What kind of will or estate problems have you had?

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After seeing the question from Kate concerning how to acquire a relative's place that had no will got me wondering what has been your worst experience with no will being written, or even if one was, all the problems that came up. Perhaps after reading everyone else's bad experiences, someone might be inclined to write a will if they don't have one, or if do have one, might consider changing it to avoid future problems. What is your worst experience?

-- Michael W. Smith (kirklbb@penn.com), November 19, 2000

Answers

My father died shortly after announcing to his second wife that he intended to divorce her. He died in a snowmobiling accident in which he drowned (although his wife was on the sled with him and she survived just fine). My father owned a corporation worth millions. The will and safety deposit box it was stored in were never found (my stepmother had broken into his office file cabinet after driving five hours the very night he died). She had her lawyers go over everything and by the time she was done, she owned all his personal assests, his corporation was assesed for $0, and she even refused to give us kids any personal items of his. She sold everything she did not want and somehow had her son appointed president of the corporation. He was her fifth husband and she somehow got richer with each divorce or death. We three children ended up with nothing except his Harley which my brother had to buy off our stepmother. Not only make up a will, but leave copies with more than one person if you have significant assets, and if considering divorce, make a new will BEFORE telling the spouse!

-- Epona (crystalepona2000@yahoo.com), November 19, 2000.

Oh boy nothing to match that.Suggest a good detective to open up the case and get the goods on her for murder, singular or plural.Having worked in a shelter for battered women, stories of deaths of more than one spouse is a red flag that more than accidental death is involved.

My story was abt my husbands aunt who was financially confortable enough to live in her own home for the rest of her life and pay someone to take care of her.

Instead,she turned all her assets over to her "loving" nieces,who were going to take care of her .They sure did.They pauperized her,sold her house quickly and under market value,used the money to keep hubbie's business from going belly up, then, stuck her in a nursing home on SSI. So much for trust and family.

-- sharon wt (wildflower@ekyol.com), November 19, 2000.


I will try to keep this short: My sister( a Sgt.first class in the US army) who was legally separated for 2 yr. was told that she had breast cancer. After having treatments, surgery she met a really nice man who she fell in love with. She filed for divorce. She became very ill and was losing her battle. Knowing that she didn't have long to live she made her will out-- leaving me in care of it. She said she didn't want her ex-husband to have anything. A lawyer made it out. She left her insurance to my parents: her clothes, jewelry and shoe to her twin sister and her music cds and equipment to our oldest sister. Her car would have to go back to the company. She owned some furniture and household stuff it would go to her new fellow because they had purchased it together. As time went on, she came to live with me and I took care of her for 2 years off and on and for the last 8 months I was her sole caretaker. She died on Christmas Day and her divorce would have been final on Dec. 27th. Well, the US Army called her "husband" told him-- ask him what he want to do with her ( her commanding officers, priest and fellow workers knew what she had said and what her will said but it was army policy( because they weren't divorced!!!) She said I could do as my sister had asked. I did. The Army flew him from AZ to NC gave him the insurance check and he flew out the same day! Never saw my sister in the three years that she was sick,didn't see her or anyone in our family,set flowers or a card and hasn't called or written!!!!!! I did everything she ask for us except the insurance( which was 200k).I heard, he told a friend of my sisters that she was so pretty in her beauiful blue dress and he couldn't bring himself to stay for the funeral! (She was cremated!!!)Never even owned a blue dress!!Don't know what we could have done--BUT PLEASE if you are going to get a divorce, do it in a timely matter!!!Don't wait until you are dying to do anything! DO it now!!!!!!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), November 19, 2000.

Almost didn't respond because it's too painful to remember, but here goes. 5 years ago this week, my father died of lung cancer. He didn't know he was sick until about 2 months before. He had a will at the time. He decided to marry his girlfriend (who was not in the will). He then decided he wanted to change his will. The day before he died, with 4 morphine patches on him, he signed the new one. Front page read that he would leave the estate to new wife. The idiot lawyer didn't bother to change second page, still naming me and grandkids as heirs. His wishes, spoken to me and the hospice nurse, were for new wife to get house and savings bonds. What he didn't tell me was that he had ample insurance and annuities in my name. So...New wife got a little nervous that I was going to take her to court, so she agreed to split estate (everything) down the middle. I agreed and the same idiot lawyer drew up papers. Then we found all the insurance and annuity papers. They totalled much more than the house and bonds. End result, I did myself out of about $30-50,000 by splitting everything down the middle. Yes, I should have gotten my own lawyer. Yes, Daddy should have listed ALL assets, no, he shouldn't have been allowed to sign a legal document without being coherant. You can't even read his handwriting. What a mess.

-- melina b. (goatgalmjb1@hotmail.com), November 19, 2000.

After sorting thru my father's, then my mother's, and then my husband's estate, I did the smart thing. I created a trust and planned my funeral. Since I have minor children, everything was included in one document including a living will. It was only $500 but the peace of mind is worth considerably more. Please, don't do what my father did. He had a lawyer out to the house and he and Mom gave directions for their wills. This was Thursday. The lawyer asked if there was any hurry, could he return with the wills next week? Dad said 'No, not unless I die over the weekend.' He died on Saturday. Thankfully, here in Utah, expressing his wishes to the lawyer was enough. Dad knew he was sick and put it off. Take care of your loved ones WAY ahead of time.

-- Cheryl (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), November 19, 2000.


I have one piece of advice. Never, never leave on of the parties involved in an estate in charge of it for others. My granny (she raised me...my mom really) left her son (that I've never gotten along with) in charge of her estate. Her son has total power over the estate and if I contest it I loose everything (this was put in there at my uncles urging). He is going exactly by the letter of the law and I'm still getting the shaft. He is putting all the interest earned back into the estate....this way it is technically being used for my good but I don't see a cent of it. This is all petty on his part. I won't go into some small things that happened but it is definately petty. The only reason I don't contest it is the trust is disolved upon my death and at least my kids will get some good from it. My granny never would have thought her son would act this way. On paper I'm worth lots (lets just say it's over a million) but can't touch it even in case of emergency. Appoint someone neutral to manage your estate for your survivors so they aren't put in the same situation I am. The stress has been so bad since my granny died I moved out of state....even took a lose on selling my home to do so.

-- Amanda S (aseley@townsqr.com), November 19, 2000.

My situation is not as bad as most of yours, but bad enough. My father was diagnosed with cancer, and given only a few months to live. My Mom had passed many years before, and Dad had been remarried for seven years. Dad had made an appointment with a lawyer, his longtime friend. Dad didn't make it, he died in my arms the next day. (I consider that to be a gift, as he didn't suffer.) My father had made it very clear to us ALL exactly how he wanted things to be taken care of, and we ALL were in complete agreement. Stepmother was to collect Dad's pension, her house would be paid for, and she would get any cash, while we kids got a few small properties. She went to the same lawyer I mentioned, and started the process. Within 3 months of his death, my stepmother took early retirement (3 months shy of her full pension), bought a crapload of furniture and a little red car, and then claimed she couldn't be expected to live on the money she had coming in. Didn't matter that she did this to herself. Lawyer says she needs to have an additional $$ per month, and as long as we kids allow her to collect rental income from the properties until her SS kicks in, she won't take everything. NY State law entitles her to practically everything in this case, so we bit the bullet. A clause in the agreement allows me to live in one property as a tenent, paying full rent, and as long as I stay in this house, we are allowed to use this portion of money towards taxes on the properties. Very generous of them. Meanwhile, I've paid almost $14,000 into the estate account, and the end is years away. If I move out, my sisters and I must come up with the difference, if this place sat empty for even a month. I don't know if I've explained this very well, but suffice to say, we got screwed.

-- Cathy Horn (hrnofplnty@webtv.net), November 19, 2000.

As most of you all know I could be certified crazy and to prove it I have a will stating a list of people to ask in the order I want them asked and the deal is everything is left in trust and goes to the person who takes care of my animals when I am gone until they join me. gail

-- gail missouri ozarks (gef123@hotmail.com), November 19, 2000.

Not that it was a particularly functional family beforehand, but setting the estate of my half-sister tore her family apart. Everything which was left (nursing home got the proceeds from the house)went to the youngest son who was the one who was there when needed. Others, who came around maybe once a year and never visited their mother in the nursing home, wanted equal shares, but didn't formally contest will. I made an effort to try to patch things up between my nieces and nephews, but ending up having all sides mad at me.

I have an unusual situation in that I have never been married and have no known children. Through conservative spending (I have been called tight more than once), property appreciation and stock market gains I have a fairly significant estate. My will calls for the establishment of a private conservancy foundation to take title to my farmland. Additional assets can be used by the foundation board for brick and motar-type education or recreational purposes in the local area, with sufficient funds left in the foundation to continue it into perputuality (sp?) plus funds to expand to adjoining properties should they become available. Will is very specific about who gets what and the procedures for doing so.

A certain amount was designated to each of my sisters and brother. One sister needed money to buy a business with her husband, so she took an option to receive hers early. Two other sisters did the same. My will was amended to exclude them since they had received their portion of it during my lifetime. My brother wasn't given the option since he has pretty well been 'white trash' all of his life and after he dies I will give it to his long-suffering wife. Although the will includes the clause about if you contest and lose you get nothing, it is virtually non-contestable.

My three sisters are exectrix in order. They all know my wishes. Primary sister has a copy of the will, plus another list of all of my assets, including account numbers and insurance policies.

My attorney in Nashville, who wasn't cheap, said my will was about the best thought out one she had ever dealt with.

I also have a separate living will which specifies my wishes in detail. All three of my sisters have a copy of it. Final disposal is to be cremated with my ashes scattered by airplane over my farm. Told my younger sister I would like a bottle of Michelob mixed in the urn first. She asked if she could process it first. I said I didn't care as I wouldn't know the difference. Alternative was to have the ashes mixed up with cattle feed - hey, I eat them.

Thus, my recommendation is to make your will as specific to your desires as possible. It can include an option for the attachment of a listing of individual possession and who they are to go to. A separate living will is also recommended. One of the above post mentions a neutral exector/exectrix and it is not unusual for this to be an attorney.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), November 20, 2000.


Just a note on wills:

I changed mine even before Steve and I were married because the farm was in my name alone, and I wanted him to have it. My lawyer told me that Steve needed one too after we were married. Seems in Kentucky, if a spouse(either one) has no will, their brothers and sisters could take half of what was his or hers, no matter married or not, even if the farm was in my name alone. Best to find out exactly what you need and each have one that is very clear. And give copies to the parties involved. Our wills were only $40.00 each, well worth it.

-- Cindy in Ky (solidrockranch@msn.com), November 20, 2000.



When my dad died my mom had to sell the farm to pay the estate taxes. That's the tax al gore thinks is so wonderful.

-- Shooter (jcole@apha.com), November 20, 2000.

My father died and left his business to my husband who had worked in it for 10 years and was in the process of buying it. I have 2 sisters and he left them only cash. My husband worked in the business but had to sell it 5 years ago. Now 15 years later my sister say I should give her and my other sister each one third of the money.

-- Pat Daily (Dailyp@Roberts.mtps.com), September 17, 2001.

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