Angry clients

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So, do any of you work in a job where your clients are frequently angry, abusive, and generally nasty, and you just have to smile and take the abuse? How do you deal with it?

I just got to sit here for fifteen minutes while a schizophrenic convicted spousal abuser called me a bitch and a moron, and while I didn't exactly sit here saying, "Yes, sir, may I have another?" I do have to stay professional, try to glean useful information from his rantings, and refrain from hanging up on him. Nor do I have the option of not working for him, or refusing to take his calls.

It's all part of the job; it just gets a little tiresome sometimes. Anyone else have to deal with something like this? If so, how do you do it? Is there alcohol involved? Am I unprofessional because I sometimes stick out my tongue at the phone during this tirades? (And this was the second one today. Ay, yi yi.)

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Answers

The engineers I work for could write their own operation and maintenance manuals, but a technical writer can do it cheaper and faster. If he can get the source material from the engineer.

Some are good about getting you what you need, some are not.

By and large, they don't blame you when things go wrong, although some of them are not good about reviewing drafts in a timely fashion.

I was a laborer in a feldspar mine once, and the man I worked for ran people off, he was so mean.

Another man I worked for came up in a shipyard, and felt he had to be willing to fight anyone who disagreed with him. Especially anyone who was taller than he was (he was short).

But I know some readers don't want to read a long autobiographical piece on everyone I ever worked for. They have told me so, indirectly.

Once, shovel-shaving on the mound, the straw-boss got in my face, and I nearly disemboweled him with a No. 2 shovel I filed razor-sharp every morning, sitting on the footlocker and glaring at him like Ty Cobb glaring at the second baseman as he sharpened his spikes. I could see his gray and blue intestines, quivering in the dirt, giving off plumes of smoke. The stunned expression on the man's face, who had been riding me like Harry Andrews rode Sean Connery in The Hill.

I can do this job standing on my head. Even the meetings are mostly boring.

Sometimes, though, I feel my arm rising up, like Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove.

Best job I ever had and I can barely stand it.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

When I was in the Air Force I worked for a psychotic General for two years. He was crazy as a loon, drunk most of the time, and stupid. How he got promoted is way beyond me, but I honestly think he may have been blackmailing someone. BTW this behavior was exceptional, 99% of the senior officers I worked with were smart and decent people, but this guy was a real piece of work.

When I retired in 1994 one thing that attracted me to software engineering was the fact that software engineers don't have to take shit from anyone, and as it turned out I don't even have to talk to people very often. For the record though, I'm very supportive of our technical writters.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Ever heard of dissociation????

I was abused for years and used it in my 8 years of customer service... You sing to yourself inside you head! You think about your laundry. You mentally leave until the person gets a grip and then you return. Most of the time they won't even notice because it isn't you they are upset with, it is their life in general. You, my dear, are merely the person that gets the brunt of their frustration for the couple of minutes you share together.

You might also think of all the sad things he's saying, why he's saying them, and wonder what an awful, miserable life he must live - anything to pass the time till he gets a grip. Analyze him... Think about his motivations...

I think because you aren't at a pure customer service type position, you might set some boundries with him. Tell him you'll be more than happy to discuss his situation when he's calm, but until so, you refuse to bear the brunt of his abuse. People like that get away with what they can - and by in large don't have the self esteem to stand up to someone they know will call their bluff.

(Of course, schizo????? I don't know.... better to just dissociate.)

After he leaves you, think of five nice, loving people you like to be around and imagine you've just spent 20 minutes with them.... It sounds silly, and fruffy, and a million other things, but it works...

And that's what $15K in therapy will get ya!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Don't worry about sticking out your tongue at the person over the phone. My boss, when I worked at a cemetery once, used to pull all manner of faces while listening to phone enquiries. Just remember, though, that when you call someone with an enquiry they'll probably do it to you as well

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000
I used to work in Customer Services at the New Zealand Passports and Citizenship office, and was routinely abused by lunatics who thought they could call me from the airport and ask me to 'wire a new passport down the phone' for them.

So my colleagues and I would bitch incessantly, and hang up on anybody too nasty.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Oooh, I get the schizophrenics all the time. Unfortunately, I have to work with them face to face, at the jail. No happy opportunity to stick my tongue out at them unawares.

I usually stick with Grace's dissociation idea. I often have prisoners who are unwilling to be tested, even though I am often there at the request of their attorney. They are convinced that if they perform poorly on the testing, they will either avoid court or possibly pass for insane. Sorry for them, I have people try to fake me out all the time and I can spot a malingerer from a mile away. Then when I point out that they are not giving full effort, etc. they wail on me.

It's terrible. The first time they raise their voice, the deputy can hear and they don't realize it. Then the deputy thinks they are trying to kill me and in two seconds they are pinned to the floor.

How the hell am I supposed to continue testing then? I'd rather just have them scream at me, get it out, and continue. They're not stupid enough to actually try to attack me (well, not yet, anyway).

I test people with all sorts of serious mental illnesses and inmates who've committed the most terrible of crimes. It is hard and often people become irritated and angry as a result of the testing or their own personal situation that requires them to be tested.

It's kind of immature but I sometimes get some relief by flipping them off under the table, where they can't see. It gives me a little smile.

On prison days, I usually do get a drink after I leave the jail. It's just hard going there, some of the inmates have been in 2+ years and haven't even been to trial. One of my clients was just acquitted at trial--he was in jail 2 1/2 years because he couldn't make bond and now the courts are like, "Ooops. Sorry about that. You can go home now."

I usually just try to wipe it all out of my head until the next morning.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

This is *nothing* like dealing with violent felons or schizo clients, of course, but sometimes I have to take phone calls from upset newspaper readers now that I have bylined pieces on the web.

Mostly they disagree with what I've written and want to tell me how I am either a right-wing reactionary scumbag or left-wing bleeding- heart PC tax-and-spender. I get both, sometimes on the same day, which makes me laugh.

I give people a little time to rant and vent, but if they don't stop pretty soon and listen to what I have to say, I've been known to hang up on them. I shouldn't do it, but I have no patience for that sort of abusive crap. One person called the publisher after I hung up on him (always "him" btw), but by the time he'd ranted to the pub's assistant and she could vouch for his assholery, it wasn't a big issue.

People yell all the time that they are going to cancel their subscriptions, as if that is supposed to make me do something. "Oh, no, sir, don't do that! I'll do anything to keep you as a reader - I'll run an apology and a retraction of my analysis if you will just not cancel!"

Yeah right. The way my department deals with assholes is to make jokes about them for the rest of the day. During the last governor race in California, a caller got my boss on the phone and called her a "Goddamn liberal Davis bitch" which was good for a week's jokes.

We still call her that sometimes, actually. Hah.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I was a telemarketer for 8 months, and I got called every name in the book. I was told that I didn't have to put up with abuse, but I wasn't allowed to hang up on someone. One day, I was forced to listen to a man rant on for 5 minutes about how horrible I was and how I should get a real job. Finally I asked "Sir, are you offering me a real job?" He said no, so I replied "Then kindly let me get back to my fake one so I can pay my bills. Thank you." I hung up.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000
Oh man. I just got rid of a client who was so abusive that when I got off the phone with him, I would literally be shaking with rage and adrenaline. And he's not even an alleged felon, just a middle class schmuck who drove with a suspended license.

I find that I deal with people like him by just shutting down and getting more and more professional and formal. I always call them Mister, I say things like "was there something you wanted to discuss about your case?" while they're ranting on about how I'm ripping them off, I say "good bye" politely before I hang up. I figure that removes one thing they can bitch about. Things that I use to make this bearable: I am lucky enough to know that my boss has in the past fired at least one client for abusing me, and that hell always take my side; I try to remember that the criminal justice system is treating them bad and I'm the only person they can vent to; I avoid meeting with them except in court, where by and large I am protected by big court officers with guns: I remember hat their behavior almost always makes their cases take more time and so Im billing them more (not that they pay it all that often, but I can dream). Also deep yoga breathing.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

You know, there is a book called "Office Yoga" for just these types of things.... Dealing with the day. I bought it as a gift for someone and now want my own. Helps you focus and remove yourself. Fantastic book!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000
I used to work the counter at a yuppie bakery, where, during busy times, I dealt with easily a hundred customers in an hour. The yuppie part didn't help, as they were all used to getting whatever they wanted (including bizarre requests) on demand, and felt free to ignore my polite overtures, talk on their cell phones while I was helping them, and otherwise treat me like proletarian shit. I had a few little techniques to keep me somewhat sane:

1) Imagine the baguettes as phallic objects. That way, whatever customers do to and say about them becomes exceedingly funny: "Oh, this one has a nice, hard crust." "I want the FATTEST one you have!" "Do you have any long ones in the back?"

2) Play mind games with the customers. If they plunk their money down wayyy on the far side of the counter instead of putting it in your outstretched hand, do the same with their change. If they don't say hello, please or thank you, you do the same. Answer dumb questions with just-barely-snarky responses I know this all sounds petty, but it's enormously satisfying, and really throws people for a loop. Luckily, I had a boss who tolerated (and even enjoyed) this kind of thing.

3) Pretend you are an actor. You are in a play. The people you talk to are playing the part of the bitchy client/customer. You are playing the part of the person who has to deal with them. It's all okay! They're just acting! So are you! (This one requires very good self-delusion skills)

Luckily for the yuppie bread-purchasers of the world, I no longer work there...

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I work at the circulation desk of a college library. We have two types of patrons: regular students (undergrads) and completely insane grad students. There is no such thing as a regular grad student, they are all off their collective rocker. A few examples: etc etc etc.

The way I deal with them is to stay very very calm and say things like "Please try to calm down" in a very sweet and patronizing voice. :-)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I used to do customer service at Bank of America. Most of the customers were fine, but a few were impossible. You just shut yourself off and disassociate. I reminded myself that they weren't mad at me personally but at the bank (which I could certainly understand.) It helped that the name I used was different from the name I used with my friends, so it was like there was this entity, Ellen, who the mean customers hated, but I wasn't her.

We also made faces and made fun of the ones we didn't like. Sometimes you'd signal to others to get on the line & listen if you had a really good one. Of course now that makes it hard for me to call anybody for customer service - what if they're laughing at me??

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

What about the other way around...being abused by the customer service?! The thread about being abused by clients got me thinking.... Just curious -- has anyone been abused by telephone solicitors for no reason at all? When solicitors call my house and I POLITELY say, "No thank you," to their requests for a contribution, I ALWAYS get the jack-ass who says something in a sarcastic tone like, "Oh. So I guess you don't care about helping out inner city kids." Last night, I got a call from the State Police Foundation and when I politely declined to contribute, the guy said, "So it doesn't make any difference to you that we're putting our lives on the line for you, then." Nice! One time, I simply asked who was calling, since I knew it was a solicitor for my husband. The man replied, "I SAID 'is [my husband's name] there?' why don't you just stick to the easy questions, and you'll be a lot better off." When I told him not to call my home again, he replied, "Oh, you bet I'm going to call. I'm going to call you every night for the next two weeks!"

Has this happened to anyone else?!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

As a telemarketer, I was trained to be pushy, but I never abused people. I'm not a mean person (which is why I'm not a telemarketer any more-- couldn't sell). One favorite saying of the office I worked at was "Don't let go until the 3rd 'No.'" Some people would hang on until the 30th "No!"

We had one woman in the office who would tell customers to shut up and listen to her. Evil woman!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I used to work for *a* phone company as an operator, a.k.a. the poverty stricken man's 1-900 number.

I was called everything in the book in all major languages (and many not so major), was asked every vile question there is and directions to every city or town in the US. Why do people still believe that the oporator is in the same town? It was the 90s.

My best story - a woman tried to place a collect call to a potential employer whom she had recently interviewed with. When I told her she couldn't leave a message on the voice mail (no one said they would pay for it), she became very abusive.. and ended with calling me the "c word" - you know how we love that! and yes, I hung up on her.

I then called back the voice mail (because I could pay for it) and told the newpaper company that if they hired this extremely psychotic woman (she gave her full name for the collect call) that I and all my friends would not only boycott this company, but I would go to their competition and give them an exclusive on how horrible their employees were.

The operator knows more than you think..

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

I used to work for a major insurance company (hey, quit hissing at me, I was one of the good guys). I was a licensed insurance agent, who worked on the phone.

Very few people call their insurance company when they are happy, and I was in a department where I got the bad, bad calls.

I've been cussed at, screamed at, threatened, you name it. How did I live through it? The mute button. We wore headsets that had a mute button, so I'd mute it and cuss back at them, while they flipped out. When they paused I would take off the mute, and act like the sweetest, greatest person on earth.

The absolute worst ones were those whose policies were about to be cancelled. We took credit card and check payments over the phone. Western Union payments as well. They would whine and cry and beg. If the person was nice to me, I would go to bat for them. If they had an attitude, it was over. They either paid or were cancelled.

Moral of the story. Be nice to customer service. The nicer you are, the harder they will work for you.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Before I became a happy housewife, I worked for a publishing company. I was the sales-grunt and basic punching bag for every angry client who ran an ad in the magazines. I got all manner of jerks. I had the delightful opportunity to work one of our trade shows. ICK! I was working an information booth and was given a hat that said "ASK ME!" on it.

I basically got every gross question I could get from sleazy salesmen. Before I finally told my boss that I absolutely was not going to wear the damn thing another minute -- I just started calling people on the things they said. I asked them if they wanted people to talk to their daughters that way or if they were honestly thought they were clever enough to come up with one I haven't heard already. Usually it shut them right up.

When I got angry people on the phone, I killed them with kindness. If I wouldn't let them get to me -- they usually back off right away. I suppose it's much like dissociation, ignoring their rants and they usually burned themselves out. I can say though that I would not take another job like that for the world.

I do try to be nice to telemarketers or retail people I come into contact with -- I know they are simply doing a job.

One thing my boss said to me that stuck with me through the time I was working that always brought a smile to me face and helped me through someone ripping into me was "What are they going to do? Take away your birthday?" It was great.

And yes...I stuck my tongue out at the phone many a time.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

Normally I don't deal with people on the phone, I do QA work so if I *do* end up on the phone with a customer, its as a favor to my old boss. This guy I called back this morning was ranting and raving about how horrible this product is, blah blah blah, whatever. I finally interrupted him and said "Sir, there are only two people here who care about your problem, you and me. You're making me lose interest fast." He shut up and we fixed his problem in about 10 minutes. Some people.

As far as being abused, I had some company trying to get me to switch LD carriers. I had heard the spiel before, interrupted the guy and said "No I'm not interested, thank you." and hung up. I get a call back immediatly. "YOU CAN'T HANG UP ON ME!!! WE'RE THE PHONE COMPANY! WE KNOW ALL THE CALLS YOU MAKE AND WE CAN MESS YOU UP BADLY!!" First I sat there in stunned silence, then I asked what company he works for. He hung up, so I called Bell Atlantic and tried to figure out if it was them..they denied it but said not to worry. I think he'd been hung up on one too many times.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

They don't even represent the phone company-- they are just telemarketers hired by a service hired by the phone company. Half the time, the real phone company reps that you talk to don't know that their company even hires telemarketers.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000
Oy, do I have stories. Granted, my job is not like most others, but I do work with Jo/e Q. Public, one-on-one. I'm an artist working as an entertainer; more precisely, as a caricaturist. Mostly, I love my work unreservedly. It's like being a musician: I get to dress up, go to parties where people are already having a good time, and do what I love best to make sure they have an even better time. Yeah, baby!

Most people are polite, even delighted, and some nice folks tip- even though my services have invariably been entirely underwritten by the host of the event.

Adults are normally okay unless the party's going rather too well, and they're drunk. Even when having my work insulted, or being propositioned, or... threatened is too strong a term, but something like that- I remain calm and polite, if a bit edgy. Rarely have I had to look for help from a bouncer.

Kids can be more of a handful. Worst of all are the jaded and cynical habitués of the ritzier-than-thou Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Junior Grad circuit. I've copped some major attitude off herds of 13 year old boys, but I find being sarcastic right back usually breaks the ice.

A few years ago, a particularly nasty pack o' kiddies decided to rattle my cage. They asked for pornographic poses (um, no), crowded too close to let me work, tried to swipe my markers, and in some cases sent the drawings back to me torn up. I shrugged and said "whether or not you like 'em, I get paid the same." In truth, it was crappy.

And then there are the "oh-just-one-more!" whiners at the end of the event, trying to guilt me into staying longer on my time to draw them. At a company picnic this weekend, whereat my presence was required for five long, sweaty hours, I was just getting packed up when a mom sweetly begged for me to draw her and her brood. "Oh, we just drove in from the cottage at the beach," was her explanation for her tardy appearance. Oh, gee... and that's supposed to inspire my sympathy?

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I'm polite to telemarketers, as I tell them I'm not interested and to put me on the don't-call list, but if they argue with me, I let them have it. I don't care if they're "just doing their job" - they've invaded MY home and I'm under no obligation to even pick up the phone, let alone discuss anything with them.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000
I have discovered the most wonderful device to handle telemarketers. Caller ID. If the phone says unavailable, I don't even answer it. Let them call all they want. I'll just let the machine pick up!

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000
Must be the moon or something, because I've been all chatty about this topic as of late.

client hell at work

I now let all my messgages gather up and collect until 3-4pm and then I return all my calls so I don't have to think about the hell clients screaming cracking voice all day long. I get so much more work done this way.

I am tempted to just put them on hold and see how long it takes for them to realize they are talking to dead air and watch the red flashing hold button to go off. Boy, now THAT would surely piss them off. MUHHAHAHAHAHA!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

That will teach me to self-pimp! Oii Vay!

try again krystyna

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I own a salon where most of my clients are actually people I would hang with if I had to, but yesterday, this Mother-of-the Bride nightmare from the depths of hell came in for a facial...It was all I could do not to bitch-slap the miserable woman..I could have told her it was part of the treatment!!! In her whiney, nasal voice, she was telling me that one entire table of guests invited to the wedding had cancelled at the last minute because of deaths...I thought to myself...Shit...I'de rather die than come to your party anyday! I pity the bride that was raised by this woman.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000
I work for the state TTY relay system. I'm not a telemarketer, but the vast majority of people who've never heard of the service assume I am. I am in *no* circumstance allowed to hang up on anybody. My job is to go back and forth between the (usually deaf/hard of hearing) person typing on the tty, and the hearing person on the other end. I can explain the service to the hearing person, but no matter how much they say "I can't take this call, I don't want to take this call," I can't hang up unless the originator of the call says to. This makes life .. fun. And if the voice person does hang up on me, nine times out of ten the TTY person will ask me to call back and try again to explain. It's a joy. Plus, during the conversation I have to type everything said by the hearing person and voice everything typed by the deaf person, no matter what the conversational content. Since I only type 80-odd words a minute, I then have to ask irate people to please slow down and repeat that last swearword so that I can type it accurately. Or I'll have to say, convincingly, the stream of invective just typed by the deaf user. I have to relay abusive calls, prank calls, I could potentially have to relay calls to 900-numbers and international sex lines. Sometimes it's fun to play these roles, but it's nearly as wearing as I imagine telemarketing must be. It's rare indeed that someone who hears they're getting a call from a deaf person says, "ooh, cool!" Funny, I think that'd be *my* reaction...

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000
Wow, Judy, my hat's off to you. I dated a deaf guy for several years, and we used the relay service to communicate before I got my own TDD. The relay staff were always great and very professional, though I would've loved to hear them dish about some of the crazy calls they had to relay. I don't think any of them were mine, thankfully. < g>

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000
So, Heather, what would you suggest that people do to not have to deal with "don't hang up until the third or thirtieth no" telemarketers? I'm usually tempted to hang up on them immediately even if it's rude because I do not feel like repeating myself over and over and hearing the same spiel. I usually made it through one no and hang up immediately after that, feeling vaguely guilty. We get calls from seven a.m.(!) to nine p.m. all the time now, and I don't even answer the phone any more because I'm tired of dealing with it all.

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000
I, too, used to work as a telemarketer (for charities, which is slightly less evil), and I liked it when people hung up on me.

The reason for this is that if someone just immediately hangs up without giving you a chance to speak, there's no way your boss can blame you, but if the person listens to your spiel and then says no, then it's assumed that if you had said something differently, that person would have given money.

I always hang up on telemarketers, and I figure I'm doing them a favor: I'm not stringing them along, I'm not allowing them to assume any responsibility for my refusal, and it saves them time allowing them to make more contacts per hour.

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

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