Yeah, yeah, I know Pamie already did this topic, but let's do it again. It's always fun.

You go first. My mom reads this forum.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Answers

In the passenger seat of a 1983 Nissan Pulsar in a church parking lot. When I was 15.

Not classy, but it makes for a good story now.

- Harold wonderland 2 http://jennyseat.freeservers.com/wonder/

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Girlginity, in my best friend's twin bed, overlooked by Duran Duran posters, after the Duran Duran concert, while Duran Duran was playing on the stereo. Boyginity, in my boyfriend's waterbed, while Duran Duran was playing.

I think the how is patently obvious at this point. Duran Duran has the same evil sex powers as their namesake from Barbarella. I had no choice.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

But, Beth, my mom reads your forum too . . .

Ok, fine, but if you read this, Mom, then YOU have to put up your first time, too!

Heh.

I was a sophomore in college, as was he, and we had been dating for what we considered awhile . . . I was absolutely in love with him; I'll never forget the first night we spent making out for hours, completely engrossed in each other's body and mind. I remember towards the end we were talking about a book we'd both read, and I went off on a rant about some symbolism or character development or something, and he got another erection and exclaimed to me, "I've never been with a girl who was so . . . so SMART!"

(To this day, I'm more impressed with guys who find me smart first, then pretty, than the other way around.)

Anyhow, after awhile, I offered him my virginity. He nodded and said, "I was thinking we should try that, as everything's so good between us, and I don't think it would hurt you." (His "first" time was with a girl who he couldn't even penetrate; he has since decided his real first time was with me.)

We decided to to this after classes, about 4pm, and I ran upstairs to grab some condoms. On my way back down, I was cornered in the stairs by my RA, who had some issue to discuss with me (I was always pushing the limits). I was dancing from foot to foot, finally telling her it wasn't a good time and I needed to leave (which didn't hold water, as I was barefoot and this was Feburary). Someone else tried to chat with me right outside his door, which made running off quite difficult. Finally I extracted myself from all these chatty folks and went into his room.

He had made up a bed on the floor. I'll never forget walking in and seeing his neat quilt spread out with pillows at the top. (He was afraid the bed would squeak, and we were still ducking his ex-girlfriend, who was making our lives hell with her jealousy.) Jane's Addiction's first album was playing on his CD player. I was so excited I was hopping from foot to foot, and finally he pulled me down on the quilt.

Here comes some nitty-gritty: we relied on our earlier foreplay, so he went right to rolling on the first condom he grabbed. It was bright red. It made him look huge and throbbing (or so we claimed) and we both laughed as he danced around the room with his hands on his hips, waving around his bright red erection. I finally pulled him down and we did the kiss-n-make out thing. I rolled onto my back and he pushed in between my legs. He went in easily enough, and I remember thinking, "That's it, there goes the virgin status. Hmmm, this is IT?" A few strokes later, and we were done.

He jumped up after appropriate cuddling and said, "I really wanna hear this one song, I hope you don't mind, don't take it personally . . ." and he put on Lou Reed's "Sick of You". For years I *did* take that a little personally, but I recently realized that it was a sort of "fuck you" to that ex-girlfriend. Heh heh.

We did it again 15 minutes later. And another 45 minutes after that. And again, twice, later that night. In fact, we began such a fuck-fest that we went through a bag of 50 condoms from Planned Parenthood in less than a month. That particular Planned Parenthood wrote down the date and how many condoms they gave you, and when I went back for more, they didn't believe me at first, then they grinned and told me to have fun as they handed me 100 more.

We were perfect for each other's first time. We spent the rest of the semester trying every position we could think of, every location we dared. We even tried it on a couple of different drugs, just to see if it made a difference (and, since this was pre-my discovery of lube, I noticed that pot does dry you out). We had sex right before class and would appear in Shakespeare class together flushed and disheaveled. His ex finally found out (it was so obvious) and she tried to turn all our friends against us, but we kept on fucking.

I learned so much from him, and him from me. There has never been such a warm, relaxed feeling of mutual affection and discovery since that time in my life (I think he and I covered it all). To this day, we're still very close friends who appreciate the gift we gave each other. I feel lucky to have had such an extraordinary first time.

Heather

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Age 17, in the back seat of my boyfriend's car, parked behind the baseball diamonds where the little league plays ... after an evening out at the community theater to see "Fiddler on the Roof" .... Yevi diva divi divi divi diva diva dum ....

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I had just turned 16, he was 18, we had been dating for a year and were both virgins. It happened in my older sister's downstairs bedroom. It was sweet that we were both inexperienced, but I would have had more fun if I had waited until I was older.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I was 15. He was 20 and the geekiest guy I have ever dated, with the exception of maybe one. It was on my waterbed in my room while my parents slept in their room about 30 feet away.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I posted at Pamie's but hey, this *is* a good topic.

I was 17, it was with my first *true love* boyfriend, on my twin bed on my tulip sheets while my parents and little brother were out for the day. It wasn't bad actually - no pain, and I was pretty into trying it again soon. Of course, about 5 minutes later my parents walked in and there I was stumbling around in my tshirt and jeans (thrown on in a crazy hurry) without any of my chores done and looking *very very* flushed.

It's a good memory.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

If you look at the picture currently on my front page (http://www.3harpiesltd.com/lfeb/2000/index.htm), there is a picture of some ruins in Germany. You can't tell by the picture, but there is a grassy area that sits on top of the ruins, and the whole thing is in a clearing in the woods. There, at 15, with great relish, if not experience.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

When: Sophomore year in college, April, my boyfriend's bed in his apartment.

Which was not how it was supposed to come out- I'd originally chosen to do it at his house in the boonies, on April Fool's Day (yes, I'm perverse). We started out the day in Santa Cruz, then drove all day long in traffic to try to pick up a friend at the airport, then drove her back, ended up reaching his house around 10 at night. And also hungry. So he started cooking some chicken.

I ended up falling asleep in bed; at 1 a.m. he woke me up with the chicken. I was ticked- not only had I missed the opportunity (and of course he was too tired by then), he thought I still cared about the chicken then?!?!

Ended up losing it days later. It was...hm. More of a "that was it?" experience, things improved later on. At the time it was like "I don't see why it's such a big deal."

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I lost my virginity to a boy I loved. I was 16, it was three days before my high school graduation. We had been fooling around and doing the "everything but penetration" thing for quite a while.

We went to the drugstore that was on the other side of my very small town to buy condoms because my mom worked two doors down from the drugstore on my side of town and she knew everyone who worked there. Josh didn't know squat about condoms, he just picked some that looked okay. Turns out he bought unlubricated condoms. Yeouch.

It hurt. The unlubricated condoms didn't help.

He was more sexually experienced than I, he had had sex with two other girls. (One at band camp--that was one thing that was accurate about that movie American Pie, tons of people got it on at band camp, myself included--and the other was a girl he dated for a year. Apparently, they fucked like bunnies.) And he was no quickie. So I just laid there on my back for 20 or 25 minutes, hurting like hell, hoping he would finish up and pull out but too afraid to say "hey, could we just stop this?"

It wasn't a great experience, but I'm glad I lost my virginity to someone I really cared about. I'm also glad that I didn't stay with him forever and ever like I wanted to at the time, because he didn't like

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

At Interlochen, summer session, 18 years old, standing up in the shower in the University Women's dorm, with a woman I had met two weeks earlier. Her parents had sent her to camp to chaperone her high- school aged brother, not realizing that the staff at NMC does a darn good job of chaperoning the kids all by themselves.

Beth, when you say your mom reads this, do you mean keep it clean or really spice it up to shake her tree? Just wondering.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I was 4 weeks short of my 14th birthday. I was dating a 17 year old guy. His parents were gone, we ended up doing it on his couch. It was horrible. He was umm, very well endowed. I got pregnant my first time, Found out I was pregnant on my birthday. How's that for a Happy Birthday? We broke up later on, when I realized he was a ass. I was way too young, way too stupid. The Mutterings of A Fool

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I still haven't. If my mother read this forum I don't know whether she would be relieved or disappointed by that fact.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

I was seventeen, right after our highschool graduation my boyfriend of two years and i were camping with friends. We had done the everything but deal for quite some time and had decided that it was finally the perfect time. That night, after roasting marshmallows over the campfire and drinking beer, in a tent in the woods. It was a bit painful but im glad it was with someone i cared a great deal about. and being outdoors was definitely cool.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

Much later than I wanted to. I was 24, and she was my girlfriend of the time, more experienced than I was and pleased to be able to introduce me to sex. I had had some experiences before, what they call "petting" (a word I never liked much), but she was the first woman I was with who was willing and able to take it farther. It was an undramatic location, my bedroom after a date. In retrospect, I wish the first time had happened earlier in my life, but I also wish it had happened with someone I was closer to emotionally. Our relationship was never very deep and it lasted only a few months. I never saw her again after it ended.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

I was 19. It was with someone that I wasn't even dating. We were friends, and we were up all night, and I was tired of resisting, and figured I might as well get it over with. It was awful. And I waited a long time before I did it again. Needless to say, I don't have sex because I'm tired of resisting or because I want to get it over with anymore!

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

I had just turned 23, had gotten my B.A. from a Roman Catholic seminary six months earlier(which explains why nothing happened between 18 and 22), and was working in a parish in Westbrook, Maine. The rectory was a former convent, and my room was 6x10, with a specially made convent bed that was smaller than "twin" size. I snuck the girl I was dating (I was dating her on the sly) into the rectory one evening when the pastor was on vacation and no one else was there, and we spent most of the night in that tiny little bed. It may sound kind of exciting, but actually it was awful. What I learned that night: You shouldn't have sex just to spite God, your parents and your boss. What I later learned: Sex to spite your former girlfriend, however, can be very satisfying.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000

I think it's interesting that of the four of the 17 answers so far from men, they're all later (or not yet), overall, than the women so far.

June 1987, a month after I turned 19, the summer after freshling year. I had been going out with Nick for two months. I was his first kiss (at 19); I had more experience with more people and had only waited until I was comfortable enough, experienced enough, to be sure I'd enjoy it. And I did.

We were at his parents' house, which had a convenient floor plan. A raised ranch with his parents' and brother's rooms way at the end of the hall and his right next to the staircase leading to the lower level, where the guest (my) room was. Double bed, just enough light through the blinds, privacy, security--great spot.

And I'm glad I waited until I knew pretty much what I was doing. I had an opportunity when I was 17, when all this physical experimentation hadn't yet led to arousal or even particular comfort being naked around someone else. I was on the pill, ignorantly hopeful that oral sex hadn't put me at risk of contracting anything (I was lucky; I hadn't), absolutely convinced of his being clean (with good reason, and indeed he was), and we enjoyed ourselves right from the start.

My absence of pain led him to doubt, later in the relationship (which lasted about two years), that it had been my first time, which was another symptom of how much our relationship had deteriorated. Our sexual compatibility outlasted every other aspect of our relationship, which is one reason I failed to recognize that it was over.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I was 15, almost 16, going with a guy who was 23. We'd done a lot of other stuff, then had a chance to be alone in the house and quickly tried it. It didn't really work...he got soft. We left and went to a party and I wasn't sure if I was still a virgin or not.

A couple of years later with another boyfriend who was also 17, we did it for real. He had left home and was staying at the house of the guy who wrote the Star Trek episode "The Trouble with Tribbles." He wanted to give me an alcohol rub - about the least sensuous thing I could imagine. I declined. In any case I was very shy about him seeing my body or seeing his. When we actually tried to do it, it was difficult because he didn't get very hard though he was very well endowed. We finally succeeded. It hurt and I remember wondering what the big deal was, thinking it was overrated.

But I was glad to be able to say I wasn't a virgin any more and pleased that I'd been the first in my crowd to do it. That boyfriend and I later broke up very rancorously.

Now I think I had no idea what I wanted to do and was responding to pressure to be "sexy", and really regret my early activity.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Well, I can't speak in the past tense, like most, but I know exactly when, where and who: On June 24, 2000 (which is in approx. six/seven weeks now), In a room on the fifth floor of the Rizt Carlton, Dana Point, with my fiance, Bill, who will likely have been my husband for a matter of hours by then. Probably at around five or six in the evening, but I can't speak for exactly how long the reception will take, or how long we'll take to eat and stroll on the beach first.

When Bill and I first got engaged, it was with the promise that he would be the only man that I would ever "be with", and I would be the only woman HE would ever "be with". AND (this is the difficult part) that all this "being with" would start ONLY after certain customs and ceremonies concerning vows, rings and white dresses took place. Ambitious, yes? Damn straight...been engaged for over a year, and the waiting is killing both of us. But I have been assured that it'll be worth it -- by both people who waited, and people who didn't -- so it had better be something to shout about, or I'll hang somebody.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I don't want to rain on your parade, Ri, but I heard somewhere that something like 60% of couples don't have sex on their wedding day because they're just too tired after the ceremony, reception, etc.! Of course, most couples these days have already had sex when they get married. So, try to conserve your energy!

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

In the guest bedroom of a house I was watching over Thanksgiving break.

I was 20, he was 21. We had been going out for about two months.

I was... I don't know how to describe what I felt.

He was eager and experienced.

It hurt like hell. But only for a bit.

And I wasn't on the pill - we used the pull-out method. I know it's not the safest, but it worked.

Anyway. I was going to do the virgin-till-wedding night thing, too, but somehow that changed. We're getting married, so he's my first and my only, which I like and I know he likes in his sweet symbolic way.

And I'm glad he knew what he was doing, because it could have been really awkward.

But it was lovely. And it just gets better.

TMI, perhaps.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Well, in spite of all statistics, I really do think it will happen that night, because we have both been champing at the bit for a year and a half. Besides, we planned a morning wedding specifically for the reason of getting it over with early, taking a long nap in our honeymoon suite, and waking up good and refreshed.

That's the plan, anyway. How it will actually turn out is anypne's guess, since we're both obviously completely lacking any and all experience. I'm marrying the first man I ever even kissed. Isn't that just sweet enough to make you puke?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

You too, Ri?

Well, except for the dares in K-5 and 4th grade.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Lucky Ri. My dream was to meet "The One" as early as possible. The first one I kissed I thought was...the first one I had sex with I thought was... I've never planned on getting married, so waiting till the wedding night wasn't something I intended on doing. but still...good for you, at any rate.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I was 15, he was 21. We had been together for 6 months, and he had been easing me slowly towards the big event by showing me other fun things we could do without actually doing "it". I think he was the perfect one to lose it to, because he had the benefit of experience, as well as patience. If I had lost it in a groping frenzy in the back seat of a car with some over-eager high school boy that I didn't really care about, who didn't know/care about foreplay, I might not be able to look back on it as such a pleasant experience. We did it right, even if it wasn't ceremonious. I was surprised it didn't hurt more, but then I just decided to be grateful. I'd heard horror stories of entry problems, but I think those girls must have just been so nervous that they closed up tight. I was totally relaxed and ready to go. I had originally planned to wait longer, but one day after a weekend together I just decided to attack him. He was kind and I cared for him greatly. He even wanted to marry me when I got out of school, which I knew would never happen, but knowing he loved me made me feel that much better about my decision. We stayed together another 3 months or so. No regrets, not even about being so young. In my high school, most of the kids had done it before me. Or maybe that's just what they SAID. I remember feeling like I was the last virgin left in my circle of friends (I know for sure one girl who gave it up in the 7th grade!), but found out later there were a couple of people who admitted to being virgins when they started college, even though they had eluded to having sex much earlier on. Peer pressure makes people do weird things.

I'm also glad I did it with him, because the second boy I slept with was "the one" who I had loved for years, and having a little experience made me feel more secure. We were able to start out with great sex right off the bat, and have had 15 years of it since. Okay, maybe not as frequent, but still great.

I am in awe of people who wait until they get married. How do you do it? I honestly don't think I would have been able to. I can't even resist cheescake, so trying to resist my overpowering attraction to Charlie wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes, I'm afraid. High fives to you strong people out there who waited.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000