Good (clean) jokes : LUSENET : Jon's Melange : One Thread

I want all the best jokes here. Keep them rated G to PG-13, por favor.

-- (, February 18, 1999


A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He noticed a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolled down his window and asked, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replied, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing, he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire".

"He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh, really? How much have you collected so far?"

"Only about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

-- A2Z (, February 25, 1999. bout this one then.....

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?" Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her saying, "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself. "Hmph...I'll fix her." He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shoutin' everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" Well, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was... She said, "I KNEW THE LORD WOULD PROVIDE ME WITH SOME GROCERIES, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GONNA MAKE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"


-- A2Z (, March 05, 1999.

Moderation questions? read the FAQ