Polly Spouses

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My wife just found out I am about to receive a small box stove and she hit the roof. "When are you going to get over this nonsense? I'm tired of you wasting your money when nothings going to happen," she yelled (in front of our 5 year old daughter). I said I hoped nothing would happen but that I was trying my best to be prepared in spite of her and her lack of support. Needless to say she really thinks I've gone off the deep end (and I'm a fencesitter). Anyone else with advice or in a similiar sitiuation?

-- Butt Splinters (Fence@Sitter.net), November 08, 1999

Answers

Anyone who yells at a spouse in front of their young child has other issues to resolve besides Y2K. A complaint about a Y2K purchase (made with "your" money) is just a symptom. There are deeper issues here.

-- Not (Dr.@Joyce.Brothers), November 08, 1999.

Read/print this essay, by Art Welling:

Are you prepared to be wrong on Y2K?

Don't ask "What are the odds?" Ask "What are the STAKES?"

Dennis

53 days remain. About 1275 hours.

-- Dennis (djolson@cherco.net), November 08, 1999.


Unless she's twice your size, I'd show her whose wearing the trousers in your household!

-- Y2KGardener (gardens@bigisland.net), November 08, 1999.

Your daughter learned two lessons from this exchange. She learned that Daddy is trying very hard to provide for the comfort/survival of his family. She also learned that it is acceptable to disrespect your spouse in front of the children. She learned the better lesson from Daddy.

Please continue to do the right thing by listening to your self- preservation instinct kicking in and not your wife.

My deepest empathy to those whose partners "won't" get it, and are making it difficult for those who do.

-- Wilferd (WilferdW@aol.com), November 08, 1999.


It is not easy to live with a "polly", I empathize with you.

How I dealt with it when I decided to prepare in June 98 was a bit extreme, but it worked. I simply looked at my husband squarely in the eyes and said something like "if you're going to fight me with this, you better leave now because my mind is made up, I will take whatever precautions I think is necessary to protect the kids, and they come before you." (I made sure I appeared more confident than I felt.) He got over it and hasn't stopped me in my preps, but he never really helped either.

Maybe I'd do good at poker.

-- Wife of DWGI (woes@r.us.com), November 08, 1999.



Splinters, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I rather imagine that most people here have some experience with this.

Advice? I've never talked about y2k and what I know with my family. I certainly don't proselytize. I always love & respect my husband, resident adult daughter, and brother. They believe what they hear. I won't ever leave them, and they won't leave this urban core, or help with preps. But I rented a small storage closet, and I have sold some non-essential personal possessions to fill it best that I can alone.

Your wife sounds unsettled about this thing she doesn't understand. Heck, nobody understands it, and that's the aggravating part. You may have to prep alone. It's not that bad. In fact, that might be best that way, because you'll have to protect your resolve to prepare. You'll need support, so this forum is a good place. You can get a Mailbox Etc. delivery spot. Just be very quiet about it all. No sense in fussing about y2k with the ones you love. There are likely to be difficult times soon enough.

Hope this has helped.

-- (resigned@this.point), November 08, 1999.


I have lived the past 18 months where you are. Husband frozen in the "DITH" stage (Deer in the head lights). It has been a very lonely, sad journey for me. He ridiculed my preparations, but I have young Grand Children to consider. If it were not for the occasional kind words from strangers from the forums, I could not have lasted this long. None of us know for certain what will will happen, but we are told to "Help one another". Thank you, those who have offered me a kind word and suggestions.

-- Money ran out, only prayer left (Iamlivingit@now.com), November 08, 1999.

"Unless she's twice your size, I'd show her whose wearing the trousers in your household!"

Oh, and I'm half his size.

-- Wife of DWGI (woes@r.us.com), November 08, 1999.


My friend had a big fight with her husband and wound up with her own bank account--he had been controlling the money for years. They've had a tough time of it, but if things go bad, he will eat! Keep on keeping on. She is afraid that you are acting independently in a way that is out of her control. Tell her you love her and want to protect her...

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), November 08, 1999.

Splinters --

I have told my wife and daughter that the most precious gift they have given me in the last year was the support in efforts to prepare for any possible problems. I fully sympathize with your plight, as one of our daughters 'doesn't want to hear it'. And all we are asking of her is that she come here on 'vacation' over New Years. No outlay, we'll even pay for the trip. But, no, she is adamant, nothing is going to happen.

I wish you luck with your opposite number and hope that the 'awakening' comes soon.

-- just another (another@engineer.com), November 08, 1999.



This daily coincidence thing is getting really really weird. I just posted this on an early thread. It applies here.

My husband Gets It, but DGI, in my situation that doesn't matter because he is so damn practical and extemely supportive of my needs and concerns. When I finally decided to go full board with my preperations he said do what you feel you need to do, tell me what you need me to do, If you are worried thats enough for me. When I told him it was time to buy Powdered Milk he looked at me and said, "honey we live in Clover Land, we're surrounded by Dairy's." "I know," I said, "but how are we going to pay for it." He replied, "babe, have you ever heard of bartering?" At that moment, he made my heart melt "again". I just gave my husband Chris his list of things to acquire within the next two weeks. A couple of listed items made my gut turn. At the bottom of the list I put GUN. He did not bat an eye. We have friends that own weapons and we have discussed the pros and cons of purchase, type, use etc. But to actually have it on the prep list as an item to acquire and check off was a huge step. He took the step with me. He believes it will only be the proverbial BITR. But, he also believes in insurance, its only practical. God I love him.

-- karla (karlacalif@aol.com), November 08, 1999

-- karla (karlacalif@aol.com), November 08, 1999.


Just reassure her that there is no net out of pocket cost as you saved more than enough to cover the stove by cancelling her medical and life and auto insurance, since you are sure that she is in good health and a good driver.

-- Linda (lwmb@psln.com), November 08, 1999.

If TSHTF, I wonder how DWGI spouses will react? No doubt, they will be in double trouble. They will be pissed at you for not preparing more and not warning them FULLY, and they will be pissed because they're cushy lifestyle has been taken away. Your anxiety will be threefold and I can hear the arguments and tongue lashings now. It's sad and I feel sorry for you Butt Splinters. Prepare for your basic needs, water, food, and fuel, make sure your child has food to eat and to hell with your wife. Only the strong survive.

-- bardou (bardou@baloney.com), November 08, 1999.

This is a test of character, with even greater tests of character ahead requiring sacrifice, courage and patience.

rollin' over to hit the

-- snooze button (alarmclock_2000@yahoo.com), November 08, 1999.


Bardou hit on an important point. If things do get difficult, DWGI spouses and relatives are not likely to be grateful for the GI spouse's preparations. If they cannot now understand the need to be prepared for any potential disruption, y2k or otherwise, they aren't going to suddenly see the light next year. I suspect that their minds will serve up a long list of excuses and rationalizations for whatever happens, perhaps even subtly blaming events on their GI spouses...but I doubt that understanding and acceptance will come to them. An unfortunate situation, to be sure...and I fear that terminal ignorance is surely not a helpful survival characteristic.

-- Norm Harrold (nharrold@tymewyse.com), November 08, 1999.


Understand what you are going through. My husband never got it, and never will. I started in January with preps, he didn't complain at first but then fliped out at me when i kept talking about it. He insisted I was raming it down his throat, Big mistake. I realize this man is a pathetic human being and I do not feel sorry for him if things get bad because he will be hiding in a corner shaking. It is too late for me to go elsewhere, I have no place to go, but if there was a decent guy who cared enough about me out there, I would flee as quick as i could away from this Self Centered Jackass. So just hang in there, if things get bad, You are prepared to defend yourself and kids(like myself), and don't worry about your wife because she doesn't value Your life, her childrens or yours enough to become educated on this subject. That told me enough when my husband has refussed over and over to even hear anything on it, even when it is at work or on tv. He can't face fear! I can and will. I will fight to survive and the hell with him..

-- Cassandra (american_storm@usa.net), November 08, 1999.

Bardou, "...to hell with your wife" ? "...I can hear the tongue lashings now" ? Geeeesh. It's ill-bred, inside petulant indignance, wrapped in a cause.

-- (resigned@this.point), November 08, 1999.

And so is ungratefulness.

-- bardou (bardou@baloney.com), November 09, 1999.

This past weekend I went to visit the folks. Dad's a GI and Mom is at best a BDWGI. (BIG Don't Wanna...) Both wanted to know more about my plans for the rollover. Dad wants to make sure that his Grandson and 'almost grandchild' (one inroute see prev thread) would be set for the rollover. Mom wanted to know, belligerently, why we didn't just move into a shelter if its necessary. "Thats what we pay taxes for!" I looked at her, asked her if she enjoyed doing dishes or other nasty menial tasks. She asked why, and I explained that in the shelter the old army term 'Your soul may belong to Jesus, but your ass belongs to us' holds true meaning. The rules will be simple, I explained. You don't work, you won't eat. She looked stunned at this relavation. Hopefully, she may be on the road to becoming a GI, at least my old man got it early enough to prep for both of them, despite my moms protests....50 something left...

-- Billy Boy (Rakkasan@Yahoo.com), November 09, 1999.

Hey Splinters--Exactly the same thing happened to me in front of our 10 year old son in a restaurant. People were looking and wondering what the heck was going on. It was at that point I decided to never mention Y2k to my wife again. Yes, I am still preparing, but have to hide everything. That said, you are not alone.

-- Bill (sticky@2sides.tape), November 09, 1999.

Karla, you make me drool with envy. There's no need to convince him, he loves you and respects you, you love and respect him, that moves mountains! You both are Y2K-ok!

Bardou, although your words are harsh, they are the stark naked ugly truth. Our DGI/DWGI unsupportive spouses have as much as said "hell with you (and the kids!)" themselves first.

Sugar coating things at this point will not change the reality of what will be going on between such relationships next year, no matter which way Y2K turns out to be.

It is very unproductive and unsupportive of GI's at this point to lay guilt trips on us, spouses of pollies.

-- Wife of DWGI (woes@r.us.com), November 09, 1999.


What a sad thread.

My wife is a DGI, but has heard the evolution of the state of Y2K from me for 7+ years. I've made my living on Y2K over that time and am regarded by many as an expert. So if I don't tell her how to teach kids (she is a very good teacher) she doesn't question me on preparing. She told me this weekend to keep on putting that cash away, so after Y2K she can use it to buy a new dining room set and bedroom set.

I believe most GIs married to DGIs who have happy marriages have brought them into the preparations, with most preparations being things they will use no matter what (food, batteries, water). Then they say "Honey, if things are bad, there are these things we will need and I want to spend $100. What else might we need to take care of you and the kids?"

So you segregate money you will spend in the future regardless (recoverable money) from pure preparation which is relatively small and coopt them. Treat it as a game. Do some fun preps. Buy some Y2K wine and get her some Y2K lingere.

-- ng (cantprovideemail@none.com), November 09, 1999.


Well, this certainly is interesting. You guys are so full of it.

Cassandra, where's your independence? Get off your butt, girl!

Not Dr.Joyce.Brothers, where did you get your degree? Bad analysis!

Y2KGardener, I'll meet you in the back. Size has nothing to do with it, you pig!

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), November 09, 1999.


My wife definitely Gets It but doesn't want to think about what the consequences of 'It' might be. She regularly passes along to her friends printouts about Y2K and I've been suprised on a few occasions when I walked into a room and heard her talking on the phone, telling friends and family how to prepare, where it looks like failures might occur, etc.

She is helpful in preparing and hasn't said anything like "you're spending too much " or "you're going too far" but she just doesn't want to think about what life might be like if things get really bad. She doesn't want to think about her friends who aren't preparing, about all those kids not going to school or going hungry, about not being able to drive her car or buy new clothes for the kids for a few months.

Basically, she Gets It but most sincerly doesn't want to...

-TECH32-

-- TECH32 (TECH32@NOMAIL.COM), November 09, 1999.


Splinters,

Before I say that your wife should be locked out of the house, can you answer a question or two?

Does she usually yell at you in front of the kid(s)? Argue with your or belittle you? If so, send her to NYC on Dec 24th for a last minute shopping trip. Change locks whiles she's gone, in case she can get back.

If not, well, fear is a tremendously powerful force, and can make us do things we'd rather not. This whole thing may be terrifying her, deep inside, and she's built herself a nice mental block to it's possibility. If this could be the case with her, you'll draw her nearer by being 100% confident that you can get all of you through it. Quit saying you're afraid, and pretend that you have no doubts about your ability to protect your family and keep them well. Be sure to put a time limit on the disruptions. Say three weeks. Or six weeks. Too long to live without heat or comfortably in a shelter, but short enough to for her to face if she's afraid.

What it took for my husband to stop thinking I was crazy was to hear it from one of the men he works for say that it was a serious problem, and that the headquarters was putting all it's resources in to grappling with it. In other words, he had to hear it from a peer. Okay. Whatever it takes!

Even now he thinks it'll be a lot better than I do, but every little bit helps.

Good luck, Splinters. Time's up for fence-sitting though. Better make sure there's iodine & bandaids in the med box!

-- Arewyn (isitth@latealready.com), November 09, 1999.


Splinters, My husband is a GI and recently wanted to purchase an inexpensive computer camera. I told him NO WAY, no electronics before Y2K. I am scurrying to buy preps with the little money I have and even though he gets it, he still wants his toys. Sometimes a bit'o'pampering (read blackmail) works wonders. I promised him if things don't get as bad as I think they will (I'm more GI than he is) I'll buy him an even better camera from the money we save by not having to buy food for many months. Men and their toys...sheesh!

-- Debi (LongTimeLurker@shy.com), November 09, 1999.

Wife of DWGI: The truth always hurts and I really do feel for you people whose spouses are DGIs. If you have children, take care of them first despite how your spouse feels. We all know how to get what we want, where there's a will there's a way. I can only imagine what the consequences will be ITSHTF and the DGI spouse freaks. Someone has to take charge and Cassandra, you are doing the right thing. If Y2K is a BITR I think I know what your plans will be and I don't blame you, go for it.

-- bardou (bardou@baloney.com), November 09, 1999.

Cassandra!!!! You and I are married to the SAME man !!!!!! He is deeply afraid of any sort of change and will not listen to anything which requires planning, decisions...especially any alteration to his basic life style. Funny though, I think he is even more afraid of this CDC than I am....he is simply to afraid to face it and belittles me because I make him AWARE of something he is not emotionally equipted to handle.

-- Alone and (lurking@theEdge.com), November 09, 1999.

Thank God, for this forum! I have felt so alone, had no other human to talk to about DITH husband, thought his non-action and ridicule of my preparations was because he didn't think enough of me to try to protect me. Now I see his courage is lacking, a response that can afflict anyone by random. I am a wimp Grandmother, Why do I have to be the Warrior!? It has not been the most fun in my life. I wanted him to at least help. There was another post where she called her DITH husband a "Jackass". I started laughing like hell. During the day (at work), I am feeling so bad because I have no one to help me, I am a W.A.W. (walking around, wounded),the sound of a baby's cry. I can't wait until I get home, log onto this place, and to alight to a thread of human nature, expectations/failures and humor! I have almost fallen off my chair, laughing at some of the humor posts! Keep up the good work!! Thank You!

-- Belly Roll (laufinmyass@home.com), November 09, 1999.

From: Y2K, ` la Carte by Dancr (pic), near Monterey, California

No matter how bad any Y2K problems may actually be next year, I wonder what percentage of family court judges in deciding custody issues will punish the GI parent. Hmmm... what is the exact wording of that Y2K CYA legislation that was passed a few months ago... ?

-- Dancr (addy.available@my.webpage), November 10, 1999.


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