Is this depression or burnout?

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Has anyone else out there experienced feelings of depression or is this just burnout? A few years ago, I kinda "dropped out". I quit a well paying job and almost all the organizations I was involved with. People would say I was burnt out and that seemed like a good explaination, but the truth is I just didn't want to be involved with "people" anymore. Since then, I've spent most of my time at home honing various skills such as baking and gardening, reading and learning. I find more enjoyment in watching my chickens than I ever did in a board meeting or a social occasion.

I see how phony a lot of people can be and how often they only call when they want something. Then they tell me I'm not behaving the way I should be (or they way they want me to behave).

I take care of myself, my house and my family. I go out when I have to but usually turn down social functions or invitations to join committees. They just don't seem important to me anymore. I am taking an anti-depression medication but I'm not sure it's doing anything. I don't feel sad; I just don't seem to care about outside stuff anymore.

I do get a great deal of enjoyment out of this forum and enjoy hearing what others are doing.

Thanks for listening.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 05, 2001

Answers

Hi Dianne:

wow, did your message ring a chord with me.

I've lurked for awhile on this forum and love it.

I think it may vary from person to person who goes through this. For me, it was burnout. When we moved to a small town (and began homesteading), I decided that I would go into business as a music teacher, since employment is limited around here and I knew that I either wanted to be a musician or a writer. I got extremely burnt out! I was being asked to play/accompany/perform/direct choir all the time. Like you, I did get the feeling that people weren't really interested in knowing me, just in using what I could do. I struggled a lot with this..didn't want to be selfish and wanted to do my part for the community. But everyone has to draw their own lines. I am very selective about what I get involved in now and protective of my time. I've moved to a profession that I love more (writing) and make sure I have enough time to write every day and continue to learn in this profession. I have close friends, but I spend a lot of time at home with the garden, my work, my family, and our animals.

thank YOU for listening!

-- Cathy in MN (logholm@rangenet.com), June 05, 2001.


Dianne- What you are describing doesn't really sound like burnout to me. It sounds like maturing. Finding the things you really want to do and not doing the things you don't want to do. I think you are perfectly normal. Many people would love to do what you have done, but stay in their rat races because they think they are supposed to. Congratulations! I think you've found yourself.

-- debra in ks (solid-dkn@msn.com), June 05, 2001.

Hi Dianne, the most important thing is, "Are you happy with your life right now?" Is there something you feel that is lacking? And, if I may be blunt, is your sex life satisfactory, and I would ask your partner this question too, because there maybe something he has been wanting to share with you about it, and too uncomfortable to bring it up on his own.

If you are happy, and you do not feel like your life is missing "something", and you and your partner are getting along fine, then do not worry about what other people think about your life, after all, it IS your life!

I bring up the sex life part because one of the WORST side effects of antidepressents is the negetive effect it has on your sexual function, mainly, you never feel like it anymore, or very rarely. But, this might not be a problem with you, but if it is, this might be the "what" you feel is lacking.

Glad you are here on the forum to stay in touch with others of like mind!

-- Annie Miller in SE OH (annie@1st.net), June 05, 2001.


My first thought was, how involved in society were you? If you were really busy going here and there when you're heart wasn't really in it, then no wonder you got tired of it. Reminds me of when I spent 2 1/2 years in college preparing for a career when what I really wanted was to get married and be a stay-at-home mom. When I dropped out of college, there were lots of people who thought I was nuts. But I followed my heart, and what I believed the Lord wanted me to do, and found satisfaction in that. I have been married for 14 years, have six children in homeschool, and wouldn't trade it for anything. I have had lots very outspoken people (some in my own family) who have disagreed with me on homeschooling, breastfeeding, size of family, farming, staying at home, etc. At first that discouraged me, but I knew I was doing what was right for me, and eventually I gathered about me friends who were like-minded.

I would encourage you to seek friendships with others who have the same goals you do, and STAY OFF THE MEDICATION. I don't think you really need it; such things are addictive and soon your body will create a need for it.

So you like to stay home. Good for you. I don't get out much either. My e-mail address means that I am a "keeper at home" and there are 8 people in our family.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), June 05, 2001.


Dianne - It sure sounds normal to me. So many people think that it's important to be involved in all the things going on and it makes me wonder what they are avoiding by keeping themselves so "busy". Lots of people can't stand to be alone with themselves, don't know what to do if they have any free time, etc. I value my time and feel that I need to meet my needs before I can make anyone else happy. Just because "meeting my needs" means staying home for a week at a time, loving my family first and taking care of my animals does not make me a bad person.

I have been President of the Arts Council here for several years. I really don't want to be, but I also don't want to see the council die, I'm kinda hanging in there until someone who is willing and able can take over the reins. I'm in the process of putting on an open art competition and exhibit and find myself giving of my time and skills (as well as dollars) rather begrugingly. The fact that no one else has stepped forward to offer to help out has confirmed that people will let you do as much as your willing. And who am I doing it for? I'm certainly not going to gain anything from it except spending my time I could use more constructively elsewhere. The artists will gain, the business it is being displayed at will gain, the media will have something to write about, and the council will get new members. I agree with the other poster, you have become comfortable with the way you really want to live your life. Is that wrong, I think not!

Now . . . if you begin hiding out in the basement and refusing to touch anything and talking to imaginary friends, wellll . . .

-- Betsy K (betsyk@pathwaynet.com), June 05, 2001.



Also, have you noticed just how BORING some of those people who are ragging on you are. I'm past the point in my life of discussing the latest fashions, how big my house is and how I redecorated and cars, restaurants, etc. And they are not interested in my life at all!!

-- Betsy K (betsyk@pathwaynet.com), June 05, 2001.

Thank you all so much for your views. I was beginning to think I was just being a selfish, whining baby. Now, I realize I have just finally found my place in my own life.

As far as my sex life is concerned, I guess I have to admit it ain't what it used to be, but I attribute that mainly to menopause. I asked my husband not long ago if he had noticed my lack of sex drive and he said no, so I guess it hasn't bothered him much either. (Smile!)

And, no Betsy, I'm not hiding out in the basement, but don't even try to take away my imaginary friend!

I feel very fortunate to have all of you out there to bounce things off of. Thanks for caring enough to write.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 05, 2001.


I really don't think you're suffering from either depression or burnout. But, then I'm not a doctor! I think that you've found your "nitch" in life and are comfortable and like where you are. As Annie said...if you are happy and don't feel like your life is missing something, and you get along with your partner, who cares what other people think or say!! And you really have to like the person who is looking back at you in the mirror :-)!!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), June 05, 2001.

Diane, I must agree with everyone elso here. Congratulations, you "have" just found yourself. I went through a simiilar time in my life and well meaning loved ones thought I was depressed. I was not depressed at all. I just love spending time alone at home. I am just a homebody. I take great pleasure in the little things in life. What people find weird is that I don't need to be around people to be happy. I expressed this once in a ladies meeting at church and received many glaring stares.Should have kept my mouth shut. Enjoy your life. Live it like you want to. Afterall, I do believe all of us who frequent this forum are thought of as weird or crazy. We aren't though, we have simply found out what real living is. Take Joy...

-- Ria in Ky (MinMin45@aol.com), June 05, 2001.

May I ask how old you are? I am 46 and started doing the same thing about 6 years ago! Things that had been important were no longer. I let all but 4 of my 'friends' slip away. I stopped going to all their parties, cook-outs, get-togethers. I quit a job I had for 13 years and stopped shopping for designer clothes. I started buying in bulk. Started raising a very large garden,learned how to can, freeze and dry my own food, bought cows and have been working on a barn so I can get goats and chickens. I purchased honey bees (joined a bee keepers assc.), I didn't care that my car/trucks were not 'pretty' as long as they run. I have had several people say that I should get some help. I just tell them I am happier than I have been in years. All my children are grown and my husband and I are enjoying each other again. I would not go back to those earlier years for anything! :)

I would give some of these extra pounds back , though!!!!! Anybody want some!

One question are you REALLY happy--if so I wouldn't worry about what others think!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), June 05, 2001.



Sounds "normal" to me too. Although, the shrink I went to gave me tons of tests (I went to see if I have a Learning Disability - I cannot seem to get through college even though I have an IQ of 125+) said - in his write up - that I was anti-social and needed to have therapy to overcome it. What a B-O-Z-O. I work at a major university with college kids. I teach THEM social skills and team building exercises. EVERY DAY. I was, however, married to an alcoholic for 11 years who thought socializing was staying out until 4am, coming home drunk from his women, and arguing with me about my failures in relationship to his other women. Gets old. Real quick. I came from farm background and my greatest joy is seeing little critters and such. My actual focal point when I was giving birth to my son were two things - one was a picture of a small child in sunglasses sitting next to his/her dog (also in sunglasses with a neckerchief tied around its neck like a scarf) and a mental picture of a red barn with fluffy white chickens scratching around it clucking contentedly. I agree with the person who said that we have "matured." I own a pickup and don't care if it looks old. It runs. I own it. My son is healthy and happy. So am I. I miss extra companionship but know what price I would have to pay for it. I have friends that appreciate me the way I am. My college kids contact me regularly. I think you need to take a breath and see what you have. Puttering around in the garden watching the birds scratch for worms is not a bad thing. Enjoy.

-- Gailann Schrader (gtschrader@aol.com), June 05, 2001.

For 2 years I have been taking an anti-depressant, diagnosed with chronic clinical depression. Seems like I had this all my life but didn't know it until taking medication and that horrible pain and sadness were gone. I thought all people felt like that. The medication really helped me since I was getting worse and worse. But, before and after the medication I still loved being home, not going out to much, spending time with my kids, gardening and running my home business. If I had to go out to do errands, I couldn't wait to come back. I don't like going to malls or shopping, it is a waste of my time. This is not a symtom of depression but the joy of living with yourself. I don't like going out much and have only a few wonderful friends that don't think I'm crazy cause I just bought henhotel plans for chickens. They are not so much into homesteading and self- sufficiency as I am, but understand my passion. This is the way I choose to live because it makes me happy, anti-depressant or not. Continue on your path you have chosen and be happy for the choice.

-- Elly in Mass. (skutel@mediaone.net), June 05, 2001.

Hey Girlie,

You're perfectly normal in this group. My birthday is Friday, 45th, and I am getting a Gurnsey milk cow with a calf! Wanted one last year for my birthday but didn't get one. I am tickled pink this week because I got 5 wood floors in my house painted like new again. And I am very proud of my accomplishment of making ice cream this morning for the first time in my life! 2 gallons Strawberry and 1 gallon Chocolate. I have been all over the U.S. and all I want now is just to relax and look around me and count my blessings.

The only time I WANT to go anywhere is to the Livestock Shows in Louisville to drool over all the animals and see all the cool stuff. Or go to garage sales. I don't think it's depression OR burnout, you just want to do what makes you happy and peaceful, like me. Everybody thinks I'm weird, I think they should worry about their own happiness and leave me to mine. I think they are just jealous.

-- Cindy in KY (solidrockranch@hotmail.com), June 05, 2001.


Dianne

You sound fine. I would only be concerned if you dreaded going out. Consider talking to the Dr about weening off of the medicine.

I sometimes fear that I will grow tired of the "isolation" when we find our land. The 'Net helps to stay connected though!

-- Rick K (rick_122@hotmail.com), June 05, 2001.


Hey Dianne, I have to agree with the above that I've been through the "phase" myself, I don't get much satisfaction out of going to malls, theme parks, and other follow-the-society "sheep" instinct. And I'm not much of a people-person as well. I get more out of being around the sheep, goats and my land. But I've got a large family (wife & 4 kids) to keep me busy. But taking the anti-depressant pills is NOT the answer to growing into the homesteading way of life, working with nature the way God intends for us to do. In fact, you're more normal than most of the "outside" people and wish there are more like you. So hang in there and God bless your efforts. David

-- David Cripe (cripeland@aol.com), June 05, 2001.


Dianne,

Been there, done that. The meds didn't work, for me personally, because I was still doing all of the things that were bringing me down in the first place. Corporate America was a drain on my entire being, and now that I've learned to stop caring what "they" think, I'm fine. : )

I love my little homestead in the making,and my simpler lifestyle. my DH and the kids see the difference, and I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life- live it instead of watching it pass me by.

(I know- that sounded like a greeting card! Sorry!)

I say enjoy your newfound interests, and talk to your doc about weaning you off the meds. My 2 cents-

-- Kristin, in LA. (positivekharma@aol.com), June 05, 2001.


Hi Dianne, You sound normal to me, too. A very large percentage of society seems to think that if you don't want to run along side them stressing out, then there must be something wrong with you. Maybe someday they'll wake up and realize that most of the world doesn't live that way. I've been prone to panic attacks since I was 18 (now 35). They come and go, along with some mild depression. I don't handle stress well, and have always opted to leave certain jobs rather than carry the stress. As a matter of fact, I've been having severe panic attacks this week. Last night one actually woke me. Much to my surprise, my online research today seems to have paid off. I went and bought myself a bottle of vitamin B complex pills, and since noon, my attacks have stopped cold! If there is a real reason the Dr. has you on anti-depressants and you'd like to stop, perhaps you're body is low in something essential like a vitamin or mineral? Maybe the Dr. just wants you to fit into his/her view of how life on earth should work? Hope all our comments help.

-- Rheba (rhebabeall@hotmail.com), June 05, 2001.

Diane, this isn't exactly the end of the world, even though you live in a horrible State. My impression of two visits. Given your location, I could be depressed too. Cold, sun down early, burr! Here is my suggestion: keep your house bright (electric cost be damned). Find delight in staying at home and thinking up games for your family for the cold nights. Cook a hearty supper (dinner). Find ways to save a buck. You should not feel guilty for staying home. Don't the most of the Baby Boomers working Moms, wish they had stayed home? IRS took our profit away, underneath our noses. Good Luck!

-- My Story and (Iam@sticking.com), June 05, 2001.

Hey...."My Story", it's not THAT bad in Massachusetts. I used to live there and moved further north to Maine. Believe it or not, we do have nice long warm (sometimes HOT) summers here in New England:-)!!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), June 05, 2001.

Dianne - It sounds as if you've decided what your priorities are going to go after them.

So often we spend too much time trying to please others and make ourselves very unhappy in the process.

I too have slowly moved away from what others want and more towards what I want.

It sounds as if you on the right road, enjoy the journey.

-- jennifer (schwabauer@aol.com), June 05, 2001.


This is to all you ladies who are homesteading you're way through menopause, if y'all come back to read this: I just planted the biggest garden I've ever had, I have started dreading trips to the mall, I bought a pair of rabbits about 7 weeks ago (my first animals), have also planted blueberries and am making plans for fruit trees. I have started drooling over real estate ads of run-down farmhouses surrounded by land, beautiful land. (We're renting but hope to buy soon.) I'm getting chickens as soon as I can fix up a place for them to live, and also want a couple of jersey cows. I can't go past a place for sale without imagining a hayfield there, an orchard here, etc. Now get this: I'm only 35!!! Scary. LOL

By the way, I'm as far away from being depressed as anybody, even if city slicker hubby does chuckle at me once in a while. He is very supportive of all my efforts, though, and built my rabbit hutch for me without being asked:o)

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), June 06, 2001.


Dianne--I won't attempt to diagnose, since I'm an RN instead of a doctor, but I do have a word for you. Please don't quit the anti- depressant cold, without info from your doctor. Some kinds of anti- depressants possibly could be stopped at once, but most of them require tapering off. Get the doctor's advice. If you're not comfortable with his medical plans, see another doctor, but don't stop the medicine until you get the go-ahead from a professional. I've seen too many patients who really needed the medicine decide they could do without it, quit on their own, and end up in worse shape than they started.

-- ruth (RN) in se Illinois (bobtravous@email.com), June 06, 2001.

Dianne, I see that lots of people are willing to diagnose you based on virtually no data. Unless I missed one, no one who advised you that you "don't have depression" has ever suffered from this malady. I have. I've been taking antidepressants for sevenish years. I wish I would have started taking them thirty-five or forty years ago! They totally changed my life for the better.

I also cannot diagnose your mental state, but I CAN tell you that, if you do have clinical depression, there is help available. I can also suggest that you either talk to a doctor and have her give you a little quiz to determine the likelihood of your problem being depression or something else. I took the test, and scored about 95% positive for depression. Interestingly enough, I'd only gone into the doctor's to try and find out why my sleep wasn't restful. The nurse practitioner actually gave me the test.

There is absolutely no reason, in my opinion, to suffer from depression, if that's what you have. As I understand it, most anti depressants won't even affect you if you don't have depression. On the other hand, there are many classes of anti depressants, and some work better than others; everyone's chemical makeup is different.

Good luck!

-- jumpoff joe (jumpoff@ecoweb.net), June 08, 2001.


Dianne -

I also have been taking an anti-depressant for several months now. I wish I'd found it sooner. It has helped me do what I really want and say no to the activities that are boring or non-productive for me. I've suffered from depression and extreme mood swings for years & it was hard to reach my goals. Now at age 48 I'm finally doing what I want! Fortunatly, my husband & kids are very supportive.

-- Bonnie (stichart@plix.com), June 09, 2001.


From what you describe, you don't sound depressed to me. One of the symptoms of depression is losing interest in activities. Sounds like you have lots of things you enjoy doing. it seems to me you are finding yourself, encountering growth and change in your life that is positive. As for being around people, our society seems to value qualities of extroversion but in reality many productive people are introverts and are most productive when alone. Being alone is perfectly healthy if that is what *you* desire. I believe that later in life, in particular, it is normal to "find yourself" and in fact is a necessary part of human development. Finding new paths and solitude is healthy.

-- amy (acook@in4web.com), June 10, 2001.

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