How To Hide Yer GOLD (or other stash...)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Fair use etc.

Chicken, Y2K Pro, Flint, Decker etc. - please don't bother reading this as it will only confuse you...

I hope Captain Kirk doesn't mind me reposting this, I'm sure he would like to get the word out...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Date: Sat May 22 1999 18:11 Captain_Kirk (Kirk's Gold Stash'n Scheme) ID#339203: Copyright ) 1999 Captain_Kirk/Kitco Inc. All rights reserved

As there seems to be much consternation amoungs't the "gold is money" folks hear abouts, I feel it my duty to offer up for yer inspection and insightful comment, my sure fire, "yer sure to keep yer gold", stash'n scheme. About a year or so ago, as I had had the great fortune to aquire some golden coins at an absurdly low banknumber price, I set about think'n, just where was I going to stash the pretty yellow stuff, so as to keep it out of the grubby little paws of the money power's zombie people. I knew that the day would soon come when things got tight and the zombies would start a scream'n and grabbing all their own kind's stuff, as well as all us "gold is money" folks stuff.

Well, I set my little pea brain to thinking about it and after a week or two, I did come up with what was clearly, a truly beautiful plan. Here are the Rules. Rule1, don't keep it in or near yer abode. This is the first place the zombies will come a looking for it. Rule2, don't keep it all in one place. Spread it out to where if you loose one stash, it won't hurt yer bottom line too awful much. Rule3, don't tell anyone else where yer stashes are.

Now here is the method. First you take the soft golden metal and enclose it within a short piece of hard steel pipe. Then you get your bury'n tools together. These are post hole digger, small spade, iron rebar cut to 12 inch lengths, plastic tarp, hand compass which you sight through with one eye and look with the other eye, with the compass bearing line being superimosed on your sighting point and the reading being accurate to within 1 degree, and a 300 ft nylon measuring tape. Then you mosey out a go'n up and down the lakes and rivers and over hill and dale, supposedly to do yer fishing, hiking, or camping. Then you find yer spot, which should be one which won't see any zombie development for the next 10 years or so. Then you record both yer global address and yer local address of yer storage location on separate pieces of paper with a code which you can use to put the two together at a later time. Yer global address should get you to within a mile or two of yer spot, and yer local address should get you to yer spot, exactly. Most important is yer local address and marking method.

Here is the local address marking method. First you locate a clearly recognizable monument such as a strange looking tree ( you could mark the tree someway ) , or unique looking rock or landform. Then you write down clear directions on how to get to it from a local perspective only, say "go up the stream from it's confluence with the lake or river ( don't name the lake or river in the local address ) for such a distance till the stream turns north in front of a hill to the west, then you will notice a 6 foot diameter boulder on the east side of the stream" This 6 foot boulder could be yer monument. Then you afix a permanent mark on the monument such as a nail on the north side of a tree, 3 foot above the ground, or an X chipped on the north side of a boulder ( The Spaniards in times past marked their monuments with a carving or impression of a frog, of course, they didn't really need monuments, cause there is no doubt, that they could sniff out gold just like my ole blue tick hound dog could sniff out a coon ) . Then from the monument/mark you measure accurately the distance to yer storage spot. At yer storage spot you take a compass reading on the monument, and record the compass reading and the distance. Then in two different directions and distances you measure from the storage spot and drive 12 inch pieces of iron rod into the ground so that the top is just below ground level. Record your compass readings and distances to yer two iron rod markers. Now you could calculate yer monument/two iron rods geometry or you could also measure and record these measurements. Yer object at retrieval time is to locate yer monument, and then locate yer two iron rod markers, then measure two stings which are the length of the distances from each iron rod to the storage location. Then tie the strings to both iron rods, pull them out straight, and where the ends meet is the storage location. Now if some zombies learn of yer storage method, and they happen to find the iron rods, it will do them no good if they don't also have the map, and if you bury yer gold at least 5 feet deep, and spread about a little junk metal buried at a foot or two, even zombies with metal detectors will get no satifaction. Also, if you only store say, five or ten ounces at each location, it would be a lot of trouble to do a lot of diggin' for a small treasure trove.

Here is yer digg'n method. First you take yer spade, and dig about a foot diameter circle of about 6 inches of topsoil, and bring the intire piece out and gently lay this top soil plug to the side. Then you take yer plastic or canvas sheet and lay it beside yer storage spot. Then you take yer post hole diggers and dig away till you reach your chosen depth, all the time placing the dirt from the hole on top of the plastic sheet. Now, how does one dig a 5 foot deep hole with a 5 foot post hold digger? Well you can't, so you got to construct you a 10 foot post hole digger ( see REF below ) . After you have dug your hole you place your treasure at the bottom and proceed with backfilling the hole. You don't just shovel it in, as you might think, for yer backfilling is a most important part of yer bury'n. You put in 6 inches of dirt at a time. Then you must tamp and tamp with the handle end of yer post hole digger till the soil is as compacted as the surrounding soil. Only if you do this will you be assured that you will not later get a depression in the ground, which will mark the spot, which is something you don't want. Now when you have backfilled the hole to the point where all you need is to add the topsoil plug, you spread around in the hole some of yer top secret mark'n debris, which is something which you will immediately recognize once you have turned over the first 6 inches of soil on yer retrieval trip. Then you place the topsoil plug, take any dirt which is left on the plastic tarp, pick it up in the tarp and dispose of it a ways away from yer storage spot. Then you tidy up the spot so it looks like no man or zombie had ever been to the spot, and you head on down the road to yer next storage location. When you return to yer abode you take yer discriptions out which record yer global and local address. Take two pieces of aluminum sheet metal, and two pieces of stainless steel sheet metal ( you use stainless steel, cause it will more likely survive fire or storm intact ) . Take yer electric or manual metal scriber, and write the global address information on one piece of aluminum and the local address information on another piece of aluminum. Do the same for the stainless steel sheet metal pieces. The aluminum sheet metal is for your record and is for bury'n in the ground ( global address in a separate location than local address ) You give the local address recorded on the stainless sheet to yer hiers, and tell them that when and if you die, someone will deliver a global address which will enable them to locate an retrieve their bounty. You take an additional piece of stainless steel sheet metal and you record an additional global address. Now you have two global address inscribed on stainlesss sheets. You choose two people you trust who are not relatives, who do not know each other, and who know nothing of yer storage scheme. You send the global address sheets to each of them with instructions for them to deliver the sheets to your heirs, if they hear you have passed on to the the happy hunting grounds, and or by a certain date in time.

Now after you finish doing all the above, or even if you have read all of the above, you get out one of yer finest Domincan cigars and get out a bottle of yer finest Mexican Herradura tequila, and you do a bit of smoking and you do a bit of drinking, cause there is no doubt, that you deserve it.

REF: Method of constructing a 10 foot long post hole digger: You go down to the hardware store. Buy a post hole digger, the one with the round handles. Then buy 2 pairs of oak wheel barrel replacement handles which have a square and a round end. Also, buy a some square metal tubing which is about the diameter of the square ends of yer handles. Buy some 1/4 inch screws and nuts. Then you take it all to yer abode. First you shape the square ends of the handles so they will fit inside the square metal tubing. Then you cut the tubing in 8 inch pieces and join the two square ends of two of the handles into separate ends of the 8 inch tubing so as to make one long handle drill out 4 holes through the tubing/wood handles and use your screws and nuts to secure the connection. When you have made two such handles you take one of their ends and drill out holes to match the holes used to attach the digger to the handles, bolt it all together, and you now have an 8 to 10 foot tall post hole digger.

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), October 16, 1999

Answers

Andy,

That was the biggest bunch of blather I have ever read. When are you going to wake up and smell what you're shoveling?

-- (Phoney@ddress.com), October 16, 1999.


Andy... master of the cut and paste. Why don't you cut and paste Prudent Bear's returns for the last year.

-- Ken Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), October 16, 1999.

Phoney,

a little levity my friend - it would appear that you don't have any sense of humour...:)

DDecker,

Prudent Bear has made me a fortune so you can fuck off :)

Have a nice day.

-- Andy (No6InTheVillage@webtv.com), October 16, 1999.


Ken, let's see what the Prudent Bear returns look like at the end of the year as compared to some of these high flying funds managed by those folks that are still "wet behind the ears"!!

Your Pal, Ray

-- Ray (ray@totacc.com), October 16, 1999.


Well, now the next time I see someone in the woods carrying a post hole digger, I'll be thinking "Jackpot!".

As if.

-- semper paratus (llmcl@usa.net), October 16, 1999.



This was a useful post, Andy. Thank you for sharing this material with us.

www.y2ksafeminnesota.com

-- MinnesotaSmith (y2ksafeminnesota@hotmail.com), October 16, 1999.


Andy,

Your time and efforts at posting on this forum are much appreciated. Keep them coming. I enjoy and learn much from them.

-- Leslie (***@***.net), October 16, 1999.


Andy, My bearx investment is up 11%. Thanks

-- Hawthorne (99@00.com), October 16, 1999.

Three cheers for Andy's light-hearted and practical contributions to the forum!

Confusion to our enemies.

Liberty

-- Liberty (liberty@theready.now), October 16, 1999.


Moderation questions? read the FAQ