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Guy who first sounded alarm says it's time to let Y2K steam

By DAVID HAYES and FINN BULLERS - Columnist

Date: 10/01/99 22:15

An old Gateway computer looks over at his IBM buddy one day in late December and asks about his year 2000 party plans.

"What are you going to do to celebrate New Year's Eve?" the Gateway asks his friend.

"Oh, I have no big plans," the IBM says. "I think I'm just going to stay home and crash."

Ba-da-bing.

"Attention, all Y2K airline passengers," the booking agent announces. "According to our computers, all flights will be arriving tomorrow before they leave tonight."

Ba-da-boom.

After more than six years in the computer trenches, the guy who first sounded the global year 2000 alarm says it's time to let off some Y2K steam. We can afford to do that, he says, because with less than 100 days until Jan. 1, 2000, the world has averted a rendezvous with Armageddon.

So Canadian computer expert Peter de Jager's has jammed a 192-page Y2K parody book, The Bug Stops Here!!! with pithy quotes and edgy cartoons.

De Jager pokes fun at himself and Y2K.

"Consider the scene," he writes. "Two million smart programmers worldwide writing millions and millions and millions of systems for the past 40 years and all of them hoping nobody will notice they'll fail when 2000 rolls around? This isn't funny. This is hilarious!" He offers up observations from an infamous gatekeeper: "Y2K is dumber than dragging a wooden horse into the city of Troy."

And God: "Your experiment with computers went wrong. Go back to 1900 and try again!"

And Nostradamus: "Thine stupidity was so vast, I failed entirely to predict Y2K!"

Stupidity is a theme picked up by two other Y2K parody authors, Dave Higgins and Ken Orr of the Ken Orr Institute in Topeka. The two consultants have amassed the stupidest things said about the year 2000 in their 94-page book, Duh-2000.

One offering from an anonymous overseas telecommunications provider: "Y2K, we're not familiar with that. However, in regard to the `Millennium Bug' -- not to worry my friend, we are prepared to spray everywhere."

De Jager says Y2K is certain to become a part of history. "And I'd like to think we'll be remembered not only for the biggest idiotic blunder in the history of technology, but for fixing it and for being human enough to laugh at ourselves," he said.

You can order The Bug Stops Here!!! for $12.95 at www.year2000.com or by calling (877) Y2K-JOKE. You can submit stupid Y2K quotes and order Duh-2000 for $14.95 at www.duh-2000.com.

In the meantime

Mixed Y2K messages were everywhere this week:

On the negative/positive side, CIO Magazine, which caters to corporate chief information officers, reported Thursday that 81 percent of "large, global companies" were not yet ready for the end of the year rollover. About 12 percent do not expect to complete their Y2K work before the end of the year.

However, 91 percent of those companies said they were optimistic about their "overall assessment" of Y2K.

Abbie Lundberg, editor of the magazine, said she was "alarmed at the number of companies that do not expect to complete their Y2K work before the end of the year."

On the positive side, the Grocery Manufacturers of America reported that 90 percent of food, beverage and consumer product manufacturers had finished their Y2K work. About 97 percent "are very confident" or "confident" that their supply chain will receive, fill and ship orders up to and after Jan. 1.

Muddying the water again, the General Accounting Office said Thursday that agencies that provide food stamps and determine food safety weren't ready for Y2K.

The GAO said the Department of Agriculture's food safety and nutrition programs "still have a long way to go" to keep their most important programs running.

"The Year 2000 readiness of the safety of our nation's food supply may not be assured," the report stated.

The chemical industry said Thursday that it would prepare for Y2K by shutting down some plants and manufacturing operations over the New Year's weekend. Although industry leaders said they were prepared for Y2K, shutting down some plants makes sense, they said.

The chemical companies want to avoid accidents and ruined batches of chemicals if computers shut down or if power and other utilities are interrupted.

The message became mixed, again, on Friday. Hundreds of major corporations -- and the federal government -- started a budget year that includes projections that go until Sept. 30, 2000.

Headaches could have been triggered as computers wrestled with the 2000 date. But aside from minor glitches in the Energy Department's purchasing system and a National Science Foundation system that provides information for grant recipients, no serious problems had been reported as of Friday night.

Community forums

The Mid-America Regional Council kicks off the first of seven Y2K community forums Thursday in Johnson County at a time when attendance at similar events across the area has been disappointing.

In Lee's Summit, for example, Y2K planners sent fliers home with thousands of schoolchildren last week, hoping to drum up a big crowd for a year 2000 forum. Some 75 attended.

And Y2K event organizers in Leavenworth County tell a similar story. White House and Senate leaders fear people have taken their "everything is just peachy" message too seriously; the leaders have shifted their tone to one of "cautious optimism."

Representatives from the White House will be at Thursday's forum, from 7 to 9 p.m. in the Little Theatre, Room 233 of the General Education Building at Johnson County Community College, 12345 College Blvd.

Also, the council will team up with the Mid America Assistance Coalition for an Oct. 12 Y2K session aimed at nonprofit agencies. It will be held from 2 to 4 p.m. in the Town Square conference room of the Kauffman Center for Entrepreneurial Leadership, 4801 Rockhill Road, Kansas City. To register, call the council at (816) 474-4240.

The Y2K Watch column appears on Saturdays. To reach David Hayes, call (816) 234-4904 or send e-mail to dhayes@kcstar.com. To reach Finn Bullers, call (816) 234-7705 or send e-mail to fbullers@kcstar.com. All content ) 1999 The Kansas City Star

-- Uncle Bob (UNCLB0B@Y2KOK.ORG), October 03, 1999

Answers

Yuk-yuk-yuk, what a lovable, funny guy. Code fixed yet? Nahh, but who cares, I mean its all just so doggone funny. Not just funny, more like cutesy funny. Yuk-yuk-yuk.

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), October 03, 1999.

This guy, Peter da Yapper, is a sellout , and a disgrace to anyone with decency, IMHO.

Notice how he is now playing the OTHER end of Y2K, by pimping his new book. Just a few months ago, he was charging hundreds of dollars an hour for his "expertise" in how Y2K was going to be the greatest calamity to ever hit humanity, except perhaps the Mongol hordes or the Black Death.

How is it that he is somehow privy to all the inside info from TENS OF THOUSANDS of enterprises that state that they have not only allocated resources for Y2K, but fully remediated, re-patched, re-tested, and CERTIFIED BY INDEPENDENT VERIFIERS their entire software/firmware/hardware inventory? What does he know that he is not sharing with DR. Ed Yardeni, or Gary North, or Ed Yourdon?

ALL this, by the way, as NEW Y2K patches/"fixes" are being issued by the score this late in the game by MAJOR software companies?

MOUTHPIECE FOR THE MILLENNIUM--my nomination. BTW, I read somewhere on GOLD-EAGLE in the past 2 days an article about the Kondtrattieff cycle, where to best describe it , we consider its 4 distinct phases as our 4 seasons. We are in the winter season (and this could literally turn out to be "the winter of our discontent"), and it was mentioned that in past cycles, the price of gold , as researched by James Dale Davidson, ALWAYS turned out to peak at 8% ABOVE THE INFLATION-ADJUSTED PEAK PRICE OF THE INFLATIONARY SEASON. That was 1980, you may remember, and was about $850/oz.

SO, it turns out that would put its peak to come at just about $2000/oz. Maybe someone who remembers the exact article can post it here, or a link to it.

DOW 2000 IN 2000?

GOLD 2000 IN 2000?

-- profit_of_doom (doom@helltopay.ca), October 03, 1999.

I really was hoping that at some point all worthless, self promoting,socialist,yes-men jerks from Canada propoganda losers (Peter- D specificly) would be halted from crossing the border to Spout their crud, and peddle their books....... I MEAN EVERYTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE CENSORED!!!

THIS GUY MAKES ME SO............ AUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH!!

NEVER MIND............

-- Pollyhater (yawn@whataloserheis.com), October 03, 1999.

We had to have a cross-over traitor. Someone had to fill that role. Of course it's pretty damn trite.

-- Mara Wayne (MaraWayne@aol.com), October 04, 1999.

Don't waste your time with Peter deJaeger. Joe Boivin (www.globalmf.org) is an example of Canadian sensibility.

-- Will (sibola@hotmail.com), October 04, 1999.

KOS,

He's laughing all the way to the bank...

Hope he leaves his Judas money there over rollover and it enters that great big bit bucket in the sky...

THAT would be justice :)

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), October 04, 1999.

"After more than six years in the computer trenches, the guy who first sounded the global year 2000 alarm says it's time to let off some Y2K steam." said deJager, from his well stocked retreat in the Canadian wilderness. Wonder if he'd like to spend the first week of 2000 in a nice apartment building in the Bronx?

-- a (a@a.a), October 04, 1999.