Living Stuff (One Homesteader/One City Folk)

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Barb and I have for a long time come to grips with the fact that we are so different as to where we need to live. She in town and me in the woods. For 20 years we have struggled with this so we have tryed to be creative and make do as best as we can. We still plan to grow very old together but you can see the difficulty. Lately we've had a new twist to this discussion. she told me she feels very unsafe in the woods!! This really surprised me because when I thought about it I realized how unsafe I feel in town. This living business is more complicated than I thought!!! Oh well, count your blessings if you both love where you are together. Kirk

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), January 30, 2000

Answers

Response to Living Stuff

What about a _small_ town, 500 people or less. There are LOTS of them around. Or would that just make both of you miserable? Good Luck!

-- J.E.Froelich (firefly@nnex.net), January 30, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Sounds like maybe you need to talk some more. Why does she feel unsafe in the woods? Did she grow up in town reared on stories about woods full of big bad wolves and bears,etc? This is much more common than you might think and it is how many people feel about the woods,that they are dangerous and full of all kinds of vicious animals and disease carrying insects. Unfortunately the media seems to enjoy playing on these kind of fears, and drums up every case of lymes disease or a bear attack, all the while ignoring all the rapes,mugging,and murders that are a part of city life, unless of course one of them involves a supposedly religious person as the perpetrator.My stepmother feels as your wife does. She loves a big city-a town is not big enough- and is afraid of mountains. She doesn't even like to see them in the distance because they seem like a dangerous, threatening presence to her. How does your wife feel about living on the outskirts of a small town where people are relatively nice and familiar? Is she only afraid of woods or would living on a small farm in an area with grassy,rolling hills be scary too? Some people are just afraid of deep dark woods and forests. If you could find a town ( not a city) with a wooded park where you could walk or hike in every day, or if you got a place in town with an acre of trees in the backyard, that might work.If you got together and tried to address just what it is about the woods and town that makes you feel unsafe,maybe you could hit on some kind of a workable compromise.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@transport.com), January 30, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Valentines day is coming , buy her a gun . Teach her to shoot .And just to be on the safe side a big mean dog wouldn't hurt.I have both and feel very safe even when hubby is called into work at all hours of the night.

-- Patty Gamble (fodfarms@slic.com), January 30, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

I especially liked Patti's answer. "He and I", met in the middle, if you will. Outskirts of a medium size town, just 50 miles (short train hop) from NYC. Big friendly dog (big is the key word here) If you're meant to be together, you will be.

-- Kathy (catfish@bestweb.net), January 30, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Hello, from beautiful Cedar Point, Ks. USA. Cedar Point is a very rural, small town in the middle of the flint hills, in the middle of Ks. "cattle country". Population maybe 50 on a nice day. We have a dog, & I know how to shoot our guns! We have chickens in our back yard. About 2 blks from our house is an 1800's stone mill sitting on the river. We have to drive to anything we want to do, or buy, but gladly do so-- to be able to have the best of all worlds. My husband drives 65 miles to work each day & enjoys the "Quiet time", to be able to spend in prayer. I'm sure there are other wonderful places for you and your wife to enjoy as we enjoy Cedar Point, Ks. The town isn't perfect by any means--but you need to bloom where you are planted! We don't always get to grow old-- even if we expect to--so we need to enjoy the beauty, & blessings we receive each day! Much happiness to each of you! Sonda Bruce

-- Sonda Bruce (2bruce@netzero.net), January 30, 2000.


Response to Living Stuff

I know of some folks with the "city mouse" mentality. There's nothing wrong with it, they just feel isolated back here in the woods. Mostly has to do with not being heard if one screams. A friend told me that she wants neighbors close by (like next door) if someone should try to break in and do her harm. She feels much more secure with people real close by. Having protection, like a gun or a big dog may or may not make her feel any better. I think I'm more afraid of a gun than any strangers, but that's just me. See about a place near neighbors, in "screaming distance" if that's the case. Just a thought from a female perspective. Patrice

-- Patrice Bertke (herbalgroup@skybest.com), January 31, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Kirk, my husband sounds like your wife. I've been begging to live way out in the boonies but he insists that it wouldnt be safe for the kids. He says maybe when they are out of the house. I feel they would be safer away from the wackos and perverts.Fortunately we do live out of town (not out enough for me). We've been married 10 years, and you do work these type of things out if you're lucky and work at it. But by golly when he kicks the bucket I'm outta here!

-- julie capasso (juliecapasso@aol.com), January 31, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Kirk, I don't know what she's scared of, exactly, but if she's afraid of animals, she needs to learn that they are generally more scared of her than she is of them (unless there are polar bears around your place?)

She particularly needs to come to terms with this, because many animals can sense fear. For instance, we have lots of cougars around here. If you see one, and get scared, and run away, the cougar apparently will be more likely to attack, as it will assume you are "fair game". If, however, you face the cougar, stand tall, and yell as loudly and firmly as you can, the cougars will reputedly run away from you. Please realize that this is only hearsay to me, as I have yet to have such an encouther, though I've lived in the "neighborhood" for 23 years. But I know this is true for other wild animals. I've seen lots of bears, bull elk, coyotes, bobcats, etc, and my only grief is that they are always scared and run away before I get a very good look at them.

I also would like to point out that many big cats consider children to be their prey. We went to a place near hear called "Tiger Town" where they have lots of big cats. The cats totally didn't pay us any attention at all. But when a child walked nearby, they instantly perked up, and could not take their eyes off them. The cats would follow the children as they walked outside the fence, and follow them with their eyes when they could no longer follow them physically.

The owner asked some of the kids if they wanted to get cooled off. He had the kids squat down outside a fence near to which a huge lion was soaking in a stock tank (it was a very hot day). The kids had their backs to the lion, and when they squatted down, the lion EXPLODED out of the tank, flying into the cyclone fence, drenching the kids with water! It gave the kids a great experience of how it feels to be prey rather than hunter, I suspect.

-- jumpoff joe (jumpoff@echoweb.net), January 31, 2000.


Response to Living Stuff

Kirk, We moved to 13 acres in the National Forest and I to was scared. My dog and my handgun did in fact make me feel safer. Perhaps you could visit your property and camp thier on weekends. Anyone who knows me now would laugh at the thought of me afraid of the dark etc. I was the one who wanted this property though, in fact telling my husband that if we do not buy it, I don't want to talk about moving to the country, building our own home, me raising stock and gardening and him haveing his own Handyman company: Now all of these things are a reality.. Good luck Vicki

-- Vicki McGaugh (vickilonesomedoe@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

Thank you all for your nice responses! Today I was sitting with my coffee watching deer in the field. The mist was sitting on the tree tops and it was so peaceful. So beautiful. I realize my mistake is in thinking anyone, given time, would love my lifestyle. Wrong!!! Isolation I love but its not for everyone. Thanks again! Kirk

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), February 01, 2000.


Response to Living Stuff

Our family lives on 14 acres at the end of a 2/10 mi.long dirtroad OFF another secondary road far ouside the town limits. We are surrounded by woods, so the neighbors we have are out of sight. Nothing is greater than looking out our window at sunup and instead of seeing and hearing the blaring traffic, we watch deer feed and play less than 20 yards from our back door. Also, the tremendous variety of birds that flock around, including bluejay, wren, cardinal, and especially the pair of red tail hawks that keep the local mice population in check. Being able to go outside on a spring morning to hang out clothes in my nightgown without a worry of prying eyes provides the greatest sense of privacy and freedom. Of course, we also have a great territorial, protective and quite large dog. But also knowing that when my children go out to play, I don't have to worry about outside influences from strangers, drug dealers, and other people who could cause them harm, gives me a tremendous sense of relief. They do not have to be so much on guard. Isn't what they have to deal with at school enough?

-- T. F. (www.joeandteresafrye@conninc.com), February 01, 2000.

Response to Living Stuff

My husband and I moved to our place, 30 miles from "Town" about 6 years ago. I think my brothers-in-law had made bets as to how long I would stay, as I was a "city girl" for all they knew. Actually I had grown up in the mountains, near a ski resort, but in a small neighborhood of about 10 houses. Most were unoccupied though, except for summer people from California that owned them. Anwyway, I love it here, it is so quiet in the country, that if any intruder were to come within a mile of our house, I'm sure the dogs would alert us, if we didn't hear them ourselves. A pair of geese would make great watch animals too, and are very noisy if anyone treads near. Of course, they can be a little nasty if they want too...Perhaps your sweetie just needs a little time to adjust to the peace and quiet of living away from all the polution, noise, traffic, crime, etc??? Good luck, and if she doesn't, then it just wasn't meant to be, and you will eventually find a soul mate who will love it where you do. Jan

-- Jan Bullock (Janice12@aol.com), February 02, 2000.

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