feeling isolated

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I know I'm gonna sound like a big baby....sometimes it gets to be too much not being connected with your community....sigh, wah, etc!!!!!You know; for every homesteader wanna be; if they are "people" people such as we are, I'd strongly encourage them to consider the friendships and support base they may already have just to have that homestead. Its just not worth it. I know it "takes time" and I know we've only been here for 2 years now. But it gets lonley and you run out of steam without a friendly word, a little encouragement, every now and then. Its funny....everyone here is pretty uch related....and the groups that pal around tgether have been the same groups that have probably palled around together since school age. I think, sometimes, that they may be afraid to reach out and make outsiders feel welcome for fear of what their peer group might think??!!

-- Beth Weber (talmidim88@hotmail.com), September 22, 2000

Answers

Response to still sad

I'm a little slow--could you make this more clear ? I've been too busy to speak much to anyone lately. I may have ignored some questions but it was out of fatique, not on purpose. When I have the time--I try to answer everything ask of me. I have enjoyed your posts a lot ! Maybe I should have said so more often, forgive me. I have heard that many think that I have ome special group on here. I promise I don't. I have only met one person on this forum personally and that was Pyramidgreatdanes ( Colleen ). On y part there has beenno conspiricy to ignore anyone !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), September 22, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth! I assume you're talkin about the people where you live that ignor you. As far as "clicks" on here, I never notice any. I don't know anybody personally at all, on here. I think most people are about alike wherever one lives, with exceptions of course. If you get lonesome, fire up the puter and give us all a shout. If nobody answers-send us emails personally. I'm sure others won't mind-I certainly wont. So, keep a stiff upper lip and don't let things get you down. As my ole pappy used to say "In a h undred years it won't matter much". You know what---he was right! Matt. 24:44

-- hoot gibson (hoot@pcinetwork.com), September 22, 2000.

Response to still sad

thanks-smile- sorry if I seemed vague...I guess it all goes back to how I stumbled onto/into this forum. Two years ago, Marty and I came up here because its a small town, and we had major Y2K concerns. Yep; we were "one of those". Smile.The community we left behind...I know you shouldn't look back too much....kind of like driving while focussing in your rear view mirror, right? But we had a homechurch with a bunch of other homestead loving, musically adept Christians that really knew how to move in the Spirit. Not hoogey-boogey stuff....(well, ok, sometimes!) but more of the peace, quiet joy, accuracy, and warmth of fellowship that being one in the Spirit brings. We left Wichita 3 1/2 years ago, had a farmstead N of Wichita, but were still on the debt treadmill. We came up here...to be debt free and y2k safe (hah!) we own 2 homes and operate a very sucessful cafe'. But you know what? Its not worth it! The actual price we paid was way too high! Friendships, relationships are PRICELESS!!!! We still keep in touch with our peoiple; but thats not like being together...watching each others babies grow...etc. Sigh. Where we live now...it is one mainlain denomination...I have visited with this church for 6 months now...I am a very, very outgoing person...but I have never been to a church where no one came to visit with you--even for a few minutes after church! Is my nose out of joint?Not really-I'm not a flaming egotist that gets upset if the red carpet isn't rolled out for me. smile. But as the late Mark Heard would say, "I just want to get warm" "You would weather well...in a climate of love". Please pray for my hubby...I seem to have this martyrs complex where after I have whined here a bit; I have a way of letting the pain transform me into growth. But Marty is getting a little resentful....up here. My first post; here in this forum, was on re-locating. This would be a perfect place to live if you had no desire whatsoever to have friends in the local church and/or community!

-- Beth Weber (talmidim88@hotmail.com), September 22, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth, Why don't you go to the pastor/priest/minister of the predominant church and talk to him(or her) about how you feel? He would probably love to hear about someone who really misses their church and fellowship. And maybe he could offer some suggestions or even pave the way for you.Is that possible?

-- Peg (NW WI) (wildwoodfarms@hushmail.com), September 22, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth, you have to reserve a spot in your soul for stupidy, for laughter. It can be a lonely road without a laugh. Where the hell is KOS when you need him? What is brown, furry, and hangs up side down. You ask this question, as a straight line phone conversation to a friend. Of course, they dunno, you answer, "a bat". then you ask, "what is fuzzy and white, and hangs up?" Kinda along the same lines as "is your refrigerator running". Speed to your strength.

-- Life can be fun (for thosewho@laugh.com), September 22, 2000.


Response to still sad

I got the picture now ! I live differently than most people as I crave solice. On Saturday, August 22, 1992 on a mountain ridge in Idaho, all sense of community, decency, and respect for my country ended with one single rifle shot. There had been other shots that had stolen pieces of my soul--one in India, Dallas, Los Angeles, Memphis, and one the day before that had brought me to the ridge.

For now my only peace is confined with family, my books and in watching nature. I pray you find that thing that brings you fulfillment ! I must say though, that I have never regreted leaving community behind. I have probably missed some great conversations, a few parties, but for the most part I have grown the stronger for it. I would submit to you that quite possibly your most feared losses are your greatest gains. My loneliest times have given me the greatest opportunities to spend the best of times with my children. Again, I hope you find some comfort, peace and fullfillment in your decision to be where you are. Rich Blessings to you and yours !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), September 23, 2000.


Response to still sad

beth, we moved from a house where i knew everyone to a place i where i knew no one. i thought in a few days or weeks things will change and i will fit in, well months went by then years and we still do not fit in. i keep in touch w/ our old neighbors but soon realized that once you leave life goes on w/out you. we only moved about an hour away but it feels like a world away.

i remember sitting in our field and cring for hours wishing we never moved wishing we could go back,it got so bad i almost left my husband and moved,the dbt was out of control,the neighbor was out of control and we were expecting twins then my then 3yr old said i hope we never move i asked her more and realized this was the only place she had ever called home and she loved it. i removed myself from the community and by doing so am much happier. i do not worry what they think or say about us, they love calling us the freaks on the farm. the older families have grown to like us once they saw what we were all about and would help us out, the new comers from the "city" leave us alone because we are rednecks.

i guess what i am tring to say is find peace w/ in your self. its hard but i now know i can live w/ out others outside my family and be happy. i also know we someday will leave here and live w/ out others around us and at that time i will be truly happy. once i get rid of they problems that others create i can be happy, and i long for that day.

-- renee oneill (oneillsr@home.com), September 23, 2000.


Response to still sad

I agree with you, Renee, that you only have to live with yourself and have been saying this for many years. And Joel, I too, crave solitude. When I need a boost for community I visit this forum.

-- Sandy (smd2@netzero.net), September 23, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth, I understand how you feel, though we were blessed when we moved here to find the best church we've ever had, which helped with the transistion. Actually, that's the only good thing that came of our move here. But my advice is to give it more time. It took me eight years to feel at home here -- and now we are looking at moving again!! (To be free of debt -- and I will miss my church family, but I have the inner resources and the connection with God to be able to go on to a new place and start over again.) Come here to the forum when you are lonely -- sometimes there are arguements, and disagreements, but people get over it and go on being friends. I do have a word of advice, though, for anyone thinking about moving if church is an important part of their lives -- find your new church first. Then look for your new property as close to the new church as possible. I can live without a lot, but to live without church would be very hard. Beth, your new church may need you. Sounds pretty dead to me. I second the advice someone gave to have a talk with the pastor and tell him how you feel and what you are missing. Maybe he won't sympathize -- not all pastors are good and wise people. But it may be that he just missed the boat here and needs to be reminded that there's a need. Then he can address the problem with his congregation. I must admit that I have very seldom visited a church where people didn't take the time to greet visitors and stand around after service chatting for a while -- but when I did, it was always the mainline denominations. I think that most of the people who attend these churches (and don't eat me, folks, I know there are exceptions) do so because that is where they were raised. They go through habit or a sense of duty, and want to hurry home and get back to real life as quickly as possible. In other words, their hearts aren't set on the Lord. So even if the pastor of your church there is sympathetic, he may not be able to do much with a spiritually dead congregation. And if your faith in God is important to you, and you want your children to share it, you might be wise to consider moving again, but this time find the church first!! :-) Hope you feel better soon, and stay in touch.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), September 23, 2000.

Response to still sad

Dear Beth: You have my favorite name!!!!!Your are definitely in a hard situation. Have you ever invited folks over after church for a dinner. Start with the pastor and work down the list. Reach outto any children around you, perhaps you already do, plus there must be some community event that catches your heart. Volunteer to help. I've been where you are and cried, too. Speak in the Spirit positive things into the folks around you at church...I"m sure they can use it!!!!!!!Ask God what Light you as an individual can bring. Remember the Lord knows your address. God Bless, Norma Lucas You may e=mail me personally anytime.

-- Norma Lucas (trooper806@webtv.net), September 23, 2000.


Response to still sad

Dear Beth, I feel that I understand, a least a little, of what you are feeling. Suddenly, I found myself very much alone. My parents died, my husband died, and then, because of the gossip surrounding my family, I decided to move. I only went 20 minutes away but, it's another world. Without any other adults, I'm very alone. No one to reach out and talk to in the middle of the night, or day. The people at church and in the community are very nice but they are very busy with their own lives and families. There are a few women that although they are friendly with me, they will not invite me into their homes because I'm a single woman and somehow I pose a threat to their marriage! Unfair, but true. I used to cry that these people were not friendly and I felt bad for myself. No one invited me anywhere and when I was ill, no one checked on me. Then, one day, I realized I was the one with the problem I called my bishop to see if he would sell me a bale of hay and his answer was, "No. I will give you a bale of hay. You have never let me do anything for you." I was so determined to be self-reliant, that I forgot what community was. I'm reaching out now. I call people more and I'm more willing to ask for help. I'm always wanting to help others but refused to allow others to help me. I'm much happier now and I'm making friends. I'm not saying that you are behaving as I was. Just that sometimes, we must really look inside ourselves without justifying our actions. As many places as I haved lived, I should have known that. I think my problem was that now I was alone. Do not give up on these people. It may be that you will lead them into learning what community really is. I've since talked to local residents that were shocked at what I had experienced at their hands. They were just so busy with their own lives that they never thought about anyone else. Good Luck and keep us posted.

-- Cheryl Cox (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), September 23, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth, Please read the poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox "Solitude". Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you alone...... At least we have this "family". God keep you. Terri

-- Terri Perry (stuperry@stargate.net), September 24, 2000.

Response to still sad

Beth,

I too am a newcomer to our area (Williams/Baudette Minnesota) in Lake of The Woods County. There is a total population of less than 3000 people here.

I didn't know anyone when we bought out 40 acres in the woods. A local charter by the name of Delbert stoped in one day to see what a stranger was doing at this place (our home). After that, Del stopped in at least once a week to make sure that everything was "OK". We drove him to Fargo, ND several times due to his bad heart.

He introduced us to quite a few people here and I also stopped at differant stores in town (small) and talked to people. I also belong to our local Catholic Church and attend the meetings, get togethers and volunteer my time there. I also volunteer for events in our towns. Like the Octoberfest this weekend and the Pototoe Festival this month in Williams.

You have to be a little bit forward and introduce yourself around. I know how busy a homestead can be, although I'm not homesteading right now, I have in the past. But you have to find time to get to know your neighbors. They can be a great deal of company for you and a big help when needed. Start a group yourself if you have to and advertise in the free section of your local papers of meeting dates. Do you like to quilt? garden? any hobbies? - Other people out there would love to learn more about these things. You can help, or learn more about them yourself.

If you need to, email me and we'll talk!

Also, go to many on-line groups (like this one) and find people on line with your interests. I belong to several (including this one) and the other is "Backwoods Home Magazine". I will email their addy to you.

Susie In Minnesota

-- Susan J. De Lano (sasjdelano@wiktel.com), September 29, 2000.


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