Are you more productive when your partner (or your roommates, or your family) is out of town, busy with work, or otherwise out of your hair? Do you feel guilty for enjoying the time to yourself? What would you do with yourself if you had a little more time to yourself?

If you're attached, do you ever (secretly) miss being single? If you're single, are there things you don't think you could give up?

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Answers

I never have enough time alone. In fact, these minutes I'm using to write this will probably be the only time I have to myself today. I've always maintained that lack of time is what sucks about being a mother. However, unlike a number of my friends who are also mothers, I never feel guilty when I do find myself enjoying a few moments to myself. What I do feel guilty about is when I usually don't use it productively. What I miss about being single (or at least not a mother of a young child, is the luxury of possessing a fairly large amount of free time that you don't have a nagging feeling that you should be doing something "more" other than reading a book or watching a television show (or posting on a forum). These days, doing anything that leisurely feels wasteful. Which means I really don't have much fun by myself these days.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I love to spend time alone, and I am definitely more productive when I don't have to compromise my schedule to suit the needs of others.

I don't always get enough time to myself though, and when it gets to be too much I just clear my calendar and let the answering machine take my calls. Solitude is bliss, and I don't feel the least bit guilty about enjoying it.

In terms of relationships, I recently broke up with someone, and one of the major issues between us was that he wanted to spend every waking minute of his days with me and I felt like I was being smothered. I'm kind of weird that way, but even when I've been madly in love I've needed to take time out to be alone.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I absolutely need more time alone. My commute and late nights are basically the only times that I have to myself. I think some of my insomnia is due to my need for more solo time. Not exactly sure why it is so important to me.

As for being productive when alone, yes I used to be, but you really can't be productive in a train or tiptoeing around your house at midnight.

I don't _really_ miss being single, but I definitely miss getting up on a Saturday with the whole day to spend as I please. I also miss being able to keep my stuff tidy and up to date (as I often mention in these single vs. attached posts).

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I definitely do not get enough time alone.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

No, I don't, but only because school's out and my sister recently came to live with us and help us with the new house and the move. Fortunately, she has a job :-) It's not that I don't enjoy her company or that of my little boy...I do. But I am one of those people that like that "alone time" and yes, I'm pretty productive then.

Nope, I don't miss being single at all, but the hubby is a workaholic and in and out all day when he's off, so he's never "in my hair" so to speak.

Funny thing, my daughter, who's one of the most gregarious, sociable, people-oriented girls I know, just moved out and got her own apartment. I thought she'd be lonesome, but she's really loving it. Must be in the blood.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I get TONS of alone time. My honey works 12 hour days (10-10) on a 3/4 schedule (3 days this week, 4 days next week and so on). Every 3 months he switches from days to nights or back. The months he works days I don't see him on his working days at all. If he's on nights I see him for maybe an hour before he leaves. So the days he works are mine mine mine. I do my errands, shop, visit friends, read, work late or whatever I want. Works out for him too because I work 2/3 of the days (9-5) he is off so he gets his alone time for raquetball, sleeping late, yard work, watching TV, etc. My friends always say they could never live like this but I find it ideal. I need a lot of time to myself. I can't deal with someone with me 24/7 and neither can he.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I'd love to spend more time alone. So would my wife. We have an in-law (who doesn't work) staying at our house. I'd like to listen to one jazz CD, at a reasonable loud volume, without negative comment. Just one every two or three days! Is that to much to ask?

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I used to get enough time alone, but now I have a newborn.

Sometimes I just want to scream, "you don't NEED to sleep ON me, do you?"

But she does, and I suppose I enjoy it.

I do cherish her naptime though... which is right now, so I suppose I should use this alone time for something besides reading a forum, eh?

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

no, and I want more I think. I love my time with my new sweetie, but he is very much a let's spend endless amounts of time together, and I'm trying to do an every other night thing instead. I'm finding it hard to say no to him though. I used to read endlessly, now I haven't picked up a book in a month except for my vacation, and even then I was trapped on an island with 3 other women, again no time alone.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

No, I don't get enough alone time because I am a mother. At home, I rarely get to bathe, dress or go to the bathroom alone or, at least, without interruption. But I tell myself that someday I'm going to miss my kids' wanting my attention. Sometimes that works; sometimes, I just get grumpy. Anyway, I get my alone time at work. I often lunch by myself so I can read or just run an errand alone because I need that decompression time.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I think I could use a little more alone time, but I mostly get enough.

I am more productive when he's not around, because I feel like I should be paying attention to him more. Sometimes I want to go online or do stuff with my web page or work on organizing my work room or something. He's understanding, but eventually he'll come by and say "pay attention to me!"

I don't think I feel guilty for enjoying my time alone, it's more like I'm in the habit of spending time with him. I do spent most of one day each weekend at the nudist camp, swimming & using the sauna. He's not interested in going. I don't feel at all guilty for going without him.

Tonight he's going to the baseball game and I have a number of little projects I'm looking forward to working on, with him away.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I moved from living alone in a one bedroom apartment to sharing a room with my 14 year old brother. If it weren't for work, and the fact that I'm mostly left alone while I'm there, I'd be going nuts by now. As is, I feel like I have a bad mood that disintegrates about 5 minutes when I get into the office and reappears about 5 minutes after I leave.

I don't mind living with other people, but I'm extremely protective of my space and time. I've tried making it clear to my family that I need both in order to be a relatively sane person, but, alas, they don't get it. If they got it, then I'd probably be okay living with them. I'm okay living with anyone who understands why I'm an extroverted introvert.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

When I was the houseperson in the home, I had the house to myself all day, after Brenda went to work, and the kids went to school, until school let out, when Owen and Balder came home. I tried to be there with a nutritious, homemade snack. Fruit and milk, perhaps an oatmeal cookie.

Just before I took this job, I was unemployed, and Brenda worked. The boys had moved out. I had the trailer to myself all day, again.

When I moved to Atlanta, to go back to work, I rented an apartment and was alone after work and on weekends. I saw people at work, but was free the rest of the day.

Now that Brenda has moved up here, I have less time to myself. Less than I would like. But as much as I need.

She was used to being alone, while I was up here, and she was in Florida, and likes her time to herself. We give each other space.

My job is a distraction. Having to produce a work-product, to interact with people, make small talk. Some writers say they miss that, after they become self-sufficient, and can stay at home, and write.

I wouldn't miss it. I'd like to make enough money writing to be able to stay at home and write.

So far, that goal has eluded me. Possibly because I don't write what anybody wants to buy.

That's not saying I am a poor, unappreciated writer. It's stating how things are. I've known how they are for 20 years, at least. Why complain about it?

I produced a body of work and invented a genre, crank-lettres, and it's getting out, in dribs and drabs.

Life is good.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I don't have enough alone time. It's getting better though. My 3 year old started nursery school 3 mornings a week - 7:30-11:50am. I had all these plans that I'd go grocery shopping and do stuff. The reality is that I run home after I drop her off and enjoy the peace and quiet. Sometimes I even take a bubblebath. If I have to go out during those times, I feel like my time is being interrupted.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I spend way too much time alone. On average 7 hours a day. I work days (babysitting), DH works evenings. We have one car right now and I'm wheelchair/cane dependent to get around.

We're moving Saturday, in with roommates, I'll actual have adult human contact for more than 10 minutes a day. I won't know what to do with myself.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Yes, I need more alone time. At the moment I spent way too much time jammed together with people I don't interact with: I live in a 2BR flat the size of an American garage with a roommate I didn't choose, who cooks noisily all the time. I share an office with a 6'5" woman who sits so close to me it's like being in economy class in an airplane. (The furniture won't fit in the room any other way.) Much of my time is spent waiting for these people to leave so that I can relax and/or get something done.

I'd like to have more space around me, and then spend more time with people whose company I've deliberately chosen. However, even then, for every X hours spent with people, I seem to need 1.5X hours alone, partly to process what happened.

In 1987, a French woman spent several months in an underground cave by herself as part of a body-clock experiment. Every time she woke up, she had to call the surface and report what day and time she thought it was. Apart from that, she didn't have to do anything. (She brought books, music, experiments down with her.) When she got back up to the surface, she said, "It was nice, but I felt I didn't have enough time for me." I think I understand her.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Tristan travels a lot, and usually has evening meetings at least one day a week, so I get ample time alone.

I like having a couple of days to myself at times, but when he's away for two or three weeks at a time I start getting a bit lonely. But on the whole I'm cool.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Yes, I have enough alone time, and I *really* appreciate it, because it's not always been the case. There was a time when I shared a flat in the town centre and had constant visitors at all hours of the day and night, as people decided to 'drop in' on their way back from shopping/pubs/clubs. I also had very noisy neighbours at that time, plus I was working in a shop (also in the town centre) so there was the constant harrassment, noise, lights that went along with that.

Now, I have my own office, and I'm doing a job I (mostly) enjoy, with people that I get on with. I live with my SO, in a house, and we have enough space to do our own separate things if we want to. I odn't live in the same city as my family anymore, so every 6 weeks or so I will visit them, which gives both my SO and I time alone.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Until yesterday I used to have nothing but time to myself, which happens when you're unemployed and living with your two parents who both work. Even when they're home they share the front half of the house and I occupy the back. As of yesterday, however, I am now a member of the workforce (a change of situation which surprises me more than anyone else), part-time pharmacy assistant, so I'm stuck in this pharmacy where I can't be on my own because my co-workers are all there flitting about and I have to make contact with them every so often when I run out of something. So, now that I have vastly less free time, I'll know to treasure it a lot more

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

"I'd like to listen to one jazz CD, at a reasonable loud volume, without negative comment." - Man, can I relate to that! Not that I'm a big jazz fan, but having the opportunity to do your own thing on your own terms, at least every now and then, is one of the great advantages of the times we live in. Lots of people don't realize this nowadays, but privacy is a concept which barely existed before the 20th century, except for the very privileged. I can't even begin to imagine the horror of having to live together with a large family in a two-room appartment, which was how the house I live in was used back in the day. I live alone, so I have most evenings to myself to do as I please. Which is just what the doctor ordered, since the work I do is fun but also very absorbing. I really, really need the time and space to unwind, read a book, watch a movie, listen to some music, surf the web or even do household chores. Not having to pay attention to others is a great start in that respect. It doesn't make me feel guilty, since also makes me appreciate the time I spend with friends and family all that much more. So my advice to all of you who don't feel like you have enough time alone on your hands - make the time. It really works wonders, both for yourself and your loved ones.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

In Dallas they took my saddle.

I broke my leg in San Antonio. I don't have insurance, so I fashioned a splint from a shipping pallet.

My wife left me because of my girlfriend.

Then my girlfriend left me.

Becky-Sue and JoBob came by, and said they wished I was dead.

Nixon was elected and my engine threw a rod. Then came Reagan, and my dog died.

I've had to take a job in a cube classifying toe jam to support my rodeo habit, but I can't afford a shower.

People at work avoid me, and that's fine by me. They all voted for Reagan.

If the world were just I could just sit at home all day.

I have a PhD in Newkler gender habitat studies, but Gingrich came in and the jobs for Newkler gender habitat studiers dried up.

BillyRae stopped by and gave me a beer, he said I looked like I might not die tomorrow.

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Funny, Jim.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I get stuck between wanting more time alone and not wanting to be left alone.

On the one hand, I get a _lot_ more done when Sabs is off playing stupid board games with Sean.

On the other hand, I resent being left alone with mounds of chores to do.

On yet another hand, I like having the house to myself to pump up the volume on music that he doesn't like and sit around in my favorite big t-shirt and shorts with a half-gallon of ice cream and a good book or to plan out a quilt, or a dress and sew, or go down to the park and draw, without interruption.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I work from home and my husband does not, so I get a whole 7+ hours a day to myself, and I have to say that I love it. But if he's away overnight or if I go somewhere and am away for even one night, I feel terribly lonely unless I'm with a bunch of fun people.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I'm once again the smothery one...I have way -too much- alone time. Acres and acres of it. More than I ever want, really. No wonder I never 'crave' it like everyone else does (and thus, ruin relationships from wanting togetherness). The only time I want "alone" time is when I'm mad at the people I'm around and starting to hate their guts...but that's warped from everyone else, isn't it?

Back when I had a partner, I was probably more productive when he wasn't around, but not by that much. I wasn't that excited to be alone after about fifteen minutes, really. Hard to enjoy alone time when you're doing homework.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000