Poem to my beloved....is it you?

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Though I've tried before to tell her Of the feelings I have for her in my heart Every time that I come near her I just lose my nerve As I've done from the start

Do I have to tell the story Of a thousand rainy days since we first met It's a big enough umbrella But it's always me that ends up getting wet

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day And ask her if she'll go out with me in some old fashioned way But my silent fears have gripped me Long before I reach the phone Long before my tongue has tripped me Must I always be alone?

There is a woman I see beyond my imagination Often I think you are my minds fabrication But is it your simple sight that I desire Or is there a deeper warmth in the fire?

Indeed if beauty is in the eye of the beholder Id simply smile to feel your head upon my shoulder Your beauty is something to admire Your smile it truly warmer than any fire

Your face is a precious keepsake Face, supple and smooth, tender to the touch Your ivory white skin, perfect like a snowflake Oh how I want to be together with you so much!

But often I think if its your beauty that I seek For if I do, then my quest is more than meek For the battle I have is within, deep in my soul And in my mind I take a long leisurely stroll

I fear the pain in my heart is a great one indeed Because from your love it wishes to feed But many questions arise to the test And some I know I cannot best

I fear many things if I become attached to you And trust my pocketbook isnt among them My quest to be the father Ive never had has lead me here Does that mean that I have found my gem?

Perhaps, perhaps not, but my greatest fear lies not here But in a place where I live in fear A place where torment is unseen And no battle is ever fought with honor and clean

I come from a place filled with an atmosphere One in which over the course of years Ive learned to fear The pains Ive lived through are still present today And I fear ashamed of my family I shall stay

My trouble here is the simple fabrication of false lies My family has many secrets and few strong ties Some go even beyond my knowledge and existence And so I shall live, stress, worried and tense

My loyalty to my job is ever present, new to it as I may be And I fear I shall spend every waking moment with thee After seeing you these few weeks, I know this to be the case And it is a subject that is hard for me to face

My studies are most important to me As I am sure yours are to thee I simply fear that my love would be too strong And my time away from studying would be so long

Indeed though I am the quiet sort My mind and opinions I keep in retort But perhaps when I gather the strength, to ask In your beauty I shall bask

Perhaps one day Ill have the strength to make my move But it wont be to show that I have something to prove Itll be out of the fear that I keep in my heart When loneliness settles in and I feel no counter-part

I tend to take things slowly out of fear and loss But relax, well know when we get there whos boss Because I believe that no relationship happens without compromise And we will be in control of our lives

When it happens, I and hope it shall Ill let it happen, love is not to be forced However, when it does, heaven watch out Because with a few tears and plentiful smiles Cause the heavens themselves couldnt change our course

And then when the time comes Ill look deep into your eyes And see the tender skies

There is no sting greater than watching the struggles of one you love. Or watching the one you love from a distance

--Drizzt Do'Urden

-- Drizzt Do'Urden (cscarlet@mail.pittstate.edu), September 06, 1998

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