"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteed anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational raining laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."

If you agree, we strongly urge you to forward this to as many people as you can. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you should you not forward it. We just think it is about time that common sense is allowed to flourish - call it the age of reason revisited.

-- Uncle Jake (lulafred@cs.com), August 17, 2001

Answers

Thanks Jake. You made my day :)

-- Victoria (vtompkins@earthlink.net), August 18, 2001.

Excellent Jake!!! I have printed it out and putting it up at work and other places. Its time for the party to begin.

-- TomK(mich) (tjk@cac.net), August 18, 2001.

Funny how common sense isn't very common anymore isn't it? Thanks Jake

-- debra in ks (windfish@toto.net), August 18, 2001.

Excellent Jake! I'll pass this along to my contacts. I'm sure they'll get a blast out of it!

Lew

-- lew ricker (hsppub@aol.com), August 18, 2001.

You do not have the right go around drunk driving possibly killing little kids as the son of the vice president, while the presidents first lady is promoting a war on drugs.

You do not have the right to receive $1 million from relatives or inheridence. So you may earn $100,000 a year after inflation in a index fund and buy any business you desire, and give the same money back to you kids.

You do not have the right to really own land. You are just a temporary steward or butler for a short period of time.

You have the right not to use the American dollar if your neighbor has more dollars than you or if you live in a rural community and you can barter.

Well you probably hate me, but things are not as simple as you make them.

-- Bill Berggren (ad109@lafn.org), August 19, 2001.

I believe in our constitution and which includes the Bill of Rights, THe documents intent and Rights listed are not in error but those whom say the oath to uphold it and those of us who are passive in nature and accept there interpertation.

I disagree with (Bills) short listing. I have the right to land and its use thereof and the profits I can obtain from it. I have the right to pass on my wealth or property to whomever I so will, taking it from someone after death is no differnt then stealing it from me in life,to drink and be drunk ( only so long as I do not infrige those rights belonging others. This is the key to all rights) Please try and grasp the simplicty of rights no one can take them they belong to you only you can give them up. Sadly this is becoming the case. Drinking and drugs etc are our coutrys shame. Those whom miss usethem should pay the price, not be condled as if they are diseased and only made a judgment error.

-- William A Rutter (WI) (wrutter@uniontel.net), August 19, 2001.

Bill, you'll probably hate me!

<< Done 30 years ago bud....Maybe...you don't have the right to have a brother connected to you who is guilty of drunk driving in California.

You don't have the right to laugh and joke about doing dope, but not inhaling! Yeah right!

Your wife does NOT have the right to earn 100,000 on a 1,000 investment inside of HOW MUCH TIME?

< As long as I earn MY money honestly, I WILL do as I please with it. MY heirs can do with that money the same as long as they do so legally. And you have ZERO rights to tell me what to do with MY MONEY.

<< I'm a steward and OWNER of MY land as much as you may not like to believe it. Maybe they should take YOUR land from you and see how you like relocating to NYC.

< I have the right to use the US dollar as I very well please. It's MINE and I'VE EARNED it with my own sweat and aptitude. YOU have no business telling me how to spend my MONEY. If you are unable/unwilling to earn your own money, do NOT ask that I support you.

If WE AGREE to barter your services for MY money, we shall do so, but if not...too bad.

< Don't hate you, just don't agree with your misguided ideas.

Lew

-- lew ricker (hsppub@aol.com), August 19, 2001.

Well you are probably going to hate me more. I think it may be illegal to trade with anything other than U.S. dollars (unless it is the item used) this is how taxes are collected. Well without the wealth of the Bush's and Kennedy's I honestly think George Jr. and Robert Kennedy, Jr. would have different lives. George probably would be living on dope, he only changed his ways because his new job of politics required it. With no money he probably would be forced in a deadend job like shipping and receiving. Robert Kennedy after flunking the bar would have had to get some regular job maybe bartender. I think the Kennedy's have a system set up where each kid gets like $20,000 a month once they turn 18. It doesn't matter if the money came from dishonest activities which senior Kennedy was accused. I say that is the way America is, not that it is bad or anything. Basically what I say is the U.S. dollar is an imaginary unit of trade and not always fair. As an american you have to play along. As an American I hope everyone can afford a bigscreen t.v. if their only desire is that they want to contribute to society and do what is available. So I wish a dishwasher at McDonalds would have a nice place to live and a bigscreen. As for the Clintons they are not perfect but they got their money from nothing, maybe not that honestly. However, when Clinton earns $3 million for a book or $500,000 for a speech is that somehow respectable income. Hillary is no Saint (she lied to us several times). Dishonest schemes can be done by good people who have nothing. That said we do not live in a capitalist society as the republican party wants you to believe, we live in a free democratic society we are allowed to vote and make our own laws. Being such, if we want to vote for a communist goverment so be it, that is America. If 51% vote for raising taxes to 100 percent for those making over $50,000 so be it, that is america. The correction of the voting society where all people count.

-- William l. Berggren (ad109@lafn.org), August 23, 2001.

Somehow, I don't think this discussion is quite what Jake had in mind. Thanks for the laugh, and I'll be passing it on to a couple of friends and relatives who I think will appreciate it as much and I.

-- Christine (cljford@aol.com), August 23, 2001.