How can I defend myself? : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread

For the last two years I have been in an abusive relationship. My wife constantly complained about my dress, work preformance, and about everything else in general. Everytime I sought couseling for us or dared to disagree with her she would threaten to leave, or leave and go to the local shelter. There she would claim that I have been abusing her. Then usually in less than a month she would get tired of the situation and call me up. Saying that she was sorry. She would explain that she didn't want to get into trouble so I would have to pick her up claiming to be a friend. She has also kept me from seeing my daughters and son; as well as basically causing all of my friends to stop coming around. I guess when you are called an "abuser" people don't really want to know you. All of this has cost me a small fortune in legal fees. I won't even get into the emotional aspects. I have two main concerns. One, the shelter where she is has had its security violated by her telling me everything that goes on there, plus relaying that information to others. This frightens me as there is a definite need for this shelter and as they say information of this nature in the worng hands could prove dangerous. Is there any way to stop her from disclosing this information to others? My second concern is that emotionally I am riding a roller coaster. I have days I want her back desparately; others that I lock up the house and pray that she will stay away. Are there any support groups out there to help a man in an abusive relationship? Any help would be appreciated. I feel that I have been victimized twice. Once by the initial abuse. The second time by the lies that she spreads in our small community. Sincerely, Jack

-- Anonymous, September 02, 2001


In any case, the shelter needs to be told about the breach. If as you say the info can be dangeous in the wrong hands, they have a priority to know. Also, the workers *might* be able to help you if you tell them your story. Sure, I doubt that they'll let you in the shelter, but maybe they'll point you in the right direction. Get counseling, no matter what she doesif she threatens to leave, let her, but first tell her that you would rather get counseling together. Finally, if your gut is telling you to stay away, then there's a reason it's telling you that. Simplistic? Yes. Easy? No. But you do have a right to live and nobody has the right to take that from you.

-- Anonymous, December 03, 2001

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