Well, they say there is nothing else to lose but to give my last shot at this. I am not sure how to start. I only know that things has not been going too well at work and at home. I don't seem to have the energy or the motivation to do much these days. I seem to be preoccupied with dark thoughts that I frighten myself at times. The idea of not wanting to go on has pass through my mind on a number of ocassions but somehow I manage to distract myself. I suppose I better say something of myself. I am a 50 year old divorcee with no children and I am a headteacher of a secondary school. I suppose things hasnt gone 'right' since my divorce 5 years ago. I better stop here now and allow you to ask me the questions.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

Answers

*** AN EXAMPLE OF A RESPONSE ***

You sound Mary as though you are in a place of shade rather than light and that you are finding it hard to move into a better mental / lighter place in life. Are your thoughts of 'not wanting to go on' an indication that you are or have contemplated suicide? If it is then it gives me a greater sense of the lonely place / state you are in. From your occupation I guess you have to be seen to be coping but since the divorce this might have been harder to maintain. Are there also thoughts or issues about the purpose of all you that you do and where it might lead? Mary, I could come up with some instant but probably not very well thought through action type things you might do, but I have a sense that you might want me to listen and understand you first and then together we can map out solutions that you might like to consider. I look forward to your reply

Ian

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

I get a sense of your feelings of fear and desperation from your first few words. You seem to be very alone in a very dark place. I expect that the second half of your e-mail shows me how you manage every day - you make a huge effort to be ordinary and a good communicator by giving me the details of who you are and what you do. But beneath this amazing coping exterior I hear that you are very frightened of your own desperate feelings. It feels like the first thing I might do to help is to show you that I understand your feelings and that I am hear to listen

-- Anonymous, January 12, 2002

Mary I feel concerned to hear you feel this is your last shot is there anything else you have tried that has perhaps not been helpful?I am also hopeful of the fact you are willing to give this a try. You have started very well and explain your feelings clearly. I wonder how long you have been feeling like this? You say it is 5 years since your divorce and I wonder what you feel has gone right for you in that time. Are you currently able to take part in activities that bring you pleasure or a feeling of something well done?. I would be interested to know how you distracte yourself from these frightening thoughts when they happen. Hope to hear from you soon Elaine

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2002

mary

you sound really weary and down and as if you are summoning up your last energy to get in contact. i do appreciate how much this may take out of you.

you talk about your frightening dark thoughts and i imagine they are linked to the feeling that you don't want to go on. i'm not sure whether you literally don't want to go on or whether you are so tired of how you feel that you wish this would stop going on?

you obviously have really good ways of coping - being a headteacher is no easy ride these days and you talk about being able to distract yourself from your thoughts; however i imagine your job is very hard and possibly not very well supported and i would guess you are carrying a lot of responsibility. you mentioned that you are divorced and have no children and i wonder what your home/social life is like.

i would really like to hear from you again and hope you will reply.

best wishes

mary

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2002