I lost my husband 3 yrs ago and would like to talk to others in my sisuation that may be living on thier childrens homestead and would like to have own animals but kids think,what for?

-- patricia langhus (plang@sstel.net), March 05, 2002

Answers

Well, I don't live with my children at this point because they are still teenagers but I was widowed suddenly over 3 yrs. ago. My husband (Tom) and I had for years raised our own meat for food such as pork and chicken but since his death the girls and I added beef cows, horses, hens and goats. BUT since I had to get a full time job 2 yrs. ago we cut back considerably on the animals to make it easier for us. Now we are only down to the beef cows and a couple horses. HO- HUM!! My hearts' desire is to get back into my hobby farm with all the animals but at 48yrs. old, life isn't as easy as it used to be. Life just hasn't been the same and probably never will be again but we try to make the best out of it we can. Our vegetable gardens aren't even the size they once were. As for your situation - let time help you out on this one. Don't try to do everything at once. Maybe they'll consider a little this year and a little more next. Feel free to write me personally if you need to talk.

-- Pat (mikulptrc@aol.com), March 05, 2002.

Have you considered going out on your own? Perhaps some nearby acreage that is big enough to allow you to have some animals,but small enough for you to take care? I am sorry for your loss. You don't give your age, but around here on the forum, it seems age doesn't matter. My children think I am strange for wanting any animals and they grew up on this farm. Both daughters moved to the city the instant they graduated. One just moved back to the country, now that she has children. The other lives in a subdivision. I can sympathize with you, but don't understand why you children (who live on a homestead) are unwilling to allow you to have animals. Maybe it is time for a heart to heart talk with your children? Best always,

-- Cindy (colawson@mindspring.com), March 05, 2002.

I will be 62 in May,fell off my porch last year and now the bones and muscles don't work like they should but the heart is still there. I used to raise reg.nubians back in Janesville Wis about 15 years ago and was so rewarding.Now here there are 7 chickens and a barn ful of sick cats that no one seems to care about.I feel like I'm stepping on toes so I just don't make suggestions anymore.Mother-in-laws welcome is worn out I guess.I live on social security and in my own 14 by 70 on thier land but It was a mistake to leave wis so soon after his death. The money situation made me move here to south dakota. I will make it tho.

-- patricia langhus (plang@sstel.net), March 05, 2002.

Is it the husband or wife that is your child? Sometimes that is the issue. Do they have children of their own? It could also be a simple matter of they don't want to be responsible for taking care of the animals, since you mention that you are not in the greatest of health.

A lot of people like having property but they never intended to have animals on it, ever. I know that sounds weird to people who own animals, but I kid you not, they bought the property for privacy, not animal-keeping. It could also be true in this case.

Do you have other money of your own (proceeds from sale of house, for example)? Could you move elsewhere, like with a like-minded widow friend?

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 05, 2002.

No I don't have any proceeds from home sale,what I did have I used for my home here on the kids land.I bought a 14 x 70 trailer and have it sitting "out behind the barn".I like it here in sd but it is an awful long way to town.25 miles.It is my daughter that lives here and although it was at my son-in-laws invitation that I move out here when hubby died,I think he has changed his mind.I try and mind my own business.He tried goats,chickens,turkeys and decided he know it all and didn't want any suggestions on how to take care of them.I guess mostly it's the lonliness that is getting to me.

-- patricia langhus (plang@sstel.net), March 05, 2002.

Patricia, talk to them about getting into goats again. I guess that I'm just pushy but what would they say if you just got one (or two) for a pet and the goats just showed up one day? Could you arrange it so that they didn't have to care for or feed them? Or.. Get a bird like a cockatiel, they need lots of attention and if you get one hand raised that is young, they bond strongly with people. They are easy to care for and don't cost too much to feed. : ) What about a pair of ducks or a few chickens?

If you go to church get involved with whatever is going on there. When we moved to our new house I met lots of nice people at the church.

I hope that you can figure out a way to keep active and happy there at your daughters. Are there neighbors close by that you can visit? Sometimes a cup of tea or coffee with others can go a long way when your lonely. Even in a crowd many are lonely. I will pray for you and hope that things will work out. I'm allways looking for neat ideas and goat information. Just e-mail if you feel lonely.

-- shari (smillers@snowcrest.net), March 05, 2002.

I guess the question you could ask yourself is "do you still want to live with your daughter and son-in-law?" Could you sell your mobile and move somewhere closer into town? It sounds like they're not really interested in whether you're there or not, so you might want to look into living somewhere else.

Try asking around at church or at the county level for the senior citizen office or an ombudsman--they may be able to help you find a better place for you to live, or be a third-party negotiator between you and your daughter. Your daughter may be totally oblivious to what is going on, and a disinterested party may be able to help her understand better.

Since you still like animals, you might also see if you can hook up as an advisor for 4-H or FFA, I'm sure they could use someone with your experience.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 06, 2002.

There was a lady who lived out on a ranch in my county. She slowly lost her sight and quickly lost her husband. Her children made arrangements for her to move into an assisted living center. She said, "Don't think so. Wouldn't be able to get around. Couldn't learn where everything is. I know where everything is in my house."

Neighbors dropped by as often as they could. Kids came on the weekends. But most nights, this blind lady out in the middle of nowhere went to bed by herself, but where she wanted to be.

I'm just 55 years old, so I really don't know what is 'humanly possible' but I am always finding that it is more than I thought it was. Do whatever gives you life. And keep in mind, 'impose' isn't always a bad word. Everybody owes somebody a favor. Problem is, they can't always repay somebody. In that case, anybody, such as yourself, can do them a favor, by accepting the favor for somebody.

-- paul (primrose@centex.net), March 06, 2002.

Hi I was widowed in 95. My daughter had juststarted College. It devastated all the children and I. However, I had gone back to work in the Nursing Office and was able to hold onto our Small Family Farm.The boys worried I wouldn't make it. However they all helped me since I didn't have my lICENSE YET. we had the garden, chickens and ducks at that time. I left evrything in Gods Hands and it worked. I eventually remarried and my Husband and his family are there also. We have a big family now. My new husband added goats to our Farm.I did things the children didn't approve of. I was there Mother not there Sister. In the end there agreed I was doing what I saw fit. Do what is best for you. We parents put our children first for our whole life. Do something for yourself. Good Luck Pris-- Mountain Ashe Acres Farm--Upstate,NY

-- Gary and Pris (MTASHEACRES@AOL.COM), March 09, 2002.