Are you the neat one? How do you deal with it? Do you nag, or just bite your tongue and clean up after the pig you live with? Did you ever find a happy medium?

Or are you the slob? Do you give in to nagging, or just live in your filth and tell your partner to clean it up if it makes them so unhappy?

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Answers

I'm the slob, Barb's the neat one, but I try to make up for it other ways....I wash the clothes, for instance. But when we were first married, Barb tried to alphabeticize and organize my books. ForGET it. I'd put them back haphazardly, and we'd be back where we were. She eventually gave up.--Al

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I'm both! I make such a mess! I think I'm definitely up there in the top clothes-shedders of the century. So when he tidies his stuff the plce still looks the same - 90% of the mess is mine always! But I am also the one who enentually does all the laundry, cooking, most of the washing up! But not because I get nagged!

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

My husband and are about equally messy / neat. No problems to report. we don't nag each other about much of anything, and when we do, it generally just causes fits of laughter. You know, when partners start sentences with "you never" or "you always" and then proceed to tell the other person what's wrong with him or her? Hilarious stuff, usually.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

He's the neat one, always has been. He's not only fastidious about things like the bathroom, but keeps his clutter under much better control than I do. That's not to say that he never leaves any, but it's not a way of life for him.

His mom had a debilitating stroke when he was a kid and he and his sister had to take on all the cooking and housework. So now if he sees something that needs to be done, he just does it. I'm much more likely to just look at the sink full of dirty dishes and not connect them with the idea that I should pick one up and wash it. My mom always worked and had open contempt for housewives and housewifely tasks.

When we were first going together, he wouldn't be able to sleep late at my place and would get up and do things like take the stove apart and clean it. I asked him not to do this because it felt rather weird, as you can imagine. Not that I felt guilty because the stove was dirty - I somehow didn't get that gene. Now he wakes up early on weekend mornings and mows the lawn with the push mower, a task he loves.

I'm a huge slob as far as clutter is concerned - I get out things for a project, or even a project that I'm thinking about doing, and just leave them there when I lose interest (after about ten minutes.) I want everything near me, so I pile magazines I'm about to read and that clock I need to fix on the kitchen table. I love staying in a motel or going to a Zen monastary or being in places that are free of clutter; I just don't seem to be able to live that way. Maybe I once was a Victorian lady with a fussy parlor filled with knick knacks.

But I'm basically clean; I don't let things get moldy and I'm grossed out by finding human hairs on the sink, including mine. It doesn't bother me if dishes pile up - it's more satisfying to wash a whole bunch of 'em at once. We have a dishwasher now, so that's not much of a problem.

He has a running line about how every horizontal surface in the house will eventually be covered by my things, and it's probably true. Some of the time I think he's just being tidy to torment me and blow him off, other times I feel bad that I'm making him live the way he doesn't want to live, and try to reform. It seems a shame that he didn't hook up with one of those normal women who likes everything in apple pie order and has a separate sponge for wiping the counters and for wiping off the floor. I didn't even know such a division existed till I was around some women who were scornfully laughing at the men in their lives for not knowing the difference.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

My wife is a fastidious person in most every way, but she also has that repulsive habit of slapping strands of long hair onto the shower wall. But a happy marraige is compromise, so now I take showers with my contacts out, and I always end up cleaning the shower.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I get really obsessive about cleaning but it comes in spurts. Stuart is the really neat person. BUT he doesn't close cupboard doors, dresser drawers, any doors, and he doesn't turn out any lights. Which absolutely drives me crazy. So we are even.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Thom and I are co-dependant messy people. In that, we'll leave a mess for a long time as long as we both acknowlege that we leave it that way for a reason that we both agree on. Thom is better about picking stuff up on a day-to-day basis. My corner of the bedroom is always piled with clothes in various stages of clean and unclean. The problem is that even if I fold my clothes I end up putting them away hap-hazardly and then can't find anything so I have to pull everything out to find a shirt.

Thom does a lot of the cooking which I really, really, really appreciate since cooking tends to stress me out. He doesn't however, see the need much for having things really clean. Why mop when you can just sweep a little? Or, why sweep when you can run a vacuum over it? Or, why run a vacuum over it when your wife will eventually just go nuts and mop it?

I finally went nuts and scrubbed out the shower. Thom bought some of that "Clean Shower" stuff that you're supposed to spray onto everything after showering to make it clean without scrubbing. I'm dubious of its magic powers but Thom insisted. So, the shower went unscrubbed for like six months. It didn't look that bad but it was still way dirty when I finally went at it.

So, we're both slobs.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

My boyfriend and I don't live together yet, but we might as well. We're about even on the cleanliness/messiness level - me throwing clothes on my floor and leaving them there for a few days until I get sick of it and throw them in the basket.

He'll throw his clothes on the floor for a few days until he finally gives in to the hungry hamper calling him.

The only difference is, I'll leave shoes all over the place.

He won't dust. He's got a thick layer of dust on every item around his bed and in his room. I've asked him several times to dust, even for visiting relatives, but all I get is the usual, "What do I care?"

Granted, I don't dust every other day or anything, but I will pick up all my little girly things off my dresser and put the Pledge to good use when I can't see the true color of wood on my furniture.

I'm just wondering when the respiratory problems are going to start from constantly breathing in pure dust. Disgusting!

He's a clean freak about the bathroom though. Oh my. I'm the one that has the hair-in-the-drain problem, but I always unclog it before I get out of the shower. Let's just say that despite what I clean up in the drain, I'm keeping Liquid Plumber in business.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I won't say that either of us is an exceptionally neat person, but I have a much lower tolerance for mess than he does.

I want a clean, neat house but there's no way I can keep up with it. I keep the messes in the kitchen under control. And I keep the bathrooms relatively clean.

Clutter is the enemy though. No matter how hard I try to organize it, there is clutter everywhere. I have piles and piles of papers in my office at home. I contend that my stuff is neater because I have it organized into piles, but Dave thinks I'm just as much of a mess as him.

And living with three bigs dogs does a number on the carpets. If I vacuumed every day it wouldn't be enough.

And clothes are all over our bedroom. Dave is a clothes shedder too. I have to remind him that dirty clothes go in the hamper, not on the bathroom floor.

I try really hard not to nag him, but I will remind him that dirty dishes go in the dishwasher and dirty clothes go in the hamper. I'm not his mother and I am not responsible to clean up after him.

The only time he's any help at cleaning things up is when we're going to have friends over. Then, at the last minute, he will clean like a maniac.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

If Tom and I were to each start cleaning two rooms that were exactly the same in make and filth, he'd be much more thorough but I would actually finish. Tom would have dusted inside the dressers but never gotten around to folding clean clothes and putting them away, tossing the dirty clothes off the top of that same dresser, or clearing it in any way to be able to actually dust it.

If we started in seperate, clean rooms and were observed, to see who would, at the end of six weeks, have the cleaner room I would win, hands down.

On my own, I'm very neat. With someone else, I get distracted and a little pissed that I'm cleaning up after someone else's mess. When working outside of the home my workspace is always immaculate, almost frightening. At home, it's straight but I spend a lot time cleaning Tom's shit off of my desk.

Don't get me started on Tom's room/storage pit/work area. It is uninhabitable.

I'm thinking that I have issues and need to write my own entry or kick Tom's butt or something.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Um... almost everything I own is piled up shoulder-high in the living room. Except for the stuff in storage, or waist-high in my bedroom.

It is still in boxes, but still. I can't unpack because I haven't penetrated the clutter yet. I take clutter to a whole new level, but I try to avoid being 'messy'... I don't leave dirty dishes outside the kitchen counter (usually), etc. But the clutter is everywhere, and I think it's genetic.

I do have a tendency to go on cleaning binges, of two sorts. One is the "this place is a mess! ewww!" variety, which is when I would take out the recycling, or vacuum, or pick the hair out of the drains. This is also the type of cleaning I do at such locales as Mr. Kipper's house. The other type is the "I need to write a paper... My dresser must be organized now!" variation. This is when I tackle the clutter, and start going through my papers, or putting things back where they 'belong', etc.

But I don't know if I can clean without having something else that needs to be done more.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I live alone, so if I make a mess, I'm the one who has to deal with cleaning it up afterwards. And I do deal with it, although sometimes not right away. Every now and then I just have to start nagging myself to get these things done. My hair is waist-length too, so the shower problem sounds very familiar. Dishes? About once every three days, but always before things start piling up.

By the way, Colleen - no offense, but but where is it written that it's a mother's task to clean up after her children? Wouldn't it be better - more educational - if she taught them to clean up their own mess?

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

Oh, I wasn't saying that it's a mother's job to clean up after someone. It just tends to be true that a mother cleans up after their children a lot. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying it happens.

What I was saying is that I have to remind Dave to clean up after himself. And often I will leave the mess right where it is till he does it. He doesn't take the inititive on his own to clean things, even his own messes.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

Neither of us are anal about cleaning, although I'm the one who generally makes sure it gets done. Eventually. We have piles of things and then I'll get to the point where it drives me crazy and I'll go on a cleaning frenzy. Carl, on the other hand, sees the mess and appreciates it when it's clean, but unless it's his tools or his truck, he somehow never makes the connection that he really ought to pick up his own plate and carry it to the sink. God forbid he actually unload the dishwasher. Well... put it this way, we've been here in this new house for eight months and Carl unloaded the dishwasher for the first time... three days ago. He kept saying, "Where do the spoons go? The plates? The bowls?" I was about to ask him for his ID, because I know I've been sleeping with someone and I'm pretty sure that guy has gone into those same cabinets for stuf. He swears I move things daily just to confuse him. Ha.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

Oh, yeah, that's right, dishwashers have to be emptied, don't they? That's one topic that will cause Jeremy to tell you that I am useless and lazy. I do not empty the dishwasher and I rarely remember to run it. I also do not mow lawns or rake leaves or sweep the porch, wash the car or fill it with gas, or take out the garbage.

I have also, without informing him, put him in charge of dog poop. Don't tell him.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I am, unfortunately, in charge of dog poop and dog vomit.

Dave is in charge of all forms of garbage (smell makes me vomit) and all things concerned with the 1.4 acres of grass to mow.

Whoever runs out of underwear first does the laundry :)

-- Anonymous, September 11, 1999

I don't have a boyfriend, but I do live with 4 rock-and-roller boys. I have given up on real cleanliness, but at least there's a path clear through the living room. It is unfortunate, though, that our kitchen isn't hidden away in the back of the house somewhere, because the piles of dishes and old food wrappers (they all eat frozen burritos all the time, I think) are plainly visible. Occasionally one of them will be seized with the desire to clean and do all the dishes. It helps that I'm not a big neat freak; I just settle for low-key maintenance, making sure the bathroom is not totally gross and my own stuff is taken care of. Mostly.

-- Anonymous, September 11, 1999