Does anyone else besides me have family that thinks that they've dropped off the deep end? I just went to my mother's for the weekend. My father is a pastor in the silicon valley. My mother and my brother and sister are convinced I am trying to isolate myself and my kids from the rest of the world. They just don't get it. I'm trying to immerse my kids in real life. Why is it that city people don't see that the plastic society they live in is just a front for a real existance. It is just like living on a movie set. There is so much world out beyond the sidewalks, so many real things. Yet, It is like they can't see beyond the end of their nose, or cubicle or, powerlines. Across Wired news the other day I recieved an article regarding the average cublicle size in the Silicon Valley. The title of the article was "They're Packing them in like cattle". The article was referring to the fact that the average cubicle in offices in the Silicon Valley has less space than farmers fatten veal calves in for market. Combine that with the fact that a two bedroom house just sold for over $700,000 and you have just plain stupidity. My family lives in the midst of this and yet they have the temerity to judge my choices. It blows me away. The thing is they are all upset because I want to move out of state. My mother spent a great deal of time explaining to me that she was afraid my children were stunted. This about kids that everyone tells me are very well behaved and courteous. My mother wants my children to have the same experiences as public schooled children and was very upset that my son wanted to go to my brother's young married adult class and hear him teach. She is just sure that he is unable to get along with his peers and is emotionally stunted. The one and only time my son went to her youth department he was very upset that all the kids seemed to be giggling and talking about their clothes and significant others. He told me he felt that no one was there to learn about God. Learning about God is something Kenny is very serious about. Since in the churches we've always attended the classes he went to were always multi-generational with a high density of homeschooled children, I haven't pushed him either way. I want him to go to class where he feels fed. I'm not into pushing him into peer relationships he won't be in for the rest of his life anyway. When you are out in the workforce it is absolutely necessary that you be able to function with all age groups. I think good social behavior is bred by being exposed to multiple generations and types. I guess I'm kind of rambling, but I was just wondering if any of you experience these same types of things from outsiders?

-- Little bit Farm (littlebit@calinet.com), May 22, 2000

Answers

Get used to it .My family often thinks I'm nuts! What do I care I like being nuts.

-- Patty Gamble (fodfarms@slic.com), May 22, 2000.

I'm with Patti, so we're a little different- who cares! There is so much more to life than most people think! I'm not even a homesteader! I'm the forum wannabe! The most fun, me the kids, and the neighbor kids ever had-was when the water main blew in front of the house and we had slabs of clay, no kidding 100 lbs. to play with. No cable, no problem. We were the 'regulars' at the now 'trendy' envior'mental' gatherings. We were country, when country wasn't cool. We bought 'thrift' before it was the thing to do. Follow your heart.

-- Kathy (catfish@bestweb.net), May 22, 2000.

i think my in -laws wish i would get medical help,because i must be crazy and my husband is only living with me for the kids sake! how wronge they are .we could not be much happier if we tried, so my kids dont know what a big mac is or who the telly tubbies are but they can tell you when to pick the beans or where babies realy come from. i think we all need to be off the edge a little because if not we would all be on the sidewalks not beyound!

-- renee oneill (oneillsr@home.com), May 22, 2000.

Little bit--I'm the weird one in my family, also! Tooooo strict with my kids & now grand kids! I doctor with that natural stuff! I don't eat MEAT--how can anyone live without meat? ha! I raise all those animals like family mmembers! Organic is my middle name! I support my daughter, who does that homeschooling! And ya know my hubby & I just think different --can ya picture that? Keep a good sense of humor!!!! When they really need someone they can rely on & trust it will be YOU! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), May 22, 2000.

I spent my whole life trying to conform to a social identity that was false. In the end it got me very little. I finally realized that I might not have the time to do all the things I wanted if I didn't start now. So I did. If anyone questions the why or the wherefores I just tell them that I am eccentric and thus can do what ever I want. I don't defend what I do - just tell them that's the way I want to do it. I may be making some huge mistakes but they'll be mine and no one will suffer from them but me. So just accept that you are entitled to live your life as you see fit and remember that other people's OPINIONS are just that, OPINIONS - not absolute truth. Follow your heart - and be happy.

-- teresa (teresam@ascent.net), May 22, 2000.

I read one time that those who understand need no possible explanation and for those who don't, no explanation is possible. Your children will grow up to be fine human beings. From a mother of a large family, 24 grandchildren and two great grandchildren and enjoying a life of living in Alaska with plans for the next fifty years. God Bless Norma Lucas

-- Norma Lucas (trooper806@webtv.net), May 22, 2000.

Family can sometimes be a royal pain, can't they? We just have to learn to take it all in strides. It's not worth getting upset over. I've lived with "opinions" and came to the conclusion do I do what they want me to do, or am I gonna live my life and raise my kids the way I want to? Be patient, don't be suprised if one of these years they actually give you a compliment! Know why you do what you do! If they can't understand that, don't lose sleep over it! My kids are homeschooled and have a great way of visiting with people my age. They aren't afraid to set and visit with others. My sister-in-law a couple weeks back said I shelter my girls, they need to get out into the "real" world and see the bigger cities, how people "really" live. None of us like the bigger cities! We are country people!! I could never stand to live in a house that is so close to the neighbors, you could practically spit in their window. The problem with some churches now a days is they seperate people by ages. How can the older women minister to the younger, if they always keep them in the senior group and the young ones go in the young married coupled groups? If your kid is more mature and truly wants to learn about God, I think that's great!! As long as he shows respect to the others, there shouldn't be a problem. I guess some people will never understand why we do what we do. Sorry, I'm rambling on!!!

-- Pat (pmikul@pcpros.net), May 22, 2000.

It can be hard when your family doesn't agree with your life choices. It can be stressful because you want them to think you are a competent parent and adult. But you have to follow YOUR convictions. When we chose to homeschool our parents didn't say anything one way or the other. But I got the feeling they weren't to sure about this "thing." Our siblings (mostly teachers) weren't so quiet about it. But, now after 8 years our children's character and progress have vindicated our decision. We don't tell people how to raise their children (unless they ask) and we don't want anyone telling us how to raise ours. You have to follow the life you think the Lord wants you to lead and trust the outcome to Him. Your not alone and sounds like your doing a bang-up job.

-- Vaughn (vdcjm5@juno.com), May 22, 2000.

Little Bit Farm,

We all need reassurance sometime, even when we know in our heart that we are doing the right thing. I understand what you mean about city being a false front to life. I have often felt lately how blessed I am to raise my family where life is real. I am so thankful that my days are full of things like teaching my children, weeding the garden, tending the animals, etc.

Homeschooling is the right thing if it's what you chose. We homeschool our two children. I've never seen them uncomfortable talking with people of any age. I feel that one of the failures of public school is the age segregation of our kids. How many children do you know that will take the time to have a conversation with an elderly person? A sick person? Someone several years younger or older than them. When they are isolated with others of like age and experience, they come to believe that these are the only people who are important. How much do they miss because they feel anyone older or younger couldn't possible be interesting?

I'm sorry your family isn't supportive for you. Listen to the folks here who have words of encouragement and do what you know to be right. Blood makes them family, but it doesn't make them right.

-- Mona (jascamp@ipa.net), May 23, 2000.

Boy do I know how you feel Little Bit Farm. My "day" job is with an advertising agency, so I see firsthand the superficiliaty of our culture. Believe me, some of my peers at the agency think I'm definitely the odd duck because I don't watch television (much) or shop at the mall or wear the latest fashion or go out to lunch every day or have a huge house (with a huge mortgage)on the right side of town, etc., etc. In other words, I don't buy into the hype that consumerism makes you happy. Their lack of understanding of my lifestyle doesn't bother me. I keep the job because it's a great gig (work three days per week, set my own hours and make a really good wage). And I can sleep at night knowing I don't have a mortgage to worry about, that I have plenty of food in the pantry, and a knowledge of how to take care of myself and my family independent of the latest whim of the stock market. That's real happiness. I come from a disintegrated family (they're spread out all across the country)so don't really get any pressure there... family can be the worst when it comes down to it. I think your mother is acting out of fear. Perhaps she's afraid she'll lose what little connection she has with your family if you move out of state since her lifestyle and your lifestyle are so different. People can be very unkind when they are acting out of fear. Even so, keep your chin up and your eyes on the prize. The authentic life is the only life to live, in my humble opinion.

-- Sandy (tripletreefarm@hotmail.com), May 23, 2000.

Little Bit, My family thought I'd fallen off the deep end and gotten involved in a cult when I decided to homeschool my kids. (11 yrs. ago, and we lived in Wichita in a suburb) As a matter of fact, I was the first in my church to homeschool, altho my pastor was a tremendous help and source of wisdom and I really miss that now. We weren't ever happy living in the city or town, or whatever you want to call it. Just putting up with neighbors was a nightmare for us. However, when I had my 3rd baby, my Mom was over helping me with the house and school and I had her do my oldest's reading drills while I drilled the younger one and baby was asleep. When we got done, she said, "This is a terrific idea." She loved it and became one of my biggest cheerleaders. She died 3 yrs. ago this coming July. Daddy always supported ANY decision we made concerning our kids, because "they're your kids and you raise them the way you see fit." Just as they did us. He died 1 yr. ago New Years' Eve in his sleep. I have 1 older sis and she makes it clear I'm ruining my kids. I'm raising my daughter to look forward to marriage and focus more on being a homemaker than a "career woman". (She's single and a big wheel at a HUGE bank, so being a career woman is everything to her.)

We live in a HUGE metal building that's all one room on 20-26 acres, no windows in here and been doing this for 3 and a half years. The last church we went to for 2 yrs. was all in favor of homeschooling. (They said, but they had their own school and kids all around came to it for the Christian education.) We WENT to that church, but were never really a "part" of that church. Behind our backs, the whispers of "isn't it just HORRIBLE the way they all have to live in that building?" "Those poor children, especially Katie, being a teenager and having to help so much around the house" And then it grew into I was making her do EVERYTHING here... Everyone here takes care of everyone else. We all have different jobs we do, because it's the ones we like the most. I knew we were different, but I couldn't understand how. We went to an auction of the people we'd bought our house from in Wichita (I thought they were a little bit crazy when I met them, but I liked them). They asked us to come back the next day and take anything that didn't sell. She gave me a stack of her old Countrysides that day and when I went home and read them, FINALLY! there was a name to this insanity I had, plus a whole lot more people out there with the same "disease". We're in a different church now, who cares what they think! My son and daughter still visit the other church on Wed. nites, and my Katie went to their graduation ceremony last Fri. nite and the pastors' wife came up and hugged her and told her, "If you ever need anyone to talk to or help with anything, you can come to me." She does that to the "poor children who come from dysfunctional families" the ones that need their help. Later, let me tell you how they help...

There is a part of me that would like to have the big beautiful Farm/Ranch just to "show them" but there's the part of me still living up to a promise I made myself when we lost our home to foreclosure in the city. I will never let me or mine be so vulnerable again. I am going to be as independent from this world system as I can possibly be. I have very low self-esteem, and want so much for everyone to like me. For so many years I lived and did what others thought I should be doing, the way they thought I should do it, and was miserable. My best and oldest friend lives in FL, and I can tell her how I want a milk cow, and what we're doing here and she says, "This has always been the life you were meant for." My other best friend is clueless, has tried to understand what and why we live the way we do. I sent an issue of Countryside home with her and she really understands now. It may be a little lonelier than our other life was, but we know where the real friendships are, and as a family, we've grown closer, and basically laugh at the people who feel so sorry for us. But, God has given me the peace for so many years that I've wanted. The joy of sitting on a riverbank and just watching the river flow by, wildflowers that I don't know their names, and does it matter, they have those little bees buzzing on them and they're beautiful! The butterflies flock all over me in the summer, they land all over me! And the sunsets are wonderful, and we watch them and I tell the kids, "Each nite, God takes his paintbrush out and paints us a beautiful sunset to go in and dream about. Just for us!" And the mornings, when the sun comes up, it hits the dew or mist coming off the river thru the trees and it's a beautiful rainbow. And the fogs, the rains, and it goes on... And I'm the CRAZY one?

I guess this is long and windy, but people are intimidated by Homesteading, homeschooling, because you're not 'conforming' and worst of all, you're teaching your children not to conform. Peer Pressure for adults is not dead... Even after family is gone, which most of mine is now, (just as I got everyone on my side, they died!) you will have 'the world' to deal with. However, my neighbors think we're crazy and love us to death and never judge, just encourage. We had nothing, no money, nothing, and everything we've done has been done on our own, our neighbors help, and they are wonderful, but we own what we have, and more than anything, they admire that. Most of them around here homeschool. Not having a house to live in is a little strange to them, but at least we're not in debt and everyone here thinks that's ok. Farmers know what debt can do...

-- Louise Whitley (whitley@terraworld.net), May 23, 2000.

Little Bit Farm, in light of some of your other posts and opinions it seems to me that being judgmental runs in your family. That asside, some city minded people don't understand the attraction of living beyond the sidewalks, and on the other side of the coin, some living beyond the sidewalk minded people don't see the attraction of wanting to live in the city. One way is not the only way that is right.

Blessings

-- Judy Murray (jmurray@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu), May 23, 2000.

Isn't it great when you can be yourself. Little Bit, keep up the good work.

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), May 23, 2000.

We have gotten a *lot* of flak over the years, mostly from my husband's parents, and I think it is because they took offense at what we were doing, because it appeared to them that we were saying that the way they raised their children was wrong, and the way they lived was wrong. Well, it would be wrong for us, but if that is what they want, they have that priviledge. What really upset me was that they would go behind our backs and try to use the girls to get to their dad and I. Or they would say, can we have the girls for a day, and then take them and drop them off at the movie theatre, and pick them up later, or do the same thing at Funspot, which is a big video game place with gambling on the side (I didn't know about the gambling at the time, or I wouldn't have ever let them have the girls again). They thought that we were abusing them because we didn't have TV! They didn't want our lifestyle to differ in any way from theirs, and once we moved here, we had to be at their beck and call whenever they wanted us. They took offense because the girls and I would leave a Sunday afternoon family gathering to go back to church for the evening service, and finally they decided that our little church must be a cult, because we were "putting church ahead of family". Needless to say, I don't have any more to do with them than I absolutely have to, and wish we had never moved so close to them -- and am hoping that we will be able to get moved away soon. If you have convictions that your family doesn't share, they will try their best to tear you down, because they feel like you are setting yourself up higher than them. (Which is also why people who aren't relatives don't like to hear God's truth!)

As far as your son is concerned, be thankful that he is seeking the Lord -- what a blessing! When my middle daughter went to Pensacola Christian College, she hoped to find other young people who loved the Lord with all their hearts, and wanted to serve Him, and were serious about the things of the Lord. It took a while, but eventually she did find a few -- out of a student body of four thousand! She was so disappointed in how worldly most of the students were. From what I've seen, homeschooled children tend to be much better *socialized* than their public school peers, much better able to converse with anyone of any age. And they tend to be more mature in their outlook on life. I think that the children who are in the peer-segregated classrooms of the public schools are the ones who aren't normal -- they are held back to an artificial level of immaturity, and only learn how to socialize with their own age group. Please, those of you who still have children in the public schools, think before you take offense -- how many homeschooled children do you know well? Do you know enough to be able to see for yourself whether what I've just said is true or not? Because if you don't know any homeschooled children, you don't have a normal control group against which to judge the progress of the children who are in the public schools. Keep in mind that the public schools are a fairly recent invention; prior to about 1840 children attended village schools taught (usually) by the pastor of the church, or they were tutored or taught at home (the term used depending on whether the teacher was hired or a parent). This is the type of education most of our founding fathers had -- you can tell your families that, if they think your children are being damaged! They are being damaged the same way as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and Andrew Jackson!

Sometimes, in order to protect your children from harm, (emotional or spiritual) you will need to separate from your blood relatives. It's a hard thing to do, but your lives will be so much more peaceful afterwards. Relatives can be wonderful if they are like-minded, but if not, they can make your life a hell on earth. Little Bit, remember Lot's wife -- go where God leads you, and don't look back. If they come to a point where they want what you have, they'll come to you.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 23, 2000.

I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful posts on this subject. I needed to write how I was feeling and it was nice to have an audience to respond. I really appreciate this forum. It gives us all a chance to really create a community. I don't know about anyone else, but finding other like minded people in your own area is very difficult. Judy I understand you are still angry at me, but there is an old saying. "Just because someone starts rolling in the mud, doesn't mean you have to get dirty with them." God Bless everyone here.

Little Bit Farm

-- Little bit Farm (littlebit@calinet.com), May 23, 2000.

I hear all the time from family and friends "When are you going to get a job" or "your not working anymore are you." I retired at the ripe old age of 51 when my mom started to have health problems. I felt like I needed to be near home and decided to really work at homesteading and being self sufficient. This past week my mom had a heart attack (she's 83) and my sister who has bokoo bucks sat across the table from me and said you were so smart to see the need and do what you did. Money doesn't buy the kinds of things that homesteaders know are important, be it family or lifestyle. I guess we all make our life choices and sooner or later they pay off. I'm also the first person they call when the dog is sick or there's an animal outside or they decide to plant something and have no idea how. Everyone of them was going to come stay with Aunt Bets if Y2K had happened when they saw my pantry. That would have been very interesting. So I guess they may think I'm a little crazy but their really glad when they need something. One of my goals here on the farm is to teach these kids of my nieces and nephews where food comes from and how. It's working.

-- Betsy (betsyk@pathwaynet.com), May 23, 2000.

Well, city folks are like that.They've lived their artificial lifestyle so long that anything else seems abnormal and weird to them.Do your best ti try to get along wioth them, and not to argue with them, and not to attack their way of life which is somehow very dear to them(why?I don't know!).Humor them.But be careful, and be aware that they may actually try to claim that you are abusing your children! Take precautions against that,in case it happens.For example,keep detailed records of your homeschooling,if you have your kids on a schedule every day,it would be best.If they are clean freaks, make sure the house is as clean as possible when they visit.Does your son have any other homeschooled friends his own age? Invite them over when your parents are there.As one who was home schooled,I have to say that I never had much in common with other kids my age,and didn't like to be around them.They were immature and never seemed to have much interesting to talk about.I still don't have any friends my own age, and don't miss it.Youu are doing the right thing, but try to to seem defensive about it around your parents.Try to find other things to talk about, while showing them through your daily life(without bringing it up) that their fears are unfounded.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@transport.com), May 23, 2000.

Tell you mother that this is the life you choose for your family so she should just cope.

I suspect the problem is not your lifestyle for your family. It is about them. Your lifestyle rejects their lifestyle, they interpret that as rejecting them. You need to reassure them of your love and respect and thank them for raising you to be an independent thinker and a doer. Also remind them the road runs both ways between their house and yours. Keep family visits at YOUR house where you are comfortable and YOU are the one in charge.

And when you do leave California, remind them there is a road going to where you are going. The best thing you can do for your family is to leave California behind and don't look back.

Isn't it grand that not everyone likes or wants the country life? If they all wanted it, we wouldn't have any elbow room at all!

-- Laura (gsend@hotmail.com), May 24, 2000.

LBF, my family and nearly all of my city friends think I have completely fallen off the deep end. "But we have chickens and turkeys!" and they say, "why would you want that?".

"But we watched a beautiful doeling be born yesterday!" and they say, "That's what Discovery channel is for." Where are you going to go with that kind of conversation?!

Your life is for YOU to live. Your children are for YOU to rear. Everyone has there own. And it is fleeting, and precious.

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), May 24, 2000.

As I was making my bed this morning, I was watching the gold finches and the rose breasted grosbeak at the feeders in the backyard. The windows were open and the fragrance of the mock-orange, iris and last straggling lily of the valley came in on the breeze. My sheets and pillow slips smelled of the breeze and sunshine and grass that had been mown the morning I hung them.

As I moved to the living room to dust the furniture, I looked through the open side windows and noted that I could row the sunflowers out in the field. The warm sunshine and the breeze coming in the windows let me know that the ground would dry out enough from the showers of the past two days, so that I could hoe the berry plants again this evening. I saw my garden, and noted that the beans appeared to have grown half a foot since the rain, and made a mental note to find my daughter's favorite broccoli salad recipe, and to mix up a batch of biscuit shortcake for supper tonight.

Looking out the front windows as I cleared the kitchen table, I saw Pop sitting on the glider on the front porch, laughing at a friend who was holding her baby up so she could walk - except Bailey doesn't like the way the grass tickles her toes, so she keeps pulling her feet up in the air! The dogs were lying on their backs with all four feet in the air, and the nephews were bouncing on the trampoline - I'm willing to bet that dogs and boys both end up in the creek before the afternoon wears thin.

Out the west side window, while standing at the sink doing dishes, I watched the hummingbirds taking turns eating from the feeder in the hanging basket on the side porch. I watched the kittens tumbling and playing in the old dog house out by the shed, Mama cat lounging close by, ready to give a bath, or nurse a kitten, or warn off a dog that came to close. I could hear the old windmill groaning in the breeze, and noted the wind was coming from the southeast - means I can safely wash a load of clothes and leave them hanging on the line when I go run errands this afternoon, we'll get no more showers unless the wind turns.

And they think that you're nuts for wanting to live this life?!

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), May 24, 2000.

My grown daughters were so concerned about my choice that last Labor Day they ganged up on me. Even my daughter in England joined in via phone. They gang pressed their brothers, who are still at home, into agreeing with them. And to think I had invited them to lunch and to help build my greenhouse! Well, I found a job to make them happy, I wasn't, because it wasn't in my field. The only job in my field that was available would have required me to move and I just got my place the way I wanted it. I'm no longer working and I'm much happier. Families just don't understand. When my two youngest sons wanted to homeschool this last fall, the girls had a fit again. They will never understand. I raised them differently because my husband left me without a choice. Now that I'm alone, I do what I want. In the end, I believe, I will be proved right. As a former teacher, I can truly say I do not want my sons learning what is being taught in the public schools in our area. My boys spend part of everyday with friends and I have control on what they are learning which includes how to maintain a home, garden and small animals. A real reality check!

-- Cheryl Cox (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), May 24, 2000.

LBF. Almighty God has a specific job for each and every one to do. We Christians are supposed to witness for Him as He leads. It appears to me that your ministry is doing what you want. I wouldn't worry too much about what family thought-the Book says that Christians are different from the world. Keep the faith, press forward toward the Prize and if it just happens to be in the country--well there's people in the country that need to hear of the Love of Jesus Christ as much as those in the city. I live in the country and do my preachin on the net! Welcome aboard! Matt. 24:44

-- hoot gibson (hoot@otbnet.com), May 24, 2000.

I had so much to say on this subject but now, after 90 hours on a tractor, most of it is lost, and the above responses are Excellent. My parents have always supported me even when I couldn't find myself. My wife's father has been a homesteading inspiration even though his only advice was a Countryside Magazine subscription, and my mother-in-law can rot in hell, from whence she and all her moods,attitudes and opinions came. Today, most of my family will gather around this place for dinner. I think most them enjoy our homestead far more than they care to admit. There will be 5 generations of family at the table ages 2 thru 103. It is so ironic that the black sheep of the family is now at the head of the table. My advice is--do what your heart tells you,raise your children as you see fit, and follow the dream. It is very possible that paradise can be found just beyond "the deep end" I admire and respect your posts more than you know ! Keep searching, keep pondering these subjects. The best life anyone can lead is the one they built for themselves.

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), May 26, 2000.

Try bringing up conversation about the book entitled, "The Humanure Handbook" by J.C. Jenkins at a family gathering, what was I thinking! I was so excited about the book, and how it could help to save drinking water for the world. It didn't go over to well, and my 33 year old son, asked me to drop the subject. I am sad they don't see the importance, and just think me weird. If I could do it over again, I would home school my kids, and teach them what is really important in life, things money can't buy. You are doing the right thing, be proud of it. I am working on my grand-kids, by "sneaking in the back door" so to speak. I take them on hikes, and they are learning to love nature and the importance of recycling, even if it isn't done at their house, you gotta recycle at Grand-ma's house!

Karen B in Illinois

-- Karen B (spud@mc.net), May 28, 2000.