ulitmately you need to go to a lawyer/court, these things I'm suggesting would bolster your arguement and credability, minimize the potential for litigation (Again IMO - lawyers love litigation), and stiffen whatever order or penality the court may impose.

Be mindful that I am no expert in these matters, don't know all the details of your situation, so what I'm saying are opinions and may not insure a successful solution to your problem.

Good luck,

-- Rudy (rbakker@wcrtc.net), March 25, 2002.


I'd definitely keep my son home from the roller rink for a while. Surely, he'll understand why this is necessary. The girl is obviously unstable, as is her mother, and there's no telling WHAT she might do.

-- Shannon at Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary (gratacres@aol.com), March 25, 2002.

I'm a youth advocate with a domestic violence organization in Oregon. In most states minors can not get a restraining order, however they may be eligible for a stalking order. In the past few years it has become painfully obvious that even young children are capable of committing some pretty horrendous crimes. I would advise contacting the police ASAP. If nothing else, the complaint will be on record if the problem persists. Also the advice to contact your ISP about the problem is a good one.

-- Jane (jwagman@mail.com), March 25, 2002.


I completely agree with Shannon! The mother and daughter sound very unstable. Could your son find another place to go for recreation? Also, keep very careful copies of all documents. Another idea would be to take copies of all emails to the police and get their opinions.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), March 25, 2002.

Response: Small town area, skating rink and movie theater is all that there is. He has a skating party planned for his birthday in a few weeks. He goes skating often with his cousin. The thing is, she may try to cause trouble for my son's cousins also, who go skating a lot. She doesn't live in the city but in a connecting area out of city limits,so the police probably wouldn't do anything. For right now I plan to contact the owners of the rink, who are very strict. They don't allow shorts, tank tops, south park clothing, or anything obscene. I figure after I show them the emails she has been sending, they may block her from coming there at all. The mother has a teenaged boyfriend on the side, who is like a puppy to her, I am afraid that she might put him up to no good, some people are just nuts, no doubt.

-- Vanessa (tvhayes@earthlink.net), March 25, 2002.

This is sad , I would contact the police first thing.Also let school know who is allowed to pick up your son and let themknow whats going on .Make sure to tell your son never leave any where with anybody you havent approved before hand.

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@hotmail.com), March 25, 2002.

Contact everyone you can in whatever jurisdiction you think it belongs, and keep track of who you talk to. Parents are responsible for the actions of their minor children....

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 25, 2002.

Start by contacting the skating rink, then the school, and then the police. The police may not be able to do anything now, but if trouble comes to the school or skating rink, having a complaint on file will get better results. You are in my prayers. Don't you wish all parents were good parents?

-- Robin in East Texas (Southpawrobin1@aol.com), March 25, 2002.


Your town sounds like a small, closeknit community. Please contact your local police department and the County or Parish Sheriff's Department, and insist that they at least take a report and copies of the e-mails. That way YOUR family is covered legally.

Let your school principal and your son's teachers know of the problem and insist that they keep an eye on him, contacting you AND the police at the first sign of trouble from this girl or her parents.

Contact your pastor and your church groups for prayer and support - your child deserves no less. There may be professionals in your church who can help you with a plan of action and protection for you and your son.

Also find an attorney who for a nominal fee will write a letter of cease and desist, that is, a legal document telling them in no uncertain terms that the actions of the daughter will not be tolerated and will be followed up by legal action upon further utterances. In most states now parents can be held legally responsible for their children's actions, your state might be one.

Do not stand for any attacks on your child, physically, verbally emotionally. How would you feel if it were you and your parents wouldn't support you against a bully? These days situations escalate all too quickly so it's important to nip it in the bud.

Lifting you in Prayer to the Source of all Goodness and Strength

-- Michaela (flhomestead@hotmail.com), March 25, 2002.


I Am a newspaper reporter. When I'm checking incident and offense reports at the sheriff's department and police departments I am finding more and more cases of where folks are dealing with e-mail threats and such. They always have copies of the e-mails attached.

Contact local law enforcement. Make copies of all e-mails and make certain YOU keep copies of EVERYTHING! best wishes!

When one of my girls was about 16 we had to have a wire tap put on our phone because a guy in his 20's kept calling and I knew he was bad news. He wound up spending 30 days in jail because the tap showed he called repeatedly even after being told by the court not to.

I was reading reports in the local police department last week and saw where the guy overdosed on crystal methamphetamine! I knew he was bad news! It didn't kill him. He's still out and about.

I feel sorry for him but he is from a good family and just "doesn't get it."

-- Suzy in Bama (slgt@yahoo.com), March 26, 2002.


While you son may not get a restraining order, you the parent may get a restraining order against the minor on behalf of your child. You may wish to get one against the mother, also. Just go to the local court and ask for one. There are fees, but these can be waivered.

Do you have documentation that the mother claims to approve of this behavior? I would talk to a juvenile officer about this, too.

-- Laura S. (LadybugWrangler@somewhere.com), March 26, 2002.


UPDATE: The girl has now sent another email claiming that she nor her mother wrote the emails, but I don't believe her. She claims it was her cousin, but she did that type of thing before and then she told my son that she was just testing him, that there was no cousin. I also know that her family is in another state, the emails are written the same way too. The girl is obviously nutso/possibly has a split personality, I don't know. I do know she is a liar and trouble.

-- Vanessa (tchayes@earthlink.net), March 27, 2002.

You really need to start contacting the appropriate authorities....TODAY!! Next week things could escalate (I sure hope not) and it will be a lot easier for them to see that there really is a problem if they know about it before it gets way out of control. Good luck!!

-- Bren (wayoutfarm@skybest.com), March 27, 2002.


Go to the police and all the advice everyone gave. Give up the skating rink, and stay away from the girl. It might have been kinder just to say your son just wanted to be friends, and a little cruel to say save it for when she is older and knows what it means. Just stay away.

-- esther (realestatez@hotmail.com), March 27, 2002.

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