I've noticed that many of the people on this forum who are quite outspoken describe themselves as being quiet and shy in real life. Here we're able to voice what we really think. I have to wonder if shy people are more likely to be homesteaders, simply because we don't like interacting with people? I went to town yesterday, and could not believe how rude, impatient, and nasty people were. All the time, I was realizing that this is why I prefer the company of my goats to that of people. So, what do you think? Is there a connection between shy, introverted personalities and homesteading, or not?

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), January 18, 2001

Answers

Rebekah,

I agree about not liking to interact with other people but it's not that I'm shy, I live in the country because I love the peace and quiet.

I lived in town (pop. 50,000) for a couple of years and it just about drove me nuts. I can't stand listening to neighbor's dogs barking, thumping car stereos, jet planes constantly flying overhead, lawnmowers at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday, etc. I much prefer the sounds of the wind through the trees and the birds chirping.

Now that I'm back in the country I can't even imagine going back to the city. I've joked to my wife that the only way I'm leaving here is feet first in a pine box. ;-)

-- Jim Morris (prism@bevcomm.net), January 18, 2001.

I don't know about the connection between shy people and homesteading, but I know several extroverts who like to homestead, too. I rather think it's because we generally prefer the sanity of an environment that we create and control. I'm not really shy, but I just don't like dealing with hoards of people, as you said, who are nasty and rude and generally ill mannered. Reminds me of a pack of animals when I go to WallyWorld. I won't let those knds of people onto my property, that's why I have a large locked gate with a 'no trespass' sign on it. I don't think it's necessarily an anti-social attitude, as the media tries to portray it; it's simply choosing to live quietly, sanely, and with thought.

-- Hannah Maria Holly (hannahholly@hotmail.com), January 18, 2001.

I've never been accused of being shy but I enjoy regular and sometimes prolonged periods of solitude. I really don't like going into town, shopping etc. I've been the neighborhood eccentric for decades and have gotten the reputation someone who likes to be left alone.

-- john leake (natlivent@pcpros.net), January 18, 2001.

I'm really allot more shy on this forum than I am normally, I'm not shy at all. Like someone else said, I'm the one who will start jabbering away in the checkout line cuz I can't stand just standing there! I make faces at the kids in the shopping carts till they laugh. No, I'm not shy in person at all.

But homesteading, I think it's allot more of a "we're not afraid of the quiet" thing. I am very comfortable in the quiet, inside the house or out. Like today, I painted a Hooser Cabiniet, absolutely quiet in here, just me, and I just think and paint. And outside, well, the quiet is even better. There is just such a "fullness" in the homestead, I like being here, if I'm not here, I miss the quiet.

Most of the people I know who have animals will talk till you're late gettin home to do chores! Maybe it's because we're rarely with humans!

-- Cindy in Ky (solidrockranch@msn.com), January 18, 2001.

I'm not shy, not introverted, just content with who I am and I don't need the approval of others to be me. I enjoy the company of thoughtful people who know who they are-others are just plain boring or annoying. I have always needed time to be alone every day. As a child I got it through books, as a teen on long horseback rides in the forested hills above our home. Now I have a long commute to the job that will eventually allow me to sell my house and move back to the life I want. I can talk to 'animal people' for hours, but can't do 'girl talk' or 'small talk' with strangers. Have trouble commuicating with my family (parents and siblings) because they don't have the same view of life that I do. Found that I married the wrong kind of man (2X) and now am content to finish the raising of my children and planning my dream homestead. Hope to be able to make the move by summer of 02. I think homesteaders (and those doing the foundation work to get there) have a different value system. Our self determination, our independent nature, our appreciation of the simple things that make life worthwhile make it hard to connect with people who do not share our values. Here we may be different in many ways that would seem to others to great to allow us to communicate, but our shared values are strong enough to wipe out the differences. Again, not shy, not introverted, just careful not to 'cast our pearls before the swine' (if I can quote scripture loosely here) betty

-- betty modin (betty_m9@yahoo.com), January 19, 2001.

I always thought I was shy. After I left home, it was hard for me to talk with folks I hadn't known all my life. What dawned on me is that I had absolutely nothing in common with big haired polyester wearing too much make-up folks that made me feel like such and odd- ball. I couldn't care less about what was on tv last night.

I now live in the friendliest region in the country. Strangers are just friends we haven't met yet. I only get to town maybe every two weeks at the most and I never go on weekends so I avoid the working moms pushing their kids to hurry up while the kids scream because they want attention......

That doesn't mean I am at home all isolated. Our neighborhood has a real sense of community. We share produce, knowledge, time and chores, kids and fun. I talk to at least one neighbor everyday. I haven't known this type of community since the '70s. I certainly wouldn't know it now if I had a big gate with a No Tresspassing sign on it. Homesteading is so much harder for the isolationists who believes they can do it all by themselves.

-- Laura (gsend@hotmail.com), January 19, 2001.

Hmmmmmm. I dont think that anyone would call me shy. It's more that I am more comfortable outside where a breeze is blowing on my face. Have you ever noticed how Hot they keep public places this time of year! I allmost sufficate! Maybe we are more sensitive to all the noise, crowds of people. Most people will tell you that they keep some noice on for background noise. I like to just listen to the natural noises. but then I am becoming more of a hermit the older I get.

-- Trendle Ellwood (trendlespin@msn.com), January 19, 2001.

Rebekah, an interesting question. It would make a great research topic! We chose our country life to get away from the superficiality of the suburbs and city. I never felt I fit in with that kind of life. I have never really enjoyed socializing, hate parties, and am probably considered an introvert, although I do like to chat and like to think my social skills are good. In fact I used to teach a communication skills course at a College! I just like my privacy and I have always been a nonconformist. My husband is also introverted, as is my oldest child.

-- Amy (acook@in4web.com), January 19, 2001.

Rebekah,funny you posted this..my husband is always calling me anti- social and claims when I die it will take weeks for anyone to miss me. Maybe. I just do not have the time or motivation to talk with people who could care less about my life style and I hate feeling like I need to defend my life style even more. If you want to "shock"someone tell them you homeschool,and like it. I am not shy almost the oppisite I will talk your ear off if the subject is dear to me but if not I guess I can kinda be rude,shake my head and walk away.I like being alone,all alone.My dream vacation would be for hubby to take the kids{human} and leave for a week. I do avoid crowds,hate shopping and would never go to the beach to relax home is where I like to be.

-- renee oneill{md.} (oneillsr@home.com), January 19, 2001.

Hmmm shy? Me? maybe. I can talk to like minded folks but those with "closed minds" Yeck! We tried living in the city. Lasted 14 days. No mas. I choose the country because its quieter, slower paced and dogs don't cuss you in the a.m..

My wife came from Miami, Florida. It took 2 years but now she would'nt live anywhere but rural america.

-- Kenneth in N.C. (wizardsplace13@hotmail.com), January 19, 2001.

I don't figure we count as shy. We routinely have 12-20 folks over for game nights, sled riding, pepper roasts, etc. We do like our quiet days too. Living at the end of a dead end road sure is nice!

-- Anne (HT@HM.com), January 19, 2001.

Big difference between definitions of shy and introverted, although in common usage they have come to mean same thing. Shy in my mind means a real fear or even mild phobia of interacting with other people. Introverted refers to an individual who just doesnt like or have need to be around other people especially groups or crowds. On Briggs/Myers personality survey I test as an INTP. The "I" stands for introverted and I test close to the extreme in that area. I can deal quite effectively with people when necessary and have no fear of doing so, I just lose energy big time when doing so. I feel exhausted after just returning from town for supplies (especially if I have to goto Walmart or simular place when its crowded) or rare instance I get trapped into some social gathering. Some individuals I can even tolerate on a one to one basis for extended periods of time without an energy drain, but this is rare. Way I understand it, extroverts gain energy from interacting with or just being around other people, introverts lose energy. Neither is better or worse, just way it is. My former neighbor got stranded alone at his place with no transportation. Drove me buggy as he'd keep turning up at my place with some excuse, then park himself and talk away. I finally drove him to town and left him there just to get some peace and quiet. I believe he is at least a moderate extrovert and really hates being alone.

-- Hermit John (Hermit@hilltop_homestead.zzn.com), January 19, 2001.

I'm not shy, but I do dislike being around people for the most part. Guess I'm what you would call 80% hermit.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), January 19, 2001.

It's interesting to see the responses to this one. As for myself, I'm not shy. Websters says the psychological definition of introvert is one whose interest is more in oneself than external objects or other people. I'd never thought of myself as an introvert before, but I guess I am. I have to agree with Hermit John that social settings are draining as well as crowded situations like shopping. I like hermit's definition better than Webster's. Webster's has an almost selfish sound to it, like not caring about other people. But that's not the case. It just seems to me that unless there is some sort of turmoil or soap opera type situation in alot of people's lives they're not happy. I just don't identify or want to get involved in what I think of as just silliness. I really prefer to be around people with some of the same interests. I don't come across those to often. I think that's why I like to come here. My teenage daughter accuses me of being antisocial. But that's OK because I am finally happy with myself and that's what really counts!

-- Denise (jphammock@msn.com), January 19, 2001.

I've always had a job working with the public, and at the end of the day, I want to be left alone.....no phone, no TV, no meaningless chatter with neighbors, etc. The older I get, the more I see that it's not nesessarily the type of work I do. I've really enjoyed everyone's thoughts shared on this thread. I am definitely not shy, but I am antisocial. I love being alone with my dogs. My desire to homestead (for me) is about having peace and quiet-having the time to do the things that bring me pleasure, which happen to be solitary activities. Then again, maybe I just haven't met enough people who like the things that I like. That's why this forum has become so important to me. I truly do not have anyone in my life who has any interest in baking, gardening, or simple living. I would love to only leave the house a couple times a month.

-- Cathy in NY (hrnofplnty@yahoo.com), January 19, 2001.

I am not a people person..the opposite of my husband..I like my solitude..as far as why I homestead..which I admit I am not into as near as most in this forum... the reason would be neccessity! I love dirt and water..which helps alot.

-- Lynn (mscratch@semo.net), January 19, 2001.

I have a neighbor who is a hermit. She says that her cats can't hurt her feelings and the dog gives her unconditional love. I'm the only one in the neighborhood that she trusts to care about her. Me on the other hand never met a stranger! Probably could talk the ears off of a mule and have tried a couple of times(well, a donkey not a mule) I love the outdoors, the independance of living out here on my dirt road, and would be alright if it was always just me. Could be content alone or in a crowd of a hundred. We once had 26 people to spend the night. Made me feel quite cozy. I would have to say that it is fun getting to know and care for new people though! Maybe it is just an independant spirit that sets us apart, not necessarily our intro or extro verted ness(could be our spelling that sets us apart!) I have got to say though that I have always been thought of as a little odd! Mom calls me a Happy as a Dead pig in the sunshine type. I think that some of us adapt more easily to different surroundings. My husband might just say that ignorance is bliss!Ha! He is a self-professed anti-social! I think it is because he has to talk to people all day long. I know he would be content to be all alone. (well, as long as all alone included me with him!)

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 19, 2001.

I'm with Hermit John.

I lose energy FAST when I'm around people. I prefere to be with one person at a time. Preferably homesteader types who can talk gardens and livestock. Or older people who like to talk about their lives growing up. I avoid making new friends because they always want to be on the phone talking or arranging shopping trips. They can't understand why the goat HAS to be milked and fed."Won't it be ok just over night?"

I Hate holiday get togethers, girl talk... POTTY TRAINING discussions!! (Ever seen a high school kid in a diaper??? Leave the little ones alone, they'll figure it out when they're ready.) If I have to go to the grocery store AND the postoffice in one trip...that's way too much socialising for me!

Most groups of women seem to want to bash their husbands. Mine's wonderful so I can't relate to their complaints. And when you tell them that he's wonderful they give you the evil eye.

So, I guess I'm not shy but much prefere my own company. Hubby understands. He doesn't hold it against me when he's leaving on a mission for 2 months and I'm at the airport waving good bye with a big smile on my face!! In fact he usually stocks up the freezer and tops off the vehicles and announces "there; now you don't have to go anywhere except the feed store" I like the feed store.

Pauline NC

-- Pauline (tworoosters_farm@altavista.com), January 19, 2001.

Hermit John and Pauline, I feel the same way! Going to town leaves me feeling almost as tired as if I'd been cleaning the barn all day long! I can handle one on one conversations with friends, but two or more friends, even really dear friends, is exhausting. I can talk for a long time about goats, and also like to discuss scripture, quilting, and gardening. Most other subjects, leave me feeling bored, unless I can bring goats into the conversation somehow! I hate making telephone calls to ask for favors or to people I don't know- unless it is a goatkeeper.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), January 19, 2001.

Hermit John, you are right that there probably is a difference between shy and introverted. I was a terribly shy child. As an adult I've developed assertion skills and have no problem standing up for myself. But deep down inside I've never enjoyed socializing or conforming for the sake of fitting in. I, too, took a standardized personality test (can't recall the tool) and scored high on the side of introversion. I also completed a learning inventory, and my learning style strongly correlates with introversion. Anyway, I think the country life suits folks like me just fine. No neighbors, plenty of privacy, peace, quiet, and beauty all around me.

-- Amy (acook@in4web.com), January 19, 2001.

Interesting question. I was always shy AND introverted. As I have gotten older, I have "gotten over" being shy, for the most part. I define this as feeling inferior and fearful of unknown people. The introvert part will probably always be there. I have a book about dogs that includes a quiz to determine your social ABILITY and your social DESIRE. According to that, I have average social "skills" but LOW social desire, which I really believe sums me up.

I can chit-chat for awhile, but I soon run out of small talk. Now, if I find someone who shares interests, I can talk about that for a long time. I do find it to be energy-draining just having to be amongst big crowds of people, but if I interact with some of them on a friendly level, that helps alleviate it a bit.

I am NOT happy all on my own, but as long as I have the company of my critters, and I talk to one or two close friends now and then, I'm perfectly happy without other people.

-- Joy Froelich (dragnfly@chorus.net), January 19, 2001.

I can relate to a lot of what has been said. I'm not a people person either, I prefer the company of my animals. I would be perfectly happy to never see any humans except my fiance. I hate shopping, holiday get togethers, socializing, etc. because they all involve having to deal with people. I've been this way all my life. Wonder why some of us like being with people and others hate it?

-- debra in ks (solid-dkn@msn.com), January 19, 2001.

Man, I really feel like an oddball after reading your entries again! I do have to agree with you on the shopping business! I don't like to shop any more than I have to. But, I used to sell bread at the farmer's market and I absolutely enjoyed all of the commotion and the visiting around. I love all of my neighbors, even the grumpy old toots! Especially the grumpy old toots! Is it the ex-kindergarten teacher in me? I could be completely alone in my garden or have children crawling all over me. I like a little of both. Straight from the heart, I really have enjoyed getting to know you all this past week. Ya' got me hooked on this forum!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 19, 2001.

Nah,homesteaders come in all makes and models!Me,I love people,darn I even love the city!It just doesn't usually go over too good with the neighbors when you tell them you're thinking about getting a pig or chickens,etc.LOL!So,I live out in the country where I can have all the animals I want.We're actually the social hub of our friends and family.Everbody wants the parties and gatherings out here-room for a good football game,room for the kids to run wild,the best croquet yard,friends can camp out,etc.We love having all the activities out here and never lack for house and critter sitters when we travel.Because everyone loves being out here so much when there's a big project to be done we always have lots of willing help and of course we always pay back in kind!

-- nobrabbit (conlane@prodigy.net), January 19, 2001.

I was thinking about Denis's definition of introvert and it reminded me of a quote by Thoreau "I wouldn't talk so much about myself if there was anyone else I knew as well."

Also Ditto the small talk comments. I know very few people around here who are into the same kinds of things I am so talking about the revered Packers, snowmobiles, etc is a real bore to me. I much prefer a one on one discussion to a group thing any time.

-- john leake (natlivent@pcpros.net), January 19, 2001.

Joy said it all for me. On top of being something of an introvert, I've also got a mild case of claustrophobia. While I do enjoy shopping with a friend, keep me away from large crowds!! Too bad I'm still stuck in the city. At least I've got a half acre. annette

-- annette (j_a_henry@yahoo.com), January 19, 2001.

Oops! I told my husband about that grumpy ole toot comment and he said he is NOT a grumpy ole toot, he is a grumpy middle aged toot! He gave me that raised eye-brow grin!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 20, 2001.

I dont know..... As a kid I was a little shy (read insecure there) but after I became an adult its more like I just dont have any use for most people, the things that most people talk about just have no interest for me....

-- Dave (Ak) (daveh@ecosse.net), January 21, 2001.

I wouldn't say I am shy. Definitely introverted, and certainly not interested in small talk. I don't "dislike" people, I just feel better when they're not around.

-- Doreen (animalwaitress@excite.com), January 21, 2001.

Gotta test for ya', ya'll say that you would rather not have people around...How many of you would go into withdrawals if suddenly this forum was gone? I know that I am excited to see what ya'll have to say every day! Maybe you are just latent people lovers and don't know it.....?HEEHEEHEE! You could be more like me than you know....I'd be scared if I was Ya'll!!! HaHAHA!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 22, 2001.

Yes, I've always been shy and quick to blush. I absolutely hate mandatory social events and small talk. I've been hurt by thoughtless, rude people and am finding they are becoming more and more of the norm. Give me my solitude and a dog that will listen to me and I'll be very happy! ;-)

These types of forums are nice for us "quiet people" because no one says "What?" when I don't speak loud enough. I can be "among" folks who generally believe as I, but not have to say a word if I don't want to...just read(listen)...no one says, "your silence makes me uneasy." I like to listen to the sounds of nature...you can't hear it when one's running off at the mouth!

-- JimR (jymcyn@earthlink.net), January 22, 2001.

sorry Jim, I may have been running off at the mouth....I will type more quietly, and I didn't mean any offense if any was taken! I just love people and life and and and oops...sorry all I did it again, I will just type to myself......

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 22, 2001.

Nan, my post had nothing to do with anything you said. I was just answering the original question....just another example of the little misunderstandings and uncomfortable situations that comes with interacting with people...my dog would have just ran off barking at a squirrel in response to my post. ;-)) lol. No big deal.

-- JimR (jymcyn@earthlink.net), January 22, 2001.

No offense here either.....Hug the dog for me!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 22, 2001.

like the old sayin' goes the more people i meet, the more i like my dog!

-- fred in wi (sixuvusmeyers@aol.com), January 23, 2001.

I thought all along that what wore me out so much going to Wally world was the physical activity! Ha ha, I know better now!!!! I am definitely an introvert. My first husband made me feel that there was something wrong with that. I know now there isn't. That is just the way we are and there are good and bad in both. I do love people, just not crowds. Oh how I hate crowds and all the "small talk", the nonsense and phonyness of it all. I think that is what I hate the most, phoney. Everyone trying to impress every one else. Who cares?

-- bwilliams (bjconthefarm@yahoo.com), January 23, 2001.

I lived in Montana for 3 years on 40 acres and a small town we had to move back to Miss because of our property and we hate it. We live in a growing city on the coast and it sucks so busy every one rude I love my animals and I love being at home with countryside. I only have one homesteader friend and she had to move to germany this summer everyone else thinks we are weird. In Montana we loved it and it was quiet and peaceful not any racism well not that was a everyday thing like here and I am afraid to have my kids grow up here. The one nice thing is we are getting commercial prices for a 5 acres here and that will give us enough to buy a homestead with cash and move from the rat race we dislike so much. words of my husband I'm not shy I'm just anti social.

-- Erika in Mississippi (aewood1@juno.com), January 24, 2001.

I'm not shy but I do like my space. I am very incvolved with my church and some community stuff so i guess that leaves me out of the shy department. I love country life because not everyone is up your butt like in towns etc and I love the simpler life that country living and doing for myself affords. Homesteading is great because you can raise healthy food easier than in towns and cities in many ways (some neighbors get steamed at a manure pile in the yard). The hardest part about homesteading? Isolation in my case!

-- Alison in Nova Scotia (aproteau@istar.ca), January 25, 2001.

Many people say I am the shy or quiet one. I really hate being labeled that way. As an educated person, I have learned the qualities of both an introvert and an extrovert. One little life fact: not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone. I think I get a sense of this by meeting people. I just met a person a few days ago and I talked to her like I knew her from day one. I also met a couple other people and it was like: Hi, how are you, good nice day today, and that was it. Very shortly after I was given the 'SHY' label. Why don't people realize that some people don't have anything to say to them?? Again, as an educated person, I have learned that sometimes it is better to listen, than to talk. This shy label is a reflection of dumbness in our society. Everyone wants to label or put you in a group. I think people should freely and openly do what they wish, of course, if they don't harm others. I am NOT shy, I say what I want, the way I want, to whom I want. I also realize that there is a time and place for everything. Just because I am bold and not shy doesn't mean to say some things at some times. Using mature judgement is a trait I have picked up. Funny thing is, people never notice when you do something right, only what you do wrong. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I listen. I get the 'quiet' and 'shy' label when I am in listening mode. Little do these people know, but I talk quite enough openly and freely when I want, thats right, I want. If someone doesn't like me, and some people don't, they don't have to come around, nothing personal because some people just don't mix. TO ANYONE OUT THERE, YOU CAN NOT LABEL SOMEONE AFTER KNOWING THEM FOR 3 MINUTES. THAT IS LIKE GOING TO A TOWN OF 400 IN UPSTATE NEW YORK AND SAYING THAT THE STATE OF NEW YORK IS A FARMING COMMUNITY. WHEN YOU TAKE THAT SAME PERSON DOWN TO TIMES SQUARE, THE RULES CHANGE A BIT. My point is that sometimes people are tired, sick, sad or whatever and don't talk. Does this make them shy?????? No offense to anyone, but some self-labeled extroverts act as if they just arrived here from the moon! I went to an Aerosmith concert a few years ago. I really enjoyed myself! I stood there watching and listening to the show. Everyone else was screaming and jumping around. People asked me why I was bored. I said What??? You are just standing there, I said I am listening to the show that I paid $27 for...DUH! Sometimes I put my hands in my pocket or cross my arms, then I get the label of being bored or holding something back. Isn't it funny how these people are sooo smart and they don't have a clue what is going on in my head?? I shouldn't act like other people because I am not, I should act like me otherwise I would be a phony. I hope to see the day when society eats, drinks, and sleeps based on the facts, not stereotype, rumor and perception. IF YOU HAVE ANY COMENTS PLEASE RESPOND! thanks

-- Casey (insurrection26@yahoo.com), May 15, 2001.

I am not shy either but I prefer the quiet and solitude of the country. I also do not, like many others, like the rude, disrespectfulness of others or the falseness of people. I do not like the politics you find everywhere in the workplace, the crowds, traffic etc.

I agree that you can meet someone and it is as if you have known them all your life and others you have nothing in common with. Just because you have nothing in common with someone does not make you shy.

I am probably what you consider a loner. My whole family seems to come under that category. We like people around but only when we choose, the other times we prefer to be alone. Most of our friends are the same way so it works out perfectly.

-- Cordy (ckaylegian@aol.com), May 15, 2001.

Actually, I am very outspoken in real life. However, I need my elbow space. I need animals. I need to get away from humans sometimes. It is simply a deep need I have.

In a recent personality test, I scored very high in the area of hospitality, so no, I do not think I am running away from society out of shyness.

-- daffodyllady (daffodyllady@yahoo.com), May 15, 2001.