Well here it is - the end of September.

Never before has so little been done by so many.

Never before have I - and others like me - worked so hard.

I was born in the early 60s. I have never ever faced life without supermarkets, indoor plumbing, and high tech medical care. I spent the first 3/4 of my life (thus far) living in cities. Want water? Turn on the tap. Want light? Flip the switch. Want food? Walk to the corner - buy whatever you can afford. Want to fly across the world? Buy a ticket.

While some people my age went out of their way to return to a more rural way of life, I (and most others) did not. We went to college (how else are you going to get a job?) Learned to use computers (how else are you going to get a job?) and got used to commuting hours in rush hour traffic (how else are you going to get a job?)

I learned to deal with paper work, balance a checkbook and do my taxes. I learned how to find good childcare and read labels. I learned how to deal with phone soliciters and used car salespeople.

My father is a geek/economist. My mother is a bibliophile. We never went camping or planted a garden. We never did any repair work ourselves on anything. In fact we rarely had anything repaired except cars. If something breaks. Buy a new one.

I GId in Feb.'99. Fortunately, I had already moved to the country. In the last 8 months I have spent every spare bit of energy preparing for a lifestyle I have only read about. I have gradually changed my way of life. I have done everything a broke city girl can to be able to prepare to keep my children alive through this change.

I have prepped, posted, danced and wept. I have drunk hot sake until I couldn't taste it anymore. I have cajoled, lectured, begged and warned. I have lost friends and been driven mad by family members who will not EVEN READ the CIA report.

I have been told I am crazy, paranoid, delusional and alarmist. I have been shunned, laughed at, joked about and avoided. I have been sought out, questioned and confided in.

Know what? I'm scared now. Really really scared. Because it is too late now. There isn't a damn thing I can do to save my family back in So Cal. There isn't a damn thing I can do to save my friend the Diabetic.

I can't get a full breath. I can barely sleep. My dreams are scattered and frightening. (The other night I dreamt there were people screaming at me "OCTOBER!!!!!!!") I woke with my heart pounding. Whats going to happen in October? I don't know. I just know it is here and I wish I was on another planet.

-- R (riversoma@aol.com), September 29, 1999

Answers

I admire you so! You and your children will survive because the world needs people like you. Your friends and relatives are not your responsibility. You have done all you can do for them. Concentrate on your children's well being. They are our future.

-- Carol (glear@usa.net), September 29, 1999.

(1) Whey "they" call you paranoid, just remember the CIA definition of paranoia: An adult response to reality.

(2) You can only do what you can...and pray about the rest...

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), September 29, 1999.

R,

You can only do so much. People will suffer and die, but that seems to be a built-in component of existence. Let them go. Make sure that you and those you are directly responsible for (kids) are safe. Make sure that you can withstand the initial onslaught of cityfolk fleeing their impossible situations. Don't care so much about others or trust them so much that you give up your ability to help anyone. Once things settle down, you will do fine. Life will be hard, but you will grow hard to meet it, and there will still be dancing - if not a lot of sake. You are just the sort of caring, responsible person that should make it through this. Good luck!

Liberty

-- Liberty (liberty@theready.now), September 29, 1999.

Dear GI Friend R, Yes, you are a friend of this forum, as we all are. Just know that you are NOT alone. Many of us feel as you do. We have talked to friends/family till we are blue in the face and now we worry for them. You and many of us have done our best within our means. You can't force someone to do something against their will, and you need feel no guilt nor remorse for what is to happen. Compassion is in order for those DGI's. Love and compassion. That is all you can do (unless you have the ability to share your preps without risking your own family's safety). We are all scared to a certain extent, but then, life is full of uncertainties anyway. Try to enjoy each moment of the day without dwelling on "what may be". If you still find you can't do that, then once again just know that you are not alone.

-- Debi (LongTimeLurker@shy.com), September 29, 1999.

The closer THE DAY gets, the less I am able to think about it and fear it. My preps are basically done. I have persuaded everyone I'm ever going to persuade to prepare (maybe half a dozen people or less). I have pondered the possibilities of 1-1-2000 until I can hardly stand to ponder them further. I have decided that it probably won't all happen at once, but will take weeks to play out. I still dread it, but I just don't seem to think about it as much as I used to. Que sera sera. R, I hope you find a way to become more serene. You need your wits about you.

-- Pearlie Sweetcake (storestuff@home.now), September 29, 1999.

R, please calm down.

Don't let stress weaken your determination to do right.

Remember, we're not supposed to "stroke out" according other alarmed GIs.

Take deep breaths. Lots of them.

Oh yeah... don't forget to exhale. ;)

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), September 29, 1999.

R- You need to enjoy what is left of some relatively trouble free days. I am the biggest worrier I know, and yet I realise it doesn't change anything. If you have prepped to the best of your ability, you can take a step back now and look at the positive thing you've achieved. We must accept that some will not believe. If you tried to help, you did what you could.

-- Gia (laureltree7@hotmail.com), September 29, 1999.

Cheer up girl. It may not be as bad as we think. And like my mom says, "Maybe a miracle will occur."

-- a (a@a.a), September 29, 1999.

--R: You cannot be everyone's Saviour. So what if your being called a crazy, and it probably won't be the last time either. All I can say is that you have lots of company here, there's lots of us looney's and psychos, call me what you will because it's gotten to be humorous now. I'm feeling pretty good about myself and you should too. Look at what you have accomplished, what you have learned, and what you have done for yourself. I really don't think you are scared for yourself, but you are scared for people you know and love.

I have preached to my nieces and sisters, and my nieces are just now preparing. But they have NO idea on how to go about it. They have spent a few weeks storing water in empty milk jugs. I told them to dump the water out and get rid of them. Do you know what their answer to me was today? It will be okay. Then my niece asked if 20 gallons for 6 people was enough water? So, because they refuse TO GET IT and take advice, I can't help them anymore with information.

R--If you are as prepared as you ever will be, I suggest that you turn your computer off and take a breather. Enjoy the country and the beauty that surrounds it. You need to focus on your mental health and stop and smell the roses. I felt like you did once and I knew if I were to keep it together, I had to start doing for me. We have 3 months left and I have resolved in my mind that I have done the best I could, I have tried to help others, and what other people do about the information is up to them. Take care of yourself first. Good Luck.

-- bardou (bardou@baloney.com), September 29, 1999.

R:

I know how you feel. I have been there with my relatives and friends. As others have stated, you can not make people do things they don't want to. I have prepared myself as best I can. So I am not going to worry about it now. In fact I have been thinking about doing an Ed Yourdon myself and saying "Sayonara Y2K" for a while. Right now, the days are trouble free and there are still things to enjoy. So I have decided that until things go south, I am going to "party like its 1999" !!! Relax and enjoy the treasures you have today, for nothing is promised to any of us. Including tomorrow.

-- Kevlar (squeeze@triggerslowly.-), September 29, 1999.

R, it must be natural to go through all these emotions. I have as well, and it looks like we are in good company.

As it has been said, your job is to get your children through it. The days to warn everyone are long past, and us "crazies" gotta stay together and do our part on the other side. I just keep reminding myself, it is better to ride the emotional rollercoast now than to GI at the end of December when nothing can be done. As bad as it is now for us, think about the poor sheeple who wake up then and can't do a damn thing about it.

Get right with your higher power and ask for strength and guidance. Everything is going along just as it is supposed to, and we are playing out our part as we have been directed. For some reason, we are the fortunate ones who will be prepared when TSHTF. More shall be revealed later (that's the part that drives me crazy cause I wanna know now, which is probably why I spend so much time here.)

Take whatever advice works best for you and hold it together. Someone once told me that God never gives us more than we can handle, although sometimes I think He fills our glass right up to the top.

Good luck, we'll all need it.

-- Bill (bill@tinfoil.com), September 29, 1999.

R: Hope This helps.

-- (sonofdust@hope.ithelps), September 29, 1999.

R;

Three months, the last trimester....

I remember BC (Before Children). I remember preparing for the event. I remember the last three months, LAMAZE(sp?).

I thought I was prepared, but I wasn't.

I think I am prepared today (I probably arn't)...

Your post has made me remember other big life events that I thought I knew,,,, but didn't....

So far I have gotten trough...I am not sure about this.

See you on the other side.

"Things will get worse before they get better"

-- Helium (Heliumavid@yahoo.com), September 29, 1999.

--R: Time to take care of your health, for the sake of you and your children.

I have prepared since 7//98 and I have MS; I am really aware of how stress can affect the body. In order for me to be able to prepare, I have to prepare smart, to conserve energy, to claim some level of serenity, and to enjoy the present. To sacrifice the present with worry about the future is to sacrifice you, and your children in the present, and now is all anyone has; no one knows for sure what lies ahead.

You sound as if you are long on courage. This is a gift for your children. Time to give yourself the gift of gentleness, compassion and balance, also a great role model for your childre.

I have prepared by doing one or two things on the days I am able. If I feel stressed, that is my body putting me on notice so I listen and kick back. The next day I do one or two things if I am able. I have two exaccerbations of my MS each year leaving me in time out for four to six weeks. I usually kiss one week goodbye and settle for doing one thing every three days, then every two days, then one and back to remission schedule.

How you are handling this Y2K challenged is being closely watched by your children, whether or not you are aware. Let them see your courage. Let them also see your gentleness, compassion and balance with yourself. You will teach them they too deserve these things, and they will be MUCH better equipped to handle any challenges life throws at them.

I hear, in your frustration with family and your vulnerable friend, the anticipatory grieving so many of us have. Many people may die. I may be one of them. Sharing your concern for the plight of your diabetic friend today is a wonderful message for me; it's a good thing for me to know exists. Thank you. You can help your friend prepare as best she can. Ask her who she has in her life who might be able help her and/or provide shelter for her. No matter what happens, she will fare better facing this challenge with carring friends or family, even if she does not make it.

Thank you for sharing.

Blessings and peace to you and yours, --R.

Leslie

-- Leslie (***@***.net), September 29, 1999.

R--Camping is the best, done a lot of it and there's nothing to it, except you need to be prepared which you seem to have done. The best part is no TV, no phones, no newspapers, no noise -- just quiet so you can read, hike, relax, go fishing, go hunting, play games with the kids. You don't have to take a shower, you make simple meals and there's always discussions with campers nearby. I've got you beat by a few years and yes I'm scared. I listen too much, read too much but still want to know. I am the joke of my entire family, half lives in So CA and there's nothing I can do anymore for them. I'm here, they know it and if they can make it here I'm sure they will, that's all I can do. I have my husband and my two sons.

Whenever it really gets to me, especially when I feel I still need more but there's no more money left, I try to think of something funny if there's a melt down. Picture some women not being able to buy makeup, nor get their nails done, nor no mousse for the hair. Sure wouldn't mind a simple camping life for awhile. Honest, it's an incredible fun time.

-- claurann@aol.com (claurann@aol.com), September 29, 1999.

R,

If you'd like, send me the info regarding your family. I still live in So Cal and it looks like I'm going to be staying for awhile. I wanted to be out of the area around the rollover but not enough of my family have taken this seriously enough yet. I don't feel comfortable leaving so many I love behind, including my mom. Someone has to help them. If I can, I'll do my best to help your family too.

Your friend,

Mike

================================================================

-- Michael Taylor (mtdesign3@aol.com), September 29, 1999.

Give yourself permission to be on another planet. ;-} On this world, you live in the country, listen to the birds singing, and are well-prepared for anything that will come your way. You are willing to accept change in your life and to take action as change occurs. You are more competent and capable than you can image.

The important thing to remember is what you focus on expands. Rather than focusing on fearful things that might happen (scaring you more), focus on the preparations you have made. Envision yourself enjoying this new life you are creating. That is part of the point of preparing. You now have options and choices, prepared for the adventure that lies ahead.

My perspective is this will be my Y2K sabbatical. I can take time off to do things I've been putting off doing. That book I've been meaning to write. The art I've been meaning to draw. All the new experiences that will take me out of old ruts and old habits. A once in a lifetime experience.

From a spiritual perspective, consider believing you are immortal, only your body has mortality experiences. So in the biggest picture imaginable, this is just an interesting lifetime experience, no matter what happens. As I remind my friend, we are hear for entertainment purposes only for the Universe. So remember to laugh. Then you'll remember the fun you have.

Seriously, laughter really helps you get through the yuckiest, painful experiences. So buy some funny books, some art supplies, some craft materials to play with. When was the last time you finger painted?

-- Artful Dodger (ckabel@rust.net), September 29, 1999.

R,

Back to the DREAM October is the month that you have been warned about in your dream. The people that shout are warning you about an event that you fear, and it probably involves some threat to your children next month in the context of Y2K. Do you homeschool?? Public school?? The threat is definitely to you and your children...

Take some time to examine your children's vulnerability from their surroundings. Meditate, PRAY for an answer. If the dream happened within 7 days of the beginning of OCTOBER, consider it a GENUINE WARNING>

-- K Stevens (kstevens@ It's ALL going away in Janury.com), September 29, 1999.

Redirect your anxiety into action. There is a solution to your fears. People and organizations that are prepared must also prepare to look after the unprepared. I am ready to provide several hundred families with drinking water indefinitely. If the situation warrants I am prepared to open a medical facility and organize a farmers market. I too have been unable to convince people of the problems associated with Y2K. With any luck, Ill be looking after a loved one of yours, with even more luck, youll be looking after a loved one of mine. Even better, maybe all the people that make fun of us are right. Rodg

-- Rodger Beals (beals@islandnet.com), September 29, 1999.

Is anyone like me..? I keep preparing like all hell is going to break loose, and I keep telling myself "nothing is going to happen". This has to be by far the strangest year of my life. I GI but I don't believe it. I'm a Polly Doomer. I guess that would be a Poomer or a Dolly, take yer pick. (Poomer sits well with me) It's my mind vs. my heart. I really really can't believe it's really going to happen, and everytime I read or hear anything that seems to indicate it is, I'm freaked out. It's too frightening to think about,..I completely understand DWGI's...I shut out any thoughts of bad things happening. I go on thinking and acting like nothings going to happen. And I keep preparing for the end of the world as we know it.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 29, 1999.

Dear R, anticipation of the unknown is often far worse than the reality you will experience. The human psyche is resilient and adaptive and you will find your intellegience and heart will carry you far! y2k may bring a cascade of system failures but most will have time to adjust to the new reality. your family may wise up in time to join you and remember y2k is not the end of the world. By planning,preparing and performing you will overcome potential future problems. y2k may even be a blessing! What? Yes I said blessing! our system of infinate desires and consumption is facing the reality of finate resources. You'll never get the business/gov't/coporate community to control it's greed so God and human nature may be giving us a last wake up call.the US patient office is chock full of suppressed inventions that were bought by corporations and ratholed., three billion of our brothers and sisters are facing slow starvation today while 300+ billionaires have more money than these three billion put together! So some thing got to give. Be of good cheer, look forward to change, love our beautiful planet and all it's people.fight injustice, and provide a helping hand to those you can. sleep well at night and remember NO ONE gets out of this existance alive. I speak as a survivor of accident,sickness and war And I've never nor will I ever give up my hope for a better and more humane tomorrow.God bless us each and every one.

-- merek (merek@aloha.net), September 29, 1999.

Believe me, you are not alone with these feelings... Many of us feel deep, deep sadness about the fools rushing toward destruction. Noah must have felt about the same way...just before the rain started.

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), September 29, 1999.

Riversoma,

You are a brave and frightened person as we all are. One thing that you must address within yourself is the sense of hopelessness which seems to have its fingers around your throat. I have been and am exactly where you are. The whole route. I realized that I was slipping into hopelessnesses and that it was literially killing me.

After looking at my inputs and outputs I realized that I had been spending too much energy trying to save everone around me and feeling their fate as my own. This is not wrong but you must maintain a balance within and without yourself. You are one person and can not shoulder the burdens of the world or even of the extended family you care for so much.

I had to accept that most of the people I was trying to reach were refusing to be helped. I had to stop trying to help them. That doesn'tmean I don't care for them only that I could allow myslef to be brought to the grave because of their intransigence.

You have tried and they have failed themselves. It is important for you t accept their decisions fr ther own lives. You and I both hate the outcome, but that is part of the bargain - the seriousness of life.

Hope this has something for you and that tomorrow you can make a change for yourself which will renew the balance of your life.

-- ..- (dit@dot.dash), September 29, 1999.

This thread was so familiar to me. I feel my relationships with those I love who aren't facing this are slipping away. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to them. I can't help them anymore unless they hand me over a few thousand dollars. They have poo pooed me for so long and think I am so whacked out about everything (theyre right about that) I have spent thousands of $$$ trying to get my family to a state of preparations. Most of my friends and family haven't even spent a hundred. (they have it too)

-- a mom (familiar@y2k.com), September 29, 1999.

It may sound silly, but the psychic at the county fair told me that I was dangerously stressed out (aura all out of balance, etc.) She told me to go to the doctor and listen to music. I have taken her advice. Now I am sleeping too well - lol.

Ironically, I used to teach classes in stress management. Normal fight or flight reactions are a rush of adrenalin, a peak, then relaxation. Long term stress is up and part way down and up and part way down without the exhaustive relaxation that occurs after the end of fight or flight.

I think, in my case, I artificially "facilitated" the state of long term stress, trying to maintain the tension so that I would remain motivated to do the long term preps I wanted to do by the deadline. I was afraid to relax, because I was afraid I couldn't "restart the motivation engine." I did know it was impacting my health, but continued to push like an athelete.

-- anon (anon@anon.calm), September 29, 1999.

R,

As you can see, you have a lot of friends on this forum, many of whom have gone through the same roller-coaster ride of emotions.

Take strength from their concern for you. Take comfort from seeing, in all these messages, that you are not alone in your feelings.

Hang in there. If nothing else, your kids need you to be strong, and I suspect that you would never forgive yourself if you did anything less than the best you can for them.

Ed

-- Ed Yourdon (HumptyDumptyY2K@yourdon.com), September 29, 1999.

I get myself scared shliztless when I think about what could happen in a few months. Spent whole nights just tossing and turning wondering what to do. Told a few friends and family about it and been laughed at, politely patted on the shoulder. You spaz, they say.

I have nearly gone insane a few times and had to take serious breaks from the obsession. Luckily my fiancee supports me--she's not able to psycholgically process what I suspect may be about to happen but intellectually accepts it as a slight possibility. She is a source of infinite comfort and grace. It is good to be with someone you love. That helps. The other thing that helps the most is physical exertion; natural endorphins IMO are the best cure for depression.

The thing that works almost as well is doing something you love, like getting lost in a musical instrument or a favorite book or the great outdoors.

I pray that I am wrong, but there is a dark forboding clouding the more rational corners of my brain. I would say that my rational brain is telling me that it's likely to be a 6-7. Then strange premonitions tell me that it will be a 9. It's almost as if the future "me" has been sending messages to myself in the present--desperate and extremely subtle information is stitched in the fabric of space/time and preserved until the End, gets swallowed by the Big Crunch, and loops back to the Beginning State which sealed the creation of these moments of hyper-reality or schizophrenia or both. This small voice says, "prepare as much as you possibly can; it's going to be more horrible than you can possibly imagine..." I gotta laugh at how crazy I get. Then I believe this madness and give in. It's a strange cycle. I guess time will tell whether my intuition or cognition proved correct.

All I can say is that I deeply sympathize with every aspect of your plight. And I pray that we are all just suffering from a little anxiety which we'll laugh about later. But somehow that prayer rings false to me. Even so, Amen.

-- coproltih (coprolith@rocketship.com), September 29, 1999.

Only way out of it is through it. Hang in there and do what you know you have to do. Plenty of others are in the same fix.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), September 29, 1999.

claurann: Do you like to mudwrestle?

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), September 29, 1999.

Keep on keeping on.

-- Stan Faryna (faryna@groupmail.com), September 30, 1999.

King of Spain:

We don't have mud in the desert!

-- claurann (claurann@aol.com), September 30, 1999.

Hi Riversoma,

I want to thank you for telling your story and putting into words your feelings. You could not have described my own life and my own feelings any better with only a few minor details, names and faces. I am still in S. California, though, because I do not have the power to take my children to the country, so I am staying here to be with them.

I much admire your integrity and courage. Like so many of us have found after doing all that we can, we must let go of the belief that we are responsible for the entire world, or the decisions of others. We must recognize when it is time to really let go. I continue to think of emailing every new report and article, only to have to remind myself that it is not welcome and at this point, I must accept it and stop. This is a very hard period, but I believe now that if things are very bad, there is not enough time to move and prep before Dec. much less read enough information and go through the emotional changes to gear up for such a move and such a huge change.

Preps in the cities will be of some help, but only if the grid returns before lack of water or cold kills everyone. There are so many outside variables, like the nuclear, chem, and social chaos that no one can be completely safe anywhere. But if the grid holds and luck holds, those of us in the suburbs may make it through in our particular area. But I do not really believe in this kind of luck. My intuition, my heart and my head are all in agreement about that. I will consider it a miracle to be alive next June.

So I am trying to face these fears and summon courage to stand with my children and be ready to take advantage of any options that come our way, and accept what comes.

If y2k gives me the chance, and my family comes around, I will continue to try to move to a small farm and become self-sufficient. I had decided that before y2k.

I wish you and your family the best of luck. And if you want to email me I would be happy to correspond.

Lora

-- Lora (artemis45@hotmail.com), September 30, 1999.

A perfect example of WHY this forum IS. Thanks folks, as there are MANY of us who share R's "predicament" but do so by trying to submerge it so spouses and other Sig Others will NOT catch on. thoough after 25 years with the same one, the ability ti "hide it" seems to be gone....

C not wrapped too tightly this week, either.

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), September 30, 1999.

I don't know where you people have been all my life.....but I'm so glad I've finally found you! What an awesome collection of souls.

R, I'm ok, you're ok. It's like the movie 'The Stand'. So many have had the same dream we've had. Rather as if we've been called to unite.

All for one and one for all! Give us the next phase......we're ready, and we're united!

-- Will continue (farming@home.com), September 30, 1999.

riversoma - we have a saying in a 12 step program to which I belong: "Carry the message, not the person." You may find this helpfull.

Here is a site that might be of interest for some situations concerning relatives: http://members.tripod.com/~Angel45_2B/thebutterfly.html

As for me, my elderly parents are far away in southern Calif. I cannot bring them where I am away from pharmacies and medical care. Besides, they would not come. Sometimes one has to "turn things over" to fate or faith, if you are lucky enough to believe.

-- anon (anon@anon.calm), September 30, 1999.

Definitely I would focus on the positive. Review all the steps you have taken and how each one has made you smarter and stronger. Remind yourself that other people take a lot of things for granted that they really shouldn't. Maybe that makes them the crazy ones. Think of all the people who go to church and think "What should I thank God for? I'm another working stiff who is going to get old and die." At least you are discovering the value of all that God provides, instead of assuming it will always be there.

-- Amy Leone (leoneamy@aol.com), September 30, 1999.

Wow,

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!

I am so touched by this that I am almost lost for words. I am printing this out to keep with my most cherished possessions. Whenever I am feeling isolated and afraid I will take it out and reread it and know that I am not alone.

Perhaps it was all the wonderful energy coming from this forum that made me sleep so soundly last night and made my breathing flow so much better.

Compassion is the most powerful healing force in the universe. Thank you all for giving it with such abundance. It really helps.

-- R (riversoma@aol.com), September 30, 1999.

Any time R,

That is simply one function of this place...

snoozin' on the kitchen floor...

The Dog

-- Dog (Desert Dog@-sand.com), September 30, 1999.

I'm with Kritter.

Thanks for reminding me that I still have a LOT to do R.

-- nothere nothere (notherethere@hotmail.com), September 30, 1999.