I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for responding to my posts. I have to tell you though, I am scared out of my mind. Below is part of a letter I just wrote to a woman who cares. This will give you an idea of what I am going through.

"To tell you the truth, I am terrified. I keep reading about possibilities of war on our own soil, riots & looting in the streets, mass death...*sigh* I can only think of my family. I don't know what to believe as true, and what to believe as a twisted way of making me squirm for fun."

"I don't know what to do anymore. The fear of Y2K has consumed my life. I always thought I was as sane as anyone else, but I have a knot in my stomach that just wont go away. And like I said before, I can't really talk to anyone face to face about it for any longer than a few minutes before they loose interest. People don't believe or don't care. I find myself looking in the mirror, and trying to figure out if it is just me. Am I loosing my mind ? Is all my fear self inflicted ?"

"Obviously nobody knows what will happen, but I feel like I am the only one on earth that even thinks about it. The thought of anything ever happening to my baby makes my physically ill. I must be a horrible person to live with at this point."

"Basically, I feel I am a lunatic. In fact, I am making a call tomorrow to see a psychiatrist. I want to know if it is just me. Please don't think that I am a basket-case. I have almost achieved my bachelors degree in criminal law, I am a state officer, and have never harmed a soul in my life(other than combative inmates). I feel that I am on the verge however of loosing my mind. My wife thinks it's a joke, my friends "surface listen" to me when I talk about it, and I have to keep it all bundled up inside."

For what it's worth people, you are a great source of therapy for me right now. Thank you for this.

-- Cody Bierman (mindcrime@uswest.net), November 15, 1999

Answers

Cody,

Many of us feel these incredible knots in our stomachs as well and wonder about our children and extended families. I have bought land, a water drilling rig, gold, food, etc. I am a civil engineer and nobody wants to talk about it around me either. I just keep printing articles off for them to read in a public location and more people are reading them. My grandfather died a few years ago at 90. He was born in 1903. I have sat and listened to him for hours about growing up during hard times and thru the depression of the 30's. He and hundreds of others looked back on the times when they had nothing as the best times of their lives. My grandmother on the other side had her honeymoon in a tent in the cedar breaks of norheast texas. She is approaching 90 herself and she looks back on those lean years as the best of all with her husband. I can't explain it, but I did live in the Philippines for 14 months and those people were living on about $30 a month for a large family. They were happier in many ways than our rich American way of life that materialistically alone does not make us happy like those I just mentioned. If they could do it, so can you. We just haven't had to do it like them, but we can if God is with us. Jesus put it this way, "If you seek first the kingdom of God, all these things will be added to you" (where he previously talked about food and clothes). Prepare the best you can, help someone else do the same, lean on the Creator and let the rest go.

-- James Chancellor, PE. (publicworks1@bluebonnet.net), November 15, 1999.

Warning: Do not recommend seeing a psycho-trist. He/she may be as clueless as most. You are/will show signs of neurosis, etc. This is normal. To understand Y2K (and all the possibilities) saturates all your thinking power. A "Dr." visit could be more dangerous to your health. Prozac won't make you feel better if the SHTF.

PS (and legal purposes) IF you think that you want to harm someone, by all means - see a Doctor! They have a white coat that stops you from punching anyone (including yourself).

What other people think and their denial does not make the information untrue. Most of us on this webboard have been consumed with research (info addiction). We also meet people on a daily basis that are not in the least concerned.

The psychological aspect of Y2K and people is the biggest mystery to me. I read, most doubters don't. Those people you have shown documents to and still don;t believe - I personally know hundreds who ignore even government reports. One friend says stop sending the propaganda.

If y2k is a hoax, then it will go down in history as the BIGGEST HOAX of the CENTURY!

The biggest problem for married couples is when one wishes to have a cabin in the woods and the other is planning a New Years cocktail party in the Hamptons and you "can't" spend the proper amount of $ to prepare!

#1 Reason why people do not get it: Most people cannot visualize the future. It's not until a few hurricanes hit that most people get it. I've read that most San Francisco residents are not ready for a major earthquake - even though they were hit not less then 10 years ago.

The "demons" are on both sides:

Pollyanna (life is a burger king bag with Pokemon inside)

and

Doomer (life will not be if you don't have a bunker)

If you have the funds or rich friend - get a camper, food and park it on some land.

You will know soon enough, but do not give up, find someone who will join you im preparations.

good luck and if you go see a doctor, bring 25 excellent y2k related documents and ask the doctor to read them first (before $75 hour appointment!)

-- dw (y2k@outhere.com), November 15, 1999.

Hi Cody,

All of the feelings and experiences you are describing now are familiar to me and many of us on this forum. I have been in that state for a year now, although things have evolved somewhat and I have finally come to gather enough solid research to assure myself I am sane.

I have a partner who does not get it at all and never will. I have children who do not agree with me. I have spent weeks trying to reach family and friends in fear for their safety, and only one person has taken the time to read and over several months, finally agrees with my assessment. I was going to do neighborhood work until I realized like many others how few people will be able to gather enough pieces of the puzzle to get the picture. It is time consuming and gut wrenching work which few will have the time, energy or inclination to take on.

And many will not be able to stand the emotional struggle and isolation and estrangement from mainstream that this will bring on. I am an educated (have grad school credits in history), mother of 2 sons, woman with no experience in doomer thinking other than my worries about the cold war in the 80's, but I have never saw anything that I thought I needed to escape in which escape was plausible until now. I do not think I would survive nuclear war and I have done little in that regard other than awareness. You will discover all the current global possible meltdowns as you study y2k, it is just inevitable in the research.

There are many technical people who are doomers, and I have many years technical experience myself, 10 years at Pac Bell doing maintenance on mainframes, and 4 years on the internet learning html and web design as well as all the free time to research whatever I want for the last 3 years.

I have researched y2k FULL time the last year in between all the prepping I could manage.

But we are in southern CA and I am worried sick about all of us, especially my family. I could not convince anyone to support moving away earlier when it would have been possible. So I am doing what I can to be ready, and expect to have to leave here for some reason, people, fires, sewage and water breakdowns, and the nuke plant just 20 miles away.

A counselor will not be able to help you unless they GI. The whole point of our feeling crazy is that we have learned about something that only a tiny percentage of our population knows about. Most people who only hear a couple things on the news think they know. But they wont read the reports or listen to the insider reports or spend the necessary time to get enough of the picture to understand. Even then, they may be so overwhelmed they go into denial and refuse to believe what is staring them in the face.

Only you can put in the work to learn and decide for yourself how to react to it and how bad YOU think it will be, and no one can do this for you, know one can reassure you that you are sane until you feel a solid sense of confidence in what you know. Everyone who first sees a glimpse feels like they are in the twilight zone. It is just a measure of the success our govt has had in hiding what is known.

But since that is a very time consuming job, it took me 3 months before I really had gathered and read enough to feel confident, but I started to warn people after 1 month, and I finally gave it up.

Since there is so little time, you will have 2 choices, try to do research until you are sure of yourself and hope you can do it in a matter of days, or act as if the worst might happen and do whatever you possibly can to be prepared in case we are right. If you have family or friends you can stay with for many months, or even just 1 month during rollover, that would help. If you get camping equipment or rent an RV to stay out of the city and bring food for 6 months with you, that would help. But if you must stay at your job and location, then getting food and water and nonelectric appliances and tools and equipment, lanterns, etc. would be better than nothing.

My favorite solution would be to buy a farm and change my life right now so I never have to go through another year like this one. But that is just me.

I would be happy to email with you if you like. I have lots of links gathered, but most of them are available on the many y2k sites you may already be aware of, but still, I will send you the things that have been considered the most important articles on y2k if you like. You sound sincere, and I occasionally pipe up on this forum and offer help, although I usually just lurk here.

Good luck.

Mom of 2 sons in CA Lora

-- Lora (artemis@hotmail.com), November 15, 1999.

Yeah, it really is the most bizarre situation. You are not nuts. You can surmise the possible from what we know of the world and how it works based on computers.

There is not to this day - ONE programmer, or computer designer, or "expert" that will stand up and say Y2K is No Big Deal. To a person, they resort to rhetoric, generalizations, or speak of areas even they have no expertise in. There is no one person who "knows" everything about how all this crap is put together and how it works.

Again, for those of us who are on the "outside" of the IT world, we have to play the safe bet.

I'm tired, I'm disgusted with the "news", the opinions, and our options of having to contend with what seems to be the biggest blind spot in human history.

Flint's posts in various threads are particularly boring - I'm sure he wasn't able to be on his High School Debate Team.

The reality is, we might have to face a future that is so different from what we've ever envisioned, that it's just hard to find something "hopeful" about it. Depending on your situation, you might be scrounging for food and fighting to "survive" for the rest of your life. You might wish life didn't last much longer. You might watch people you know die. You might have serious medical problems, like a decaying tooth.

Anyway, truly contemplating what might lie ahead is no fun. I keep hoping for this "nightmare" to end, but it won't and whatever happens, prepare the best you can, live as decently as you can, and take what comes as gracefully as possible. It's really hard to know how to feel about any of this. My 2 cents.

-- Gregg (g.abbott@starting-point.com), November 15, 1999.

I'm so glad to have found this site too. Don't talk to anyone else. lay low & be discreet. Wise as serpents, quiet as doves. Do no cast pearls before swine. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink.

I stopped talking when I ask the management of my large housing development (several hundred apartments) if any porta-potties or other emergency preps were to be made for y2k or possible natural disasters.

The answer.."Oh, the city would probably provide them". I've been to City Hall & didn't see any porta-potties lying around anywhere.

The people will NEVER get it....

-- Incredulous (petera@onebox.com), November 15, 1999.

That's nice Lora! A few minutes ago you're giving Cody links to extremist web pages where lunatics with no concept of reality spread fear about nuclear armageddon, now you're helping him be less upset. Make up your mind, are you trying to scare him or help him?

Cody,

Just relax friend. Do not worry about tomorrow, the only reality which matters is the present, after all that is where we are right now right? Try to remember to accept things that you cannot change, be brave enough to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference. Even if there was going to be a nuclear war, there is nothing you could do to stop it, so why worry? Live for the moment, enjoy being with your family now, and do not let the present slip past you while you worry about the future.

Now, here's an example of something you're worried about that maybe you CAN change: You posted earlier that you were concerned about the ineffectiveness of the system being used to secure your prison doors. Well, why not suggest to your boss that they do something about this? If he doesn't respond, perhaps the citizens in that area could protest until the problem is fixed. Maybe you could inform the media to let them know that this could be a dangerous situation.

No, you're NOT crazy, just worried. What's the WORST that can happen, your physical being could be destroyed and you'd "die"? Well, that is going to happen anyway, so why worry about it? We are spirits in a material world, and our spirits will be alive and together forever. Just relax and live for TODAY. Live through your SOUL, not your body and your mind. Best wishes.

-- Hawk (flyin@high.again), November 15, 1999.

You should not worry (too much) about things beyond your control. Self sufficiency should be a life long goal anyway. How do you plan to survive a nuclear war? I don't think you can. Terrorism? There are a few things you can do. Bio/chemical warfare? Not much. Y2k? Yep. Lots of things you can do because the focus for us is to become more self sufficient. Just start with the most important things and work down the list.

But worry yourself onto a doctors couch? No way. Instead of focusing on what MIGHT happen focus on what changes you can make to yourself more self sufficient.

BTW, sometimes at night I picture some gruesome things in my mind (I do think we're going to see some bad Y2k stuff). But in the morning I look at my list and decide to knock another one or two items off of it.

Good luck.

-- anonymous (anonymous@anonymous.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody: Just a few points that I find helpful: 1. No one knows for sure what is going to happen; 2. There is a chance that the year 2000 could bring a multitude of problems(computers being only one); 3. Any prepping you do will not be money thrown away; 4. There are many on this site as well as others who delight in prognosticating all out nuclear war etc. While there are many experts on computers there are very few on nuclear warfare. You should concern yourself primarily with lack of electricity, water etc. These things are going to be lacking in some parts of the country for sure. Remember, for every hysterical doomer or polly ranting on this site,there are many out here who fall in between. You are bucking the herd, it isn't easy but your survival may depend on it. All of us have the same feelings you expressed.

-- Neil G.Lewis (pnglewis1@yahoo.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

Fear comes from uncertainty. Yet, certainty is an illusion. If you really think about it, there are a million things to worry about without Y2K. The most mundane, unnoticed tasks we accomplish every day require great courage. Driving down the street with only a yellow line separating oncoming traffic takes Herculean faith. Yet we do it without thinking. Y2K is a very big unknown. If you've made the decision to seek professional help, perhaps instead of making Y2K the issue, you might think about asking advice on managing fear in general. Fear has the ability to focus ones attention on specific subjects when there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Your deep fear of Y2K is valid and important. Instead of allowing this fear to paralyze you, use it to motivate you. All you can ever do in life is put forth your best effort. Y2K has so many unknown variables and you cannot control them. None of us can. All we can do is act with good sense and prepare the best we know how.

I've always told my son to do the best he can, that he has the answers inside him. I've told him to live his life with compassion and strength, and that courage is facing any situation despite the fear. If you were my son I'd tell you that you are not alone and you will be strong when the time comes to have great strength. You're a good man. If you believe in God or a higher power, ask for peace. And while you're at it, take a look around, the world, despite it's ills, is a grand place to live. Focus on the good and the beautiful while preparing for any situation. Sometimes that takes a little practice, but you can do it. I know you can. God Bless.

-- Casey DeFranco (caseyd@silcom.com), November 15, 1999.

I have experienced much of the same as you. On occasion I have wanted to escape. Through self control I have limited my escape to getting lost in a book or to overeating. I have entertained substance abuse and simply 'giving up'. The latter I equate with relinquishing control of my mind and spirit to someone in the psychoanalysis field. This would be an easy way out. My faith in God allows me to persevere. The calendar of my life reads ....1997, 1998, year of Y2K preparation, 2000,....... I wish it were 1/1/2000 now. Let's get on with this Steven Spielberg movie; the suspense is "killing" me.........

-- Bobo (blechhhh@aol.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

From what you describe, especially physical symptoms, I wonder if you might be experiencing genuine panic anxiety. Lots of people do. It can be severe, *extremely* painful, and chemical in nature. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with crazy. If your instincts tell you could use some medical assistance with this, I would hope you at least do yourself the favor of investigating that option.

-- (resigned@this.point), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

I have been prepping for a little over a year and was feeling pretty much in control,until I started hearing about an astroid hitting the earth(didn't happen),a large earthquake and the five part series on nightline about anthrax.That put me on overload.Things that I would have no control over.

A women on this forum offered me a cup of hot cocoa via the net and to chat awhile.She had sensed from my post that I was getting scared.That meant more to me then anyone knows.It was then that I realised the fear which I had allowed to take over me.

Since then I have let go of the things I can't change and finished up on the rest of the things that needed to be done.The Serenity Pray might be a good thing to get and read.

I have no one close by to talk about y2k.I am thankful for this forum,to know there are others who "get it".You are not alone.

-- Maggie (aaa@aaa.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

Speaking of not being able to talk to anyone about this. I got an invitation to a lovely holiday party for a weekend in Dec. The people who will be there, will be DGIs, old friends and business colleagues. A few know I am prepping but they are doing nothing for themselves. I'm going to turn down the invitation - make up an excuse of being out of town or something. If y2k becomes a topic by then, I can't sit there and lie to people and say I'm doing nothing. Yet if I tell them how concerned I am, I will be putting out a welcome mat (they know where I live.) Nor do I want to go to a party and be the object of jokes. It's a lose-lose proposition. (sigh) I'll be glad when this is all behind us, and out in the open, one way or the other.

-- 5R2K (fiver2000@yahoo.com), November 15, 1999.

[[You will discover all the current global possible meltdowns as you study y2k, it is just inevitable in the research]]- Lora-Mom-of-2-Sons

Cody, along the lines of what Neil was saying, there are a lot of good minds here who have conscienciously and extensively studied y2k who do NOT believe in "all the possible meltdowns."

And no -- it's NOT inevitable that all the possible meltdowns is what you discover with research.

Gotta take this place with a grain of salt.

-- (resigned@this.point), November 15, 1999.

Dear Cody,

I used to post rather regularly, but now mainly lurk. Your post hit a powerful chord in my heart, as I see it did many others also. You know, ... you started an awesome thread here.

"I can only think of my family" This is as it should be. They are your first and main responsibility.

"The fear of Y2K has consumed my life" Fear is a paralyzing thing. You must face it and channel it into action. Courage is when you feel afraid, but do what you know is right.

"People don't believe or don't care" They won't believe because they do not want to believe. Part of preparing for Y2k is accepting that basic weakness of human nature. Accept that most people will choose not to see. Accept that unscrupulous people will assist in their blindness until it is too late. Choose not to be a lemming and follow the mass over the cliff. The herd mentality is quite powerful. Thank God that you are strong enough to break away.

"Am I loosing my mind ? Is all my fear self inflicted ?" The answers are no and no. What you are feeling proves that you are of a rather sound mind and emotionally healthy. Do you know why diabetics so often have toes amputated? Because their nerve endings no longer function normally, and they are not aware of injuries and circulation problems. Your emotional nerve endings are functioning as they should Cody. You are not inflicting fear. You are recognizing potential dangers. You are grieving, you feel anxiety, and you are frustrated. This is all healthy and normal.

"My wife thinks it's a joke" Start challenging your wife. Tell her that you insist on making certain hard choices and preparations unless she can PROVE to you that they are not necessary. Don't risk her life and your baby's life because you don't want to be unpopular at home. (Other spouses have posted of similar frustrations.) Exchange article for article with her on the condition that they are actually read and discussed. Every GI has their trigger point. Pray that you find hers soon.

You received so much excellent advice from other posters. Pardon the redundancy, but below are my favorites nuggets....

James Chancellor: I just keep printing articles off for them to read...... Prepare the best you can, help someone else do the same, lean on the Creator and let the rest go.

dw: Warning: Do not recommend seeing a psycho-trist. He/she may be as clueless as most.....What other people think and their denial does not make the information untrue....I read, most doubters don't....#1 Reason why people do not get it: Most people cannot visualize the future......do not give up, find someone who will join you im preparations.... bring 25 excellent y2k related documents and ask the doctor to read them first.....

Lora: ....gather enough solid research to assure myself I am sane...... many will not be able to stand the emotional struggle and isolation and estrangement from mainstream that this will bring on....... A counselor will not be able to help you unless they GI..... they may be so overwhelmed they go into denial and refuse to believe what is staring them in the face.... Only you can put in the work to learn and decide for yourself.... know one can reassure you that you are sane until you feel a solid sense of confidence in what you know.....Everyone who first sees a glimpse feels like they are in the twilight zone......

Gregg: There is no one person who "knows" everything about how all this crap is put together and how it works..... Again, for those of us who are on the "outside" of the IT world, we have to play the safe bet.... The reality is, we might have to face a future that is so different from what we've ever envisioned, that it's just hard to find something "hopeful" about it.

Incredulous: .."Oh, the city would probably provide them". I've been to City Hall & didn't see any porta-potties lying around anywhere...... The people will NEVER get it....

anonymous: Instead of focusing on what MIGHT happen focus on what changes you can make...

Neil G. Lewis: Any prepping you do will not be money thrown away..... All of us have the same feelings you expressed.

Casey DeFranco: Fear comes from uncertainty. Yet, certainty is an illusion....Your deep fear of Y2K is valid and important. Instead of allowing this fear to paralyze you, use it to motivate you. All you can ever do in life is put forth your best effort. Y2K has so many unknown variables and you cannot control them. None of us can. All we can do is act with good sense and prepare the best we know how.

Bobo: My faith in God allows me to persevere.

resigned: It can be severe, *extremely* painful, and chemical in nature.

Regarding the last post and issue...your stress may have depleted your serotonin, but it would be best to have a GI counselor. Otherwise, you will just feel more frustration and anxiety. Meanwhile, try some St. John's Wort from a health food store. Keep posting when you are frustrated.

Regarding nuclear war....it is survivable for many. Get some potassium iodate and read from these sites.....

http://www.netoriginals.com/uss

http://oism.org/nwss/index.htm

http://www.xmg.com/nuclear.htm

There are many here who do care. Hang in there Cody! Make your lists, prioritize your lists, and work at getting a little done every day. I'll be thinking about you and saying a prayer for you.

-- Mumsie (Shezdremn@aol.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody:

Chill dude! If you have prepared, you have done all you can do. The world will not end next year. It will not end untill God pulls the plug. That time we do not, and will not, know. I'll pass on some advice that I have been tell my mother for the past 30 some years. Worry solves nothing, it makes nothing better. Action solves problems.

-- FLAME AWAY (BLehman202@aol.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

I'm with you on this. I have a great deal to say, but only time now to reiterate some crucial points.

Please don't get "therapy" unless the therapist is a GI. Even under nomal conditions you should go as far as you can to get recommendations and check out credentials. I have seen people come out of therapy worse off because of flaws in the therapy, or school of thought, or problems the therapist had personally.

Hang in there, Cory. You'll make it. Above all, keep your head about you, not just for yourself, but for your loved ones, as they will need to see strength when things start to go down.

-- eve (123@4567.com), November 15, 1999.

Anybody who let's their emotions get the better of them cannot be trusted for anything. It's no wonder so many people think this forum is just a fear mongering meeting place for Doom Brooding IDIOTS!!!!

No why don't you try and get some REAL pyschiatric help, Cody.

-- (go@to.hell), November 15, 1999.

--I think a lot of peoples fears revolve around unknown factors in their personal life's history. If you have lived through prolonged "without", either by design or happenstance, you won't fear as much, because you have "been there, done that". ..and you also can accept the possible realities of cascading catastrophic failures more easy than someone who has had it easy all their life. example, when i worked in a gunstore for two years, almost all the women who came in for their first firearm purchase came in AFTER THE FACT OF GOING THROUGH A BAD SCENE WHERE THEY COULD HAVE USED A GUN FOR SELF DEFENSE. Either themselves or a daughter or close friend, etc.suddenly went through a rape or mugging or home invasion or car jacking or a crackhead berserker husband or boyfriend did the ultra violent on them. It happened over and over and over. And almost invariably they predicated their interest in a firearm purchase with "I always never believed in guns, but....". It was a huge overwhelming majority. Wasn't a week went by we didn't hear the stories. Now men won't admit anything like this, never heard this reason, but I bet it happenes, they just are embarrased. I don't care, just glad they finally "got it" on personal 24/7 security. Folks who have FAILED to evacuate in the face of a nasty hurricane have a different perspective. After suffering a night of sheer terror, then days to weeks of despair and destruction they have a 180 degree outlook--they aren't pollyanna anymore about hurricanes. Same with tornadoes. Same with a major house fire, where all of a sudden in the middle of the night you are homeless, with nothing but the clothes on your back. Plenty of examples. It really drives it home, this "Survival Mindset". If you are lucky and intelligent, you'll "get it" in advance. If you choose to live in ignorance of potentialites, and even worse, fail to learn from your own and societies mistakes, well...you're potential "toast". It's as dog squat simple as that. People who "don't get it" WILL GET IT-pick a disaster-when it hits them. Then it's TOO LATE. Go live through a fire, a hurricane, a serious flood, weeks long blizzards/ice storms, riots, catastrophic employment loss or illness or injury, windstorm serious enough to cause major destruction to your home or community, suffered a major act of violence or crime--anything like that, and you'll "get it". I HAVE and I DO "Get It". I have already experienced all on that list, and I'll add governmental armed goons and political persecution. I think that was the worst. Agents of the state acting in an illegal manner because of "orders" from their "superiors" or because of their personal sadistic bent are by far the worse in my mind. Terrifying. simply TERRIFYING. YOU NEVER, EVER GET OVER THAT. To fail to be a "Survivalist" is to live life as an ostrich, but you also don't have to fear, what you do is PLAN and PREPARE and TRAIN. that's it. try it. it works. it will greatly alleviate your fears. been there, done that, and the t shirt is a crummy substitute zog

-- zog (zzoggy@yahoo.com), November 15, 1999.

Don't worry about the disconnect from the "y2k is ok" consensus.Even if y2k turns out to be a complete bump in the road how often will you get the opportunity to tap into a mania of world wide scale.This is the freakiest zeitgheist since the Cuban missle crises.It gives us an opportunity to break out of the herd community and realize the fragility of the little world we take so for granted.Y2k awareness has given me the insight to take nothing for granted because I see the guarantee of the supply chain to be illusory.It's never pleasant to be abruptly kicked out of a pleasant sleep.Now try to let go of the paralytic fear and make changes where possible.So you can't afford to buy a years supplies,you can buy enough that you and your loved ones need not be part of the masses react in a typical manner.If your wife freaks over a few dozen kilos of rice and beans,explain that you're not building a bomb shelter,it's only for 40+ more days and being part of world wide y2k hesteria is kind of fun in a perverse way,and this is just one of those slightly trying times she agreed to put up with when she agreed to the "better or worse clause".Besides,all you're really demonstrating is your willingnes to provide and protect your family when you percieve a threat despite overwhelming abuse,mockery and ridicule.Your loayalty to your wife despite even her misgivings should make her burn with pride,It should make you burn with pride.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody, been there done that!It was horrible! What worked for me was to pray for an hour until that sick feeling went away, each day, each day. One day I awoke feeling O.K. I am still worried, a bit sad but O.K. A bit of Paxil each day from your doctor will also help. I don't want to be too religious as that might turn you off, but that disabling fear is not from God. He gives us hope and will. Hope this helps. MaggieM.

-- Maggie Germann (maggiem@nehp.net), November 15, 1999.

I think it was it Old Git a long time ago who said that the first step in preparing for y2k is accepting your own death.

-- John Q (anotherthought@thebottomofpage.com), November 15, 1999.

I've always thought this passage says it all (from Mark Helprin's A Winter's Tale)

"No one ever said that you would live to see the repercussions of everything you do, or that you have guarantees, or that you are not obliged to wander in the dark, or that everything will be proved to you and neatly verified like something in science. Nothing is; at least nothing that is worthwhile. I didn't bring you up only to move across sure ground. I didn't teach you to think that everything must be within our control or understanding. Did I? For if I did, I was wrong. If you won't take a chance, then the powers you refuse because you cannot explain them, will, as they say, make a monkey out of you."

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody, friend, you need to have a chance to spend time with a few folks who see eye to eye with you. I don't know how that can happen for you in your local. The net is fine for typing, but you and I need real people to gain real solice; a chance to vocalize our inner hearts. The extreme isolaton you are feeling is compounding your sense of pain.

Any Yourdonites in your area???

-- ..- (Dit@Dot.Dash), November 15, 1999.

Cody, there are a lot of big money guys that are not idiots. There are a lot of analysists that make thier living from analysing companies and the future. They are not just dupes that are not informed. They were getting profesional advice on this subject way before a lot of folks here started reading gary north. I prepared, bought some water and looked around for natural sources if that was an issue. I checked really hard the issue of water in my state and they are now just confident that they are going to have it work. Power guys also feel that way. You will eat. Other nations may not, but once again america is fairly well set to keep you fed. What are you going to do? Keep eating, drinking, and watching tv with those you love or like and you will still be breathing. The worst could have happened to us many times over already in our lives. The situation HAS changed since early 98. Just set aside some gallons of water and some tuna. smile

-- joe blow (bill@ok.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

There are pros and cons to getting professional help in this unique situation, in which anxiety and fear in some ways is not pathological, but in some ways is an indication that you are "stark, raving sane" and paying attention in a way most people aren't. Be that as it may, you are scared and in pain, and that needs to be addressed. While there are some useful suggestions in this thread, none of these responses here are from medical professionals who know your needs and symptoms in depth, and can better assess what you need.

If you see someone for counseling, it will obviously be for the short-term, not some sort of Woody Allen program of years on the couch talking about your childhood. I'd suggest that if you just want to look into a talking therapy, a therapist with a behavioral/cognitive perspective can give you suggestions on very specific ways of lessening anxiety that may help, whether or not they get it on Y2k. If you are starting to have anxiety attacks, you may be having a biochemical reaction that needs to be addressed medically rather than just talking about it. There are medications available that could take the edge off the anxiety. If you are working in the criminal justice system, there should be people who are well-used to dealing with officers under stress, see if there is anyone at work who is a useful resource. And there's the usual stress advice about making sure you are eating healthily, are taking good multi-vitamins and maybe some supplementary b-complex vitamins as well.

I've got a page up on psychological aspects of Y2k on my "Mountain Y2k" website that has links to some background material that might be useful to give any professional you consult about this. Try to get any background material to them at least 24 hours in advance so that they have time to go through it. Make sure they understand that they are to help you with your anxiety about Y2k, not to confirm their own denial of it. You may find that the person, approach or medication that you try doesn't have a good fit for you, but don't let it throw you off the value that one can get from professional help, just give it a chance and look into other alternatives.

Mountain Y2k psych page: http://www.fortunecity.com/millennium/tinkywinky/999/psych.html

I share many of the feelings you've expressed here. As a mother of two young girls, I know how having a child to think of vastly complicates the options we feel we have open to us in the various scenarios we can foresee as possible ones. My husband is finally starting to get it, but I still don't feel I have total support for my prepping. I joined the local Y2k group, attended the county-level community conversations, networked the hell out of this thing whenever I could. I still do, even though I feel like we're trying to sweep away the sand on the beach. Every bucket I sweep away does make a difference. Even if my advice only gives someone one week's additional prep, that gives them one more week to sort out their options.

I've hated being thrown into Earnest Mode on Y2k for the past few months, hated always being the Y2k wonk who is bringing it up at every opportunity like some fanatic proselytizer for the Church of Y2k. I think one of the most important things I've learned to do is to let go of not being able to change everyone I know, and just get on with what I'm doing without getting dragged down by their denial. I do what I can, I've taken the responsibility to do what I can locally and with my friends and family, and I feel empowered by the choices I've made to be aware and active. Yet for all of us who have done these things, we too can still be fragile sometimes. There's a form of information sickness that can hit us, eyes that can see too far, can see too holistically, that can see the myriad of vulnerable connections and possibilities.

Cody, do you at least have someone you can talk about Y2k to in real time (on the phone or in person, or in a chat room) who can appreciate your concerns and understands Y2k? Make sure you do, sometimes it helps just to be able to vent to one of the few people who gets it. Find the nearest Y2k activist group, perhaps someone there can help talk you through this. Many of us have been through this anxiety, and we understand what a challenge it is for our coping skills. Do what you can to get prepped. I've got a page on Mountain Y2k on Y2k parenting issues too, some of those links and suggestions may help. Y2k or not, life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans, and one of the things that has helped most over the years is learning to remain flexible. Let us know what works for you in dealing with this anxiety, it may help someone else too.

Firemouse

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody, Do what you need to in order to feel better--including medication. It's no big deal. I'd go for an immediate relief (like valium) rather than long-term like prozac. Continue to prepare and realize that we cannot control what might come soon. We are all in this together and it is a spiritual process. Yes, God alone is in charge and what will be will be and will be best for our inner selves, even if our material beings suffer.

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), November 15, 1999.

I don't post here often but couldn't keep my mouth shut on this one. Cody, we all feel the same way--we will make it --in my heart I know that--hang in there . We are all here for you and with you. AND AS FOR AS GO@TOHELL---why don't you just do that--GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

-- Curly~Q (Curly@Q.COM), November 15, 1999.

Cody- there is an old post out there in the archives somewhere that goes thru the whole acceptance of grief thingie- you know- the denial, anger, etc stages- that's much of it I think. What is happening to you is that you are confronting "the possibilities"- of all the things that can happen- to you, your family, the country, the world. And you are realizing how interconnected we all are. And how little control you as an individual have over most of it.

And you have to get to a point where you are not paralyzed by fear nor overwhelmed by it. You will be of no use to anybody if you are. And you gotta confront what could happen. And then come to accept it. And plan constructively what you can do to protect your family's well-being to the best of your ability. The Sereity prayer suggestion is good here. And then do your best, do what you can, and hope for the best.

For instance- think of an asteroid impact. There's stuff you could do to increase your chance of survival- lots of preps there. But- if it lands where you are- well- that's that. Some stuff you can help- some you can't. Nothing you can do about that.

And I know, that you wonder if you're crazy- cause here you are worrying about all of this stuff- and all around you, the big focus is Pokemon toys at Burger King, the new movie playing, what's on the tube tonite, etc, etc. And you wonder why all of these people are just cruising along, not worrying a bit. and does that make you a looney?? Well- you're just dealing with stuff that many others dare not contemplate- or don't have the resources to even contemplate. Not to say they won't have to deal with it at some point- just because you can fathom the consequences of a massive computer meltdown and they can't doesn't mean only you are affected of course. But- you get a head start.

P.S. I'd cancel the shrink- unless it's keeping you up, you can't sleep or function or you gfeel suicidal- they'll likely just give you anti-anxiety stuff to calm you down,,,,,,,

-- farmer (hillsidefarm@drbs.com), November 15, 1999.

Well Cody, by now you can see that many of us on this forum have experienced the same feelings you have. The good news is "this too shall pass" and you will eventually become comfortable with your preparation decisions (physical & spiritual).

The best news is that you will be a real blessing to your family and neighbors if/when disaster comes. So panic now and avoid the rush.

-- DaveW (dwood @southwind.net), November 15, 1999.

Hi Cody, good support here,and I toss in my two cents as part of this phenomena.

I have a 6yr old daughter, and lately I am beginning to see signs of anxiety and fear in her, and I'm thinking it may be because she is responding to my increasing anxiety as we get closer to January. Last night lying in bed I thought that I have been neglecting something very basic: that I better start meditating, praying, doing yoga, and otherwise prepare myself to be the calm center, the strength, and not just for my little girl, but for my own well-being, and for those who I will encounter in the future.

I've done lots and lots of community preparedness efforts since August 1998. Finally was deep-sixed. It may be interesting to read my account, Cody. You can find the history (and other writing) at my website .We actually had a Y2K meeting, sponsored by other groups, wiht Red Cross, PG&E, and other providers there to answer questions. The day before the meeting someone called the television stations and said the meeting was not going to be on Wednesday, but Thursday. The TV crews showed up a day late. Consequently, the providers and speakers of officialese were not caught off-guard and the only media reporting was the local paper rehashing the provider's tired same old same old. Scared the bejaysus out of me, that someone had gone out of their way to do that.

Sorry for being so chatty, but hope you feel better. I wish there were more of us in the know and ready.

-- johnO (jobriy2k@yahoo.com), November 15, 1999.

Cody,

"My wife thinks it's a joke, my friends "surface listen" to me when I talk about it, and I have to keep it all bundled up inside."

Join the Club my man! Most of us have been going through this for a long time now. Wives, friends, business associates all think were nuts. So, we prepare quietly. I take solace in the fact that I have influenced perhaps a dozen people to prepare in their own ways. Sure we get mocked, but I figure if I have influenced even one person who did something to help in his/her own survival, it'll have been worth all the grief.

I found out about Y2k when my wife and I went to Amish country in Indiana for a weekend getaway. Funny that I picked up a wired magazine to read by the pool and it was loaded with Y2K stories. I figured that since I found out about our technological dependence in a town where people shun it, it had to be some kind of sign. I told a couple of people the story and wow.. talk about looks!

Oh well, do a little bit of prepping every day and it'll keep your mind occupied and moving in a positive direction.

-- Dale (address@withheld.org), November 15, 1999.

Cody: Many of us have been there; it's part of the grief work. I would suggest you strive to: Let go of your fear and know that many people throughout history, have had only a pack and a back. Let the fear go and trust for the future, as it may already be determined. It will happen one way or another, regardless of whether you worry or not. It seems to me, you and yours will be better served with ol Cody keeps his s_ _ t together. Going thru the fear brings you to acceptance and there you can make best use of time remaining. Best of Luck. BOZ

-- only boz (bow@cyberhighway.net), November 15, 1999.