Is, as it has been rumored, every sperm sacred?

-- dru thompson (uncbuc@hotmail.com), May 12, 1999

Answers

Some do say so. "Every sperm is sacred/ Every sperm is good/ Every sperm is needed/ In your neighborhood.", according to common mythology. Whether this myth has basis in reality is not for me to say.

On the other hand, there's the great counterpoint: "Look at them. A bunch of bloody Catholics, filling up the bloody world with people they can't afford to bloody feed."

My mother pointed out that although God loves children, God will provide, and God will bless us as His infinite wisdom sees appropriate; sometimes you gotta let God know when you've been blessed enough. The protagonist of the myth earlier referenced (The ex-millworker with the hat) could not bring himself to do this due to his religious beliefs. "Oh bloody hell" were his words, when confronted with yet another hungry mouth and no way to feed them all. He became trapped in the blind acceptance of papal authority, when in fact the Papacy was so far disconnected from his own life that it failed to recognize the inherent problems in his life: since he is poor and of meager education; his "recreation" is most likely sexual intercourse with his good lady wife. Since the Roman Catholic Church forbids any type of contraception aside from the "rhythm" method, children are likely to be produced from the union of man and woman. As Robert Heinlein pointed out in one of his books "...Doctors have a name for women who rely on the rhythm method alone for birth control... we call them 'mothers'."

As for Papal authority... didn't Jesus say "I am the way, the truth, and the light. He who believes in me shall not perish, but have eternal life." and "Those who would enter the Kingdom must first die and then be reborn in me." Doesn't the power of the Pope stem from the notion that the Catholic church is the only way to talk to God, and therefore the only way to get into heaven? J-Man didn't say "He who believes in me shall not perish, unless you wear a little rubber thing on the end of your cock.", nor did he say "Those who would enter the Kingdom must first die and then be reborn in the Pope."

Now, to answer the first question: Is every sperm sacred? Yes. Does that mean it's a mortal sin to spill them on the dusty ground? No. Will God make you pay for each sperm that can't be found? Probably not.

Where does the whole argument come from that sperms are sacred? If I remember all my biblical studies right, that's in Leviticus, as part of the health codes. To summarize: A man named Onan's brother died, leaving a childless widow. Under the law of the time, it was his responsibility to have a child by her and support her, and raise the child. Never mind the fact that his wife was none too keen on the idea, and being the poor-sheep herder type, they hadn't a whole lot of money for this sort of thing.

So he had sex with his brother's widow, but pulled out before ejaculation. Now on top of that, he grabbed his member and squeezed, so as the spermies wouldn't be making a mess all over, and possibly impregnating her.

But the part of the bible that this is generally known as the "Health Codes". They're saying "Don't grab your dick and squeeze to prevent ejaculation!" No kidding. You'll get blue balls (epidydimitis) and ache for 2-3 days. They're not saying knock up chicks if you can't afford to feed the kids like a responsible man; they're saying don't squeeze your dick to keep the sperm in.

Spill them on the ground instead.

But since sperm are sacred, does that make them a sacrament? I think I'll need to locate some nice Catholic girls and start "administering sacraments". "Take and drink..."

-- William Baguhn (spqr@linuxstart.com), May 13, 1999.

i know that my penis is bad. and for this i spank it to punish it. this rarely helps though. sometimes i spank it till it is red and sore but all it does is spit at me.

sir jakersly: keeper of the holy trousers and the drunk guy who hath no pants

-- jacob beardsley (spoon00@netscape.net), May 15, 1999.